Is This Depression?

You are doing great - just remember that you are always going to be alright, no matter what -

My rule is if I feel like i am taking things out on my kids - no matter what the situation is - its time to change how 'I' deal with whatever is happening.

You may have a touch of post-partum. After my first daughter was born I felt fine, was getting used to being a new mom and then about 3 months later everything closed in on me. The responsiblity of the baby with the rest of the household stuff and returning to work part time. The biggest thing I learned with my second daughter was take care of you!!! When the baby naps you nap. If your man is willing, let him do some of the chores around the house while you spend fun time with the baby. Remember the laundry, dishes, etc can wait a little longer. See if your man will take the baby for a ride in the car or to is parents so you can get some stuff around the house done. It amazing how much you can get done without others around!! The biggest thing is remember you, alot of people depend on you.....especially your little one.

this is normal i went throught the same thing my husband work long hours my baby is now 19 months and sometime she only gets to see her daddy on the weekends i know what you are going through when you get all upset like walk away from the baby calm down a little and deal with whats going on if you stress the baby will stress and it will make being a mommy ALOT harder

J.,

I think what you are describing could be normal, but I would encourage you to call your family doctor to discuss this in more detail. If you are suffering from some postpartum depression or any depression for that matter, it is very important to talk to someone and start some kind of treatment (medication, counseling, or both).

That being said, I am a mother of two very young children. Up until recently, my husband travelled a lot for weeks at a time. It is very hard to be home alone with a baby all day, especially when you are new at being a mom. You've only been doing this for four months--everything is so new and it can be very overwhelming in the beginning. Your fiance is your partner, your friend, your baby's father, and your helping hand--of course you are going to be upset when his day off falls through. I would also encourage you to talk to him and describe how you are feeling. Maybe if he understands better, he can help support you in other ways even if he can't physically be there.

As far as the baby crying, I know how you feel. My daughter screamed for the first five months of her life until she was finally diagnosed with reflux. It wears your nerves thin. My only advice to you is to hand the baby to your fiance or put him in a safe place like his crib when you feel the urge to yell coming on. Step outside to calm down or scream into your pillow. Take a walk if your fiance is there to care for the baby. Go to a quiet place and write down your feelings. Try to find a way to release that frustration without yelling at the baby.

Good luck to you.

J.,

I was just recently diagnosed with depression and was having symptoms similar to what you are experiencing. I was very short with everyone and if one thing in my families plans changed I would freak out and start crying. I was short with everyone from my husband to my 2 year old son. It was getting so bad that my son's behavior was reflecting my constant unhappy mood. I would strongly suggest that you go see your doctor. I really believe that I have been depressed for a long time (probably since shortly after my son was born), but I didn't realize it. I wish I would have got help much faster than I did.

First, congratulations! My son is 4 months also. I am 29 and married to a great man. He doesn't really understand all that I do at home with the baby all day and sometimes works late too. Being a new mother is very hard and sometimes frustrating. You can always lay your baby down in his crib for a few minutes and let him cry. My doctor had to tell me that a baby has never died from crying! If you need a moment, take one. Have a friend come over or something. I nap when the baby naps and let the housework go. I figure, if I am happy and rested, it will be better for everyone. Sometimes, I just pack up myself and the baby and visit friends to get out of the house. Nobody will ever understand what you go through or know your baby better than you. I was a first grade teacher for 7 years in the city and prided myself on being cool, calm and patient but there have been many times that I cried right along with the baby and got upset at him. Our son is almost 5 months and it is getting so much better. Just be sure to talk to your doctor if you have thoughts of hurting yourself or the baby! Motherhood is emotional!! Cry, laugh and be sure to make time for yourself, you might really have to make time!! Good luck and know that you are not alone!

J. I would call the doctor and take to him. It does sound like you may have post pardum deppression. If you feel that you are yelling at your son for no reason at all call a friend or family member over and talk with them. You also need a break so maybe if someone comes over you can get a little time to go an take a nice bath to help yourself unwind and get your composure back so you are more in control of yourself. You also need to talk to your fiance and tell him how you feel he needs to understand what is going on with you and on his days off start to help with your son. Please call either your regual doctor or you OB they can help you with this. It is stressful being a full-time parent. I hope that things get better for you.

