Kids and Technology

Hate it.
Kids are thrown into the cyber pool with the hopes they'll learn to swim - and some drown.
The cyber bullying has caused more than one suicide.
Many people have lost jobs because of their profiles on Facebook.
Cyber space is vicious.
I wouldn't go all Amish over it and forbid all contact.
But it's fine to learn to swim without having to swim in a shark pool.

There's always something the older generation hates that the younger ones love.

The deal with posting the picture is just a 2015 version of what has gone on between middle school girls since the beginning of time. You seem way too caught up. Why would it bother your daughter so much? That's what seems to matter here. If she were my kid I'd tell her to take it as a compliment, there were far worse things she could have posted about her.

I'd also make sure she understands if you put it out there in any virtual form at all you are leaving yourself open for it to be shared. The idea that she will tell everyone not to use her image and they will listen is laughable. Which is exactly why kids her age need to practice how to handle it all.

If she's "not mature enough to handle it" help her to get mature about and fast. It's life.

I neither love it nor hate it. But I DO accept that it's a part of our lives now. We talk about it a lot and have done so for many years already.

My girls (14 and 12) are both pretty active on Instagram (like all their friends). Not so much on Facebook - that seems to be "uncool" now and the 12yr old doesn't even want an FB account. I "follow" them so I'm pretty up to date on what they're posting. I've also been really open with them about the dangers of being online since BEFORE they started on social media themselves.

So far, I'm happy to say, they're navigating the online world quite well. There's been no drama with friends, they're both pretty tech savvy already, they know (because I've HAMMERED it into them) that once something's been posted it's there FOREVER so be SUPER careful about what you post (Alexandra Wallace and her extremely anti-Asian racist rant on Youtube was a REAL cautionary tale for my girls, for example), etc.

I also don't monitor them *too* much. I trust them. They have never given me reason to not trust them. I will often remind them that OTHER parents DO check their own kids' stuff constantly, so before posting or texting anything, ask yourself "Is this something I'd want my friend's parent to read? Is this something I'd want MY OWN GRANDMOTHER to see?" We've had no issues and both girls are happy well-adjusted kids who, I'm told, are polite and a pleasure to have around.

Social media isn't going away. Whether I like it or not is irrelevant. But I'll be darned if my kids aren't fully prepared for it all.

Hate it. It just adds a layer of pressure and risk with very little benefit from what I see. Technology is one thing. Social media another. Hating it doesnt mean I will forbid my children but doesn't mean I have to like it. And why one poster in here has to twist almost every single post to make the poster and/or child look bad is beyond me. Major insecurity I guess. You didn't say this was the worst thing ever. It's annoying. I get that. Not a lot you can do but you asked if others like technology. Legit question.

My youngest is 13, so glad she doesn't get into drama like this but then I am not a dramatic person myself.

You do get what is going on though? This girl that took the picture is not popular, your daughter is not the only one that doesn't really like her. So rather than standing up for doing what is right, being nice to the girl even if they aren't friends, your daughter is seeking a reason to publicly state she doesn't like this girl.

That is the one thing I have noticed about, the most awesome generation, they can't just say I don't really like her but I still want to be nice because it is the right thing to do. Instead they have to be "friends" or "not friends" with a good reason.

Your daughter didn't copyright herself, she has no ownership of her image. This girl did nothing wrong, she just said she likes your daughter, that she thinks your daughter is a good person. The thing I find sad is it sounds like your daughter is a good person but instead of encouraging her to say you know, she is odd, but that is not a reason to be mean to her, you are encouraging her to claim the girl did something wrong by saying she likes your daughter.

I am just saying encourage your daughter to continue to be a good person, don't let her join the most awesome generation. It isn't worth it.

My kids are raised to know right from wrong, I don't monitor them at all and I love technology. I have four kids, none have ever had issues with the freedom I gave them.

