Intimacy Issues During Pregnancy?!

Congratulations, A., on your recovery from stomach cancer! Also, congrats on your pregnancy! I had breast cancer, lumpectomy + chemo + radiation. I relate to the physical changes! As you know, being healthy is more important than how you look. Ignore the "hair" issues - it will resolve itself. Your husband may love your hair, but he loves YOU more. Take intimacy as you feel comfortable, try new positions, times of day, whatever works for the two of you. Most of all, relax and love each other in ALL possible ways! Favorite coffes or juices, favorite foods, music, TV hows. Just enjoy being together! There is more to intimacy than specific sexual actions.

Best wishes on the new baby who is coming!

C.

Congratulations on your remission and your pregnancy! You are truly amazing!

I am 33 weeks pregnant with our 4th child (5th pregnancy). For me, my sex drive has been different at different stages during the pregnancy (and even during the different pregnancies). As far as men thinking a pregnant woman is more sexy is not the case with my husband. Don't get me wrong, somehow no matter my size, shape ,etc. I still turn him on (and I really wonder how, sometimes!) But, he just doesn't find pregnancy "sexy". I, on the other hand, feel more feminine and less worried about my weight (due to most of it is belly and baby, not just overweight) during pregnancy. Anyways, we actually just try to enjoy each other. That doesn't mean we have to have intercourse. Sometimes we pleasure each other in other ways (if you know what I mean). Also, we sometimes use toys with each other. It changes a bit every time, but we just try to make each other feel good. Now that I am huge (and I mean HUGE) and I am actually having cramping and bleeding after intercourse, we are stopping that. That doesn't mean we won't be intimate. I love massages, ANYWHERE on my body, especially now that most of my body is tired/sore at the end of the day! He tends to like for me to focus on massaging only a certain part of his body, but we "trade" and this works for us. And, there have been times when we have just taken a break altogether from sexual contact (sometimes because I don't feel up to it, or because of other issues from being tired, morning sickness, whatever!). Just make sure you keep close and intimate. When we are not sexually active, we make sure to kiss or snuggle more. You still need that close, intimate contact. For us, this usually ends up (within a few days of this) in sex. But, not always. Good luck with everything!

This is normal for so many women, honey! Don't feel badly, especially since your husband understands. My one friend, whenever she's pregnant, sex totally repulses her, in the first few months, sometimes the entire pregnancy. Once she's given birth and has recovered, she's back to her old self. So I think it just has to do with the pregnancy hormones. Just remember, this will pass.

I felt guilty the whole second half of my pregnancy with twins because I didn't want to have sex. I couldn't ever get comfortable and most of the time didn't feel sexy at all. My boyfriend always said that it was fine and no pressure but I felt guilty the entire time.

This may be a little bit of both body image and hormones. Your body has changed a lot since the conception and you are worried about what your husband now thinks of your body. Honestly men love a womans body when they are pregnant. Also, sometimes when your hormones get out of whack which they often do in pregnancy you may not want to be intimate as much and it is perfectly normal. I was very intimate with my first one but when the other 2 came along I was telling my husband to leave me alone all of the time. Also, you could be nervous about hurting the baby during intimacy which will not happen. Just take it slow and when you are in the mood you are in the mood and when your not your not. It is a perfectly normal feeling though so don't worry any. Congrats. on the expecting of your first baby!!
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10 yrs., 7 yrs.and 4 yrs.

Don't you realize how beautiful a pregnant tummy is? It shows fertility, new life, curves, and an enhanced upper half! Look into the mirror without clothes and tell me that you don't look great! Pregnancy, with all it's ups and downs, is gorgeous! Look at yourself, believe it, and enjoy your new body! You're creating life. Don't look at it as an expanded belly, look at it as life! I hope this helps you to feel better about you right now. Best of luck to ya, Shannon G.

