It's Taking Too Long to Put Baby to Bed

L.,

It sounds to me like you're giving a little too much stimulation right before bed and not giving him a chance to soothe himself. My daughter is 14 months, and has her bad nights, but here's what we do with her.

5:00 dinner
6:00 bath if needed then jammies
6:30ish start trying to get her to cuddle on the couch while watching the last bit of news (probably not the best program, but if I wait until they're both in bed I'll be watching the 11:00 news, and I don't want to be up that late)
6:45 pull her into my lap and cuddle whether she fights it or not, usually some fussing/squawking with no tears
7:00 bed time (she has a CD player that plays lullabies all night)

Usually with this routine she'll go right to sleep, or at least play quietly in bed. Some nights however she flat refuses to go down easily. Then, we let her fuss for about 5 minutes to see if she can calm herself. If at any point her noise changes from I don't want to be here to an I'm mad/scared we go in immediately and pick her up. If at the end of the 5 minutes she's still fussing we go in and either rock with her until she calms down, or just sway side to side right at her crib, depending on how upset she's managed to get herself. She has a dimmer switch so her room is not pitch black, but it is dim in her room. When we go in after bed time we murmur or whisper to her, and keep the room dim. She will usually fall asleep by 8:00 or so at the latest.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I can sympathize with the sometimes long time to get to bed. I find that my son is hardest to get to bed when he is really tired. Another thing I realized when he was actually a couple of months younger than your's was that he needed something more solid in addition to nursing before bed (if that makes sense). As he has gone through his growing spurts, he has gone to sleep much easier and slept longer - he has reflux as well - when he had a cup of fruit (we used Gerber) after dinner and before our final nursing of the night.
My son is now 13 1/2 months old and still nursing even though he has a full daily meal schedule with "big people" food.
I am currently reading my way through Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solutions for Toddlers/Preschoolers and it has helped me to get him settled throughout the entire day. My pediatrician recommended Healthy Sleep Habits/Happy Child as he was having possible night terrors but I haven't made it to that one yet.
I have learned though that if he isn't ready for bed after all this then I just let me down to play for a bit more and when he is ready, it is a lot less stressful for both of us and I am not us at night as much.

Oh boy, this sounds just like my son and I just posted a message asking whether or not anyone had tried melatonin (a natural sleep aid) or whether anyone had similar issues. I don't want to scare you, but my son started doing the same thing around the same age and now here we are six months later and on Friday night he didn't go to bed until midnight! He's 15-months-old, now!
That said, I realized around 11 months that my son was better off with one nap a day, leaving him more tired around bed time. If you're not already trying that, it might be worth a go. We used to talk about this sleep problem around this age in my mommies group and apparently it was normal, but mine just kept on going... Would hate to see yours do the same! Maybe talk to your pediatrician about what you can do. Also, there is a debate on my post on whether or not melatonin can be given to a baby (with the proper supervision, of course). I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but perhaps you can check with a doctor or naturopath about it. Melatonin is the 'hormone' we all produce that makes us sleepy.
I totally feel for you. Sounds like your household is as stressful as ours at bedtime. I hope you get things sorted!

