Is This Behavior Normal?

I'll be curious to read what everyone else says because I haven't figured out these 4 year olds yet! (Mine just turned 4). We had a similar situation when my son was 2-1/2. Lots of life changes (newer sibling, daddy on extended vacation, daycare schedule wacky). And he turned into a MONSTER. I couldn't believe it. So after trying all the obvious things and he was so blatantly rebellious in my face. I realized I was NOT having fun and like you I was home with him- a precious thing! So....I decided to change things around and it WORKED! I showered him with love. I didn't punish, didn't scream, didn't time -out (most of the time.) When he got upset about a game, my first instinct was tograb him up in my arms, snuggle him and talk about it. Or, I would distract with a book like you do a one year old. I told him a thousand times a day how sweet my boy was, how much I love him and how he was being a trooper to go through so much. And guess what! IT worked, he settled back down from the "monster Logan" into the normal one and I was able to get into a new routine with my sweet boy back. Best of luck!

I would just like to share two great books that I have recently read that may give you some insight into your son's behavior.

1) "The Plug-In Drug" by Marie Winn
2) "Endangered Minds" by Jane Healy

If you really want to turn things around it will take a lot of work but will definitely be worth it!

Good luck!

I didn't have anything quite this intense, but at about the same age my daughter pushed all of my buttons at the right time. It worked out that I didn't let her go to an amusement park birthday party but her brother still got to go. I got almost a year's worth of value out of it where all I had to do was "threaten" a punishment and she took it seriously. I would say if you can tough it out yourself, follow through on at least one very serious punishment. If he says he can live without video games for two weeks, then truly say "OK" and take them away for at least two weeks. If you don't feel like he deserves Christmas presents, then don't let him receive any. Maybe don't let him open anything that day (either have nothing under the tree with his name on it, or just let his presents sit there until he has earned the right to open them) or maybe make him choose a more deserving place to donate his gifts to. All I know is that I had really good long term results by following through on one really good threat. Best of luck!

Hi N.,
I understand your feelings, I am a working mom but I do get plenty of days off so when I am at home with the kids they test me to no limits.
The most important thing you wrote was, "he is only 4".
I think sometimes we forget how little 4 is and with change kids do regress.
My son turned 5 just a few weeks ago and we have found that disipline was a power struggle that he would not let you win (or think you have won). My son, and it sounds like yours, are very stuburn and some of our paretning styles just don't work and can even make things worse.
Let me share somethings that has helped us and we even consulted a behavorist becaues of his yelling and temper tantrums.
When my son gets upset, throws a toy, yells.... He goes to his room - for some "quite time". All I say is something like, "you are angry, I think you need some quite time until you can calm down". He sits in his room until a minute after he calms down. Your son maybe like mine and will distroy his room while he is in there, and I found it better to limit the toys then to have to go in and take them away.
When my son calms down and comes out of his room we just let it go. Four year olds are not very good with time so a week punishment is not that effective. I don't dwell on the bad behavior we just start over.
The last and most important point that worked for us is positive attention. My son is a picky eater so I would let him tell me what he wanted to eat and he would help me cook. Then praise him for being such a great helper and what a big boy. He also ate better too.
So basically the theroy we learned is negative behavior no attention, positive behavior lots of attention.
Another thoght:
If he liked school, then he maybe routine driven. Make a chart with activites you will do over the day and include at your daughters nap time, mom and me time - try to read, color, playdough or just play action figures and be silly.
I also have a 2 year old daughter and my son knows that after she goes to bed he has another 1/2 hour to an hour of my complete attention for his bedtime routine. It gives me time to listen to his needs.

It took us awhile but things did get better.
I hope this helps.
Jen

Like another poster wrote - instead of punishing them for every single thing, shower them when they are good with compliments, snuggle with them, and give them lots of hugs. We all go through lots of changes. Well, at least most people do. We have moved 3 times already in my kids lives. They are 2 1/2 and 3 3/4s. My husband, their father quit his good job to become self employed with a business partner, that didnt work out, then he worked by him self for a while from home. I went back to work part-time after being a stay at home mom full time for the first couple of years.....etc, etc. Why do you think he needs to be medicated? He's four years old and sounds like there are so many things you can try and read about before going this route. It also sounds like he might just have too many things. It definately sounds like taking things away temporarily doesn't work because he knows he'll get them back. Also, why would he care if you take one game away? Have you tried actually taking them and getting rid of them and telling him, we need to start listening to mommy. We will now give your toys aways to good boys each time you act up or don't listen, you will lose a toy permanently. I'll bet he'll catch on. Sounds like you do a great job with making sure he doesn't feel left out after the new baby came. Does he listen to his dad and not you? My kids for a while after I started working part time would just get so crazy when I'd come home from work. I loved that they would run to the door and yell and giggle, "mommmmmy's home..yeaaaaay" and then they would just get so rambunctiouns and loud and climb on things and fight with each other and not listen to me. My husband started taking my older one (3 at the time) to the next room and saying, okay, we're going to have a talk and boy, she'd listen to him. He'd tell her that she needs to listen to mommy and daddy both, that we are both the same and then if she kept it up we'd put her in time out. She listens to me a lot better now.
Good luck to you.

N.,
My heart goes out to you! Although my son is only coming upon 3 I feel your pain. I myself am going through some of your same questions. He and the father and I are not together and I live with my boyfriend (whom we are soon to be engaged :)) and I noticed that his tantrums and rages are so much more than other kids his age. I feel like all I am doing is repremanding him.
I blame myself for not being more aware and focused on his needs but we are all trying to survive the situation. Sometimes kids adapt so well to changes and other times they are completely resistant to it.
I may not have any advice for you other than what I am trying to do with my son.
In those times where I want to yell and scream b/c of what he has done. I try not to blame him for his behavior and check myself and try to give him a hug.
Usually I end up in tears telling him I love him and I am so proud of him at how well he is doing (at whatever he is doing well at the moment). Sometimes it's thank you for hugging me. I really love it when you hug me.
I know this may not work with your little man, but I thought I would pass it along as a very passive approach.
Keep me in mind if you ever need to vent. I am curious to see what others post as I may very well need this advice in the future.
Take care~

I once heard someone say that it's not the terrible two's that are a problem but the f'n fours (excuse my language.

My son is now 5 but had many of the same problems. Books are great to read but I barely have time or patience to read books about correcting behavior. I also need someone from outside the situation to help me figure out what is going on. My husband and I decided to contact a therapist and it was the best thing we ever did. Now I can get help for exactly my situation and strategies to help change my sons behavior. Also it help keep my husband and I on the same page. It may not take too many session, just 4 or 5. The important thing is to solve this problem now before he gets older. I greatest investment is in our children it is much easier to solve these situation when they are young. Good luck.