Introverted Child

I was the same way as a child and overcoming shyness will always be a struggle for me. But, what really helped is to be involved in clubs, groups, and sports. Then, you have a core group of people that you are seeing a lot and can develop friendships with. The sports and groups like girl scouts help to build confidence as well.

Don't try to push your child into situations that she is uncomfortable in. And please don't let her hear you talking about the fact that you think she is "shy" or "afraid"...it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. Let her be the wonderful person that she is....if she doesn't like crowds...don't worry...be there as her comfort and her support and she will learn eventually. Let her become the person she was meant to be....you will never be sorry.

I'm not sure I understand what you are saying here, but it sounds like your husband would like to take your daughter to a birthday party for childen she doesn't know. Just because these are the children of his friends doesn't mean that your daughter should have to be interested in the party. Take her to parties for kids she knows and likes, rather than kids she doesn't know. That's what birthday parties are for anyway. If your husband feels that your family needs to make a showing at the parties for his friends' children, do just that... make a showing, give a gift, wish the child a happy birthday, but have "somewhere else we need to be" and leave.

R., I am the mother of 5, 4 of these children are the sample they used to create Curious George. The 5th child was always in the doctors office because I could not understand why is he so different from the rest. He didn't say much, didn't hold his own in a conversation - and didn't make friends unless it was one on one and the one that hid under a table when the sounds got tobe to much at a family gathering ( which could have as many as 70 people), or was in a crowded room and felt closed in. It turned out that he is as smart as they come but doesn't have the ability to seperate sounds and conversaations. To him when the TV is on, and several conversations going on and in general people have the ability to seperate the one they are in from the others, and maybe the doorbell rings--- it is all one sound to him.
It took many years of wondering why? when we finally found a doctor that figured it out. So appreciate that your child needs the exposure to other children and group activities but have it be a controlled setting until she is ready to be in a strange setting or even in a large group of children that are having fun. Most children do not even think they are mean but are playing and if TAG YOUR IT, is the game then touching someone is the way its done. Children are children and act accordingly as arule they just want to have fun. I wish you good luck on your adventure into this part of parenthood. Nana Glenda

lots of people are very uncomfortable with being thrust into group situations where they don't know anyone. respect your daughter's unique personality and preferences and don't force her into such difficult situations. let her have social interactions with one or two other kids at a time, and develop coping techniques in a manner that doesn't jar with her natural self.
khairete
S.

I was the same way at that age, and it definitely didn't help that I wore glasses and was on the heavy side. I had my couple of friends and hardly ever strayed outside my "circle." However, in 7th grade, I decided I was done with all that and tried out for my junior high volleyball team. I made the team, but what gave me the courage to do something I loved so much was 2 of my friends played volleyball with me. My 8th grade year was the ultimate turning point for me. Now, I'm 33 and while I'm not an A-type personality by any means, I'm outgoing in my own way. There are sometimes I still have to make an incredible effort to put myself out there (I'm a Mary Kay consultant), and it's made my business suffer.

My recommendation is to find something she loves and have her join a club (or form a club) associated with that love. Once she meets people who have the same interests, she may be a little less shy around them, which could help translate to the rest of her life :) And be patient. It could take a few more years!

Hi there,
I agree about the self confidence issue. Another thing that can help is to ask which friend she likes the best then invite the friend to have a one on one playdate. Provide safe and fun activities. Probably she'd feel comfortable enough to exercise her social skills with just one. Give her a lot of chance to practice. After she's ok with one then can add more friends later in to the date.
Hope his helps, good luck!

Many personality traits are genetic - meaning that you can't change them, you just learn to adapt. I am shy and prefer to interact with people in one-on-one situations. However most people would probably not think of me as shy or introverted. As you get older you learn to adapt. My daughter is also shy and I shared with her how hard it is for me to put myself in situations that are very social. I also remind her that while she might feel self conscious and think people are watching her behavior that, in fact, most people are thinking about themselves. I think there is a general feeling that by thrusting kids into new situations they will learn to adapt and, for some kids, they might. You have to think about the dynamic of the situation. Taking your daughter to a party of kids who know each other and your daughter knows no one, would be hard. The established group of kids, for the most part, may not reach out to your daughter to include her. So, is your daughter going to make the first move to insert herself into the group? Probably not. Start with one-on-one playdates and see if you can help foster some friendships.

My 10yr old son is very much like your daughter. I used to wonder what was wrong with him (of course I NEVER said this to him) and think to myself 'why cant he just seem to fit in with these other kids like everyone else does and interact as easy as all the other kids seem to do even if they dont know each other. I realized tho that he is who he is - not who my husband or I want him to be- but who he is and there is nothing wrong with that. I wouldnt worry too much about it.

Support and respect her as she is. I'm in the process of reading "The Highly Sensitive Child"--maybe she falls in to this category. There is nothing wrong with this, and it takes all types to make up this world--and yes, there are benefits to this trait. I remember being like her and my 4 year old daughter is similar. Praise her casually but don't push or make a huge deal about it when she does interact the way you and your husband are wanting her to. She is her own person and is perfectly fine just the way she is.

I have a child that can be like that at times. Children are mean. I wouldn't be surprised if she did try to make gestures of friendship and was turned away. What will help your daughter more than anything is to help build her self confidence so she can stand on her own. Once she can do that it wont matter so much about the other kids and she will actually start to get along better with other kids.