My son is 2 years old and is a very mellow and easy going kid. He seems to get a long well with others. But i do notice that because he is so mellow that he easily seems to get pushed around by the other 2 year olds that we see at playdates. the moms of those kids are usually good about catching their child pushing and telling them to not do that, but it still happens. i understand that right now they don't know how to communicate well and so pushing is their way of communicating but it does bother me. is there anyway i can stop this from happening. do i stop my son from playing with these kids who we see at playdates? fortunately, he hasn't picked him this behavior and used it on his peers. one of the moms who i am closer with, her son has been pushing my son recently and though she usually will see it and say not to, he will still do it the next time we see him. i don't feel that close to talk about it with her, but is it okay for me to say to the other child, " don't push", when i see that happening.
also, there is another family whose 2 year old son also pushes my son and isn't very nice. but the mom seems to want to be friends with me, so what is the best thing to do in that situation. I'm befriending and getting to know other moms and am thankful to meet great moms, but i'm not comfortable with the fact that their child is pushing or hitting my son. so when i have playdates with the new moms that i'm getting to know, but their child has hit or pushed my child, and if their mom didn't see it, is it okay for me to tell that child, " don't hit or don't push". i don't want to create an awkward situation with the new mom i'm getting to know, but i don't like my child to be picked on.
is it appropriate to correct the wrong behavior of other peoples' kids or do i just sit or stand quietly if i see that someone has pushed or hit my child?
It depends on how you do it. At this age it should be more redirection than correction anyway. Saying something like "BAD KID! No pushing!" in a mean or nasty voice is probably not a good idea. Saying something like "please don't push, would you like to play with this car" probably is a good idea....
I always say something, esp if the other parent isn't seeing what's going on. It's probably the former teacher in me. I am not mean or anything. Just firm. Likewise, if my kid the perpetrator and I don't see, I hope the other parent says something while it's happening. I told my son that if another parent has to get on to him, he will get in trouble with me too. I want him to respect all adults.
As a mom of a two year old who has hit and pushed, I absolutely appreciate other mom's teaching him not to do so. As much as I try and stop him, and teach him to be nice to his friends, I think it helps when he gets the same message from other moms. Unfortunately hitting and pushing is common right now, but the more he hears it's unacceptable, and the more play dates we leave when he doesn't behave appropriately, the sooner these behaviors should stop.
absolutely say something.. It is your job as a mom to make sure your child is safe.. That comes first and foremost, it is impossible for others to watch their children 100% of the time and sometimes you have to say something. now it has nothing to do with punishment, I would think that would be a no no to do with other children but saying to them as politely as you can that we do not push each other or hit or just say no.. If he continues to do so and the mom is still not picking up on it then you bring him to his mother and say that he's been pushing, I'm sure the other mom would be grateful that you caught it. Most moms do not want their child hurting another.
Do not be intimidated into allowing others push and hit your children, it is not allowed and just telling another child that is not terrible. If a mom is annoyed by it then maybe you do not need to be friends with them. Do it politely and nicely, but make sure the child knows that it is not tolerated.
It is perfectly fine to defend your child - better yet, encourage your child in front of the other kid and the other mom to defend himself.
Ugh. I always hated this type of situation. My son was always, a sweet, fairly shy, "observer" type....not an "alpha/aggressive" boy at all.
He would climb the slide and when I'd look to see why it was taking so long, he'd be up there at the top, waving all the other kids to "go ahead" of him! LOL
I guess you have to look at things situation by situation. If someone is knocking him down, hurting him, etc., then yes--by all means--intervene. Really, the other parent should be doing it at that point...but we all know there are some parents who don't give enough of a flip to pay attention to what their kid is doing.
Otherwise, just know that he is *learning* through this behavior. And, yes, it's EXTREMELY hard to watch this happening to your kid.
Absolutely. I have a friend I have known for two years (our kids are 3.5). She just asked me the other day what to do when my daughter sassed her! My god. Who is the adult here? It takes a village to raise kids, and if you see something inappropriate, there is nothing wrong with nicely saying,"X, We don't push, we use our words."
In fact, I gave another kid a TO warning the other day because he and my daughter were totally ignoring one of my rules. He was stunned that I did so, but I have a funny feeling he will listen to me in the future. His mom and I have similar discipline styles, so he knew immediately what 1 meant.
Yes. You should absolutely say in a stern mommy voice (so he knows you are serious) "No, we dont push/kick/hit (etc.), that is not nice" and give them the "serious mommy" glare. If the other parent comes over (which i doubt they will) you stick up for yourself and your son. Dont over do it, but you definately have the right to stop the bad behavior - and young kids stop when another parent tells them sternly.
Dont be afraid to talk to other parents about the issue; most understand and will try to help the situattion.
Good Luck
I don't care about "right" or "wrong" in regards to jumping in, as a mother you have the right and duty to protect your child, and that needs to be your first priority. Don't discipline someone else's child, but it's just fine if, say, another child hits yours for you to go to where they are and tell the other child that's not nice and not to hit. You are protecting your child. If another child hits a child who isn't your own, then it's not your place at all. Protect your child without regard to the feelings of other parents who aren't correcting their own children who pushed or hit your child. If they're good parents at all, they won't take offense, but will make sure to step in sooner next time.
