Is Pushing Potty Training on My Son a Bad Idea

I think pushing for it will get you nowhere except stressed out and angry. I have a now 4 year old son who started using the potty occasionly when he was 2 years and 4 months old. Then he stopped and nothing would get him to use the potty-not even bribery. I eventually just took to asking him if he was going to use the potty that day and he always answered "NO" until finally one day, at the age of 3 years and 1 month, he said "yes" and we went from wearing diapers one day to wearing underwear with absolutely no accidents at all the next day. He even slept in underwear. I now have another son who is 2 years and 10 months and refuses to use the potty also. I firmly believe they are NOT going to go the potty until they are good and ready. So I'm not stressing about it and just ask each day if he wants to or not and I'm still waiting for the yes answer which will hopefully come soon. Good Luck!!

My son is the same age and is also showing interest in the potty. He doesn't always stay dry at night and doesn't alert me to when he needs to go or even when he has gone!

I'm keeping it very casual. If he wants to use the potty then we do, if not then we don't. That simple. I'm trying to make it a routine before bedtime to ask him, but that's it. I have no plans to start hardcore potty training for a while, but if I can help him learn the concept and the signs that he has to use the potty, I will.

I would just take it easy with him. Let him use it when he wants and reward him when he does. Buy a couple books about it and talk about it and leave it up to him.

J.

Just remember, the earlier you start a child potty training, the longer it may take to train overall. I can take a while for the muscles and all to develop. So it may be a while that your son will have some successes and some not. One thing I found is to let them practice going at every diaper change, before bed, when they get up, etc. Track him to see signs of when they will wet or poop, then take them then. Don't worry about your son not going for the rest of the day if he poops once. He may change his pooping habits with potty training. One of my triplets did completely.

Once you feel he's ready, do panties or naked and go for it, cold turkey. Time him and have him sit every 10, 15, 20 minutes, etc. He's going to have accidents. He may even regress at times. But as he masters one time interval, go to the next. Keep a roll of paper towels and Lysol wipes/spray handy for wet floors, and have him help in the clean up process. He needs to be able to pull his panties up and down on his own as well. Trained means "on his own" so you need to work him towards that. Flush himself, pulling panties up and down, climbing up and down, etc. Wiping is hard so that you can do.

Pull Ups are great, if you use them for the right purpose. They are too close to diapers to use during regular training. I used them towards the end of training. When we would go out, I used them just in case there was an accident, but I still pottied my kids often when out. I used them in transition for night training. When they showed signs of being less wet we'd switch to those and do the pep talk every time they laid down. Once they stay consistently dry for a while then I took them away to panties.

Night training will take longer than day training. Don't connect the two. Generally, children don't have control as easily over their bodies while sleeping, so it takes longer to learn to stay dry during nap/night. Some takes only a week, some may take up to a year to night train. That's ok!

You're correct, don't push. But also, don't over think and over analyze. It is what it is, training, and it takes time. Stay firm and consistent when full training begins. Never punish, but talk firm to let him know what he should and shouldn't do, and have him help clean up. I'd dry the pee on the floor and have mine use a Lysol wipe to disinfect the spot, then throw it away. Then go hand wash and talk about it.

You may want to think giving gifts for every potty success. When he goes 10 times in a day, that'll get costly, and also he's going to expect those big things. I would stay with a sticker or one M&M, something small but worth something to them.

Good luck!
K. B
mother of 5 including triplets

Hello.... there are a lot of theories out there and its hard to figure out the right thing to do, i'll just mention how i did it with my youngest son. he was about the same age. my older two boys pottied trained 'like the book' but at about 2 years 3 months my youngest son would kick, fight and say say, don't change me, leave me dirty' and i decided at that point, if he could make those decisions then he was ready to use the potty. so i told him that day, that there were no more diapers and i didn't turn back. i just put him in underwear and that was that. we had some accidents and we had to stay home and not run around for a few days, but after two days of this he was potty trained. he didn't like it the first day, and i'm sure not everyone would agree with this method, but it worked for us. good luck figuring things out.

P.,
It does not seem to me that you are "pushing" potty training, just offering the option.
It also seems that your son is responding to it normally: he goes sometimes, sometines he does not. He is still young to be conpletely potty trained, but if he likes using the potty sometimes, and obviously (because he tells you) he does not like feeling wet, he seems to be on the right track. I have 3 children and the training have been different for all of them, one thing they had in common: it did not happened overnight.
So, keep the potty available for your son, keep rewarding him when he goes, but act indifferent if he does. If you see that too many reminders upset him, let him be.
Good luck,
C.

Just for comparison....all three of my sons were around 3...the youngest was almost 3 1/2...He's in the gifted program at school....it sounds like your doing great by keeping it low key...good luck

The earlier the better! I am using elimination communication with my second son and he rarely has a poopy diaper! He will be 4 months old in a week. My first is 2 and is doing the same thing your son is doing. One thing I started doing was putting a picture he liked on the toliet lid. Every time I ask him if he has to go potty he says "NO!". So now with the picture (he sits on the toliet facing the tank) I ask him if he wants to go look at the tractor (his favorite subject now)and he doesn't disagree!

