Just Starting "Terrble Twos"?

Giving her 2 options to choose from helps sometimes. Giving her a different item or suggesting a new thing she can do can help cut down the number of time you say no to her. Btu I suspect it is not only being 2 but she is feeling the coming changes with the new baby coming so soon. My son was 2 when I was pregnant and when he realized the baby was coming his behavior went downhill. It took quite a while for him to get back on track after the baby (probably over a year, he had a really hard time). My second is now 2 and she is a much mellower person--I can usually redirect her without a full meltdown (unless she is tired or hungry or something).

My son has started his terrible twos early, he will be 2 in May. We have been conditioning him, so every time he tells us no, we say "you never tell mommy and daddy no. Now say 'OK mama' " and he will reluctantly say "OK." I like to know that he has acknowledged that that behavior is unsuitable and not tolerated. He has even started saying "OK mama or dada" unprompted when we tell him something.

Instead of asking him if he wants such and such for breakfast, we say its breakfast time and give hime 2 choices (ie oatmeal or banana and toast), that way he feels like he is deciding for himself what he is going to eat! We also let him "choose" his outfits. He seems to like making his won decisions, but he still knows we are the bosses because we give him the choices, but dont let him choose anything outside of the offers we make him.

Good luck with your two-year-old! I hear the "terrible twos" come back around at 12 with girls ;)

Some of it is her age, but I'm guessing the bigger issue is the energy that's going to the soon-to-be-born. Our toddler started acting up around a month before our youngest was due. I chalked it up to things we were doing, like putting up the crib and washing and folding clothes for the baby. It's not like we did something to get ready every day, but that baby was "in the air" and Mad couldn't get away from it, lol.

Whenever practicable, I would not react to whatever seemed to be the issue. Instead I would put my arms out and tell her I could see she needed some extra love. Once we snuggled I would address whatever problem we'd been having. It worked for us. She needed some positive attention and, by saying that out loud, I was not only telling her that I knew what she needed, I was reminding myself. Made it easier to keep my cool.

You are definitely on the right track, mama. No worries there.

As the other moms have mentioned, don't ask questions where you don't really intend to give her a choice. At this age, you're inviting a fight if you ask, "Do you want a smoothie for breakfast?" when what you really mean is, "We're having smoothies for breakfast!" Instead of, "Do you want to go to the park?" it's "It's time to go to the park!" And of course you would not ask, "What do you want to wear today?" but rather, "Would you rather wear jeans and this pink shirt, or the yellow dress?"

Another thing I found incredibly valuable was giving a 5 minute warning before transitioning to a new activity. So instead of swooping in out of the blue and saying, "It's time to go to the park!" you would give your child a few minutes warning. For instance, "In 5 minutes, we will stop playing with blocks, and we'll go to the park." Then a few minutes later, "In 2 minutes, we will stop playing with the blocks, and we'll go to the park." And then finally, "It's time to go to the park now!" You will have fewer battles if your child feels less like she loves playing with blocks, and now mean mommy is making her stop. (Even if it's to go do something fun, like go to the park - it's not the event, it's the idea of it to her that is setting her off.) It is amazing what 5 minutes warning can do for your cause.

And when all else fails... remember that this too will pass. Before you know it, you'll be dropping her off at Kindergarten. ;)

One really awesome trick I learned is to not form your statement into a question when it is time to do something that isn't a choice. For example if you say, "Do you want to eat breakfast?", you'll pretty much always get a "NO." But if you say, "It's time for breakfast," you might get a much different reaction. Along the same lines, I never realized how MUCH I say "OK?" at the end of every sentence until I really stopped and listened to myself.... like "it's time to clean up, okay?" Well duh, I just gave her the option to say no (and she took it!)

About the clothing issue... My daughter was 2 last June and went through a HUGE phase of not ever wanting to get dressed. She would stay in her pj's all day every day if we let her! She goes to child care two days a week, and would scream, fight, cry, take her clothes off, etc when it was time to get dressed. So after months of trying every trick I could think of, I bought her a couple of comfy outfits that she could wear to bed AND to school, and then her favorite PJ's "disappeared" on school nights, so she HAD to choose comfy clothes to wear to bed. A few months of not fighting over getting dressed early in the morning has saved so many mornings of tantrums and being late. And now getting dressed is rarely an issue.

You just have to remember to foster her independence in ways that make both of you happy, and let her have lots of opportunities to make choices (even choices that you have "manipulated," so to speak.) And I think it's also important to remember that it takes 2 year olds longer to process what we're saying, so if you give her "warnings" ("its time for a diaper change in 2 minutes"), then she'll have time to really be okay with you making a decision for her.

I remember how hard it was to have a really independent 2 year old while pregnant. It sounds like you are really reasonable and willing to let her be a 2 year old, so there's half the battle right there! :) Good luck and congratulations!

