It's My Turn to Panic.... I Need Reassurance...

You aren't the kids mom. You really don't have a say on where he goes. A million things COULD happen to him anywhere. unless it's gaping he doesn't need stitches.

she may not be over reacting. she may just be a laid back parent. I wouldn't freak out about my kid getting bitten by a dog. Things happen.

She's the mommy not you. You don't get to decide where she takes her child.
Any dog anywhere could bite anyone. SHe could have been walking down the street and a dog on a leash bite him.
As long as it wasnt gaping and didnt need stitches no she shouldnt have taken him to the hospital.

I'll bet she is more shocked, upset and guilty that she is letting on to you. Maybe she feels she can't share her feelings with you because you are so busy blaming her for the incident.

Hi SLM-

Maybe I am going to sound harsh...I don't mean to be...but I seem to remember reading some other posts about the 'parental' struggle between you and your daughter...and HER child (your grand).

Perhaps it is time for you to 'set your daughter and grandchild' free!

Let her step up and take full responsibility!

I, personally, could NOT walk the fine line you seem to be walking...at all!

I am going to go back and read your previous posts...but seems to me (from what I recollect) that some FIRM lines in the sand need to be drawn...

Just MY opinion...
May edit later!
Michele/cat

***ETA***

Yes SLM...it DOES take a village to raise a child...BUT...IF I may say...as the 'grandparental'...YOU are NOT the 'mayor' of the village...

I do not even know if the 'bf' she was visiting is the father or not...BUT...she IS the 'mom'...

Dogs can be 'unpredictable' even IF raised with kids...Hell...if a little one puts fingers 'thru' the wire on a kennel...they can be bitten!

I don't know...but IF it were me as a grand...I would BACK OFF...

I know it will be hard...

So you do not want him around any dog unless its crammed into a kennel?You don't want her to have a boyfriend that has dogs. any animals can bite even if the dog is teething. You are treating your grandchild like you own him..

Back off grandma. Let mom be the mom. Your daughter is well past the age where you should be telling her what to do. Now is the age where you let them go and hope that you raised them right. Your attitude and behavior will only push her from you and she will take the baby with her when she goes. You need to take a more supportive stance if you want to keep a relationship with her.

1. You don't discuss the severity of the bite, but you did mention you would only notice it if you changed him. Did your grandson get bit on the bum? It is relevant because it shows aggression if a dog is going to bite someone on the bum rather than a hand (which is defensive.)

2. You don't know how your daughter reacted immediately. You discovered the bite two days later. However, the fact that she felt the need to hide it from you is discouraging. There is definitely not a "we're in this together" vibe if she's hiding things from you. Much more of an "Us vs. Them" thing going on. Is that what you want?

3. Rabies treatments are not something to pursue lightly.

4. You can offer suggestions all you want to your daughter. You can offer to watch your grandchild while she visits her boyfriend. However, you cannot issue edicts and the more you try to, the more of a wedge you will drive between yourself and your daughter, and that is not a healthy environment to raise a child in. I'm not saying you need to lay down and take anything she dishes out, just be mindful of your position, how you choose which battles to fight, and in which way you choose to battle your daughter.

*** ETA ***
Sorry, but your description of the bite really just raises more questions for me. Did you ask your daughter how it happened? Did she offer any details at all? Was she around you when you discovered the bite? Are you being confrontational or conversational? I understand you are upset and it is very hard to temper emotions and have rational conversations, especially when you feel the safety of someone you love is at issue. However, your input is not going to do your grandson a lick of good if you estrange yourself from your daughter. I would like to suggest you join your daughter and grandson on a visit to the boyfriend's house. Meet the family, see this ferocious dog for yourself. Learn a bit more about the environment your daughter "escapes" to. It just seems like there are a lot of issues that might get cleared up if you suspended your impulse to judge and sought allies in the quest to provide a happy and stable upbringing for your grandson.

Best wishes.

Ask your daughter if she found out for sure that the dog has been vaccinated for rabies. If the wound is healing, is not warm to the touch or getting infected, your daughter doesn't have to take her son to the doctor. Personally, I would take my child to the doctor for a dog bite, but that is my preference and other people would disagree with me, and that's okay.

SLM, I am going to be frank with you. You are not the child's parent and your daughter is not accountable to you for her child's well being. It might be in both you and your daughter's best interest for her and her son to leave your home so that you have more of a grandparent relationship instead of what you perceive as a parent relationship.
Give your daughter a chance to be a great parent. The younger generation of moms don't generally despise the advice of the older generation because they feel entitled, it's because they feel controlled and demeaned by the older generation. Boundaries are healthy and essential for good relationship.
You can't be in the business of doling out "strikes" against your daughter as a parent. If the child had been bitten in your care and your daughter said "Strike One" to you, I am willing to bet you would be furious. Try to have some grace for your daughter.

