Is This Email Trend Rude or Just Modern?

to M. it seems like constant ability to interact makes people not interact as much.

i am guilty of this sometimes.

i read a text and think ohhh I cant think of a good response I'll respond later and then oops completely forget.
if someone kept texting though I couldnt imagine not responding.

my email is filled with so much junk i'd rather a text

ETA the good old days you are referring to was also when people could watch tv or go for a walk and not be bothered...now everyone wants immediate responses because people have cell phones all of the time..sometimes its tiring

I am seeing this trend too. It's very sad.

I ended up unliking people because of this. The message their lack of replying means that they don't want to be friends... at least that's how I see it.

Sad!

I agree with most of what you said except, why do people complain about people not returning messages when no one seems to call each other?

I hear a lot of people complaining about this and I always ask, why didn't you call them? I mean if you can text clearly you have their phone number....They always look at me like I have two heads for suggesting something so outrageous.

An invite requires an RSVP, which means "respond, please", regardless of the ability to attend. So that, IMO, was different. That was owed a response because of the nature of the email. IMO, people who do not RSVP are rude.

I respond to work emails quickly where warranted, and depending on the question, I might say, "I have to look into this" or "here is your answer". Not all of them need to be responded right away. I try to respond to friends in a day or two, which has been my norm, so people know what to expect. More timely questions are asked via phone or text.

What drives me nuts is when I contact someone and it requires a response and there's no response. My stepson hates talking on the phone and rarely picks up when I call. So I text him. I asked him very specifically, "When are you coming home? Your little sister is asking about you." He's said for days now that he'll be here...but I guess he's having too much fun with friends. He can't even tell me "I don't know yet". I get NOTHING. I'm pretty irritated. But when it's something he wants from me, he wants a quick response. So I think part of it is selfishness. If it suits people (I am 35 and everybody is different) they WILL respond. It just doesn't suit them. And I think that's rude.

SS? He'll be buying his own food/eating leftovers. I'm in for the day and not going to buy extra food because he finally decided to grace us with his presence. Maybe if he responded to attempts to communicate he'd get more consideration.

(FWIW, my DH hates texts. He will often respond to texts by calling back. But he's also a lot more social overall. Introverts like me don't mind texting so much.)

Here is how I see it, for whatever it is worth.
If you are of the generation that started life in the working world without the benefit of constant email and 24/7 online access, then it IS a lot easier to ignore an email, when you would have otherwise expected a phone call. Or a mailed invitation. Email seems so much more...... casual. And so much LESS.... official.

If you are NOT from the generation that actually spoke verbal words to another person in order to communicate (i.e., everything is conveyed via email or text) then EVERYTHING is casual, and you can ignore it just like you can not answer your caller ID telephone (if you have one at home) because you can see it is a telemarketer. The entire generation (with a few exceptions) is so much more centered on their own universe... not how they fit into the bigger picture. They carry around their own internet and therefore, they are their world.

Do I think it strange that some people don't respond to emails? Not at all. I know people who think emailing certain requests or invitations is rude all in itself, and so, on principle, might choose to ignore it. It's perspective. You see it as rude to ignore, another person may see it as an intrusive obligation and they aren't playing that game.

But... that's just how I see it could be from different perspectives. I am from the in-between group: it was brand new tech, and nobody even knew what a "cell phone" was when I entered the work force. They didn't exist. But when I left working to be a SAHM, they were becoming commonplace, mostly among the younger people (the early 20s crowd). The technology made the jump to all groups, but the style of use has stayed true to the generation who is using it.

ETA: just to give you an example-- the last visit home with my parents (they are 70), I got to hear a rant by my mother about everybody texting her instead of just picking up the phone and calling. She has unlimited texts, it isn't that she is counting the numbers and annoyed by that... she finds it dismissive and sees it as a lack of respect and selfishness to send a text when you could easily call and use your mouth to speak. And it doesn't matter that you only have time for 60 seconds to get the text sent, and not to get drawn into a 10 minute conversation... that just highlights her point>> people are disrespectful sending texts instead because it is all about "me" as the sender, MY time, MY needs, MY schedule. And she went on and on and on. 70 sounds really old when you look at it typed, but it really isn't that old anymore. And there are a LOT of people with the mentality that they hate texts and emails when not necessary, that aren't 70.

