Is This Considered Cheating?

Well, if you have to ask...you clearly don't trust him.

Look, something is amiss. He is looking outside of his marriage, for some kind of thrill. Does that mean, he will have sex with someone, or become emotionally attached. Who knows? Clearly, this is something that seriously needs to be worked out and talked about. Why not go to counseling, before you get attorneys? Or, does this marriage just not mean that much to you?

That was flirting, whether or not he has or will cheat, don't know.

You need to calm down and talk to him about why he is flirting online and how it is making you feel.

Oh gads, just had a thought after reading some of the responses. If he has a viagra prescriptions then he has erectile issues? Wouldn't it be awful if he was just using her to get in the mood for you and now you are all pissed. :(

not technically. it's right on the line, though. if you're really heading for a divorce attorney over it, i have to think there's more to the story. i'm assuming you two TALKED about it, right? what did you ask him, and how did he reply?
with this tiny bit of info there are all sorts of ways this could be read.
khairete
S.

You are so hot. If all the moms in Florida looked like you, I would never come back.

Should my wife divorce me?

I think you have bigger problems - and that is trust.

You count his viagra pills (which could have been used for self-satisfaction), you are ready to blow up a family over flirting, and I highly doubt you merely walked into the den (or wherever the computer is) and he said "hi honey, I'm chatting with a person who claims to be female, and claims to be a model!".

You snooped.

Beware when you snoop - you might not like what you find.

Perhaps if he had a better trusting relationship at home, he wouldn't feel the pull to flirt with others. Or another option is that in many marriages a little flirting is just accepted as part of human nature and not any intent.

Is he allowed to pilfer through your internet history too? Fair's fair.
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And who's fault is it for asking for advice and not telling the whole story?

Sounds like you don't trust your husband. Especially if you are counting his viagra pills before you leave the house and again when you get home. Maybe you both need to sit down have a conversation with a councilor if necessary.

does he need to take that pill even to "hook himself up" ? if so I'd assume thats what he used it for, and I dont see the issue with that. He should be allowed to please himself. As for the internet chatting, why don't you talk to him and ask him why he;s using it, how often and so on...his answers will give you the info you need to make a decision.
If he's simply using as a means for arrousing himself, I dont think its divorce worthy at all but you should both talk and decide what you are comfotable with
If he's on a dating site and on it with intentions for meeting someone my answer is still , talk and hopefully you can overcome it, if you cant see your relationship being healthy then move on
Divorce is not the easy route...I've done it, and unless there are major issues, flirting online doesnt seem worth it.

Well, it's unfortunate you came in announced and pretty much caught husband "rubbing one out" so to speak.
Did he take the Viagra in hopes of being ready for you when you got home, you were later than he had anticipated, and the Viagra helped him into making a stupid decision by flirting with some unknown flop supposedly in Spain?
IF you cam home and caught him reading Penthouse in the bedroom, would you be equally as mad?
I'd have a long discussion about online chatting/cheating with him so he knows exactly how much this has upset you, and maybe cut a deal that he won't ever be "caught" doing that again.
I'd let him tell his flamboyant story explaining how he was lame enough to get caught doing this, hoping he apologises for it and assures you it wont happen again. Getting busted "once" doing something stupid should not mean heading to divorce court unless your marriage is already in bad condition.
Don't make a permanent decision over a temporary incident.
Talk to him first. This might be an isolated incident, he got horny, got brave, and then got caught. He wasnt in bed with another woman. You guys have children together. You were all gone, he got bored and thought he'd try and do something he's probably heard friends do.
He may have wanted you to catch him, might be his way of saying he feels a little neglected. Men are dumb at communication sometimes and they do extremely stupid things on occasion to get ours.

I wouldn't be calling the divorce attorney just yet, but I'd be really upset. You had your doubts before you left, and you walked in to see some of them confirmed. Don't blow it off or excuse it. He may not have crossed any real, physical lines, but he is putting himself out there and inviting temptation into the marriage.
This would be a good time to call a marriage counselor and set a counseling appointment with your pastor.

I think there are other major issues with the marriage such as lack of communication and trust if you keep up with how many Viagra pills he has.

I also agree that he may have been using her to get himself ready for you.

It is time for a sit down so you both can work out differences and insecurities and hopefully learn to communicate with each other more clearly.