I hope your grandson recovers quickly from the bite!

As hard as it is to accept, she's your grandson's mother and it's up to her where her son goes. I know that you don't want him around dogs, but unless you share joint custody, she doesn't have to listen to you. A lot of us allow our children around un-kenneled dogs. Wolves - no, but dogs - yes.

About the dog bite... people have to make their own mistakes. And yeah, it's not right that a little boy had to get bitten, but at least it wasn't worse... and hopefully your daughter learned.

.

I don't think it is at all unreasonable to ask whether the dog's vaccinations are up to date. I think, however, that your grandson is much more likely to be at risk for a nasty infection than rabies. Do you know what your daughter did to clean the wound after the bite, and if she has been keeping it clean and putting something like neosporin on it? He really should be seen by a doctor to be on the safe side.
Here is some info you might find helpful:

http://pets.webmd.com/dogs/dog-bites

http://children.webmd.com/news/20101112/unsupervised-kids...

http://firstaid.webmd.com/tc/animal-and-human-bites-check...

Hope it helps. Hang in there- I understand you're upset- I would be too :/

I understand you are so concerned about your grandbaby, but we all make mistakes. It is so easy to think dogs are friendly puppies that just lick and frolic. You did warn her, but look at how you approach things. Do you warn her about everything? My mom is constantly in my ear about things that honestly a lot of times I don't hear her. It's not right, but it is realistic.. so I'm just saying be sure you aren't constantly telling her what not to/to do with her son. I totally understand if you know some guy is a pedo or something like that, but he will be around pets and let's just hope she learned from this bite. This bite could've happened in anyone's care when they were watching and if she watches him then it could've just happened in a second. Honestly, and you may not like it, but she doesn't feel like she can be honest with you. I say this because she was hesitant about bringing him around. She knows you were right, yes, but I'm willing to bet she knew you'd just flip on her. You have to calm down and talk to her like an adult and not flip. The kind of hesitation she showed was not from a one time instance.

Rabid dogs foam at the mouth, are very very aggressive, and die within a few days. You KNOW when the dog has rabies. I know you are concerned and that is cool, but don't be dramatic and count strikes. Strike one and then what? Strike three you are going to try to take her son from her? I'm confused what you plan to do. First time moms are learning from scratch and our parents aren't always the people we want to learn everything from, just from my personal story because I remember the mistakes they made on me and how crappy I felt.

Think of when you had your first child. When you say WE bathed him? Does she want you being a "co-parent"? I'm saying this as a personal experience because my dad started stepping on my toes when I got divorced and I would grin and bear it for the longest time b/c I didn't want to fight in front of my daughter. I would give her some space and let her learn. If you think something is dangerous talk to her like an adult. I'm not trying to be rude at all in this post, I just know my dad does the same thing and is close to my daughter, but I have to pull the reigns sometimes and he has to chill out b/c he starts shadowing over me. Let her experience being a mom. Let her bathe her child, play, etc in peace. Again, not trying to be rude I just got the impression that you are trying to parent with her and from me and my best friend (who is a single mom too) we constantly have to chill our family out from trying to do the pity party, oh she needs help raising her/him b/c they don't know what they are doing when that is very very far from the truth.

I just want to add that IF I were you, I'd be highly upset as well....... both my husband and mil were bitten by dogs and both owners said, "oh the dog never bites" yeah right... anyway, I do think your daughter SHOULD have been more concerned. Additionally, you aren't being over-protective.. like you said, you have been there since the birth of the baby... IF that were my grandchild, I would be livid .. in fact, IF that were my child and he was bitten, my mil would be livid with us for having not been more careful... I agree with you.... you do have a right to be upset...

Rabies is SO not what you need to worry about with dog bites. E.coli, Pasteurella multocida, Staphylococcus aureus, Streptococcus species, Corynebacterium species, Eikenella corrodens, Capnocytophaga canimorsus, Bacteroides fragilis, Fuso-bacterium species and Veillonella parvula, and even gangrene, are WAY more common than rabies. ((Anyone who says a dog's mouth is clean has never taken microbiology. Those are all pathogenic microbes, and they are all deadly. Human mouths are just WORSE. It's kind of like the difference between a hydrogen bomb and an enriched uranium nuclear bomb.))

