Insight on Three Year Old Boy's Behavior and Childcare

M.,

First don't get angry because it was brought to your attention.
How would you have known he was doing this if someone did not tell you?
And whether or not it is normal behavior is not the issue.
What matters is you telling him not to do it again.
And when your son was bitten you should have brought it up to the teacher so she could find the source and tell that parent to tell their child to stop biting.
That's how children learn.

Don't make a big drawn out deal about it.
Tell him pushing is wrong and don't do it again.
End of story.

Also he can still be a lovable child and push and bite.
Don't be one of those parents that can't hear anything they deem negative about their child.
No child is all good and no child is all bad.

You are relying on the daycare providers to keep your child safe while you cannot be with him. While some aggressive behavior between children is natural and normal, I believe it is the responsibility of the daycare to monitor the children and prevent or address aggressive behavior there. If they feel there is a problem, they should discuss it with you directly and you and they can take steps together to correct it. Passing along a message about aggressive behavior that they may not have actually seen, is an indication to me that they are not in complete control of the situation.

Likewise, if your son comes home with bite marks from another child (and biting is one way a child can really hurt another), you should feel comfortable discussing this with the daycare center, and insist that your son be better protected in their care.

Anyway, that's just my two cents as the mother of an almost 5 year-old who has spent a lot of time in daycare.

Am I missing something? Isn't pushing a normal 3 year old behaivor? I think if anything the teachers are there, and they need to make sure these things are intrupted. I personally feel calling the school to inform a child was pushed is overkill, unless the child was seriously injured. In which case the school would have known anyway. I would be upset too with this news.

Your child has come home with bites and you did not have to sign an accident form? Were you not notified upon picking up your son from childcare? Our 3 yr son also does the pushing and even did some biting when he was 2 1/2 - We were always told of his behaivor when we picked him up - Last week he pushed someone out of the way to use the slide - when I picked him up he was sitting in time out- I am not sure the childcare is watching and teaching your son the right way.

Hi M.,

First of all you have to make sure that your son is not a victim, maybe he is defending himself. Before you take any action on discipline for your son, speak to some of the teachers and get to the bottom of this. If you can take 1/2 a day off from work and observe what goes on in the classroom without him knowing you are there and watch how the children interact with each other. There are times when the teachers need to be observed also. I know that most daycare facilities allow you to come and observe. Just show up stand by the door and watch. I remember when my daughter was in daycare and I had a party for her in class. The teacher treated the children like that were in the military service. She was a drill sargeant, after that I took her out because I felt that her way of teaching was not for my daughter.

All the best.

well, I have a 5 year old and I think that the school gave you to much information when they told you that the child's mother called to complain. I understand why you are upset and I would be too. I think the teacher should have just told you that your son pushed a child and to please remind him not to do that. That would have met the objective of him learning the right behavior from his parent and the school, since it's important that you all work together. But to tell you that the other child's parent called to complain I think was unneccessary information and would have been better left unsaid. To your point and others here,kids push each other a lot at school, the important thing is to tell them that it's not the right behavior. Unfortunately, it does not stop at nursery school. My son is now in Kindergarten he came home this week telling me that a girl pushed him, I would not dare report this to the teacher, because he was not hurt nor in danger and who know what he also did (that he did not tell me)! I think parents need to understand that they don't have to report every minor thing that their child says happens to them. Or at least ask the teachers what happened to get clarification if you are really concerned. Anyway that's my 2 cents. good luck and try not to stress too much about this, what's done is done. Just teach him the right way as best as you can and know this won't be the last time that he pushes or gets pushed- so enjoy the ride!

HI M.,
Your daycare does seem to lack a polish in professional protocol, but they may have other qualities you like for your son. No reason to not bring to their attention that they missed something. Tell them how they should handle phone calls like that if they don't know. Additionally, no one actually knows the pushing is a fact, and yes, it's normal - not wonderful, but normal behaviour.
Regarding your son... let him know that you're disappointed in that behaviour. ask him if he can try to remember better from now on that it's not okay to hurt other people and don't dwell on it. Self control takes a long time.

Good luck.

Don't fret. AT some point most young children resort to physical behavior at least once and although it should not be allowed it certainly should not worry you.

Your course of action is simple. Talk to your son in simple terms about what he did and how it was wrong. Ask him if she made him angry. Tell him what he should do next time he's angry - ask teacher for help. Next have hime draw a nice picture for her as a wayto help him connect with her and apologize in a meaningful way. Then drop it. This is just another learning experience for him. So don't be too hard on him but certainly show your disapproval.

It sounds like you don't quite have a good feeling about the daycare and I'd say, trust your instincts.

It's normal for them to let you know what's happened but you shouldn't take that to mean you have to do anything about it. There's nothing effective you could do about it so many hours later.

But you deffinitely should have been told and had to sign an accident report if your son was bitten. It sounds like they are repeatedly missing what's going on between the children and that should not be the case. You should let them know when something's happened to your son but more ofen, they should be the ones letting you know what's happening with him. If it's the other way around, then maybe they don't have the right ratios of kids to adults or maybe they're just not quite paying enough attention to what's going on.

Bottom line - trust you instincts. It won't hurt anything for you to look at some other daycare centers and see what else is available.

I am surprised that mother of the girl had to call and childcare providers did not know that it happened.If it was not noticed it might not have been bad, I would not worry about your son's behavior though. Our 3 1/2 year old son had a playdate today with 4 year old girl.Her mom and I were talking and watching them from the distance, when suddenly the girl pushed our son and he fell off the bike face first to the ground.Well turned out he asked her to give him a push and she just did it from the wrong side:)The reason I am telling you this is with 3 year olds you just never know, unless your son is agressive all the time with kids I would not worry.Kids make up stuff too.

Hi M.,

Pushing at this age is normal. I wouldn't be upset that it was brought up to you. It is the day cares responsibility if there is a complaint. I'd just talk to your son about how much he is grown and how proud you are of his "big words" and remind him to use his words first instead of pushing. At this age they need constant reminding. As for the biter I would have most definitly called the school when it happened and maybe mention it now. A biter can rerally hurt a child and the parents need to be aware of it. God forbid the biter breaks skin.You have to kind of roll with the flow when it comes to what happens in day care. I've had teachers tell me my son was pushed by another kid and when I asked my son he said the kid was trying to get passed him. Sometimes it's not aggressive, just excitement and the kid that is pushed isn't old enough to know the difference. Sounds like you have a great boy and that's what counts.

Hi M., Yes your son pushing a girl in daycare is normal but you will need to speak to him (you may have already) Yes, you should also talk to the folks at the daycare. What is their policy? How many children are there and who is watching them? It is good that his language has increased, the lack of which is a source of frustration which leads to pushing, scratching, biting etc. A full day is a long time. You need to know all these things so you will not have to worry while you are working. Maybe there should be a meeting of the staff and the parents, find out what is going on. You need to know more about the other children. Maybe your son pushed because he was pushed. Let us know....Grandma Mary