If the other mom is already addressing it, I wouldn't also say something but if the other mom is not saying something (didn't see or is ignoring it) it is perfectly acceptable to say something like "No Tommy, we don't push our friends". This is especially true if it is your child being pushed but be careful of the tone you use so the "mama bear" in each of you doesn't come out and cause a conflict with the other mom.
The short answer is "yes" because you're protecting your child BUT, it depends on how you do it. I think it's perfectly acceptable if you get down to the kid's level, look them in the eye and say something along the lines of "What you did was not nice. You made x cry. If you can't play nicely together I'll have to take x home." Keep your tone firm but don't ever resort to shouting at or hitting someone else's child. My other "rule" is to only intervene if necessary - like if their mom is not paying attention or if your child is REALLY upset. Often these little tiffs resolve themselves without adult intervention! Good luck!
In the new friends situation I'd tell the parent something like uh oh looks like J is pushing C as I headed over towards the kids. Then the other parent has a chance to discipline their own child while I'm headed over to protect mine. If the parent thinks pushing and hitting is okay, as demonstrated by behavior at the second play date, then I would NICELY tell the kid we don't push or hit. If nothing changes after that I'm not bringing my kid to playdates anymore. If other moms ask me why I'll be honest and say my child is taught to defend himself and I'm keeping my child from hurting the kid that keeps pushing and hitting him.
To answer your question, yes, it is OK to tell other people/kids what YOUR rules are.
For toddlers/moms, I would suggest, telling the baby (mom to listen in)if the mother is not doing her job: "You can play if you do not push, or share, or take turns, or whatever... sometimes you need to demonstrate (point to a toy and say "may I have it now, please") please go talk to your mommy about how you going to play with "X"(your son's name) and come and tell me. The other mom will be forced to follow up and get the promise out of the kid. If there is no cooperation- you'd have to say "good - by", I am sorry.
I had friend with her kids come to our pool in the summer and the kids started splashing each other and their mother in her face in my pool. My 4 y/o froze! It was beyond offensive and improper for him. She was wincing, turning away, bagging them to stop, threatening them - nothing helped. I observed this for about a minute and to save this date and establish ground rules I firmly stated "There is no splashing in our pool. My son chimed in "Yes!"" The boy looked at me and splashed at his mom. She whined "I am so sorry". I said, "No, I am very sorry", I looked him in the eye and said: " If you splash one more time you are going home, I am sorry if you decide to spoil this date and to go home so early without eating, and playing bingo, and getting all the treats". Surprise! He got that message. Mom later told me: "Thank you, I do not know what to do with them sometimes".
I always set the boundaries with other kids and teach my kids how to do it and I know that world is big and there are many more kids/moms to be friends with in case some relationships do not work out.
Good luck.
Hello, I am a grandmother now, so I have been through this many times. I would get down to the child's level and politely, but firmly tell them that it is not okay to push, hit, etc. anybody. If it continues and the mother isn't doing anything about it, take your child and leave. I have never had a problem with someone else telling my child/grandchild this type of thing. What I would have a problem with is if their child was doing this and they didn't address it until mine did it. Or, as in a recent situation, take it upon theirself to decide what is best for one of my children/grandchildren. We were at a dance class and when my granddaughter didn't want to do something (with a rolled up piece of equipment) because it scared her, one of the moms took my granddaughter and put her on the equipment. This is a class for children with special needs and my granddaughter has Down Syndrome as does the other mother's daughter. This was after she had taken her to do something else and had yelled at her for trying to hold hands with the woman and her daughter when the mom was holding her daughter's hand. Oddball. Anyway, I went over and got her off of the equipment and told the teacher that she was scared. It turned out that my granddaughter was not feeling well. She's only three.
Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on this. You will know when to step in.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.
I do.
In the most diplomatic manner, I can muster.
But I do.
Whether it is play dates at my house per other kids or at a public park.
IF a kid is being mean to my kid, I do.
BUT my kids will ALSO speak up.... too.
I do not just stand quietly and do nothing.
I have had this problem with a friend since our children were old enough to start playing together. Her child has pushed, hit, pulled hair, and most recently, I have seen this childs hands around my children's necks. That was absolutely the final straw for me and have not been back since then. I told her child that we do not do that and that it is unacceptable. She said she was tickling them. I've never seen tickling with both hands around someone's neck. Then she told her child that that is not how my children play and she needed to be a bit more gentle with them. Seriously? She's also yelled at my child for not sharing toys. I am all for someone else correcting my child's wrong behavior if I do not see it, but not infront of me. I will take care of that and I feel I would not respond to someone elses child if the parents are there, unless they are not doing so and I feel like they are harming my child, ex, hands around necks! Absurd! Just trust your gut!
