Keeping Invites to a Manageable Size for 8YO Twins B-day

My kids are not twins, but their birthdays are 11 days apart, so I have occasionally (twice so far) held one party for the two of them. (boy and girl, 3 yr difference).

I let each child invite about 6-8 kids (my older son usually invites less, my younger daughter wants more) and they work out the numbers between them. That said, I only put one child's name on the invite and let gifts come for the person who did the inviting (even if my daughter ends up with more gifts). If the invite is going to family or close family friends, I mention both children.

I've had parents tell me on the day of the party that I should have mentioned the party was for both kids, but I feel like they shouldn't have to get gifts for both my children if their child is only friends with one.

I also only let my children play with one gift after the party and they don't get to open another until they write the thank-you note for the first gift, and the next one they want to open. Each time they want to play with the next gift, they write the thank you note. This way, writing the notes are spread out over a couple of days, and all are finished within a week. This works for Christmas too...

I don't think I would think it was tacky if a parent of twins told me I didn't have to bring gifts for both kids if my kid was only friends with one of them (but knowing me I'd get atleast a little something for both). What you might want to do is have seperate invitations for each child. Let each girl pick say 5 of their closest friends and they each individually give them an invitation. Then you don't really have to tell parents that they only have to bring one gift.

As a parent without twins I, too, would be happy to only bring a gift for the child I know. It is sometimes awkward to buy a gift for a child you don't know. I have only been to a few twins parties, where we knew both children, but I have been to many sibling parties where gifts are only brought for each child from their friends. Actually this weekend my son attended a party for two boys who were unrealted that in order to have the party at a great place but to save money they did it together. Each boy invited six friends and although we knew both boys we were invited by the one and only brought a gift for him.

As far as keeping the invite list short, I would come up with a number that each can invite and help them keep it to that or if you don't want to limit them hold it in a location that supports lots of kids and/or ask a few parents to stay and help. For my oldests 8th birthday he wanted to have it at the beach (in the summer), we insisted that all the children have an adult responsible for them other than me and my husband. Therefore I didn't worry so much about how many kids were there. If we get an invitation for one of my kids I don't consider them gift happy if my child did not invite them to their party. I let my child decide whether or not to go (unless we have a conflict) and if we don't go unless it is a best friend we don't buy a gift.

Hi Elaine,
IN RESPONSE TO THE "NEVER CUP CAKES" COMMENT? - IF YOU USE THE CUP CAKE LINERS IT'S MUCH MORE SANITARY AND COST EFFECTIVE, TIME EFFECTIVE--RATHER THEN SLICING CAKE AND USING A FORK OR SPOON, PLATE, ETC. KID'S LOVE CUPCAKES! ACTUALLY ADULTS LOVE CUPCAKES. Cupcakes are IN!

Here my suggestion:

Two parties, same day, cupcakes (Twins can help decorate).

Party A - 11 AM - 1 PM

Party B - 2 PM - 4 PM

Limit guest list from 5 - 7 people each party, tell your girls guest should be people they play with.

Make it clear to parents when their child needs to be picked up.

Each girl will be a guest at their sister's party. Each girl feel's very special. No problem with parents thinking they should bring two gifts.

A little more work for Mom, but may be worth it.

Blessings.....

From the time my children were 4 and had their first party, the RULE was "You can invite as many children as your age." This carried on all through elementary school. They knew that was the rule, and never tried to change the rule. They spent a lot of time over their selection, and knew not to present me with a list until they had the right number of kids to invite. That made for VERY manageable parties. Invitations were always mailed, and NEVER handed out at school.
Sometimes, in addition to the party outside of school, I checked with the teacher and asked whether we could bring refreshments to school where everyone was included and there was no need for anyone to bring presents. Since I had been a teacher, I always knew an age-appropriate activity we could do, so I cleared that with the teacher. We did the activity and then had the refreshments........never cupcakes.

Often the activity had something to do with the refreshment......a large oatmeal cookie which each child decorated with raisens, strips or curls of carrots, semicircles of celery, slices of apple, etc. We used a tiny dab of yogurt to stick each piece onto the cookie. Very careful not to bring anything with peanuts, since so many children have peanut allergies. The kids loved this, and were glad to have a "party" unexpectedly.

An activity was sometimes to make a card for the birthday child. I brought construction paper, pipe cleaners, tiny artificial flowers, pieces of ribbon or yarn, a few stickers. The kids really got into this, and made some delightful cards. Then the refreshment might be fruit on skewers (depending on the age of the children) or for younger children, little foil cupcake cups of jello with fruit mixed in. They loved this.