Aloha(Hello) L.
I am a VERY experienced mother of 8 children, plus I've raised several of my son's friends, and some of my nieces and nephews. Being that your child is already 8 months old, hand I see that you are still nursing him...have you tried feeding him at night close to the bed time that would be appropriate for him? Recently, my grand-daughter has been over to our house and my children had the SAME PROBLEM...YES THEY WERE FEEDING HER "SOME" FOOD, BUT IT WASN'T enough. By this age, they should be fed several times throughout the day along with the nursing. If you haven't started feeding him yet, start with ..rice cereal or oatmeal cereal either pre-mixed or dry and mixed with your milk. You sit your son in your lap, placing ONE arm BEHIND your back and holding on to the other. using a baby spoon, you continuously feed them...and of course they WILL spit it out several times, BUT, you just scoop what they spit out, add more and feed almost non-stop.
you can start out with the SMALLEST sized bottled food, keeping in mind that your child SHOULD be able to eat just about the whole small bottle. BY this age, he actually should be up tho the next size, but start with the small one and see how that goes. Alos, TRY NOT to let him take a LATE evening nap. If you want to test this out first, start close to his 1st nap of the day. A lot of times children who are breast feed, ONLY eat until they are CONTENT...and NOT FULL! Stick tho the cereal first, for about a week, these are the BLANDEST foods, so...usually there are NO reactions. Then you can bump up to the other varieties of foods, which most people suggest, the vegetables...like carrots, sweet potatoes, spinach, green beans etc...majority of the times, starting with the cereals works the BEST!! DO NOT be afraid about over-feeding your child...I stared all my children and grandchildren with these cereals at 5 months..and have NEVER had sleeping or waking up in the middle of the night after this! By 81/2 months, he SHOULD be-able to just about eat the WHOLE small bottle size with NO problem. Keepin mind, that they DO get VERY messy to start, so you will probably want to give them a bath after, they also like to try to GRAB at the spoon, so this is why I suggested holding your baby on your lap, with one of his arms BEHIND your back and holding his other arm. Please also remember after feeding him his food, do breastfeed or give him water ina NON-LEAKING sippie cup/or bottle...and DON'T forget to BURP...you do NOT have to put him over your shoulder, you can simply keep him on your lap, facing forward, holding his belly..so that he leans slightly forward, and pat his back. The pressure of him leaning slightly forward seems to cause them to BURP a whole lot faster. If you need more advice, please DON'T hesitate to ask me...my children's age ranges are from 26 through 19, then a 10 year old, along with 2 grandchidren and one more on the way. Hope this is helpful to you.
L. ____@____.com

I have so been in that boat!
I think our children must be cut from the same cloth!

here is what I can recommend.

1) Read Dr. Sears' Sleep Book. it's kind of hard to find, but was really helpful for me- mainly to lower my stress about it all and get me back to a state of being able to work through it with patience and ideas on my side. I ordered it from his site askdrsears.com

2) Really try to get his naps tackled. The more tired my son is, the less likely he'll sleep. I ended up getting vigilant about my son's naps. it's a pain, but worth it. I'm now at the point where I can loosen up about them, and the night is still smooth- it does happen.

3) Simplify your plan of attack. I used to do the whole eat, quiet play, stories, bath, more stories while nursing, sing, walk, take outside to walk...you name it... the whole process just seemed to get longer and longer with the resistant baby- I now take about 40 minutes from start to finish, sometimes less.

I can't really say what the magic trick was, but...I now have a son who goes down easily at the same time each night, and is slowly transitioning from being a 6 time a night waker, to a 2 time a night waker (not fabulous, but so much better!). Some days he even sleeps in!

Good Luck. Hang in there, it will get better. Feel free to contact me. My son is about a month older than yours, so there are probably many similar struggles in our homes.

-M.

These issues are difficult because they have so much impact on the rest of the family. Couple of questions: Have you been co-sleeping? When does your son take his last nap? Does it seem as if he is teething? Or is their some other milestone he is approaching (e.g., crawling, walking, etc.) When you go for a walk in the evening, do you come home and start the routine at the beginning? Have you read any books and tried various techniques? Has there been any other disruptions in the house? (Have you moved? Has either your or dad had schedule changes at work?)

I've read a couple different books, which basically all have similar ideas and slightly different methods. Perhaps they have an idea you haven't already tried. They are:

The No-Cry Sleep Solution - I thought the author was a bit rude in the beginning but once she started discussing the solution part, there were some good ideas.

The Lull-a-Baby Sleep Plan - If I remember correctly, this one is all about getting the baby to learn how to fall asleep so you put the baby to bed while still awake.

The Baby Sleep Book - I enjoy the Dr. Sears' books because they are usually very easy to read. And the info seems solid. Also, they fall in line with the attachment parenting style we're currently using with our baby.

