Issues with These Bedtime Arrangements!! Help!!!!

T.-
When my baby was born was during my husbands busy time at work as well. He would leave the house at 5 or 6 in the am and work 12 hour days. He would get up with the baby at 4 in the morning. Then he would stay up shower and get ready. We made a deal. I would do the "last" feeding around 11 and he would go to bed at 9. Then he would get up at 4 and do the next feeding this worked well as i would sleep from 12 to about 7 or 8. It might be something you want to try with him.

T., I don't have much advise for you, only, hang in there. Your baby will most likely fall into a routine and before you know it you all will have a decent night's sleep. Women will ALWAYS be expected to sacrifice and let's face it we are more attentive, sensitive and just plain smarter. So, you are not being selfish!!!! Hope it all works out, feel free to vent anytime you need it.

T.,

Does your baby sleep in the same room with you? This can save parents alot of energy. If you are nursing - side-lying is a great way to feed and get rest.
And being open with your husband - communicating is very important - always - but especially now. There are many emotions going on - so listen and speak to each other.

Your baby is very young - it does get easier as you get to know each other.

Good luck!

Wow...apparently that's a common problem. My husband and I went through that too (our son is now 8 months old and sleeping through the night, thank goodness). It took us a while to work out a good solution. For us, now, it usually comes down to who will get up with the baby early in the morning on days we both can sleep in...usually we just try to take turns. When our son was younger and waking up super early or in the night, we worked out a system where we just took turns each night (or if baby woke up several times, we would take turns each time). Of course, I ALWAYS woke up when the baby made any sort of noise, and then had to wake my husband when it was his turn because he sleeps like the dead.

My point is...talk with him and try to work out a taking turns type solution, or something else that makes you feel like he's doing his part. I would also say that your baby is still pretty young...for us, it took some time (at least a couple of months) to work out a solution and feel like we were on a good routine. Good luck & I hope this helps!

I have the same problem with my hubby and our son is 2 and a half. It's like he thinks he can just turn on and off when he wants to be a dad. There have been times when I've asked for help and he's told me nope...I'm done. And goes about his business. It's like...must be nice maybe I should do that too and screw the kid. They just don't get it.

Hi T.,

I have two girls and when I was home on maternity leave I let my husband sleep because he too had to get up very early at 5am to go to work however when I went back to work he got up for the middle of the night feedings until I was well adjusted in going back to work and even after I was adjusted we took turns. Now I have a friend who's husband got up for the middle of the night feedings while she was on maternity leave and he worked so what I am trying to say is you have to do what works for your family. You are totally justified in feeling the way that you do because it's not easy being home with the baby while trying to take care of all the other things that need to be done.

I feel for you. I really do. I'm 23 and my fiance is 26. I am 3 months preg., so i'm not literally going through what you are going through, but I know that I will be. Through conversations we have had it has become very clear that my other half does not plan on helping out much with the baby. Since its "womens work". Chauvanistic I know. The thing is, when you have a baby, me time seems to go out the window, but in order to stay sane you do indeed need a certain amount of alone time. Your husband gets it when he goes to work correct? The books that I have read have all advised that you sleep as much as you can while the baby is sleeping during the day, and let some of the house chores slide. After all, your not going to be much help to baby if you are over tired. Good luck - and like I said - I totally sympathize.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am a mom of 2 girls one who is 3 and the other is 7 months. Both of my girls I am the only one who gets up in the night with them. When I had my first my husband had just had back surgery and couldn't get out of bed easily so it was just was easier for me to just get up and take care of her plus he could barely carry her because of the pain her was in. Now that we had our second I'm still the only one getting up because he works the overnight shift and isn't home. It is easier for me because I am a stay home mom and work from here but there is no way to take a nap when the baby does it just never happens. You should try alternating nights because once you go back to work you will need your sleep also. Just remember it does get easier because soon your son will start sleeping through the nights.

It sounds like more than just an issue of sleep. Possibly not feeling appreciated for your situation? First, figure out what your goals are (more sleep, being appreciated for what you do, how difficult you are finding this situation etc) Then in I statements try to convey to your husband your feelings. Don't blame him but rather let him know your needs.
No, you are not being selfish. You are being a tired, overwhelmed new mother.