Go to your doctor. Having a baby is a big change and though everyone portrays it like it is supposed to be all rosy and wonderful, it is very hard and overwhelming. You need all the support you can get. Join any groups you can and find moms in your area - believe me, once you get out you'll see you are not alone.

As for your fiancee, it is a change for him too, so instead of "yelling" your frustrations, talk about it. I'm sure you're both feeling more than a little stressed. First though, SEE YOUR DOCTOR. Sometimes medication helps, sometimes therapy. BUT GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR. Once I did, I wish I had gone sooner because I went down a deep hole that was very hard to come out of. My husband is in the military so I was constantly alone with our children. I wish you the best. Good luck.

Hi, my name is K.. My son is now 3. I went through the same thing. His father was never home. I cried all the time and felt like I was taking it out on my son. I was not working at the time and I think that I lost myself somewhat. I did everything! I would try to talk to my husband and he would almost shun me off. He just didnt understand. So I started getting up and getting myself and the baby ready and leave the house. I dont care where I went even if it was to the mall to walk around. I had to get out more, for me. At night, as soon as "dad" came home and we had dinner and then I would say, "see ya" its my bath time. I would light all the candles in the bathroom and veg out. Try yo relax, its very normal to feel the way you do. You need to be strong and deal with your husband. Talk to him, tell him. Good luck, you will be fine

Hi J.,
I think,from your post, that your reaction is normal. I am treated for post partum depression, however, there are more symptoms. Of course this is just judging from your post. It is a good idea to talk to your doctor. Your doctor can better help you to understand what is going on if it is any type of depression.
Is there a way that you and your husband can come to a compromise on time issues? If his job requires him to work, that is something that you might have to learn to accept. BUT, it is ok if it makes you angry. As I write this, my husband is out working when I feel he should be home with us. But what helps is that I have worked very hard to make my husband understand MY issues. I pretty much told him that if he does not want to argue with me, he needs to see where I am coming from. He needs to see the changes that have taken place in my life and how important it is to you to be a family. When I did this, I asked him to dicuss what he felt with me. I told him if he wanted me to hear him out, he had to hear me out and not fight. I learned a lot about how he felt and that it was a lot different than I thought. What I learned was his biggerst fear...that he was afraid of being a failure to us. I also learned that I needed to be reasurring to him if I wanted him to be reasurring to me. Just be honest and open with him and try to make some compromises. As far as screaming at the baby...just don't. Try something different. Hand your son to your hubby. Walk away for a few minutes and vent. Or when your son starts screaming, pick him up and hold him...shush him with swaying movements and telling him that it will be ok. Tell your husband that it is his job to help with this...to comfort you and to help comfort your son. You are also young. Whether your baby was planned or a surprise, the change in your life can be overwhelming, depression or not. Your husband needs to understand the changes that are going on in you, hormonally...emotionally...physically. Even if things change, as did with us, you'll still have tiffs every now and then about it. Use it as an opportunity to talk and catch up with each other. Last night my husband and I had such a tiff (I also have NO sex drive). I pulled up some articles on this site and made him read. It helped him to understand a lot. It didn't change his frustration, but he understood me better. I hope that this helped you.

I would not call this depression but rather than frustration. It is not a good thing to take this out on the baby, it is not his fault. Your fiance needs to step back and take a look at what he has at home and make time to spend with both of you. I would suggest to sit down with him and talk this out. Let him know your feelings and find out his. If money is a problem right now, be glad that he gets to work extra hours. But he also needs to understand that family comes first. Your son will not always be little and his dad will miss alot. If it is only one day a week he needs to make time for both of you.
When you get frustrated take a minute to com yourself before picking up the baby. If he crys for a minute while you do this, that is fine. He will build up his lungs. But yelling at him will only cause him and yourself more pain.
Good luck and I will say a little prayer for you.

