Is There Anything Else I Can Do!!!

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Who does the weekly shopping? If it's you, then sit down with your boyfriend and MIL, write out a menu that you can all agree on and go buy the items. If your BF can't get on board with this, then you might want to consider what you are doing there. If he wants you to be a co-parent to his daughter, he should want the best for her. This includes diet.
As far as the interpersonal relationship between you all, you really should wait until you have a moment without the child there and then sit down together like adults and come to some agreements over who does what. Without some sort of rules your household will become unbearable for three adults and a child to live in.
Good luck to you.

Eventually, she will eat; however, your biggest problem is putting dear "mom" in her P.. That needs to happen right now before it's too late for this child! It is time to bring out the big guns.

First, your boyfriend/common-law needs to man-up. He needs to have a long discussion with his mother about this child. If he doesn't, then you need to take the reigns and let her know that this child is YOUR responsibility as well as YOUR SO's, NOT HIS MOTHER'S! If she steps in, tell her to either mind her own business or go to her room so she doesn't have to hear it. No if, ands, or buts, it's time to put your foot down.

What are you going to do when this child is 13 1/2 years old? By then, she will be older and she will start attempting to hit you or your SO. It's easier to get control over the child now than waiting 10 years from now when she will not be able to handle her.

I know this sounds harsh but I had similar family problems like this when my oldest was little. It finally began to hit her birth father that she was a problem child - with him anyhow on the few occasions he had her. He finally had to call me to take care of her one day when she was throwing a temper tantrum. I mean I got there and she was in the floor kicking and screaming because her birth father and birth paternal grandmother didn't have a chocolate bar. I walked into my ex-MIL's house, blistered our daughter's backside, told her to get off that floor right then and there. She was stunned to say the least. She stopped screaming, got off the floor, and then went outside to get in my car and I took her home with me right then and there. It was around that time when my ex realized he didn't want her around because she was too much of a handful. I told him it was all because they bought her off to behave instead of making her behave without a bribe and that was the difference in raising a child.

Believe me, I have ran across mothers & even step-mothers of children who have gone through exactly what you are describing. Each wished they had taken steps when the children were younger to set things right because as teenagers, there was little they could do about it short of letting the courts and a juvenile center handle them; however, the juvenile center system makes children even worse. They learn things in there that will only make your job as a parent harder so it is always best to start discipline early and keep it steady without any deviance from the initial plan. If your SO's mom can't handle it then find her an apartment with rent control based on income and go to social services to file for her to get assisted care in the form of a service to come out each day and help her. I am also legally blind and I have had to use a service a few times over the years especially when I first began treatment for lupus (SLE) and Sjogren's disease. I couldn't handle all the housework and taking care of myself while the doctors tried various drug regimens to figure out which one would control the pain and other symptoms and side effects in order to allow me as normal of a life as I could get.

If I can raise two children, keep a house running, care for a guide dog, and still run all the errands and such while blind and suffering from lupus and Sjogren's diseases then his mother can too. Don't pity her. She's blind, not dead.

Right now I am also in the midst of waiting for the appointment to have another series of mammograms and ultrasounds so my surgeon can remove a cyst in my right breast and hopefully find out if the others are cancerous or not. I really don't want to go through chemo but if I have to, I will. I just worry about how I will keep up with the house and my youngest daughter. My husband does a great job helping out as much as he can but he's ill too. He can't work anymore without fear of having another heart attack or having his diabetes get out of control. We are currently filing for disability for him. I can't bear the thoughts of his having to go under the knife enough. Once in a lifetime on life support while a machine made his heart and lungs work after a quadruple bypass is enough for me. I worried myself right into a lupus flare and nearly got hospitalized myself.

So no, don't take this from her. She is the grandmother, not the mother and while that child is with you and you are with your boyfriend/common-law, you ARE the mother of this child.

