Kid's Birthday Party Invite Etiquette (Not About Rsvp's!!)

You cannot invite the "entire" neighborhood every time you have a personal party at home. If the kid comes over, don't deny them the privilege to enjoy, but don't let the other kid disrupt her party either if she is not disciplined. As a good neighbor, you can have her bring a cupcake for the others, but don't invite one neighbor and not the other or invite them all. Just my 2cents.

Any time we've had a party at our home for our children or anything else we have NOT invited neighborhood children. We invite whomever our children are friends with or who they want to invite. If they happen to live in the neighborhood ,or general area then it's coincidence.

You don't invite someone to a party just because they're a child and they happen to live near you. If their feelings are hurt, they're hurt... intent is not to exclude out of meanness. Intent is to have a party with guests that you're close to and want to celebrate with.

Similar way I handle it when the kids have company - if it's OK to invite them over, then send them an invite in the first place. If it's not OK, then gently explain that your child has company right now but come back later or come back tomorrow to see if child can play. If you really don't want a kid at the party and neither does your child, you can invite only the ones you want. There was a girl we did not like who lived behind use when SD was younger and we did not include her in sleepovers, ever, because she couldn't be trusted. I didn't want to be responsible for a girl who bragged about sneaking out to see boys at 13. If your DD only has one girl that she wants to invite, invite the one girl. It sounds like there's not much lost if the other girls stop playing with your DD.

On the flip side, if I see that the neighbor girls (a family we do like) are out, but it appears that they have a celebration/event/company, I will tell DD that it doesn't look like a good time right now, so we'll call them another day. DD has to learn, too, that she can't just be there all the time, either.

I always let my kid invite who they want.
It's their party and they should have fun.
So, if your daughter doesn't want to invite the moody kid or the naughty kid she shouldn't have to.

I get the concern, but... you're overthinking this. Kids will be excluded from things at times. While it's nice to want your child to consider other kids' feelings...now isn't the time, frankly. Set a number for the party. Invite that number. Invite real friends and don't invite anyone for the sake of "she will feel left out if she finds out." At some point, your child will be the one who isn't invited somewhere.

If your child is young, it's up to you to drive this train. You tell her the number, discuss it with her as much as is appropriate for her age, and tell her she can't invite all three. Period.

If the neighbor moms would get in a twist about their girls not being invited -- well, then I would not worry about the "good neighbor" thing with them anyway. Any sensible parent knows that his or her kid is not going to get to do everything with everyone. If a parent asks later, "Why wasn't Sally invited" (and it would take gall to ask that), just say, "We had a pretty limited space and numbers. Maybe they can play together another time soon," and drop it.

All these things fade away as kids get older, believe me. A few more years and this just won't matter; kids will move away from the idea that they just HAVE to be buddies with other kids solely because they live close by, and you'll also find that you have less and less interaction with the neighbor parents over time.

My kids choose who they want to invite, and they only invite friends who they normally play with. I give them a maximum limit of how many friends they can invite, so they put careful thought into who they invite. If they want to invite someone they normally don't play with outside of school I will try to arrange a chance for them to play before the invite is issued. If they choose not to invite a friend who I think they should invite I will encourage them to rethink the decision to leave that friend out. I never have the problem of not getting RSVP's because we don't invite a bunch of kids who aren't really friends.

All throughout life, people have different groups of "friends."
Adults or children.
There are neighborhood associations, school friends, relatives, sport group friends, etc.
You cannot, invite ALL of these people to every party your child has.
Would you invite, the Adults of these groups, to ALL of your own parties?
No.

And so what if the neighborhood knows or sees you have a party.
At home.

Just because you or your kids associate... with various groups or people, it does not mean you have to invite them to EVERY occasion, that you have.
And not everyone, IS, a "friend" or "best friend."

Per my kids, we invite who my kids wants to invite. They are 6 and 10 now.
We invite, THEIR friends. We set a number of kids we can invite, tell our kids, then they and we make a list. And also per budget.
We do NOT invite the neighborhood kids.
We each have our own, lives. Even if the kids know each other.
And certainly, if some kids are just icky and awful... me AND my kids, steer clear of them and we do NOT let them in our house.
It is our, house.
Our own life.
Our own privacy.
Our home is not a mall.

Personally, I would NOT invite any neighborhood kids. Because if you invite just one of them, then, that will get sticky... and then the "neighborhood" will wonder why you didn't invite the other neighborhood kids or their parents.
Keep this to a "school classmate" party type thing.

Being "neighborly" does not mean... that you have to have the neighborhood kids over all the time, anytime, anytime THEY want to be IN your house especially if they rudely invite themselves over, nor letting the neighborly thing affect your every move in your own personal and private life.

If you overly harp on "how the other kids will feel if they are not invited...." then gee, what a burden on your child's shoulders.
How old is your child?
When my kids have b-day parties, they only invite their friends. NOT the whole classroom etc. and then they are discreet about it and do not go around blabbing or bragging about it in front of the other kids who are not invited.

If you are always....going to be concerned about what the neighbors think... then, re-think the B-Day party and have it not in your home.
But someplace else.

Then the other lesson in this is:
Teaching your child about how to choose friends.
Meaning, you do not have to invite those 2 "icky" neighborhood girls over. You do not have to, continue or nurture... a "friendship" with them.
I certainly would not invite kids over nor let them in my home, if they were not my cup of tea. My kids, also would NOT want kids like that in our home, nor would they want to play with them, nor would they want to be... "friends" with them.
Just because there are kids in your neighborhood... it does not automatically mean... that you are all BFF's nor that you have to let them come over especially if they are NOT nice to your own child.