Yes....wait until muscle control is in place. Readiness is the key. We waited for our daughter...despite the push from grandmother and others. We relaxed and let our daughter tell us when she was physically and mentally ready. When she discovered a friend in preschool had particular character panties that were of interest, she came home and announced that she would like to wear character panties. We said she should let us know when she was ready. Two weeks later she said she wanted to buy them. Her dad took her shopping. The next day she put them on and she was trained. We did not have accidents, no rushing to find a potty, no constipation and bowel issues ever.....she was ready.

At this age, I would let him take the lead. If he uses it at times, that's great! If he doesn't at others I wouldn't even say anything. I feel I pushed my middle one too much, but he was almost 3. And let me tell you there are issues. My youngest, I let him go at his own pace and he is fine. He stayd dry at night from day one and he rarly has had any accidents. The only thing is I would make sure he keeps going at the times he is already using the potty. Don't let him get lazy and stop using it at night and before his bath. Maybe try asking him first thing in the morning too. Good Luck.
Jen

Hi P.

I know you may not want to hear this but... you need to leave it alone. Even though your little one may have shown signs earlier on of being ready to be potty trained he is not. Potty training should not take more than a week maybe two. This will only happen when the child is ready. This has nothing to do with inteligence it has to do with physical growth. If you push it then it becomes an emotional issue which it should not be. Also making poo and wee is two different things. Because poo is solid children react different to it and often don't understand where it comes from. I once saw a child left without a dipper on make a poo when he saw it he bagan to scream. To him this was like having a body part fall off. He did not understand that it is ment to come out. I promise you when he is really ready he will do it without stickers and you won't even need the pull ups. I never used any of that with my little ones and they were both out of dippers day and night within a week. I only started trying to train them just before their 3rd birthday. No stress no fuss. I hope this helps. Good luck.

P.:

I have 3 children and I have learned that potty training should be very easy when they are ready. So if your son is not ready (and apparently, he is not if he has wet his underwear when you tried it,) just give him more time and go with the flow. ENjoy and be proud of him on the days when he is successful; and on the other days, when it's not going well, it shows that he is just not ready to use the potty full time. It can take a long time to train and that's the way it is. When he is ready, it will be easy. Don't push it - it will only create lots of stress for you and him. Good luck.

L., Ambler, PA

Yes, don't push it, he is SOO young. My daughter still struggles with it and she is almost 5! If he wants to use the potty, great. Use the pull-ups underwear and still encourage the potty but DON't push it!

We potty trained our son at age two. We just brought my daugter home and I knew I had to be in for a week or two so why not. The doctor said to wait until 3 or 4 because he is a boy but I just did not want to be changing two diapers every couple of hours. We bought a little potty/he was showing no signs. We sat the potty in the TV room, made him sit every hour on the hour or right before or after he ate. He would recieve an m&m when he went. Finally he just started going and he was potty trained fully in about a week. We took the potty with us everywhere for a full month and make him go before going in somewhere. We also went right to underwear, no pull ups. I personally think they are a waste of money.
I am so glad we did it then. Now that he is three I could not imagine doing it now. HE just turned three last week. Now he is getting stubborn and can make up his up mind. I think we got him young enough where he didn't question us, just did it.

Wanted to add when he sat we made him sit long enough for us to read to him or watch 1 show.
I say go for it! Just try the underwear for awhile. It doesn't hurt, if he can't do it try later.

Check out diaperfreebaby.com-- it's a great site. Read through the whole thing before passing judgement, though. Then you can pick and choose what makes sense to you. Good luck.

I can relate to your frustration. I went thru this with each of my four boys. The behaviors you describe are typical ( hiding behind the couch to poop,etc.) You are right, your son is intelligent and knows, he just doesn't want to yet. I remember with a little guilt the frustrations I went through. I would suggest trying to relax about it a bit. Your motivation with treats is what I did. Also, when he goes, a LOT of PRAISE. My youngest son was peeing on the pottey by age 2 and not fully potty trained to poop until after age 3. Now he is a straight A student and president of his class.
Although this is a trying time, it goes SO FAST. Enjoy what you can.

I think it's important to stay relaxed. He's so young, especially for a boy to train. What I found helped with my two was reading silly kid books about the potty, especially a pop-up book called 'What Do You Do with a Potty?'. It made the whole concept a lot less scary for my son, who was 3 years 3 months when he trained. My daughter was so different...we read the book for a couple of weeks shortly after she turned two, bought a potty and bam, she was trained.

If I were you (and my youngest just turned 2 so I will soon be in your shoes!) I'd go to the library together and check out some silly potty books...it certainly can't hurt!

I tried to start training when my son was 2 - 2 1/2 and it just didn't work. My ped said it's more like 3 for boys. Which was discouraging, but if you try too soon it will just become a struggle for you both. My son was trained for peeing at 3, but didn't poop on the potty until 3 1/2. It may take awhile, but it is so great when it finally happens!!