Hi A.,
First I want to say that I am glad you are in remission and that what you are feeling is completly normal. I am a SAHM of three beautiful children two girls 3 and 8 and a 10 month old baby boy. Each and every time I was pregnant my sex drive was non-existant. I felt big, unattractive and tired all the time.I believe it was both hormonal and body image issues. I have never had the best body image, I have battled with weight issues most of my life. Before each of my pregnancies I was at a happy weight. After my second child I made a complete lifestyle change and finally felt great in my body, and surprise I got pregnant. It was hard for me because watching the weight come back on after I had lost it was hard, but it was worth it. Everytime I get down about it I tell myself that my son was worth putting on weight and that I can lose it as I did before. My husband was thankfully very understanding especally by the third pregnancy. Your hormones are going crazy and effect so many things. Do not beat yourself up about it because every woman I have known felt the same way. After I had each of my kids I did regain my sex drive after a short time. Just try to show your husband affection in other ways like making his favorite meal or planning a simple "date night". You never know it might put you in the mood, if it doesn't that is not the point. It sounds like he is a pretty great guy and after all you have been through you shouldn't let this bother you. Just enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to meeting the life you and your husband created out of the love you have for each other. Good luck with everything!

DONT feel guilty. I started to feel that way in my last trimester and we just stopped. Not ideal, but my husband understood. Part of the problem was that it was actually painful for me, but the pther part was the emotions. My husband was very understanding, and now things are back to normal. Good luck!

A.,
Congrats on the baby!!
Remember one thing: you're not going to hurt the baby in any way. Use this as a new discovery in your marriage-try a new position on your knees or laying on your side would work best with the baby belly!
And about your body image-honey if your husband wants to have sex with you, there's no problem! Just relax!!

Have fun!
Good luck!
R.

I am so sorry that you are struggling with this. I'm sure that you have a number of issues that you are working through. I personally don't have experience with your particular combination of circumstances, but if it helps, I'd like to direct you to a website that may offer help: www.family.org. It's the website of Focus on the Family, and they have a free counseling line that you can call for help. In my past experience with them, they have typically followed up my phone call with sending me some free literature dealing with the issue I called them about. It is Christian-based, just so you know.

In the meantime, I suggest that you and your husband continue talking with each other about this issue -- don't shut each other out by any means! I pray that the Lord will help you overcome your fears and discomfort. God bless.

hey A.
congrats on all thing even a good man because i good mad is there throw all things you have been throw a lot and he understands if you what to take time to relax get som rest. and i know how you fell our baby is one now we want to put the r back in or bed room and we have been married for three yrs but were so used to being mom and dad we for got how to be husbad and wife when we had the chance and that window is slim remeber that for when the baby come we start play games like write comment on paper funny ones and all and mix them up pick one and do whatever it say that will get ur mind of off thing and befor u know it you will be relaxed and having fun togather and take it from there i hope that help good luck and stay blessed

Position had a lot to do with it for me. We had to get really creative when I was in my 3rd trimester. Honestly, it's pretty normal to now want to be intimate during the end of your pregnancy. Try to ease into sex, have more foreplay. Sometimes you just need a little warm up before the actual event. And try not to think about what you think you look like. That was a big problem for me. Just relax and go with the flow. And a big CONGRATULATIONS on your remission!

sounds like what is bothering you is what you look like --- do any other women out there KNOW ANY men who CARE what we look like when they want to get under the covers? LOL

Forget it and enjoy the natural birth control you have right now :)

Try doing something to make yourself feel sexy, like buy some lingerie. They have maternity nighties online. I think that it's all in the mindset, so if you can get your mind there, your body will follow. Do something to make yourself feel beautiful. I'll be praying for you! God bless!

