I have a very good friend who is having some tough issues with her husband and is on the brink of divorce. They have an 18 month old and this relationship coming to and end would be
very damaging to them all, but they don't see any other option. They have been to couples as well as individual therapy and it doesn't seem to be helping. They are looking for some sort
of intense workshop or intense couples counseling in the Bay Area. The only specific thing she has in mind is that it is NOT communications/ tool
based, but something that gets deep into the meat of their problems. They need something that is going to really put mirrors up for both of them in order to honestly reevaluate their relationship
and see if it is possible to reestablish it. Anyone know of anything intensive like this they can recommend?
I dont know a single couple thay has benefited from therapy. Have them call the Dr. Laura radio show 1-800-DRLaURA. She has great insight and resources to help - is very pro family! And really wants what is best for the kids!
Landmark Forum is a great resource for them to work on themselves and re-evaluate their inner feelings, actions, relationships, way of living..... Everything! It's not really "marriage" or "couple" focused and I recommend they do it seperately.
You are a good friend to help out. Most friends would just stand on the sidelines watching the relationship deteriorate. It is so hard for the couple to see light at the end of the tunnel when they are in the heat of such anger and resentment. Keep with it...every couple goes through bad periods and family and friends need to be there to encourage the couple to stay strong..this hateful time will pass and there will be love once again. Thank God, in both of their marriages, there was at least on person who refused to give up. Now, they are both happily married and have worked out their differences. No marriage is perfect and the grass really isn't greener on the other side..all marriages go through these very tough times.
Hi Dawn,
Congratulations on having such a big heart that you want to help your friend this way.
I recommend a technique called "emotionally focused therapy." It exactly fits the bill you describe, having each person focus on themselves, their emotional patterns and needs.
I don't know where your friend is, but I can recommend two very good therapists practicing this technique in Mountain View.
Also, there is a website that can help locate practitioners here:
http://www.eft.ca/home.htm
Feel free to email me if you'd like my personal recommendation. My husband and I have seen one of these therapists since before we were married and have learned so much about ourselves and our relationship through the process. It has enriched our lives and helped our marriage many times.
John Neal, PhD, in Palo Alto, fits this criteria.
Look for counselors or workshops acquainted with the Gottman Institute:
They can also try collaborative divorce.
In other words, if one party is resistant to being honest or productive in counseling, maybe they should not waste the family time or finances trying to reestablish something that is already finished.
Sorry to hear your friend is going through this. Sending very best wishes her way, and yours too. It's a tough situation and hard sometimes for those in it to ask for help; glad you did.