This isn't uncommon, unfortunately.

If you want a response to an email, text, or otherwise, you should include instructions that the recipient should respond. "Please respond whether or not you will be attending no later than ______."

To some it seems that "RSVP" means to only respond if you plan on coming. Miss Manners and I are appalled, but that is the way folks are these days, so we must adjust our verbage so they understand.

I agree! I have been so frustrated with people's lack of response. Sometimes I feel like to get an answer its like pulling teeth. I worked for ten years in the staffing industry and ALWAYS returned calls and emails. Now, I have noticed I can't get answers even after asking why I haven't received some type of response. I've also noticed follow through has gone down the tubes. I don't understand it either. My poor brother and his wife were calling people days before their wedding to find out if people were coming since they never even returned the stamped RSVP cards. How lazy is that?!

It's not just the youth. When my husband and I got married, it took me about four years and a conversation with his cousin to understand that they (this particular group of relatives) just do not respond to invitations. If they plan to attend, then they just show up. I will never understand that. They actually accused me of being a "goody-good" for RSVPing for every invitation.

I don't think that every single piece of communication requires a response, but if there is a question or an invitation, then I think that there is little to no excuse for a timely response.

I think that by sending the communication via typed electronic communication it is easier for a person to forget to reply, or to ignore it. I know that I sometimes forget to reply to messages, but it is not because I don't want to--I just get overwhelmed by the volume. But, a phone call? I have a much easier time replying to a voicemail--that's just how my brain works--I remember my friend's voice on the phone.

Perhaps start calling her--maybe you'll have to leave a voicemail, and hopefully, having taken a more personal approach, you'll get a reply.

Well, I'm 43 so we are definitely contemporaries. Hey, we came from the time when, if you didn't answer the phone, it just kept ringing (no answering machines/voice mail). Every call was answered and you had no idea who it may be before you picked up the receiver (so no call screening) -- at home OR at work. Technology has enabled us to become more productive, this is true. But it has also contributed to a peculiar avoidance syndrome. Hell, I can't even get my own brother to call me/email me/text me back. Seriously, I'm not joking.

When did people start feeling that it's ok not to RSVP/ return calls/ answer emails, etc? Are we all over-extended in our commitments? Honestly, I don't know. I hate to sound like an oldie here, but our interpersonal communicating skills have really gone down the drain. (I speak in general terms) I also think (and yes, I'm guilty of it, too) that it's easier to ask favors via email/text. I don't like putting people on the spot, personally, and so that's why I do it. Maybe a little fear of rejection, too (easier to process it in our private bubble vs. live feedback). But for sure it's easier/less time-consuming to jot out an email very quickly than engage in an actual conversation -- probably because we have to few real conversations w/ our loved ones these days!

Anyway, I don't have any answers for you, but you did give me an opportunity to vent right along with you. Kudos to you for not keeping people hanging in limbo!

Where I work - you could not get your work done if you jumped on to every email that came in the minute it came in.
I have to complete a task/report and THEN I'll check my email.
I DO check often - but getting my work completed and on time is more important.
All day long would be one long email fest and you wouldn't have time for anything else.
Besides that - we have 3 main methods of communication - phone, instant messaging and email.
Some people will only work with one favored medium - if you try communicating with a method they don't prefer - you won't get a response.
With my personal email - I only check it a few times a day.
If I have to think about a response, I'll get back to them in a day or so.

I think that the problem is that people expect instant gratification anymore with high speed internet and twitter, etc. The truth of the matter is, those people who send texts, e-mails and twitters all day long are ADDICTED to their phones. Those of us who are not addicted, aren't sitting around all day pecking out responses or texts to people - we're actually living life.

I don't own a cell phone; I don't do Face Book; I am only on the internet at work (even though I have it at home); and I don't have any text capability. If you want to talk to me, you have to pick up the phone. You say you don't want to risk a long conversation, but I don't want to be tied to my computer and e-mail all day either. I feel like you can just call me or work it out yourself but don't expect me to be tied to my e-mail all day long for your benefit.