This sounds familiar. I'm not a doctor, but I am a manic depressive with an anxiety disorder. It definately sounds like depression. Call your OBGYN and explain to them what is going on. There are several anti depressants that are safe even if you are breastfeeding. Once you find the right medication and the right dose you will start to feel better.
As for the fiance/daddy issue. Think about this, get a pamphelet on PPD, write a letter to him about how you feel (frustration, anger, fear, resentment that he goes out and does stuff and you are stuck with your son perhaps). Then give it to him. When you give it to him tell him something like "its just easier for me to explain how I feel this way right now. Please read it and come talk to me or even write me back". I know it sounds silly, but from experience sometimes the only way to actually say what you need to say is on paper because when you are talking the situation can get too heated.
Lets face it- we all want to yell at our kids. No matter how right or wrong that is. The biggest thing that you need to remember is that your son is only reacting to the tension. One thing that always worked for me when I got to the "breaking point" of wanting to start screaming at either of my children was just picking them up, walking away from what was making me so angry/sad/frustrated, going into a quiet spot and just cuddling them. Sometimes I didnt want to do it because they were crying and I was crying and I just wanted to quit and walk out the door. But I found that if I fought my way through it, breathed in that "baby" smell, and felt my little one "Need Me". I could make it.

Hi, normally I would say you just need to get out of the house yourself. You can only help yourself, you can't make your fiance change. Maybe if you start doing things for yourself you will feel better. Join a MOMS group or if your interested in losing the baby weight join a Baby Boot Camp class. You can bring your baby and get a great workout. AND exercise helps fight off Postpartum Depression. Another thing, try to understand what your fiance may be going through. I had the same feelings when my husband was working all day and I had the baby all day. He didn't appreciate what I did and I didn't appreciate what he did. Now I look back and realize that he was trying his hardest to support his family and that it was very scary for him to be the main bread-winner. When you have a child it is a much bigger load to carry. Try to be understanding, I am not saying he is right but try cutting him some slack and talking about it and you'll probably get further than yelling. I did my share of yelling and it doesn't work. NOW, on the subject of yelling, if you are yelling at a 4 mos old there is a problem. There is absolulely nothing that child could be doing to deserve being yelled at. You are that child's support system, you give him everything he needs, can you imagine what he must think when you yell at him?? My son had colic for weeks, he screamed for hours at a time with no end in sight and believe me I know that the crying can be frustrating. YOU need to walk out of the room if you can't take it. The baby will not die from crying. Take a minute, catch your breath, and then go back and soothe your baby. YOU may actually be making the baby cry. The baby can sense your tension and stress and it can cause him to get upset. This is something you should really talk to a doctor about. Contact your OB/GYN or primary care doctor and talk about it. They won't judge you, no one will, motherhood is a difficult and lonely time sometimes. Everyone has feelings like this. It takes a strong person to do something about it. Get help for your baby's sake.

Hi J. - there is a great support group that meets at Christiana Hospital on wednesdays at 12:45. It is run by a psychiatric nurse who specializes in post partum depression issues...My daughter is 15 months and I was like you when she was 4 motnhs old getting very upset and overwhelmed. Even if it is not PPD, this is a great group of moms where you can vent your frustrations and not feel 'judged'...Hope this helps - J.

I was in a similar situation with my first son. I was 26 years old and my fiance was a workaholic. When he was home, we fought. When he wasn't home, I was begging him to come home. I knew that there had to be a change and I wasn't willing to change this time. It was definitely his turn to change his ways. I made a pretty gutsy move and took the baby and left. I sure wasn't gone very long before he realized that he was wrong. Now I'm not saying to leave him, but he definitely needs to have reality hit him. Since that incident between my fiance and I, we have gone to counseling, I have gotten on depression medication and we have gotten married and things are much different now. We are now having our second son and he's much better about coming home after work. Don't get me wrong, I still have to call every once in a while and remind him that it's after 5:00 and he should be finishing up work, but there isn't an argument about it anymore. Counseling is a really good thing. It made him listen to me and realize that he was hurting me. Good luck to you and make sure you talk to your family doctor about your feelings. Hope this was helpful and hang in there.

I went throught the same thing when I had my daughter and my son. it is called post-partem depression and i would recomend that you go and talk to your doctor about this and they should be able to give you something to help with this. it is normal and i wouldn't feel ashamed about it. Good luck with everything.

I invite you to join The Buoy for Perinatal Blues Online Community!

Women & families need a buoy to hold onto during the difficult journey until they can see the beacon of light that will indeed shine.

By joining the community, you can help other women by sharing your blog and so much more...

http://ppdbuoy.ning.com/

I look forward to seeing you there.

Warmly,

T. L.