Hi everyone,
My 5 year old has been taking a very traditional form of karate for almost a year now. He does well in class but has decided that he doesn't want to do "Fight Club" which is an informal class of just sparring because of one boy who is there. This boy is a bit older than my son although smaller in size and is very good at sparring. He is fast and aggressive as well as a slighter higher rank. My son is ok at fighting but does not stand a chance with this boy and instead of helping or teaching, this boy just exploits the fact that my son is not nearly as good as he is. It's not black and white though. It's not like this boy is acting innapropriately, he just probably hits a little too hard most of the time. My son doesn't mind fighting anyone else and actually enjoys fighting the older boys because they go at his pace and help. Of course fighting the younger kids or those more at his level is fine too. Should I speak to the Sensei? I don't want to sound like he expects special treatment because that is looked down upon at this dojo. It's not the end of the world if my son doesn't go to this "Fight Club", but I know if this boy wasn't fighting him, he would go (as he has in the past and has enjoyed it). Advice?
Gamma, your advice is great. Geez, S.H, I am well aware that sparring is called Kumite. They also do katas and have done several tournaments and Shias. I didn't think I needed to "prove" that I understand martial arts to get advice. During class, the kumite is closely monitored and this issue is not in class. "Fight Club" is a voluntary club where head, foot, and hard gear is worn but not body gear. It is informal and all the students, regardless of age and ability take turns fighting each other. There is an emphasis on toughness, yet fairness.
Sensei would want to know. Especially since this other boy is higher rank, it is looked on poorly to treat lower ranks too rough.
Approach it like this.
My son is dropping fight club for a while. He is having a hard time with XXX. I don't know what to do to help him feel better about this or help him improve his skills where sparring with XXX is a better learning experience. He enjoys the activity so much with everyone else. I don't know what it is between these 2 boys.
You're telling him you value his service and skills, you value him as a person who can teach your son, and are basically asking for his help to teach your son what to do with this other boy.
This will put the ball in his court and he should watch what is going on. He should say Let me observe them sparring a few times so I can see if there is something I can help your son with.
Then he should address the situation.
Work with him at home to teach him how to get out of the way! If he practices sparring enough, it'll be pure instict to get out of the way.
Encourage your son to overcome people like that, not avoid the class!
I would let the Sensai know.
I think it's one thing to spar but "hitting too hard" may not be appropriate.
I think you should talk to your son about exactly what this higher ranking kid is doing and have examples. Then go talk to the Sensei, but handle it in the way that you are looking for advice for your SON to handle it better, rather than having the older boy be "wrong."
I would bet the Sensei will handle it. As an instructor I would want to know! Probably both boys need to handle the situation.
My son is a black belt in karate. . . our Sensei would want to know about this situation. The fact that you are hesitant to "make waves" tells me that you probably are NOT over-stepping your bounds.
Our Sensei would handle this very tactfully, both with our son and the other boy. In other words he likely wouldn't tell either kid what he was working on. But he would guide both to personal growth.
Then again, we had the best Sensei out there imho!
Good luck - hope this works out for the best for your son.
First of all, even though I have studied Tae Kwon Do at two different studios, I would not have been able to answer your question if you had used only Kumite to explain it as I haven't encountered that word at either studio. Secondly, this isn't a question of etiquette or the fortitude of your child. It's about the fact that your child is 5 years old. If in the Kumite the children self-select their sparring partners, you may not be able to control who he's paired with. If it is, you might be able to bring it up with the sensei and/or the parent to ask that the boy not spar with your son, but I don't know how effective that would be. But if the sensei is pairing the kids, I would speak to the sensei and ask that your son not be paired with this child for now. I would think that by being in the club, gaining more experience in sparring, and watching the kid he's nervous about, he'll gain more confidence and will come to be able to spar with him.
My daughter takes Karate.
They don't call sparring "Fight Club." They use the traditional Japanese terminology for it. "Kumite."
AND it is the Sensei... that pairs up the kids for sparring, initially.
It is not a free for all.
It follows the traditional manners and sequencing, for the sparring matches.
And the Senseis, are right there, during the sparring matches. They do it as it would be in a real tournament.
So, when you say that that older/better boy is sparring with your son... and being a brat about it to him... my answer to that is:
The students are not being taught well. AND the Sensei is not supervising the sparring, in a competent manner.
When my daughter's Dojo has sparring, it is ALSO a lesson, via sparring with the other kids of all ranks/ages, AND the Sensei, also, teaching them how to spar. And the "attitude" with it.
Now, your son has to also get used to, that when sparring, it is how it is. Meaning, a kid will MANY times, be up against all sort of personalities. Not only in Karate. It is just, a life lesson.
So, if he can overcome this hang-up about that older boy, then he will gain, a deeper understanding of the marital art, and about life.
That is also, what Karate is.
It is not just about, fighting.
Let your son, deal with it.
You can talk to him about it, though.
But this is also, how it is.
This is a martial art.
My daughter's Karate Dojo, is VERY traditional. They do not, coddle the kids. At. All.