ALTHOUGH... (and here's the RELAX as much as you can part)...only about 20% of dog bites become infected

I was bit by a dog when I was 5 & when I was 11.

The first time it was a 'break the skin more than just a nip, but not a super serious bite'... and antibiotic cream and tylenol and ice and treating me at home had me done up right. (My mom had her BSRN and was a microbiologist, any sign of anything serious and I'd have been taken in)

The second time it was 3 serious (over an inch deep) punctures in my right arm. Even with treatment in the ER (irrigation, decontam, stitches, sterile dressings), I got a infection in 2 days that had me gangrenous, fevered, and I very nearly lost my arm. Slight red area at lunch time (my mum drew around it with a sharpie). 2 hours later it was halway to my wrist and halfways up my arm). Sharpie, and time, and to the ER we went. 1st Surgery that night. Second a couple days later. 11 days in the hospital.

If it's "just" bruised and there are absolutely no other signs of infection (redness, swelling, fever, flu like symptoms, etc.) your grandson will probably be part of the 80% with absolutely no infection.

I know you have received plenty of responses already, but 1) a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's 2) Did the child maybe sit on the dog or something as people say it is in a weird spot. I don't know where the bite is...I know you said change him but didn't know if you were referring to clothes or diaper 3)Rabies are unlikely, was the skin broke? If you think your grandson neds treated for rabies take him for one session of shots & you WILL REGRET it, they have come along way but I have been told they are still the worst.
Even if the dog hasn't had it rabies shots, if this is a first offense the city will lock the dog up or 7-10 days & then release when it shows no signs of rabies. My mother thinks her way of raising kids is the only way...ha,mine are 11 & 16 & I wish I would have flown as far away from her as possible when I had the guts but people talked me out of it, now I am stuck. If all else fails you need to find out more in a calm nonaccusative manner. Try soaking him in an epsom salt bath for the wound & the bruising. Also there is an ointment you can get @ GNC & other places similar caled TRAUMEEL, this will rapidly heal the bruising.

All other "issues" aside -yes, she needs to see vet records and have the bite looked at by the pediatrician. I hope she's at least keeping it clean with a topical like Neisporin on it.

When I was 16 a friend's dog bit me and left a puncture wound. Despite my eye-rolling, my mom called his mom and demanded shot history info! And even though we treated it well, the puncture left an ugly knot of scar tissue on my calf. It's really never a bad idea to err on the side of caution. Rabies is deadly and many people don't take pets to the vet or give vaccinations. I don't blame you for being upset.

Hmmm. Was the bite treated? Is it showing signs of infection? That dog is a biter and it could happen again to another child. If it's not up to date on its shots then that's serious. Your daughter ought to know that already. I think you're well within your rights to report the dog bite to Animal Control. If the boyfriend won't turn over records of the dog's shots, then Animal Control can get the dog tested and they can also advise you on how to handle things with your grandson.

I am a little surprised so few people are on your 'side' on this one. I totally agree with you. I hate to see a small volunerable child hurt, when it could have been avoided. I agree that small children should not be around dogs that don't know them. I get super nervous to let my 3 year old around any dog except ours. Dogs are unpredictable. I also agree that if your daughter takes her son back around the same dog that bit him...well, in my opinion, that is neglectful parenting. You have every right to be upset, I would be too if I were you.

But, honestly, I would not be too worried about rabies. The chances of a domesticated dog having rabies is super low. I hope she is treating the bite area with antibacterial ointment! I hope your grandbaby heals soon.

I am a dog lover. A dog person. My parents bred sharpei and scottish terriers my entire life. I entered college and got a dog of my own almost immediately. I haven't been without a dog until the past couple of years with two small children and too little time to give a dog the attention it deserves. I am doing research on human animal bonds and how they change human perception!

With all of that said, dogs are animals. Dogs can bite. Sometimes they mean it, other times, it's an accident. I have a scar on my nose from when I was three and one of our older, aging scotties bit my nose in an effort to get at a ball. He didn't mean it, but he did it.

I have a scar on my leg where one of our sharpei's attacked me as I jumped over our backyard fence when I was locked out (as a teenager). He MEANT it.

I have been bitten countless other times by our own pets. The fact of the matter is that they do bite because they do not understand that it is "wrong" to bite for Pete's sake. They are either following a stimulus response pattern or they have an accident while playing and get too rough. It is the nature of the beast.