We recently started having our co-sleeping baby go to sleep in his crib. It was pretty hilarious because my husband consulted his parenting book, which told us to leave him alone in his crib, and I read my book, which told us NOT to leave him alone in the room. We ended up "rescuing" him after three minutes because I felt so bad at the crying. Have you considered lying down with him until he falls asleep? It seems extreme, perhaps, but I have a friend who will occasionally climb into her kid's cribs to help them get to sleep. Sometimes her daughter just needs the extra contact.

If walking the baby seems to help, I would suggest walking him after you've given him his bath. This way if you come in and he's sleepy/sleeping, you can try to nurse him and then place him in bed or just place him in bed. Oh, and if you're using bubbles, check to see if they are for an "energizing bath". I actually saw a baby bubble bath product (it was from the Mustela line) that used that wording. And my first thought was "who wants to give their baby an energizing bath?" because I'd only ever heard of baths in conjunction with how to set up the nightly routine to get baby to bed.

You could also play with your baby's daily nap schedule. Is he transitioning from two naps to one? This could be throwing off his bed time.

Try to keep your wits about you. Good luck.

Your child is training you to entertain him until he drops! You are the parent, you set the stage. Bath, snuggles, last feeding, reading, check diaper then into the crib. Shut the door on the way out, no toys in the crib. It will take a few days of crying and making you feel guilty but he has you figured out.
Going to professional school is a challenge at best and near impossible with a young child. Your spouse is supportive at bedtime. You also have to have him agree to let the baby cry without intervention. It is tough but you need to let him cry. Yes, he will fall asleep. So will you.

New patterns take time to register. Be the parent not the patsy.

One who has been there.
R.

I would suggest reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth who is a renown pediatric sleep specialist. Lots of excellent, research based information and strategies are provided (also includes real examples from his clients over the years).

In addition, one thing that made a big difference with me was a different sequence of events than what you are doing: specifically to nurse (always a full feeding - no snacking, no sleeping at the breast), play a little bit (could be as little as 15 minutes) and then put to bed...I did not nurse to sleep or use nursing as a sleep aid. In the daytime this routine precedes his naps, at night/bedtime, instead of playing you should read books. So it goes: bathtime, get on PJs, nurse, read books for a good 1/2 hour, check/clean diaper, put to bed. For the late night feeding(s), you just nurse (no falling asleep at the breast to make sure he has a full tummy - keep a damp cloth with your to wipe on his forehead/face or tickle him under his chin, etc). Once he is done eating, burp him, check/change diaper and then into the crib. This sequence helped us a lot with establishing good sleep habits and ability to self soothe. He could be waking up a lot because he is not getting a full tummy if he is allowed to drift off to sleep at the breast.

Final thought, if you are trying to do a a cry-it-out, but allow your child to cry until you and reach a "full pitch" as you said, and then you go in to the rescue, you just taught him to do that. I am not going to advocate or denounce the cry-it-out method, because that is a very personal choice, but what I do know is that if you are going to try to use that approach you first have to make sure all his needs are met (full, clean diaper, no gas) and then you cannot go in at the point that you can no longer bear it because you just taught him that a good set of lungs gets what he needs. ;)

I would strongly urge you to read the book I mentioned, it addresses this approach, and other approaches for those who do not wish to cry-it-out. So you'll have a few different perspectives on how to tackle your challenges and put in place some good sleep and self soothing techniques.

Good luck.

Hope this helps.

have you tried your nightly routine and simply putting him in his crib and letting him fall asleep on his own?