BTW, if you make sure she doesn't get her hands on any snacks, sooner or later she will eat. Either hide the snacks or just don't buy them for a couple of weeks. She'll eat sooner or later. Right now she is using food as her way of gaining control over you. It's time you turn the tables on her. Take away television, games, toys, and anything else she enjoys until she sits down like a young lady and eats her meals. If she can't eat her meals then she can at least sit at the table while you eat and be quiet. It's harsh but she's run off leash far too long. It's time to reel her in and do so in a way she will understand. It sounds harsh but in the long run she will be the better for it. If grandma can't get on the same page then grandma needs to stay out of it completely or find her an apartment and a service. It's as simple as that. Your boyfriend's/common-law's priority should be the best interest for his child just as your priority IS this child. If the two of you can't get on the same page and get grandma out of the discipline picture then you will never work out because you'll start to resent this little kid who will get her way until it gets to a point where she ends up running away and not listening to anyone and then it's rare if they ever come back from that downward spiral.

I've been there and done that. Even with my 2nd husband's mother, I had to put my foot down with our youngest. I gave her an ultimatum. She could either get on the same page we were on when it came to disciplining our child or our child was not going to be visiting or spending the night with granny until she could get on the same page. I was the one who confronted his mother, not him but he did back me up after he realized it was going to be my way or the highway for him too if he didn't fall in line. I wasn't about to live my worst nightmare that could have been my oldest daughter if her birth father had not stepped out of the picture completely along with his mother.

(My oldest is now a grown woman, a few semesters short of graduating with her first degree and thoughts of going back for her masters when she completes this program. She works full-time and goes to school full-time. She is also in the midst of planning her wedding, which is in August 2010. She turned out to be a great kid after all despite the bumpy start; also, her dad (step-dad but the only dad she's ever known, will be walking her down the aisle at her wedding. I can't wait. I hope he can hold it together.)

This is a tough spot... your child's father NEEDS to step up and say "Mom in our house we have rules and L. and I are the parents so please do not second guess what we are doing." If he does not step up YOU need to, this is YOUR child and it is ok to be spoiled here and there but it is not ok to be spoiled every day.

In the end if you feel it really is a big issue that is never going to resolve and it is harming your child then move out with your daughter. Do what you think is best for your child.

You need to get the child out of this situation immediately it will get so much worse if you dont correct those behaviors. If you cannot live on your own which I highly recommend that you do, then you most definitely need family counseling to make grandma understand she cannot undermind you. She will probably not even be around to see or be responsible for the havoc she is reeping by being passive with he child. You are your family's advocate and you have to take charge. I would first try to show grandma how much you love her and want to help her, be with her, then let her know the problems she is causing with the child. Let her know things have to change. If you have to split up, things might not be so nice, her blind in a nursing home, you guys in cheap apart with no yard for the kids. Together you can build a strong family that helps one another but you must have her support and complete cooperation as far as the child rearing rules. If she gets defensive at first, back off, tell her you see she is not ready for this conversation and try later. But tell her, yall do have a problem and it will only be solved by adult communication and cooperation.

I had to deal with this stuff with my 5 year old. My mom had guardianship of him for 3 years and when I got him back he was a nightmare. It took almost two years for me to get him off the brat train. You need to be firm. Tell your mom in law that she is not her mother and she needs to stop. Try and gently tell her that she moved in with you for a reason (being unable to take care for herself) and that she needs to stop trying to take care of Brietta. Thats your boyfriends job. And yours if thats the situation or role you are taking on. hope this helps :)

Move out and get your own place. You will never win with this woman.

Woah girl. Know that we all feel for you after reading what you're going through. I wish I had some sound advice. Sounds to me like someone else needs to be taking care of his mother. That, or his mother needs to stop giving in to the 3.5 yr old. Y'all are parents. She's the child. Simple enough. She does not need to tell you what she eats. You guys tell her what she eats, and so on with everything. My son is only 2 and went without dinner the other night. He chose not to eat what was on his plate, so he went without dinner. In your case, perhaps you need to compromise a little with her - "put ketchup on it, or "I'll give you more mac N cheese if you eat two chicken nuggets." But mostly, I feel like your mother in law needs to STOP giving in. She's not teaching that little girl a darn good thing. She's teaching that little girl that if you whine and complain, you get your way. I hate to say this, but if you called CPS, who would get in trouble? If this girl is really losing weight, then this is a major problem that needs to be addressed.

as hard as it would be i would have to say" we are the parents and we have the say, not you. this is how we do it and you will have to go along with it." if she doesn't want to go along with it there is always assisted live out there. if you don't get this little girl under control now you will pay for a lot of years to come. she will too. god bless and good luck. mom of 7, R.