Hi T.,

Sure, you can sleep during the day when the baby sleeps - if you don't want to shower, eat, do your hair or have any kind of life whatsoever!

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Your husband may be going out of the house to work - but you are working too! All day, every day. Taking care of a baby is more than a full-time job. It is physically and emotionally draining.

I agree that letting your husband take care of baby for a whole day, without any help from you, would be a good way to show him that 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is a nice idea, but it is simply not a viable option most of the time.

Hope you get things resolved soon.

D.

T.
As you know trying to take a nap dureing hte day is virtually impossible... as soon as you get the baby down and you finally fall asleep hte baby is waking up.. At least that is what it was like for me. Having a baby is dual responsibility and should be shared. When I was on maternity leave my husband and I would alternate who got up to feed our daughter (now 13mo) and who was able to sleep. This is what we did with our 1st child as well (6.5yr now). Sometimes I would even pump while he fed her. Once the baby starts sleeping through the night and go longer spells in between waking up that will help. you rhousband should help out no matter what or he can take a day off and you go out for hte day so he can see what it is like to be home all day with such a young baby. men usually do not have a clue.
I hope this helps
B.

My son is 3 months old now and is sleeping through the night but when we first came home he was sleeping in a pak n play in our bedroom and since my husband was only off for a week after the birth I was the one to get up. My husband works retail so it's different shifts and when he would have to get up between 4 am-5 am I wouldn't even think of having him get up since I would be able to sleep in with the baby in the mornings. If needed there were times I could've gone back to sleep also. This works for us. I hope you can come to an arrangement that works for your situation.

i have 2 boys, and teh majority of the care has been mine, BUT he does need to help out because I have Never gotten to just fall asleep during the day! Let me tell ya, if you did really try to nap then he might complain that you slept and didn't clean or cook! Put your oot down on this one!

My boyfriend is the same way. Except HE is the one who is home with the baby during the day. I have to leave for work at 7:30 and he doesn't leave for work until 4 in the afternoon when I get home from work. But he has never gotten up with the baby (She'll be a year in one week)It makes no sense to me, but he is so grumpy when he is tired that I feel bad for Lily so I get up with her if she wakes up. I think guys just think their sleep is more important than ours...

I think we all go thruough this. especially the ones of us who got married young and children with younger guys. it seems they expect us to do everything. My husband was 25 when we had our first son and he helped for the first two weeks he had off. after that he didnt want to help. so i made it were i would take care of the baby by myself sunday through thursday and friday and satruday night was all his. he didnt like this idea because saturday and sunday were the only days he could sleep in late (like i ever get to do that). so then he is the one who made the suggestion that we switch every other night. one night i would get up and the next he would get up and thats how it seemed to have worked out. now our one son is 3 and my baby boy is 16 months old. my husband just about always got up with my 16 month old becasue he saw how tired i was and that it was all starting to affect my health because i work to and i can't ever get sleep because my 3 year old still gets up 2-4 times a night, so how am i supposed to get up with a baby to? So i suggest you try the weekedn thing with him and see how he does with that. chances are he will opt for the every other night thing to. good luck to you.

i battle with the same issue.... still with 2 babies of his. at first i totally udnerstood. ok im home and i can get rest if that is what he thinks.

however now, we both work....and i still wake up. i think its just something that i'd do regardless and in my maternal instinct. so yes i understand you and it stinks but as moms we do it anyways.

T., while I do sympathize with you, and do not agree with your husbands response that you can "sleep during the day" (not realistic), I do think it is important for your husband to get the rest he needs, especially if working outside. I do think it is important for you guys to come up with a scedule. Maybe when he gets home from work, you can have an hour (or more) to yourself, to sleep, do bills, take a bath, whatever it is you need to do for yourself. The truth is you are the childs primary care giver and will always be, and it is not appropriate for you to be sleep deprived either. When I had my son, i was in highschool. I didn't get anytime off, ten days after giving birth I was back in school. unfortunately for me my son had severe collic, for 4 months. There was no "father" involved, so my mother was able to get family leave (for 6 weeks) from her job. We made a scedule. We each had the baby for 12 hours. Now, you may not be able to do this large a time frame, you can probably come up with a fair schedule. On nights he is off, you should be able to sleep at least an hour past the time the baby is awake. It is time for the child/father to bond. All this being said, if your child is on a schedule (sleeping), you have to find time to take "cat naps" during the day when they sleep. Good luck, and remember the child was created by both, so should be cared for by both. Now when maternity leave ends, a new schedule has to be made! Let me know if you need anymore advice. I hope I was helpful. D.