We struggled with getting our second son to sleep as well. He didn't like sleeping with me, or flat in the crib. One night I decided I had had enough and was going to get some sleep, regardless of his nonsense. I put him in a carseat in the master bath (he was just a couple of months old). Voila! He went right to sleep and slept all night! I could hardly believe it. The next night we put him in the carseat in the cosleeper (next to our bed). It worked like a charm for months, until he was able to roll around and get out of the seat. He apparently like being in that cuddle position, instead of flat in the crib. Also, once he found his thumb at four months he was able to soothe himself. Before that he required a pacifier. Maybe this isn't useful for you since yours is much older - but maybe it's finding whatever would make him more comfortable or give him comfort for whatever reason. I've known of people who would drive them around in the car for a few minutes, then take them in in the carseat (asleep). I've known others who were soothed to sleep with a running vacuum (they burned out their motor, but said it was worth it - maybe better to tape record the sound and play it back).

You might try infant massage (there are books, or look on the internet). You might also try a naturopath or someone who could recommend something safe that might help calm him to go to sleep. You shouldn't have to go through this, and you don't want to lose it completely! Don't listen to any idiots who tell you to put whiskey in his bottle (someone told me that tidbit, unsolicited, for my first son, who was a fine sleeper). Good luck!

Something I'm not seeing on your list of experiments -- have you left him alone in a closed, dark or dim, silent or quiet room? Your description reminds me vividly of my daughter, who felt a powerful need to keep herself awake as long as there was any human interaction, no matter how passive, to stimulate her. She could stay up pretty much indefinitely if she could only see or hear another person, but she dropped off peacefully if we took our stimulating selves away.

I had this same issue with my son when he was 12 months old. This is the age that I decided to use the cry it out method so that he would learn to sleep on his own. Your son might still be a little young, but it's the only method I know that works. It took my son three days of screaming for 2-3 hours at night to learn how to fall asleep on his own. It was awful to hear him cry, but it was very effective at teaching him to sleep.

I understand that crying it out is not optimal for infants. As I stated your child might still be too young. I waited until my son was 12 months old. He also co-slept with me until 2.5 and continued to nurse until he was 3. I did attachment parenting, but when it came to this I just couldn't find another way to get my son to sleep on his own.

The part of your post that caught my attention was at the very end where you said you finally give up and nurse him to sleep. If you want him to sleep better you've got to stop doing that. I know it's hard, I recently went through this with my son. And honestly, we just rode it out (nursed him to sleep) until he was a year. We tried getting him to fuss it out in his crib before then and it just wasn't working. But once he got closer to a year he started losing interest in nursing during the day, and that confirmed my belief that he was nursing in the evening and at night for comfort. So I started making him sleep in his crib, this got him off my boobs at night, then once he got the hang of sleeping in his crib I weaned the bed time nursing too. So my advice would be, if you really want him to stop you're going to have to let him fuss a bit. I'm not saying let him cry for a long time or don't provide comfort. But you do need to let him learn to soothe himself and if you always give in and let him nurse he's not learning how to do this. Put him in his bed at bed time, and let him fuss for a few minutes, go in and provide comfort but don't pick him up and keep interaction to a minimum. Get him soothed then leave again, keep up the routine making intervals of leaving him alone longer and providing comfort shorter. Hang in there, he'll get it. But you really have to make up your mind to be firm and stop giving in.

I suggest you read the book Babywise by Ezzo and Buckman. I have used their system for structuring a baby's day with both of my sons, now age 5 and 2, and it worked beautifully. It may be difficult with your older baby, but so worth it to take control of bedtime, both for you and for your baby, who needs a full night's sleep for optimal development. Nursing an older baby to sleep may work sometimes, but what will you do when you wean him if he doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own? Doing this seems like the easy way out, but really is just postponing the inevitable--teaching your child how to soothe themselves to sleep. Of course you'd love some time to relax with your husband in the evening. The methods in this book really work, and you feel like you're in charge, as you should be.

I am the mother of two boys, 5 and 2. I had a similar problem with my oldest son and I know how exhausting and frustrating it can be. Thankfully, someone turned me onto what has become my 'sleep bible'- Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth, MD. I think at the age in question (as was the case for me) we need to teach our children the 'skill' of getting themselves to sleep. They NEED to be able to do this. That does mean crying it out. Before you delete this, I have to tell you that if you are truly consistent and stick to your guns, it is only 3 nights of misery. The alternative is much more bleek. You should also know that I employed the rules with my second child from the very beginning and I have never had to go through the misery - he has always slept beautifully. Good luck!