I would suggest you do a little self analizing to determine what is making you feel so tense. Is it your feeling of being unattractive? Is it fear of hurting the baby? Is it that the sexual act itself is becoming uncomfortable or painful?
Being intimate with your husband can be as simple as a back or foot rub, cuddling, as it can mean the actual sexual act. Be inventive, change positions around to make it more comfortable if this is part of the problem.
If it is your appearance: Try to remember (hard as it is for a woman to accept and believe) most men find all pregnant women to be beautiful. More attractive in fact than ever before, especially their wives. Believe me, he does want to be with you and loves you!
I was more interested in sexual activity during the last trimester of the pregnancies than I was after the pregnancies actually. I do think that part of it is hormonal and mental as the doctors suggest no relations for a period of up to 6 weeks (this was 26 years ago) or more.
I was not real interested in sexual intimacy for at least 3 to 4 months after my children were born. Mostly because I was exhausted most of the time from trying to adjust my schedule to meet the needs of work, home, child, and husband along with social commitments like dinners for his job, teaching Sunday School, and being one of the Junior High Church Group Leaders every Sunday night, getting back into an exercise routine, bowling, golfing, etc..
Congrats on your remission!
P.

Hi A.,
First of all, you're totally normal! I also work out and have long hair and like to feel super sexy, and with our second child, sex came to a hult when I was 6 months pregnant. To be perfectly honest, masturbation was okay with me, because I was horny (all the blood flow down there inside your body does that), and I did not feel sexy whatsoever when I was pregnant. I felt like a fat, lazy blob, which is nothing like my usual self. So, don't worry! After your baby comes you will feel so much better! Be thankful that your husband is okay with holding out!

A.:
First of all congrats on being in remission from your stomach cancer!

Second, relax! The love and care from your husband is something that cannot be replaced! I am sure that he loves you very much! The issues that you are having are very normal. Set the mood, get yourself a long beautiful sexy gown, turn the lights off in the house and light with just candles; turn off the tv; play some soft music and just relax. I am sure the night will end the way that the both of you would like it to!

Our bodies are a gift from God and so is being able to have children. Just soak in the love!

First of all, now that I'm not pregnant anymore I see pregnant woman and get so jealous!! You guys are soooo beautiful. I saw myself as so fat and unattractive when I was there, too, but you are probably more beautiful and radiant right now than you'll ever be again, so grab hold of every day and know that no matter what your hair looks like you are breathtakingly beautiful! I wish I would've appreciated it more when I was there instead of obsessing about weight and size like I did. And sex is very difficult the last few months of pregnancy. Trust me, he wants you, and if you want him too then go for it! Of course your hormones are going absolutely crazy, but that's OK too. You'll see. You'll look back and wish you were pregnant again. My son is only 7 months old and I miss it sooooo much. You have all the time in the world to get your body back. Nursing really helps......burns 500 calories a day!! I am actually 5 pounds less than before I was pregnant. I cannot tell you enough....... enjoy being pregant. I have no idea what your hair looks like, but my guess is it just doesn't matter. You are absolutely stunning right now!!!!!

Hi A.,
Congrats on your cancer recovery & now pregnancy. I am also a cancer survivor, had thyroid CA, w/ total thyroidectomy. I am also a recent mom w/ a 7 mo old. I can share in your situation, I felt the same way while pregnant; completely unattractive & it was hard to be intimate w/ my husband sexually. Then I was put on bed rest for 2 mos, therefore had to be creative. We did other intimate things like romantic dinners, walks, watch movies, & little get-a-ways. He liked his head rub so I would rub his head until he falls asleep at night. Find out what your husband like most & be creative with the ideas. It is almost over & you will be & feel absolutely attractive again!!!!

When I was pregnant I did not even want my husband in bed with me. My hormones were nuts! I could not even imagine having sex with him~he was very understanding as well. Thank goodness. I think that when you are pregnant you either want to have sex or you don't and most of my friends did not! I really think it depends on those crazy hormones. I literally told my husband if he could have sex with me and not touch me that would be just fine~ which of course he couldn't do so I think my whole pregnancy we did it like 3 or 4 times. When we did have sex it was in the morning that was the only time I had the energy to actually do it. I can tell you that after prengnacy things got back to normal b/c I missed being intimate with my man. It didn't take very long. Best of luck! Just let him know you will knock his socks off after the baby!