Good question! I'm not sure it is an easy answer either. Technology has definitely changed our communication formats and I guess social etiquette at the same time.

E-mail - I pretty much respond to every e-mail I receive. With that said, I do not have a smart phone so I can only respond to e-mails when at home. Sometimes that might not be for a few days.

Test messages - I do respond to them all, but I might not respond immediately (e.g. I am driving or busy doing something with my kids). I hate having entire conversations via text though b/c I have limited text messages and hate going over my limits.

Phone calls - I definitely respond to them all as soon as I can.

One thing I am guilty of is not responding to Facebook event requests. In large part I think this is b/c they are new to me and I forget they are out there. Lately I have a new invitation each day. Ugh! On the flip side, I do feel it is less formal when someone sends and invite to every friend on their FB wall when they are having a pampered chef party or something similar. Somehow it doesn't seem very sincere to me when people I rarely talk to want me to buy something from them so they can get free products. Yes, it is probably rude not to respond. I did just respond to 6 party requests yesterday so I am working on it!

Not modern...just rude.

On the one hand, I do not agree that every e-mail/text/voicemail must be answered instantly. I'm sorry, but I am also in my late 30s, and when we entered the workforce, people did not respond instantly. When we got up from our desks to attend a meeting, voicemails were left and we didn't know a thing about them until the meeting was over. And everyone was okay with that. We've become like Pavlov's dogs, tethered to our iPhones to the exclusion of all else. And yet, we still feel the need to complain about people who are on their cell phones everywhere they go (at restaurants, movie theaters, in line at the bank). Either we want people to respond instantaneously, or we are okay with a delay. We can't have it both ways.

Having said that, it seems like your friend just "isn't that into you," for lack of a nicer way to say it. I don't think the issue is about her perception of normal communications, but rather about her perception of your friendship. RSVPs are important, whether it's for a child's birthday party or to an adult's gallery show. Even if it's bad news, a simple, "So sorry, we won't be able to come" is sufficient. However, your friend doesn't seem to care enough about your friendship to RSVP, or let you know she can't edit your paper, or any of that. If it were me, I might let that friendship go by the wayside, in favor of those friends who do value the connection you have with them.

There are two separate things going on here, A.. One is most certainly the 'mode' of communication these days; the other is the relationship with your friend.

Because you didn't ask for advice specifically about the friendship, I know you are a smart chickie and will if you want it.:)

In regard to the technology: a dear thinky friend and I had a conversation about this a while back. We both agree that it really does hearken back to Marshall MacLuhan's assertion that "the media is the message". That is to say, our choice of mode of communication says a lot to us about how important something is. The more important a matter is, the more personal the communication should be, in my opinion. Some of us don't have smartphones and don't live on our computers. When it's very important to me, I call someone. Not text or email--call. (However, I've also noticed that there's a fundamental disconnect with my own sense of communication etiquette and that of the younger generation.)

I don't text. I don't tweet. I do call, however, if it's important. One thing I like to remember when asking someone for a favor is that it behooves the relationship to have that sort of obligatory conversation with the person. That might seem a bit of a strategic statement to make, however, it also helps me know if I'm asking the right person for the favor. Sometimes I can hear in a person's voice or conversation that they are busy or stressed, and I can then decide if I want their help, or if it's going to be more work all round and I'm better off making another plan. Once again, the more direct the approach, the better off I am.

I am changing my answer, (I'd suggested a book on this problematic communication) but also want add that I really agree with Victoria W below. The level of self-centeredness the technology accommodates has me worried for the next generations. What happens to intimate relationships and communications when people can just blast information out to one and all?

There are times where I think I have answered. There are times where it has to wait for an answer and then I forget. There are times where I just have nothing to say.

If it's really important..pick up a phone and call me.

No, it's rude. But is there a possibility she didn't see the emails? If you know she is on FB, how about sending her the message on FB? I think sometimes it's harder to ignore FB messages than emails.

I think now you know what kind of person this friend is, so you don't rely on her for anything important. Did you ask her if she got your emails? I think you should be direct.

And yes, if it's really important, phone calling should be at least attempted, although some people ignore those too.