What's his nap schedule like? Is he getting enough sleep during the day, and is he taking a nap that extends into the late afternoon or early evening, thereby keeping him up later? A baby who doesn't sleep well during the day will be overtired and fight sleep at night.

I have a 9 month old who has been going to bed between 5:30 and 6 p.m., and sleeping 12-13 hours nonstop, since he was 5 months old. We protect that bedtime by not allowing his afternoon nap to go past 3:30 p.m. If it does, we wake him. This is the only time he is ever awakened, and it's very rarely necessary that we do it.

I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth MD. I don't know how you feel about some crying, but it sounds as though he has never learned to self-soothe, and he's getting so tired that he can't fall asleep on his own. You may need to intervene, and it sounds as thought you may be to the point that some crying would help.

L.,

Given your added comments about co-sleeping and not wanting to use a Crying It Out method, I thought I'd share an additional resource. It worked for my daughter, who was a terrible sleeper until 10 months.

It's from something called Aware Parenting. I don't share all their parenting beliefs, but their advice for helping a baby release stress by crying it out IN THE PARENT'S arms was priceless.

If you would like more information about this method, send me an email and I will track down the website and/or article that I read.

The sleep advice is basically this: after your nighttime routine is done, put your baby down or lie down with him (whatever you do when it's time for him to go to sleep). When he starts to fuss, pick him up (or just continue to hold him if he's already in your arms) and then hold him quietly without doing anything - that's the key.

It'll feel really, really weird. You'll want to rock him, walk with him, sing to him, do anything to get him to stop crying. The point is to not interfere with his need to fuss and cry - to hold him lovingly and warmly - but to do NOTHING to try to stop his crying. Because he's mobile, he may try to move out of your arms. Let him. When he wants to crawl back to you, pick him up and hold him again. My DD did that repeatedly the first night I started this.

It'll seem like it's going on forever, but don't cave in and rock him or breastfeed him to sleep. Just continue to hold him. He'll eventually fall asleep. As I mentioned, three nights of this (each night being progressively easier) and my DD was sleeping through the night. It was nothing short of a miracle.

I hope this helps! Good luck with getting him to sleep.

I've been through the same ritual with my daughter when she was 9 months. I HAD to adopt the Ferber method because I couldn't get any sleep. It worked grate and in a few nights we got her to sleep 12hrs. I wasn't breastfeeding anymore though. I also did a lot of research on line and found a very useful link regarding the developmental stages and how it can affect their behavior.

http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html

I hope it helps

One really simple and something I could not do without is this:
Take your baby's ragy or burb rag that is warm and smells of you, put it down, under the baby. The reason this works is 1)no one likes to be put into a cold bed, and 2) it smells of the most wonderful person in the baby's world.

It may not work, but it sure worked for me. Wendaa

I can relate and I hope you get lots of great advice. My son is only 3.5 months but the sleeping thing isn't going so well. He will sleep for 1-2 hours in his pack n play but then he is either in bed with me or in his swing. I like co-sleeping for a brief part of the night but not all of it because I feel more rested when I can sprawl out, melt into my body pillow, etc. I don't have any advice but know that you are not alone!

My advice to you - only go through the bedtime ritual once, and be firm. It will be a tough week (or two) but you can do it. I'm not a 'cry it out' person, but this is how I got my twin girls to sleep through the night. Once you put them to bed (after doing whatever you want to do), that's it. If he cries, pick him up and comfort him, then put him back down. If you have to hold him all night, hold him all night. But no nursing, no stories, etc... I can tell you we had some rough nights, of one or both of them crying for two hours plus!, but I didn't feel as bad because I was still holding them and comforting them in other ways. When he learns that you won't play with him or nurse him , he'll go to sleep and stay asleep on his own. If that seems to much, and he wakes up multiple times, you might decide to nurse him once in the middle of the night for awhile, and when he's adjusted to that, work on cutting that last one out. Good luck!