But they teach, attitude, and the whole mentality, of a martial art. To the students.
However, the Sensei teachers at my daughter's Dojo, are not, mean or ill hearted. IF a parent, speaks to them about a concern, they will tell you, quite honestly, what they think. But AT NO TIME, do they "look down" at the other kids or parents. This "attitude" is not allowed.
The attitude of one being better than the other and looking down at others... is a WRONG attitude, at my daughter's, Karate Dojo.
Her teacher's know the difference, between- what is a concern, and what getting special treatment is. They treat everyone the same. AND if someone did ask for "special treatment" they will tell you, no. Or that, your child needs to work on specific skills. And try their best.
They also know, when a kid is simply lazy or giving up, versus one that is working hard... despite, hardship.
It is work ethic, as well.
In your son's case, sorry, but he has to get used to it.
And after all, the "Fight Club" is voluntary, right?
But he has only taken Karate for ONE year.
That is not long.
That is a white belt, at my daughter's Dojo.
And at her Dojo, the white belts train, differently.
At my daughter's Dojo, it consists of all ages, kids AND adults. So a white belt can be, a 5 year old or a 14 year old, or an Adult aged man or woman. And they all spar together.
IF your son, really wants to learn sparring, Kumite, then he will need to get used to, being up against MANY personalities and styles.
BUT, I would think, that the Sensei Teachers should also be there, teaching the kids. About, Kumite.
In formal tournaments, you spar against many types of skills.
And many personalities. But even tournaments, have rules. And a Referee.
Now also, at my daughter's Dojo, when they are doing Kumite, they have on, full protective gear for it. And even in formal tournaments, protective gear, IS worn. Even by the international students who come here for the tournaments.
So, regarding your son's "Fight Club" as they call it... are the students, wearing protective gear?
Or not?
Because, even if hit hard or sparring is not all perfectly done and "polite", then a child will be less prone to getting hurt.
But also, with sparring... Karate also involves, learning how to get hit. Meaning, my daughter's school, ALSO teaches the kids, how to take a hit, how to fall, how to avert, injury too. Of which, their Katas, are a real foundation of any martial art.
It is not just about "fighting."
My personal thoughts on this: my son has been taking a Hung Gar Kung Fu at a very traditional school for a few years. He loves it, and is very good at it, and the Sifu there is very no-nonsense and strict, but there are still rules. One, even though my son started classes at age 4, the additional sparring classes don't start until age 7 or 8 AND the 3rd belt (in our school it goes white, yellow, then orange---have to have an orange belt to begin learning to spar). Until you have mastered some katas, a lot of defense, some take downs, some pressure point work, the forms and a lot of punches, kicks, blocks, etc then you are not going to get a lot out of sparring. Sparring is what the students at our quoon take (as an elective, additional class) once they've gotten certain kicks/punches/blocks/katas down, as well as learning to combine them together, so that it all starts making sense in "real life" fighting or sparring.
By age 6, my son was already a standout in the school and proven himself to be a good little martial artist. He did some friendly tournaments, earned belts very quickly and was known for being extremely serious about it. He was asked privately to attend a sparring class just to watch and see what it was like. Sifu asked me if I'd like to put him in sparring early (of course at first I was flattered and proud of my son and thought I'd say yes), but at the class we were observing, I saw a small little 8 year old getting very frustrated. Nobody was hurting him, the whole class was sparring in a good manner and while there wasn't a teacher for every single sparring couple, there were teachers walking around the 5 or 6 pairs, instructing and observing diligently. But, even though nobody was doing anything "wrong" this 8 yr old was really small for his age and was getting very frustrated at the reach advantage among other things. He didn't look like he was having fun at all.
Someone did come up and instruct him on practicing getting through the guard and on the inside, where there wasn't so much of a reach advantage, but that usually requires taking a good hit or two to get in, and a kid his age isn't loving that. I talked to Sifu afterwards and said that I was honored that my son would even be considered, but that I observed this other boy and felt a little bad for him, and I didn't want my guy to lose his love of the sport to frustration. Sifu nodded and agreed. The rules are there for a reason, my son still has his fire, and he spars at home with his daddy all the time. He'll be a major threat when he gets into that sparring class. I think your son's age and lack of experience really make fight club not really a great idea.
That's my opinion. You can practice his punches, kicks, blocks, combos, and getting out of the little kid trap of doing the same arm/foot over and over so they're too predictable....you can do all that stuff for fun at home in your living room. Save the fight club for when he's got enough arsenal to put a real "fight" together. If your son was older and more experienced, my advice would be different and more along the "this is a life lesson and an obstacle we need to work around or through, whether physically or mentally" lines. But in this case, he's just a 5 year old kid and not a lot of experience under his belt, so to speak.
Encourage your son to go and to look at a fight with this kid as a learning experience. We never get better at something if we don't challenge ourselves. If your son only fights the kids who take it easy on him or kids or are younger, where is the challenge? You need to explain "challenge" to your son.