You are doing everything right. It's just a challenging time, I'm sorry to say. Kids are little scientists and they are forever testing their environment. It's how they learn. Keep this in mind when her behavior becomes challenging and think about what you want her to learn from the encounter.

Stay firm, stay calm, be consistent with rules and consequences, and give lots of positive attention. What helped me keep my cool when my little ones were this age was to envision myself as a wall of pillows. They could butt their heads up against me as many times as they wanted - they were never going to get through, but they were never going to get hurt either.

On a side note, to help her adjust to hew new sibling, involve her as much as possible in the pregnancy. My OB let my 2 year old hold the doppler and find the baby's heartbeat. When baby #2 was born, my oldest was totally on board and we never had any rivalry issues. Just the opposite, she would tell me that SHE was the baby's mother and that I was the baby's sister!

Best of luck to you for a quick and painless delivery!!

We do the same things Catherine said; give her choices (limited) whenever possible and time warnings for transition. I also remind myself to relax and not get into a power struggle unless it's a big deal, i.e. safety issue.
I figure at that age they hear so many No's that redirection and choices are much better than time outs and harsh discipline. We also let our daughter do as much herself as is safe so she feels that sense of mastery ("I did it myself!"). It has really helped her adjust to the newborn.
Good luck riding it out (the 3's are often just as bad if not worse!)

Have you read the Happiest Toddler on the Block? it is lifesaving!

Ugh, my daughter is still in the terrible 2's and she is almost four. either that or it is early onset of the "f-ing fours" ha ha, I heard that ont the other day and it seems so appropriate :)

It's so hard to know when to pick your battles. I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel sad because you have to take on a different role (the "I'll show you who's boss role") and you feel the relationship has changed. Sigh. can you imagine what it must be like when the girls hit teenager stage?

I have no advice, just shared misery ;)

Unfortunately, I've heard 3 is the really bad age, not sure what that means since I only have a 2.5 year old. My son goes through phases like this every once in a while, sometimes just a day, sometimes a week or so. You just have to get through it, and know that it will end at some point. When my son gets crazy, and we already have tried to reason with him (which normally works), we just ignore him. That usually stops his behavior in less than a minute. Might be something to try. Also, they often do want what you offer, they just want to do it their way. I have had many instances where my son says I don't want to eat that, and after going back and forth (you want this or this instead, etc), he ends up eating it, and that was what he wanted in the first place. Sometimes if I just put it down in front of him and leave him alone about it, he chooses to eat it. No does not always mean no with a toddler, I used to ask him if he wanted to go to the park (or do other things) several times when he would say no, and once he listened to me and realized we weren't going to the park if he said no, he switched from no to yes.

Dr. Sears has some good behavioral shaping and discipline advice here, (be sure to scroll down for specific advice too like for dressing hassles and such):
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

It can get pretty rough, but the more consistent and firm you remain on actual issues, followed along with plenty positive reinforcement, and that helps a lot.

i hate to tell you but the 2's have nothing on the 3's. i have a 3.5 year old boy and its much more challenging than the 2's. not that the 2's were not tough. the tantrums, they are starting to explore their independence which means really that they are exploring your boundaries. its a challening time for sure. hang in there and good luck!

Lots of good thoughts and advice here. I absolutely agree with giving choices. It is really important to help our children find and use their voices. I have an at-home daycare/preschool & the one book I share with all my families is: How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, & How To Listen So Kids Will Talk. Love it so much! It is a quick read, though you will find that you refer back to it often, and along with the suggested strategies, parents also share their own personal stories at the end of each chapter. It is all about engaging cooperation, helping children make choices, and a reminder to parents that our behavior affects our child's behavior. Peace. B.

My son is 22mo and just started refusing to change his shirt. At first I was letting him stay in his pj shirt longer but I saw that the behavior wasn't changinging. It became a battle every morning. I started making him change his shirt and I've noticed him giving in and the behavior getting better. He still struggles while I pull it off but the second its off he's happy. I think what ever you decide consistancy is the answer. I've also noticed if I over exaggerate my excitement to do something he gets more excited too. Its really cute:) I've also noticed it helps to tell him when he is being a good boy and thank him for it. So when he acts up I can ask him to please be a good boy. Its working for us:)

with the choice questions my husband was really good at it... Instead of "what shirt do you want to wear?" it's "do you want to wear this one or that one" (they only get to pick between two specific things.) and not "do you want to brush your teeth?" or "it's time to brush teeth." but "do you want to brush your own teeth, or do you want mommy to help?"

I also kind-of made fun of my daughter when EVERYTHING was "no." I would say, "wow, you just want to say no to everything, you must want me to sing the No song". The I just sing the alphabet song, but just say no instead of the letters. then I would sing the "Yes song" same as the no song except saying yes for all the letters.. then i would sing the "maybe song" yup same thing - but much harder because of the increased syllables. by this time she wanted to sing along and forgot she was supposed to be saying no to everything.