In my opinion if a child is bulling your son and yhe parents don't put a stop to by all means say something to the parent first and if they don't handle it then you should, I have been a mom for 27 almost 28 years and a daycare provider for 14, and I am a grandma, 2 year olds can communicate with out pushing and hiting but unfortunatly they still do, my daycare kids hit and oush each other, but I handle it right then and there. Teach your son that it is OK to defend himself, We taught ours. NO BODY should ever have to take being pushed or hit by another person. J.
It's absolutely ok to say something to a kid if he/she is hurting your child and the mom doesn't notice, or doesn't do anything about it. It drives me crazy when other moms either turn a blind eye, or are too busy socializing to see that their kids are hurting others or acting like maniacs. If someone is bugging my kids or hurting them, I walk up and tell that child to stop. Some listen and some ignore me which shows what kind of parenting they have at home. If the behavior continues, we just pack up and leave.
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If what the other child is doing is putting another child or himself in danger I don't see a problem in stepping in if the parent isn't (they may not have seen) but some parents see this is judging their parenting skills. I use to work in retail and I would see kids stnad up in the carts while riding in the back. I have seen them fall out and get hurt. I use to say to kids. "hey maybe you should sit down so you don't get hurt." alot of parents agreed and told their kid to sit down. but some got mad about it. however I am a bit of a mother bear and would step in, in any situation where someone, or something is hurting my baby (he is 2)
It depends on what the "wrong" behavior is. If the child is physically harming your child, by all means, put a stop to it. You are your child's #1 advocate. If it happens more than a couple of times, you should address it with the parent/caretaker of the other child.
When my daughter was younger and we encountered violent playmates, I absolutely stepped in - got between the kids when possible - and would firmly tell the other child "no hitting" - then guide my daughter away from the child. Often the moms were sitting on the grass, apart from the playground, completely clueless about what was going on. If it happened more than once or twice, I would alert the mother and ask for her assistance.
The other day a little boy was throwing rocks at the park - his nanny was sitting about 15 feet away and doing nothing. He was standing very close to my daughter - I did step in and tell him "please don't throw rocks on the playground - we don't want anyone to get hurt."
If the "wrong" behavior is not hurting anyone, that is merely your opinion and should be kept to yourself.
My rule of thumb is I don't parent another parent's kid unless it's to stop them from endangering themself or my kids. In which case, yes I think your line is perfectly acceptable, especially if you then look at the mom (since it's your friend) and say something like, "sorry, does it bother you when I do that?"
Also, I suggest teaching your child to say, "Stop! I don't like it." Both my boys learned that by 2 and it's a great alternative to pushing back, plus it's also handy because it alerts you and the other parent that her kid is doing something.
If your child becomes a target, it absolutely is OK to say something. It's even ok to say something if another child is being bullied and NO ONE is there to defend them.
I have always believed that if you say it to the "two" of them in guiding them to play nicely, it seems to work out fine. "Oh let's not push".."oh let's be sure to play nicely so we can continue our playing, otherwise we may have to head home". Then a funny, quirky smile to the mom and saying "gosh they seem to get so excited when playing.." No mom wants to hear that their child is "not nice". Most take it as a form of "bad parenting" when it is simply toddlers and learning their environment. We have to guide all play even with my teens I have to manage behavior :)
Just my 2 cents so to speak after raising 4 children and my youngest is 4 and quite timid. I know how it can be..
good luck :)
I agree with the other moms here. If the other kids mom is addressing the problem I would let it go. If they aren't doing anything about it then, yes say something. My daughter is EXACTLY like your son. In fact in her class the other day some little girl (like a four or five year old) got mad at her for picking up something that she felt was "hers". So she pushed my daughter. My daughter seriously just pointed at her and laughed! She thought the other girl was playing with her. But, the other mom was all over it, so no harm no foul. Probably at some point every kid is going to push or hit another one. They just get so frustrated and that's how they react. Just remember your time will probably come when YOU are the parent that is saying, "Johnny we do NOT push or hit."
i haven't read the other responses but i am going to chime in with an ABSOLUTELY. they are two. your son sounds very sweet and submissive - he hasn't learned to stand up for himself. he needs to see YOU standing up for him, thereby teaching him that it's not okay for others to treat him like that. and yes, a gentle, "no sally, we don't hit, that's not nice!" with a stern face will be just fine. many kids are surprised at seeing another adult correcting them and will immediately stop. it is OKAY - especially if you know the mom is well-meaning, but just didn't see it. (be open that occasionally this may happen to your son too. it's okay! we can't see everything, and yes, they need to be told it's not ok to do that) as you son gets older you will have to teach him how to say "No, that's not okay, we don't hit" for himself (or whatever variation). it's part of our job to teach them that they don't need to stand for that. good life lesson!
absolutely correct other's kids behaviors! if they are doing something wrong or hurtful. don't be afraid.
teach your son to say "don't hurt me friend" that should get the point across. If it continues then I would address the group of children: "oh boys lets not push/hit" that way one child is not singled out. And you are also addressing your son (even though he is not currently participating) that we don't want to hit or push. Say it nicely too.