That is not cheating but it isn't appropriate and could be leading down that road. Does he know this person? or just someone he met online? If the latter, it is easier to put a stop to it but wiser if he knows her. You need to have a serious discussion with him. At the very least he is being disrespectful to you.

You already have trust issues, and so this incident raises some red flags but I personally wouldn't consider it cheating unless the two of you specifically defined it as cheating within the context of your relationship. The problem here is that YOU have a problem with it and therefore it really is a problem in your relationship. Is he aware that you check his the computer's history? With your past marital problems it sounds like he would HAVE to be aware of it and did it anyway... I don't know. I'm not so sure I'd call a divorce lawyer just yet, but I'd be having some strong words and calling a marriage counselor.

I'm not really sure how to interpret his taking a Viagra while you were gone, at least not within the boundaries of your marriage. If you suspect he actually physically cheated, then don't sleep with him until he's been tested for STDs.

It depends on your husband. Is he flirty? Does he commonly compliment and flirt with female friends?

I would be upset, but I would also talk to him and let him explain himself. In regards to the pill...you were gone for the night, he might have just handled things himself for the night. Especially if a pretty young woman give him enough compliments and attention to give his male ego a kick start. You do have a right to be upset, but you also need the truth. You need to knwo if this has been a habit with him or a one time "wife is out, bored out of my skull, might as well wander around online.". It may have been a case of male ego taking over. I like to refer to it as the "little" brain taking over, some men have a hard time thinking with both at the same time, it's sometimes one or the other. Admit it, it would be nice to have random attractive stranger notice you.

Take a day to cool off and talk to him.

Good luck.

Edit: Seeing this now, I see that this is a pattern with him. You have two choices, counselling or leaving. I hate seeing marriages end, but if he refuses to come clean about his shady behavior then you may be better off with out him.

The issue is that he is doing something you don't like. As a married couple, you have to compromise on things. If he is chatting with other women and you don't like it, then he should willingly stop. If you get invited to a bachelorette party at a strip club, and he doesn't like it, then you don't go!

You've hinted that there are some other major problems from your past. I think you have a lot of work ahead of you...you have to decide to fix it or forget it....

He was in a chat with her...was it video chat or box chat... with video or with out?

If he was just commenting on a picture that he could see of her then Im going to say he was flirting with her, I wouldn't be happy with the flirting since it was behind your back but I wouldn't consider it cheating.

Now if it was a video chat where they could see each other the whole time and a missing Viagra pill... I would wonder what he was doing while she was watching.... if she watched him "get off" then yes I could consider that a form of cheating. She was watching him get off sexually. Im also going to throw out there, I doubt she watched him get off since they were only to the point of him still telling her she was pretty and not any sexual talk when you walked in.

Maybe you miscounted how many pills he had left and there is no way I would know exactly how many pills my husband would have left ( if he used them).

My vote is along the lines of... all he was doing was flirting with her. Now if there was others, I don't know. If he used his pill with someone previous.. I don't know. But with this one girl.. it was flirting. I still think you should talk to him about how it made you feel though. He needs to be aware of what he did and how it made you feel.

I would consider it emotional cheating, and I think that would hurt me as much or possibly even more than physical cheating (if the physical cheating was purely physical - no emotional involvement).

There are definite problems here. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

yeah I would consider that cheating. Sorry you are dealing with a looser like that.

I think it's different for everyone, some might consider that emotional cheating.. Yet, many think that in order for it to be cheating, it needs to be physical...... I tend to think it can be cheating and or flirting..
Either way, the question needs to be asked, what is a grown , married man doing online flirting... therein lies the real question.. and I would also add, that anything that turns the person AWAY from their current relationship , then perhaps it's time to sit down and talk things through.. it's important that he know how you feel and vice versa. I also tend to think that by the time a person is caught, they have already "flirted" many times before.....

What the heck was he thinking. Wow ...I am thinking what I would do or feel. I would be so pissed and then wonder what the hell he took a viagra pill for!!! he would def pay for this. And the computer would be in the pool! He would be pleasing HIMSELF for a while after this stupid stunt. Because I am a green eyed jealous women....I would say he cheated on me.

you know there are some studies which show that once you begin using alternate methods to stimulate yourself sexually (other than foreplay), you cannot achieve an erection without going thru that process each time. My best friend made sure I shared this study with my older son. :)

My concern would be: why did he take that danged pill? When you combine that with what you overheard, then I would be seriously concerned! I do not think you're over-reacting.