Sounds like your daughter would only want to invite the one girl unless you coached her about reasons to invite the other two. Unless my daughter was insistent about inviting the other two I would not invite them. The purpose of the party is to celebrate and have a good time. Those two don't fit in your home and your expectations.

I would not expect my child to be invited to neighbor children's parties unless she played with the child every week and was close to them. Just as I don't expect to be invited to my neighbor's adult parties.

I suggest that the good neighbor thing is more about managing life as it's related to neighborhood issues. It's keeping your dog in the yard and stopping barking. It's keeping your yard neat. It's taking food over when the neighbor, who I am already involved with, when they're too sick to cook for themselves. It's waving and saying hi when both of you are in the yard. It's not about making neighbors a close part of your personal life.

I get that you are only sharing details about the other kids, but it sounds mean and gratuitous. You have the right to invite people you want. Period. I honestly don't believe in pity invitations, especially when they aren't even relatives. Anybody bold enough to ask why you didn't invite them deserves whatever explanation you decide to give. I think that it's totally disingenuous to invite somebody you really don't want to attend. Why teach your daughter to sacrifice her special time like that?

I don't have a party and not invite everyone, that's just not my nature. I like to include others and try to be an example to them. If you don't like how this child acts in your home then correct them. Tell them when they're in your home they need to use their best manners. TEACH THEM.

A child is your student. They mimic what YOU teach them. Every child is influenced by the people they come in contact with. So your interaction with this child will be one where you teach her.

How old are the girls? Elementary aged?

If so, then it depends if you want your child to have neighborhood friends. I do. So if I had a party at my home I would invite the kids in the neighborhood who she's played with and are about the same age. This will avoid future shunning or catty behavior by neighbor girls that could leave her without any friends to play with in the neighborhood.

Besides, your reasons for not inviting seem judgmental if we're talking about children. Our house allows for bare feet, dirty or otherwise, that's what summer is for. And a moody kid might just need a chance to be included...

We invite kids our children consider friends and wants to invite, family, and family friends. This does not necessarily mean the kid two doors down.

How old are they? If they are young kids then I would invite all of them, why hurt a child's feelings.

ish.
nothing wrong with having a party at your house. it's YOUR HOUSE!
there's far too much bending and twisting and stretching to insure that no child ever gets a tiny bruise to a feeling, ever. childhood is full of tiny bruises. they're great learning tools.
let your kid invite whom she wants. period. if another kid shows up, tell them kindly that your kid is busy right now, but they can come back next saturday afternoon. give 'em a cupcake and send 'em on their way.
no healthy child ever suffered a permanent trauma from inviting themselves to someone's house and being declined. there's nothing wrong with a kid knocking on the door and asking, and likewise nothing wrong with saying 'not today.'
khairete
S.

My youngest chose who to invite. Daughter's birthday, daughter extends invitations was my rule by the age of 8. I had the exact situation with one "DIVA" as I preferred to call her. I chose not to have any parties in my home because of this girl and her behavior. I always did a party at some trendy place. Libby Lu was a favorite. Remember.....as adults we always think to do the "right" thing, but it's important to listen to your daughter, as she is the one that is in tune with what is going on in her world and the last thing she'd like on her birthday I'm sure is someone she doesn't care for. Good luck!

I am not sure how old your child is...Maybe you could have the party for her classmates. Then, on a separate evening take your daughter and this one neighborhood child --maybe bowling, out to eat, etc... Luckily, my youngest does not want anything to do w/ the bully-type kids. She would never have the bully child from our area over again. "She" was here once last year. That was enough---There's a "Not my child" attitude over there (And this girl has gotten in trouble many, many times). That's a parenting problem (Very common nowadays). Maybe in a few yrs from now this kid will get hers and she will stop being a bully. Until, then I do not have her over.

You can have this third girl over an expect respect. Otherwise, send her home immediately. Would you want to do that? I am old fashioned and I expect respect. This child already blew it. Your daughter should not have to invite this child if she does not want to have her over.

We did this for my son recently but was at another location. I had to be respectful not to go posting pics on FB. Between our neighborhood and school friends we could have enormous parties. I limited it to 4 other kids so he picked 3 from school and 1 from neighborhood. Left it up to him. No one really ever asked but I am over having to please everyone and kids have to learn they don't get invited to every event. I would just say it was more about keeping it small if anything comes up.

Honestly I have not had a party in my house except for once. Just so much more easy to have it at a park or something. House stays clean, guests go home after the party. I'd give them invites because they are in your daughter's neighborhood and it could cause problems down the road.

Let your child decide. It's her party. Just go with the flow.

So, we have lived on a "kid street" for the last 5 yrs; meaning most of the young kids in our neighborhood live on our street. My kids have been closer with some kids than others and I have had parties at my home for their Birthdays. What I have done is had my children write a list of the kids they want to invite and usually they will have a combination of kids in the neighborhood and kids from school-which can sometimes be the same. Also, my kids have been invited to some parties and not others through the years. I take no offense to this and I'm certain the other parents take no offense when we don't invite their kids. You will just naturally be closer to some people than others and the same with your kid's friends. I seriously wouldn't stress too much about this...
On another note,I had a situation with my daughter's party where we came close to sending a girl home because of her behavior. She was being disruptive and quite frankly, rude. I took her into another room and let her know that she could call her mom to come pick her up and go home if she didn't change her behavior and I pointed out what it was that was disruptive. We all ignored the bad behavior and miraculously, it stopped and the girl stayed. I think she wanted my daughter's full attention and was "jealous" that other girls were there. This same girl has had lots of issues through the years w/my daughter and other friends and I know has been sent home-her Mom has been talked with about it as well. Needless to say, she is not one of my daughter's besties...