I can't tell you how many people have told me "oh, he's been my pet for years. He would never bite" I take it with a grain of salt and watch my children ultra closely around any dog. Occasionally a playdate will have a dog lose and I will have to, in some way, whether through body language or verbally ask for the dog to be put up. children are too wild sometimes. IT is not the dog's fault. Nor is it the fault of the child, depending on their age and understanding. Dogs must be treated with respect. I spent a palydate several weeks ago holding a small schnauzer mix by it's collar because the owner felt "comfortable" with the dog out. Fine, but it's not getting out of my reach. and it didn't The next time over, she had the dog put away.

As for your daughter, she is behaving irresponsibly,. However, as you know, she is showing her age. She still isn't quite capable of understanding the gravity of the situation. You are her mother and that child's grandmother. You have the right to at least guide her on what she must do if she loves her child. The dog doesn't need to be put down or anything horrible like that. But she does NEED TO KNOW that the dog is up-to-date on shots. The likelihood is that it is vaccinated. However, she still needs to know that.

She also needs to take the baby to the pedi and have the bite checked for infection. While a dog's bite is actually cleaner than a human bite, it can still leave room for infection, if even because it is an open wound.

I'd want to know if the dog(s) are serial biters - do they have a record w/the local authorities?

My dgd was bitten on the arm around the elbow by a GSD at mom's then bf - she never called me about it, he never said anything about it, little one came to me complaining her arm hurt. I saw the brusing and small punctures and called the local clinic before they closed - they would've waited if I wanted them to, but after talking w/them I said I'd watch it overnite and see what it looked like in the morning. They did tell me that if I brought her in, they would need to have info on the dog and it would be turned in. Told her I felt the dog was likely up-to-date due to bf being in the service - stuff like that could bite him back!

Later, asked dau about it - and first it was denied, then brushed off as minor and no bleeding ... funny little one told me the blood ran down from her elbow to her hand! Told dau that she wasn't telling truth and she got defensive saying she would've taken to the doc if it was bad -- well, remember, I have custody and the child is on my insurance! Called his hand on it as well a little later on - he was backpedaling as well - but told him that even if thought she had said something, he damn well should have told me when he brought little one home! (found out also that dog is food aggressive due to past mistreatment and they let little one around dog when it was eating - GRRR!)

Rather than rabies, I would be more worried about where he will get bitten next time and how severe it would be. You could call animal control, but that might lead to even more animosity between you and your daughter. The bite must be monitored for infection.
Obviously, he will be going there, so you must find a way to effectively communicate with your daughter. Could you go to counseling together?

You can tell when a dog is rabid. Most pet dogs don't have rabies. If they do, they die within a few days. It's unlikely it has rabies. That's all I have to say.

Did you take your grandson to the Doctor? Can you??? WITH your Daughter?

The bite has to be examined.
Dog bites... can create really infected wounds.
And also because it is a puncture wound... which can often get infected. Because the hole opening is so small and the wound can close up beneath the skin, trapping the bacteria in it. Hence, infection.

Please take your Grandchild to the Doc to check her wound, if you have not already done so. Or if you even can. Maybe WITH your 21 year old.

Next, who knows if their dog is properly vaccinated and up to date with shots. And the chances of rabies or any other disease.

Then I am sure, do not let your 21 year old, take the baby grandson, to the Boyfriend's home, again. But you can't control that. That is your 21 year old's choice...

Your 21 year old... does not seem to have... good cognizance, of supervising her baby?
Is this just one of many instances, where she put her child in danger???
Or lacked proper supervision of her baby???

The bite seems to have happened in a really weird place. I'm trying to figure out what the kiddo could have been doing that would promt that reaction from the dog to bite him there. I'm wondering if they were playing, or if it was some kind of reaction on the dog's part. I mean, like you said, any dog can bite. We make them our companions, but they are indeed animals by nature and some instincts are just there. When you have a baby who doesn't know and understand the animal, and an animal who doesn't know and understand the baby, they are both kind of set up to fail.
I would be concerned about the bite too. Not sure you can really tell her not to take him to the boyfriends house, but I can see why you are worried. I'm not suggesting that dogs need to stay in a kennel all the time, but there has to be some gradual getting to know you step between the dog and the child, and it really should be very structured and monitored for a while.
I'm sure you will keep an eye on the bite and hopefully it will heal quickly. Hopefully you and your daughter can agree to disagree on some of the boyfriend issues, but agree on both wanting to keep her son and your grandson safe. Maybe when you guys can get to that middle ground you will be able to find a way for him to spend time at the boyfriends without you having to worry so much.
Hang in there. You are in a tough spot because it looks like part of the time you are supposed to be the other parent, but only when she wants you to be. You can't turn off those protective mama feelings though just because she decides that for a few hours you aren't needed.