Just a few ideas, but the size of the party at home, limited to the age of the child, worked beautifully. (Eg., if the child is going to be 8, he/she could invite 8 friends.) The activities I mentioned above could be used for an at-home party, too, for one of the activities.

I have twin infants and I never thought of this! I'm interested to read responses of others and hearing what you decided for your situation. What about letting your children decide on a type of party. Lots of people and no gifts or gifts for a favorite cause, intimate with a friend or two and a special outing or activity, small traditional party with six or eight guests... there are so many kinds of parties I have been to.

I think it's better to have 2 separate parties.

Not just because of gifts, but because of number of kids, and social competition/sibling rivalry and for individuality.

Also we have found that 2 hours is long enough for a party--any longer an kids start getting out of control. But then...we have boys. = )

In response to your "gift happy" comment, I just read an article about a kid who had a party for the local animal shelter and asked for pet supplies for her gifts. Something like that might be neat for your girls at some point in the future... then every guest need only bring one gift any way. I am not sure I am brave enough for such an unconventional party! Also, I agree with the last response: I don't consider someone to be "gift happy" when they invite my kids to a party.

I am paranoid about looking "gift-happy" but I rarely think about others in this way and I certainly don't think you have to worry about that. I also think most kids are happy to be invited (and included). Odds are, the other kids are more familiar with your kids because they are twins. I also think everyone should bring 2 gifts - it doesn't seem right not to. Even on a tight budget, you can get pretty affordable gifts for 8 year olds. If you did do 2 parties like another poster suggested, I'd make sure they are very different, catering to each child so they will less likely be compared. I can't help but imagine one big party and the other one is a flop - that would be terrible. Just my opinions :)

My sister and cousin both have identical twins. My cousin does separate parties on separate days - that way each girl has her special day. My sister would have the party in three parts - but invite all kids to the whole thing. First hour was Twin A's party, Second hour was Twin B's party, Third hour was cake. The invitation showed the itinerary, but showed specifically which twin was inviting the child.

They both made it clear early on that the twins were separate individuals and never gave joint gifts when attending parties themselves.

My daughter is good friends with identical twins and some non-identical. The mom of the identicals tries to make things clear that the girls have separate friends and do things apart, the mom of the fraternal is more keen on two-for-one situations.

How fun! Here are my suggestions:

1) Tell your girls how many kids they can invite each. Period. You're the parent.

2) Send the invite to each child in the name of one of your daughters only. Sure, it means different invites, but that way no one will feel obliged to bring two gifts since the invite is only from one of them.

Have a great time!!

Hi Elaine, my heart goes out to you. I too have two daughters though not twins and I find the bday party thing exhausting. First and foremost, I think your idea of letting parents know that they do not need to provide two presents is great. I also wouldn't invite kids who your daughters don't really play with. Not only will they not return the invite but when they are at your home, it can get a little odd if they don't fit with the group. I'm so sick of inviting large groups of kids and my daughter rarely getting a return invitation. I read somewhere that a good rule of thumb is to go by whatever age they are, ie, eight girls for an eight year old party. I always wonder, did my mom have anguish over this kind of thing?

I let my daughter invite all she wanted ... I think 35 kids plus family. We asked for no gifts from friends (I made 2 invites). We did not open gifts at the party.
So, I guess I would feel obligated to buy 2 gifts unless you said somthing. I am not sure how to tactfully to say it though.
My husband has a friend who has 2 kids 3 years and 3 weeks apart. They always have the kids partys together. He is pretty sure they do it to get more gifts.

With twIns I would expect the party to be together and not a ploy for more gifts.

I feel like setting a limit for each child to invite is completely appropriate. Say they each get to pick 6, so that would be 14 total kids at the party. I think the parents would understand.
I also as a parent of non-twin boys, would never think of attending a party for two children and not bringing them each a gift, even if my child was closer to one than the other. However, it sounds like if you had them bring for only one, they would still get equal gifts.

It's not about the gifts, but it is about fairness at that age I think.

Anyway, good luck, sounds like you have your hands full!

For sure decide how many kids YOU want to come and then give them their limit. It may be hard for them to pick their top 3 or 4 or whatever # you decide, but that's OK. They are old enough to figure it out and it will be a much more enjoyable party for all (I love to have parties at home but I have found that any more than 12 to 15 kids is hard.)
As far as gifts go, I think it's OK to mention one gift only. Though I know when my kids were invited to a twins bday I usually got something like a game or craft set, something they could enjoy together. Have fun :)

I don't envy you. It's hard enough for me to keep the list down with one kid. Of course, we have family and friends together. You're lucky their school only had the rule for kindergarten. My son's school has the rule for all grades. So, we have to invite the whole class. Good luck!