Time for a heart-to-heart with hubby. I mean, honestly, what was the point in flirting so outrageously online? I'd be truly concerned.

My thoughts on cheating are this: anything you wouldn't say or do un front of your spouse. It's doubtful he'd say these things in front of you to another woman. So yes, this is cheating!! And one of his Viagra pills are missing???? Address this. Don't let it slide.
He sounds like a cheating MF'er to me.
I'm in the process of going through a divorce from a cheating spouse.
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Best of luck!

If my hubby did that, I'd kick him out of the house for sure. Divorce would depend on what he did next.

I really do not see what the big deal was. So what if he was chatting with a girl, was in he bed with her? No. He was probably fantasizing and masturbating. A perfectly normal behavior.

I think you sound like you may be overreacting but only you know the situation.

yup. theres no debate, or more question needing answers....chatline=cheating.

Yes, it's cheating. He may not plan to meet her (and she may not even be who she purports to be). But he's still emotionally cheating. It could be fantasizing, and as someone else suggested, the Viagra could have been to help himself along without anyone else involved, even online. How did he act when you confronted him? Did he deny it or justify it, or just admit it? Is he contrite, or defiant? Did he tell you he took a pill, or did you count them before you left? If you counted them, then you don't trust him, so there must have been something beforehand that triggered this - a behavior, a feeling.

So, I would see a counselor. Together if he'll go along, alone if he refuses. This will help you both communicate, or at least help you sort out your feelings and options.

The question is not whether it is considered cheating, but rather, why on earth is your husband doing something that is so hurtful to you? Marriage is built on respect, and clearly, this is disrespectful and dismissive of your feelings. This was beyond innocent flirting, particularly the last part of the comment. I really don't know any loving, mature, committed couples who would find this acceptable.

I am sorry one poster tried to make you feel as though you caused this by "snooping." While marriage is a two-way street with each partner bearing responsibility for making it work, one person doesn't "cause" another's bad, boorish, inconsiderate, childish, selfish behavior. And, I am saying this without even considering the blatant disregard he showed for you that is detailed in your SWH.

After reading your SWH, there is a CLEAR pattern of your husband "checking" out of his responsibility to be a respectful, trustworthy partner.

While everything in life does not require counseling, in this case, it seems you have been hurt beyond the point of just healing by yourself. Go talk to someone about repairing your own sense of self, and then decide what you want to do about your marriage. You may or may not want to work on the marriage, and it is unknown at this point whether your husband will want to do the work to save the marriage.

At the very least, do something for yourself, and go talk to someone. Also, in the meantime, develop other female friendships and interests. Maybe take a class on-line or at a nearby university. Do things that are healthy for you and that make you feel better about yourself.

I am really sorry you are having to deal with this. I do hope you will find support --- new interests and people to help strengthen you during this time.

Best to you.

J. F.

This is NOT your fault, you are pretty, nice, thin, whatever enough. It is HIS problem. Ok, you're saying he's done this before and it wasn't a one time thing. I will tell you now that this is a sex addiction problem which will NOT go away unless he goes to therapy. There are many groups that he can go to which are modeled after AA. Support groups are great so he can see that there are others that are in the same situation, or have been. He can see that others have lied to themselves that they didn't have a problem. It's serious, very serious and will not get better. I strongly suggest you go to a support group too, for victims of this stuff. Don't rush off thinking of divorce just yet. Do you love him, do you want to help him? Do you want a happier life?
http://www.supportgroups.com/meeting-directory/sex-addict...

Here's a great book to check out:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1568386214/ref=pd_lpo_k2...

Good luck!

Unacceptable and a precursor to cheating in a relationship with no prior issues.

If there are already trust issues & he has acted shady in the past, then I'd say that he's already cheated & is cheating, or trying to cheat now. No taken man should be talking to another woman like that - EVER.

Now, I think if you have to ask, then you already know the answer to this question. I just wonder why you are still with him, as it's pretty obvious that he's a cheater, based on your "so what happened".