You know, ladies, I keep reading about the sheer desperation of mamas with babies who won't/can't sleep, and I keep thinking about my own sleep difficulties and wondering if there's a connection.

I have chemical sensitivities that are triggered by all sorts of household cleaners, air "fresheners," fabric softeners, scented toiletries/soaps, new plastics, synthetic fabrics and new unlaundered fabrics, exposure to auto exhaust, and other common things.

On days when I haven't been able to avoid those triggers, I am often nervous, irritated, and too jumpy to sleep. Or I might be sluggish, exhausted, and unable to sleep if the exposures have been especially heavy. I also get central apnea from certain exposures, which wakes me repeatedly if I do finally manage to drop off (and I have wondered about a possible connection with SIDS). When I can stay relatively "clean" I do much better.

I can't see how babies and small children wouldn't be especially susceptible to the effects of all the toxic junk in modern life. When I was raising my own daughter three decades ago, it just doesn't seem that so many babies had so much trouble sleeping. Yes, parents have always had to deal with colic and nighttime wakings, but the problems seem more intense and frequent than all the stories other moms and I used to trade.

My longtime doctor works with people with these sensitivities, and noted that he sees many more children with stress and sleep disorders than he used to. He suspects an ever-increasing load of toxins that we have come to expect are innocent and normal. They are not innocent or normal or even needed - for quite a number of years I have cleaned everything in my home with baking soda, vinegar, and an unscented laundry detergent (and my house is clean and pleasant). Advertising convinces us that we need new, potent and increasingly toxic products to be good homemakers. We don't.

Be good to your babies and yourselves. Lighten up on the cleaning products. Simplify. Take those dollars you are investing in cleaning products and buy natural bedding. I'll bet it will improve some of your children's sleep, and certainly their longtime health.

My 10&1/2 old daughter is much the same. Trouble going to sleep and waking at night. You are not alone!! I will be interested in seeing the responses and suggestions.

I haven't read other responses, but I would say just leave him alone when he wakes up, and wants to play. My 8-month old has just started doing the same thing, and last night I picked him up at first, nursed him in the dark, didn't say a word to him or make eye contact, and put him back down when he seemed calmer. He still wanted to play/talk, but after a while he just went back to bed. I think the key is just leaving him be; when he wakes up, unless he fusses/talks/plays for like an hour, I'd just leave him alone, and he will fall back to sleep. That's what I'm going to try to do tonight, if he does that again! :)

Get the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. This book will give you a step by step program for a good night's sleep that you can tweak to your own individual situation. It also gives you age by age what a child needs and what they may be doing sleep wise. If any problems it gives help on correcting it. Finally it gives examples of real parents and children and they issues they faced, how they fixed them, and what it did for them. An excellent book for anyone who has a child who has sleep issues. Newborn through grade school. IT SAVED MY SANITY!

How long do your requireds of bedtime routine take? We keep it simple- snack, cleanup, change, 1 story, kiss and hug. When my daughter was still nursing the snack (nursing) went before the story.
Is he overly tired? Others say they get so tired and then fussy and the effect snowballs.
I can understand your frustration. It is difficult when you are tired and have other things you want or need to do. Keep your patience.

I am a mother of 4 children - 7,5,3, and 18 months and they ALL go to bed around 7:15pm and sleep ALL night in their own safe sweet little beds and wake up happy, rested, and secure at 7am in the morning. The 3 year old and the 18 mo old both take naps everyday and go down without one little peep. I had a plan and I carried it out with each one of them and I think that by having 4 kids, 2 years apart you can rule out coincidence and luck.

After reading a bunch of the responses to many of the sleep questions, the general feeling I have is that it's not the kids who are insecure, it's the mothers.