I can see I'm going to be in the minority here, but I agree with your husband. Since baby is only 6 weeks old taking a nap during the day should be no problem. He sleeps so much at this point that you should still have plenty of time to do all the other things you want too. Once you go back to work outside the home where you can't nap then I think it would be fair for your husband to help out. We have 4 children. I have never expected my husband to get up with any of them during the night, even when I worked outside of our home. He helped out when he was on "paternity leave". Hang in there. If you're lucky your baby will sleep through the night soon. My 3 month old has been sleeping about 8 hours a night for nearly a month.

no you are not being selfish, your husband is! I think both of you should share getting up with the baby... and it's kinda of like him saying that what you do during the day with the baby and the house and everything else, isn't work. And it's easier said than done to sleep when the baby sleeps. i didn't have the help at night when my son was born and that was fine, i got lucky and he only woke up, at most, twice at night. but now that i'm pregnant with my second and due in a week and a half, my fiance is telling me the same thing. but not only will i have the baby, i'll have my 3 year old son, so i def. can't sleep when the baby sleeps. both of you made the baby, both of you should share the responsibilities. you gave birth and did all the hard work and 6 weeks still isn't long enough for maternity leave, but that's a whole other issue. but honestly, if he isn't helping you now at night with the baby, i doubt that will change when you go back to work. men need to get off their high horses and take there share of the work. it's not just a womans job but most of them think that way. but also think of how your mornings are going to go when you start back to work. is he going to help you get him ready and feed him so you can get ready for work? or do u have to wake up and do everything? if it's gonna be like that, then you might as well be single right? good luck, hope he grows up a little.... i feel your pain!!

T.,
i feel you're pain honey. i am a 25 yr old single mom to 4 beautiful babies. ages 5 3 2 and 1. I am single because my husband felt the same way and he is also 26. long story short now he is alone because i felt like i did it all any how what do i need him 4? well now that he is alone he comes over periodically to see the kids and help with whatever i need help with including staying late and getting no sleep if they are sick. it is sad that it came to that cause we were high school sweethearts. maybe if you're husband reads this it'll help wake him up a bit. if not good luck.
to T.'s husband: i worked a full time job while managing the house and four babies and then waited on my husband hand and foot. i hope you at least help her out a little bit and show her how much she is appreciated. they say men are the stronger sex but i doubt it daily.. she's exhausted... help her she needs you. please also remember we get cranky with no sleep :P

T.-
I am a stay at home mom and it's still hard! With my first child I was overwhelmed too! It seems like you get no sleep and you never stop feeding them.... well, all I can say is, it will get better and easier! When they are real little - like 6wks, it's tough... Do you have him on a schedule? So he eats every X hours? If not, try and see if you can get him on one...
sometimes it's hard! You have to listen to the screaming while waiting out the 20minutes till you want him to eat.... usually by 3months old they start sleeping like 6 hours or if your blessed like I was with my first she went to bed at 6pm and got up at 6am.... with my second, he was not so easy... he is allergic to dairy, eggs and peanuts (they did blood tests) he also had acid reflux but has grown out of that - he is now 16months. He had his days and nights mixed up and was covered head to toe in exzema. It takes time but slowly your body will start to groove with the babies routine and the baby will also start drinking more which leaves more time inbetween feedings. As far as the nochie goes - (I'm assuming that's the pacifier) you should try to have the baby go to sleep without it so you don't have to worry about it falling out of his mouth and him waking up. Try it during the day - so you won't lose sleep over it. Both of my kids would not take to a pacifier... I guess I was lucky... also, even though I'm sure they told you in the hospital not to let the baby sleep on his tummy - DO IT!
Not at night, but when you are close by during the day... I never put my kids on their tummies and they had a hard time learning to crawl... they hated being on their tummy. I know I am off topic and babbling but I can't help it... sorry. Good luck and just remember IT WILL GET EASIER/BETTER!!
S. B