Jealous Older Sibling

My friend has the same problem. Her daughter is 3 1/2 and younger brother is amost 11 months. She got her daughter little toys that the baby cannot play with and in order to play with them she has to go into the playroom and mommy stays with the baby in the living room... She has taught her that if she does not respect her brother and let him play also when the big toys are out then she gets ignored no matter how big the tantrum, she is old enough to leave in a room alone. She also makes sure that the older one gets one on one time without the baby at least once a week and once a month they go on a mommy daughter lunch/movie/park trip and then when she gets her special time with daddy then mommy ends up getting baby time also!! I hope this helps you out and wish I had more for you....

Is preschool/playgroup/once-or-twice a week daycare an option? He's 3, it might not just be jealousy, but also some boredom. Perhaps find another family you can swap some toddler time with. If you watch someone elses 3 year old at your house, he will have someone to play with too.

When he is home with you and wants to play (especially now that he's old enough to realize he's able to do more), give him lots of steps and responsibilities. Keep him as busy as possible.

Our 2.5 year old is going through something similar, she's almost TOO into her 3 month old baby sister. Sometimes to the point of being potentially dangerous. I've found keeping her busy, and saving the face-to-face, snuggly, playtime activities with baby sister until big sister is consumed in her play (or asleep), has been helpful.

The pediatrician also told us a good tip for letting the older sibling know they aren't being "dumped on" for the little sibling, is to talk to the little sibling like they understand. For example, "I'm sorry baby sister, i cannot pick you up and hold you right now, big brother and I are playing this game"... even if baby sister is happy and cooing away in her exersaucer, big brother will hear it and realize that she gets "put on hold" too. We do that a lot with our two, especially after realizing if we didn't, big sister would be the only one hearing it!

Good luck! The best thing is that your baby girl knows you are her mama and that you love her very much, regardless of how much you get to play with her!

What he is feeling is normal. Your statement that you're missing out on her babyhood tells a lot, because you're missing out on his toddler time as well, you're fighting yourself and not seeing that you can do both, and will have to do both to give them each the attention that they need.

Your daughter is getting to the age where she can roll a ball back and forth on the floor with your son. Let him teach her some things, encourage his play with her. Shared time with both of them is important. Sit her in her swing or infant seat and him in a chair or have one on each side of you while you read them a book. Let your son pick the book to be read. While your daughter naps, this is a great opportunity for some one on one time with your son. Pick an activity, even a household chore that you two can do together, the key here is together. Have him help you sort the laundry by colors or textures. Let him match socks to be folded or fold the washcloths. Picking up his toys or straightening up his room, the living room. Have him be your helper and again, it's the one on one time that makes the difference. Then he has a nap, and your daughter will probably be waking up, then you have one on one with her.
But don't accuse your son of robbing you of your daughter's babyhood. Minimize the timeouts. You can't expect him to learn how to share if you're not willing to share yourself or your daughter with him. Get Dad to spend some time with him in the evening as well. I had 3 kids under the age of 5 and worked full time on opposite shifts of my husband, so we were 'single parents' during our time with the kids, family time was on weekends. Even then, I made 'dates' with each one, I took my daughter to the movies, just her and I, leaving Dad and the boys at home. The next weekend it was my oldest son and me or Dad and he went somewhere. Each child deserves their time alone with you and then they also need to be a family, sharing themselves and you with everyone else in the family. I wish you well. How you handle this situation now will set the tone for your son and daughter's relationship and their ability to share their friends with others in the future.

It is really hard to try and figure these things out. Have you tried making games you can all play together. I know the younger is only 9 months, but kids love things like bubbles! And what about including your 3 yr old in helping to pick out some toys for the little one to play with and finding a way to get then playing together. If you have time, write a social story about baby's time with mommy and his time with mommy and all together time with mommy. Try reinforcing his good behavior as much as you can. I had my second child when my daughter was 2 1/2 and I also had just found out she had autism. This was one of the hardest time for me because I did not know much about autism and was so stressed out. My daughter used to come up and try to push my son's head away when i was nursing!! OUCH.. She did not like him one little but. He was too loud and too new and different. So I have been there too, but what i have learned is that social stories work wonders! And positive re-inforcement and patience is key in helping with anything that is hard! good luck to you!!!

maybe get a special video that he gets to watch while you have some quality time with your daughter?