Well it doesn't really matter whether we love it or hate it it's here to stay, isn't it? It's reality and we have to deal with it.
As a parent it's up to you to decide what restrictions you have in place, but you must know that kids are just as they always have been, curious, smart and foolish, all at the same time. So even if you don't "allow" something you still need to prepare your daughter for what she will certainly be exposed to.
So talk, talk, talk to her until her eyes roll all the way back in her head. Remind her of the permanency of anything and everything that is captured electronically.
The sad truth is that a person really has no privacy anymore. I could be walking down the street and any number of people could take my picture, without my knowledge, use it, manipulate it, broadcast it, whatever, and doing anything about it would be difficult at best.
I'll tell you what I hate, being the mom of three kids who literally grew up in this new generation. My kids are now 21, 19 and 15 and I felt like I was winging it the whole time, what with technology growing and changing constantly. But I am happy to report that they are turning out quite well, and while the youngest is still an instagram junkie my older two have pretty much already moved on, and tease ME about being on Facebook too much lol!
So focus more on building relationships with your kids and less on worrying about what everyone else does, it will serve both you and your kids better in the long run.

I don't like them, either. I've told my SD she cannot even snapchat DD to anyone. Nothing is as transient as it seems. Your DD does need to speak up for herself and her own privacy. She also cannot (sadly) assume that others will respect her privacy if she is at a party or even just out and about with kids who don't care. I get flack for not wanting my DD's photos on sites and got into it with a photographer who was at a paid event (which we paid to attend, but he was not paid to photograph) and told him to never ever post my daughter on his public FB album again. In fact, don't photograph her. I was very angry. It is one thing if you have to talk to your DD about her own posts. It is something else to get others to realize her privacy is HERS. If this ever happens again, I'd frankly confront the girl/parents, especially if they are not friends.

I have a 14 yo granddaughter. I suggest your daughter is upset because this post isn't meant to be positive. I suggest that this girl is mocking your daughter.

I like social media even tho one has to look at relationships differently. Social media is a different world with electronics. I wonder if you recognize that kids communicate differently. Because FaceTime and Instagram are the way kids communicate it's important for parents to help kids learn ways to navigate in that world. Your post suggests to me that you are somewhat naive about social media and how it's used. I suggest that you find a way to learn about social media and especially how they use it. Social media is not going away.

Because you are critical of it's use and are restricting her use I wonder if you've not listened to your daughter and how she feels about it. I suggest she knows how you feel and is not talking with you about how social media works in her world. Social media is here to stay. In my youth it was often the kid who got in trouble were those whose parents were strict and didn't think about what would happen when they were older. Therefore they didn't have open discussions about how to make decisions. Not just with dating and birth control, the big issue many parents refused to accept. They thought just say no would stop kids from exploring the issue. The big issue now is social media.

Good to restrict it's use and follow them to m know how they are doing. You really won't know the reality of how it's used. I wonder why your daughter didn't talk with you before you saw it. Her emotions may be more about you not understanding rather than the post it's self. I wonder if she had already handled it and wished you would be non-judgmental in your reaction.

Instead have not allowing her to be on social media. take this as a sign that you need to learn about it and how kids use it. Then discuss issues with your daughter by mostly listening. Try not to be judgemental so that eventually she will be able to have an open conversation with you. I suggest she may be nnaive or not. I suggest you need to know much more before deciding to have further restrictions.

It's time for you to advance into modern times...not to be mean but if she's on the computer she's "out there". This is what happens when she goes online. Your own image and your conversations are pretty much public at that point.

You can do what ever you want but that girl can do what ever she likes with photos and even copies of their conversations.

What she did is really really pretty innocent. I put pictures of kids on pages I manage all the time. Their parents have minimal say about it because the photos are taken of them in public venues like a performance. If it's public I can post them even without their parents written permission. They know pictures will be taken in public and parents taking their own child's picture are not going to tell that child they can't dance because they're going to take pictures. If they are adamant they don't want their kids pictures on the internet they can choose to not let them participate in the dance.

It's that big of a deal.

With the invention of social media our lives have changed. We don't have the privacy we used to have and if you want to keep things private then you need to get rid of all computers and all cell phones. The moment you text or take a photo or chat with a friend it's all public. Even if you think it's private it's not.

So I suggest you use this instance to teach your daughter about the lesson of always making good choices online because anything you post of share of say will be read by others and will be taken wrong or shared with the world in a shared post on a public venue.

Have you also considered this other girl doesn't have many friends that are good honest people that will help her make better choices? Maybe she hasn't had the influence your daughter has had.

She said she loved her, she thinks of your daughter as a good friend. Perhaps she can become the sort of young lady your daughter would want to be close too if she just spends time with her.