Hi mom,
I was talking to a friend about this who doesn't have kids and decided to write here for some guidance.
We hired a 14 y/o neighbor as a mother's helper. Her mom brought her some time ago and it appeared to me she got in trouble so the mom wants her working while she's working herself.
She also told her next yr she either goes to heritage christian or homeschool so this leads me to believe there was some problem...
Either way, we were hesitant cos it seemed like she wasn't really doing it from her own free will but were desperate for some help.
At first I thought she was kinda dry towards my daughter, who is 21 months but I thought, well they're strangers....
Well, my husband witnessed it and decided to fire her... I just have never had a sitter before and didn't know if we're expecting too much.
THis is what we saw - my dd sat on her lap for her to read her a book and the girl didn't even look, she simply looked at the TV. We turned the TV off and asked her to go to the basement to play. My dd came up crying hysterically and the sitter said she just freaked out - that doesn't happen - so my dd just came running with tears - not a fit - and sat on my lap facing me and hugged me tight.
I thought oh it's the new person bla bla...
So the next day I sent her down to the basement again BUT my video cam was there so I could watch them.
She sat my daughter on top of the pool table, turned on nikelodean and played with the baby a little but mostly watched TV. When my daughter would ask her for toys and would want to play by making the anima's sounds, she'd say moo and hand her the cow and then look away - disinterested completely.
Last, I opened the door, gave her books and said, read to her and play with the blocks, show her how to build something - thinking maybe she lacks ideas.
So...she said yea and DID NOTHING!! My daughter went to sit by the blocks waiting for her huggung her bear and she eventually went and sat next to her but never played!!
I noticed my daughter got very anxious around her trying to get her attention so now I'm so discouraged...
Am I expecting too much from a 14, almost 15 yo??
She's very playful with the baby boy, maybe she prefers babies or boys...??
Thank you for any feedback
No this is not normal behavior! Maybe this girl doesn't understand what it means to be an older sibling?! Does she have any sibs? She is definately not sitter material or even playmate material. It sounds if she needed a sitter herself, and you seemed like a safe alternative.
I do not think you are expecting too much at all. I would have fired this girl as well. We have a fifteen year old babysitter that we use from time to time and she is excellent with our son, hugs him, plays with him etc. She actually gets disappointed if she is sitting for us on a night where I have already put him to bed and she cannt hang out with him. I think your first sign was the "trouble" she has been in, if was very nice of you to give her a chance but it didnt work out and you shouldnt beat yourself up over it because the girl is either weird or totally not in to kids at all. Good luck.
Get her out as fast as you can. You're on the right track with questioning her behavior. Completely inappropriate behavior for a helper. In addition, she is being emotionally abusive to you daughter. She is teaching her worth at an early age...kids at any age pick up on that. If she treats your daughter as she does, your daughter may get conditioned to act out to get attention. I wouldn't trust my daughter with someone who doesn't want to be there. Some teens that age are not yet mature enough to empathize with how their choices affect others. And it sounds as if she has her own issues to take care of. Your issue is your daughter's care and you shouldn't have to sacrifice your main priority to take care of other parent's issues. It sounds as if they need to spend more time with their child? I would say that it could be an opportunity to teach her appropriate interactions with your child...and at the same time, you're right...you deserve to have a helper that you don't have to worry about ...one that you can trust. She is her parent's issue...your daughter is yours.
hello!!?? she put her on top of a table and then ignored her? yeah, that's very IRRESPONSIBLE!!! what if she fell off?
are you paying her? you are her boss and you need to make it clear what you expect. i think you should talk to her very frankly about it and set some rules. like NO TV when she's babysitting, and she has to pay attention to your kid and interact with her. tell her you are disappointed and hesitant and let her know where she stands. i think giving her another chance would be a better learning experience for her than to fire her right away, so she'd have a chance to try again........ but what is most important are your kids needs.
teenagers can be awesome babysitters-- sometimes better than adults because they're not afraid to be goofy. but they are immature and lazy in making themselves do things. so you need to let her know what you expect when she's at your house.
i don't think that is too much to ask from a 14 year old at all, but it may be asking too much from any child that is forced into a situation they don't want to be in.....glad you got her out though, no reason to put all that on you and your kids
GAH! From what you said, I sure wouldn't trust her alone with my kids. Not being attentive around small children can be dangerous. Plus, if she is there because she has to be and not because she cares, and doesn't care even enough to hide it, then there is a problem.
Even one red flag is too many when it comes to your kids. Especially when your kids are not old enough to communicate what happens to them. I would also keep the nanny cams on as long as she is with your daughter alone.
If I were you, I would tell the girl it just isn't working out and then go about finding a more attentive, less aloof person. From what you have written, she sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hi M.,
No this is not normal behavior id find someone else and fast....i would not put your dd in this type of situation just to help out a 14 yr old girl. They either have a maternal instict at this age or they dont...dont wait to find out how serious it is, sure a baby is easier to ignore and play with when she wants too but is that what you really want and your other dd shouldnt suffer or be ingored because this girl clearly isnt ready....good luck!
You are 100% right in firing her! We've always hired our sitters at the age of 13, that way they are around for a while, but we've NEVER had a 13 year old that acted the way your sitter does. Your husband did the right thing!
S.
She's a preteen being FORCED to do something she doesn't want to do you said it yourself, while i don't think she should be watching anyones children, i do totally understand her behavior, but it's very likely the same behavior that got her into this mess to begin with. It most certainly isn't your job to punish this child, and most certainly not a the expence of your own children's well being, so letting her go was probally the bes thing you could do.
No way! Some girls just don't have it when it comes to watching little kids. Others are excellent just by nature. I had a 13 year old mother's helper last year and she was wonderful with my kids. I think you need to find someone else.
As long as she wasn't verbaly rude to your child. i don't see it as being odd behaviour for a 14 yr old. Most 14 yr olds do have short attention spans. But, your child does need more attention than someone who just watches tv and just makes sure he/she has supervision. Then, again you get what you pay for. Most Daycare providers charge more because they have experience and are expected to mentally stimulate your child. And hiring someone unesperienced is good if you need to save money just as long you feel your child is safe and happy.
Oh boy... my response is going to be risky as it appears to go against the grain of the common thread of responses here:
M., I would, like you, feel angry, frustrated, and concerned about the style of care this young gal is bringing and I, too, would act accordingly to find a different care provider for my precious young ones when faced with concerns for their safety.
However, the young teen here is exactly that.... young (whether emotional, or otherwise). It sounds like she's getting a bashing here on mamasource; how would she feel if she read these very negative responses about her? A future mother, herself?
Although I have the privilege to communicate, find comfort and support at this venue and that I appreciate that we mom's MUST protect our childrens' innocence, I am compelled, at large, to understand why this sitter isn't cutting it as a mama's helper (for her very own reasons/issues). We ALL have issues AND we ALL need support to grow through them and find resolve.
Geez, by taking a prevalent tone of harshness we really may miss the opportunities to assist anybody. Educate, empower, and inspire with a tone of love and understanding (with good boundaries) and see the potential positive results!