A child is a beautiful gift from God. I love my children dearly and would lay down my life for them but they come into this world to be a part of a family, not the center and god of the universe. Yes, babies require much attention and work, but they also need to adjust to what is already going on in the world before they came. The very idea that letting a healthy baby who has been fed, loved, changed and patted (barring any medical problem) is such a terrible thing is modern day psycho-babble. So when you have checked them and you KNOW that they are fine, when they cry they are not insecure, they are crying because it WORKS.It brings you running and cooing and holding and patting.

If you want to sleep with you baby and wear you baby, that is your choice. But please don't torture yourself into thinking that your very loved child is insecure. It's just not true.

A crib is not a dungeon that we should teach our children to hate and fear. No wonder they don't want to go there! Long, uninterrupted sleep is what is best for THEM, their growth and health. The crib should be a happy, safe place where they can be secure and get the uninterupted sleep that they need.

I could go on and on about methods and principles but you've already said that you don't really want to change anything about the way you are doing things.

From what you described above, you are overstimulating him with all of the repetitive rocking and patting and nursing and reading -

Your bedtime routin is teaching your child that he needs you and all of that activity in order to fall asleep. The reality is that a child needs calm, peace quiet and darkness to fall asleep.

after 3 babies in the last 3 years - that sounds like an over tired and over stimulated baby.... he is old enough now to learn how to actually fal asleep on his own. Meaning, lay him down before he falls asleep, pick one soothing item if needed like the same music box, music cd, crib soother mobile or something. then turn out the lights and walk away -

set the timer for 15 minutes and if he is still crying after 15 min go in - BRIEFLY resettle him, keep the lights out. Leave again.... set the timer for 20 min, if he is still crying, BRIEFLY resettle him again (like 2 minutes max) lights stay out. No rocking, reading, patting, pik him up for a minute, console him, say nighty night and do it again.... set time for 30 min.

it is hard, i know. and when baby is crying, 2 minutes feels like 15 minutes.... When I used this method with my second child it tookbout 4 nights to "reprogram" (for lack of a better word) his bedtme routine and I never had to go in after the third trip... He never cried for longer than 20 min.

My 4th baby is now 9 months old and goes to bed at 8pm with her sister, when we go in there, she is awake, we dont do a lot of rocking reading etc specifically with her prior to bedtime. All 4 kids sit on the couch for a story after pajamas, diapers, and teeth and then they all go to bed at 8pm.

Hi L.,
I too had a difficult one to put to sleep at that age. I know you're already doing a lot of reading with nursing school right now, but I highly recommend the Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child book by Mark Weissbluth. You don't have to read the entire book at once, it's set up to reference the particular age group and problem you're addressing right now. It also offers an "emergency sleep plan" for immediate needs. Some of the tactics you have to try to believe, and I can say ALL of them worked for my very determined, at times, stubborn child. The trick is you have to believe in them yourself and follow through. The best lesson I learned from that book is "sleep begets sleep". The more your child sleeps, the more sleep they want and need. The less they sleep, the less they sleep. You may be surprised how much sleep your child actually needs and when his bedtime should be, around his age, probably 6 or 7 pm with no nighttime waking. He CAN do it, he just needs to be shown how.

Just from your quick story, it sounds like to me that part of the problem is there is too much stimulation for your son. A lot of the fussing he's doing is because he's probably exhausted too. He needs more time to settle and sooth himself. Even if your attention is trying to coax him to sleep with all your creative tactics, it's still attention and he'd rather have that then sleep! Leave him alone longer. Keep the routine brief, firm and unwavering, not matter his reaction to you leaving him alone in the room. The best thing you can give your child is healthy sleep habits and the ability to sooth and fall asleep on his own. Again, the book gives options for different parenting styles that you can adapt for your family. It was worth every penny and completely saved my sanity when I was exchausted too.....I know it's hard to see now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel! Stay strong!

Also, make sure your husband is one the same page as you with the techniques you're using!

Best of luck to you and take care! B.