I am a twin. I don't remember what people did when I was a kid. I think we only invited children in the neighborhood, so they automatically sent gifts for both because they knew us both.

Anyway, here is what I do with my kids...I have a boy and a girl who's bday is two days apart (2 yrs apart). I usually celebrate them together, at the local pool.

I allow each child to invite two freinds. THAT'S it. Even my third child born in January has a limit (usually 3 freinds). My oldest has come to appreciate these small gatherings, and says she wishes that birthday parties she went to were smaller too. You get more time to spend with your freind. When there is a lot of people they barely know you're there.

For gifts, I would tell each of the parents the situation, and ask them to please stick to only buying a gift for the known child, otherwise one child could get more gifts that the other child and it would make them feel bad. I think everyone would be ok with this. That it what i have done in the past. I also usually bring a small gift wrapped, from the gift fairy, ( in a tote bag) in case I need an extra if it looks disproportionate. If not I never bring it out.

Here's a brief parent-who-doesn't-have-twins perspective. I would love to be told that if I choose to bring a gift, please just bring it for the twin I know.

In response to your present question. As a mom with only one son, I would be relieved if you noted that I only had to buy one present if my son only played with one of your kids. Everyone expects the present thing when going to a party, so it wouldn't seem presumptuous to me if you mentioned this, it would only be seen as help for my pocketbook. Good luck!

I never had to face this personally, because our son only wanted one or two special friends to celebrate with him each year, and our daughter stuck with about four or five special people. But, I think what I would do is set a limited number of children for each girl to invite and teach them to choose carefully within those limits. Decide the total number of children you are comfortable having at the party, divide that in half and let them work it out. It may even be that one girl actually has more close friends than the other and they'll work out an agreement that one will let the other use one of her picks. Make this whole process a good teaching tool.

As for letting the parents know about the gift giving, can you send out invites that only mention the girl their child knows to those parents? If they are aware she has a twin and wonder about it, they'll likely ask and you can explain it to them then.

i handle b-day parties for my 5 children the same way my mother did for our family growing up. one child invite per year of age. for your eight year olds that means they could both invite 8 friends each. not everyone that gets invited will rsvp and if a parent thinks their child got an invitation due to them being "gift-happy" i wouldn't place too much value on their opinion. they can bring a gift for the child that invited them. i know 16 invites are alot but for your twins you only have to do one party a year instead of two seperate ones and if they have different sets of friends, eight each is really not that much. plus, if they have to narrow their choices down to eight a piece, they learn to prioritize. good luck.

I see your dilemma...I don"t have twins but i have three girls 9, 4 and 2. I've done many parties for my 8yrold ofcourse and some where i've invited the whole class hoping only half would show up, but ofcourse all of them did. Another party we invited all her girlfriends even the ones she dioesn"t really play with but she still says hi too and has known since kinder. You might want to put an amount of to how many guests each girl can invite...which will have them only invite the ones they really want to go and not over doing it. Parties are fun and ofcourse we hear more the merrier all the time but since my oldest daughter is getting older and i've used that slogan for all her parties I'm getting to the point where she doesn"t really appreciate what really happening at her parties and its all about the gifts. Less friends bigger parties is what i go by now.

My 9 year old was invited to a twin boys party and yes qwe did buy the same gift for each of them or another time we bought a gift both of them can play with. I thinkparents will take it either way but i wouldn"t give the option. Like i did they might buy the same gift for both or a gift for them to share. They know there invited to a twins party and so i wouldn't mentioned anything because they'll probably go withinthere means anyways plus it wouldn't be fare if one girl got more gifts than the other and then you got a whole seperate matter. Don't worry about it too much but i sya limit the number of invites each girl gives.

Good Luck and have fun!

Invite the friends that each of your girls wants to invite. Don't worry what other moms might think - you'll never be able to control other people's thinking. Anyway, I think most moms are happy for their child to have an activity for the day.

I don't think you have to state anything about presents for only one child - just make the invites specific to whichever child is inviting the friend.

Relax and enjoy your girls' party! It's your party and you can cry or do anything else if you want to!

A general rule of thumb I've heard is one friend for each year of age, but then there's that thing of do they have the same friends or does that mean 16 friends? 8 sounds doable, 16 does not.

What about sending them with cupcakes to schol then inviting just their closest friends (one or two each) for a sleepover?

As for the invites and gifts... could you just make the invite for one of the girls or the other when you send it out? Like you're invited to A's birthday on some and B's birthday on the other. I think that would clarify that they only need to bring a gift for one of the girls.

Hope this helps,
T.