Inlaws and Money

Nope.
They need to make lifestyle changes that allow them to live on equal to or less than they make. Period.
Help them with a budget.
Help them find free help with money management.
Of you have skill at it, offer to look at/handle their finances.
Help them each look for PT jobs, assuming they are both working FT.
Help them find a cheaper place to live.
If they have car payment/s -- the cars need to go.
Get them a book by Dave Ramsay.
Take them a few meals each week.
But do NOT co-sign a loan!

You don't give a drink a drink.
Good luck!

I would never cosign a loan for anyone! I would forgive and forget what you have helped within the past. Going forward I would try to assist them in trying to find assistance, to get them on their own feet, and make them learn to be self sufficent. The other thing you could do to help them instead of giving them money is maybe buying them some groceries or other items they may need once in awhile.

They must have money coming in. Are they renting or buying? Maybe the answer is everyone moving in together. Either their house or you all rent another house together. I know it's very hard to live together, but it can be done harmoniously if planned and everyone works together, etc. The reason I suggest this is to prevent homelessness. Lots more families are moving in together for economic reasons alone. It's happening everywhere.

Do not put your family at financial risk. Your number 1 priority is your family and your daughter. Do not Co - sign a loan that you cannot afford to make the payments on without making your family suffer.

You are not being selfish.

The trouble with a drowning person is they can drag you down with them.
And then you'll all be homeless.
What good is that going to do?
Saving them is beyond your capability.
Don't sign any loans with them.
MIL's son needs to man up and support his own family.
If he's old enough to breed then he needs to get work and support his kids.
His mother (your MIL) needs to support her own family.
You need to continue to support your immediate family (you, your husband and daughter).

I refused to cosign for my own sister and she didn't even owe me money. She worked it out. You can tell them, "I'm sorry, but we are not able to sign for this loan." If they say they will be homeless, say that you see no evidence that they are able to repay a loan (they already owe you significant money) and you are not able to handle a loan like that on your own. No. No. No. I would hold the line.

You can redirect them to other resources, perhaps there is housing assistance in your area for seniors, or financial counseling or whatever else. If the son and/or his kids are living with MIL, then it may also be good for the son to evaluate his work and see if he can get a second job or change jobs or otherwise improve his situation. If the BIL isn't seeking help for his kids, he should. They may qualify for medical care, food stamps and other assistance. Their schools may be able to point him in the right direction for that, offer free lunch, etc. Even the local utilities may have programs that help people keep the lights on, and better insulate their homes at low to no cost.

My DH (and me, by proxy) support a family member. There was an agreement between them, but the bottom line is that if you cosign and they can't pay - you do. This has not only caused us financial stress, but it has harmed the relationship between us and that relative. There always seems to be something keeping that relative from paying timely and it falls to DH over and over again to pay or be dinged on his own (our) credit. We are looking for ways to get out of the situation because it has caused conflict with our marriage.

Throwing money at a deep debt when they are still living beyond their means (meager as those means may be) is like trying to bail water out of a leaky boat. They don't need a loan. They need a long-term solution. That solution should NOT be to jeopardize your own family's housing and needs. You can't help anyone even a little bit if you punch holes in your own boat.

I would also talk to DH because even though they are his family, he has a wife and child that need to be primary. What is his take?

The reason the bank won't loan them money without a consigner is because the bank knows your in-laws can't pay them back. You would be on the hook for the loan and it sounds like you can't afford it either. Even if you could afford it, you would still only be putting a bandaid on their money problems. Your in-laws will be in the same situation when this loan money runs out but then you would be drowning with them.
Honestly they have a lot of nerve asking you to co-sign.

Co-signing a loan... is not to be taken lightly.
I would not. Personally.
Unless, you can ALSO do it and sustain yourselves without suffering or going without yourselves, or having loan sharks after you.

No, they probably can never repay you/it.
YOU will have to pay it.
I would NOT personally, go into a hole myself nor put my own family in a hole. Either.

What does your Husband think?
This is his, family.
But you both need to make this decision, together.
Not one spouse making the other do it.

I would NOT, do this.
Do not put your own family in a hole.

Tell them about www.gofundme.com

The problem with a loan is that there is interest involved. It won't just be $3000. It will be more and more and more.

There HAS to be a reason that they can't make ends meet. Either they are living above their means, or they have no means. There are food stamps if they qualify, other social services as well. They need to make some hard choices. Help them find the help before you give them more money. The problem with giving them money is that if they don't fix the problem, they'll end up homeless anyway. Then your money has just delayed the inevitable. THAT is something I wouldn't do.

KR - If someone needs a co signer it is because the lender has reason to believe based upon credit history that the person will not repay the loan.

You have been the lender and you know that the loan will not be repaid. Just tell your inlaws no. If you can't stick up for yourself, at least claim that for the good of your family and especially your daughter - you can not do this.

It sounds like even though you say that they do not make bad money decisions, something is not adding up. Perhaps one or both of them need a second job. Perhaps they need to downsize further. Perhaps your mother in laws other children need to kick in! You said she has 3 boys and other grandchildren. I am assuming your husband is one of the three. Tell her to approach the one that she is not living with...

You are asking for homelessness for your daughter if you cosign because you will be completely responsible for the loan. Co signing does not mean that you are 1/2 or 1/3 responsible - it means you are 100% responsible!

You can not cosign their loan. You are just making it as it is and your children must come first. If you have extra cash you can afford to give (not loan, but give because you know they will not be able to repay you) then give it, but that is all you can do. They need to talk with the state, find some resources (if they are not already getting aid they need it) and maybe see if the son can take on an extra job since mom is there for child care. It is hard, but this can not be your problem.

My aunt co-signed a loan for her daughter who now refuses to pay it, so my aunt has to. They garnish her wages which does not leave her enough to live on. She was reduced to renting a room in her brothers home since that was all she could afford. DO NOT CO-SIGN THIS LOAN unless you are okay making the payments since they will not be able to.

Do not sign a loan. It is hard to say no. It is so hard. Especially when you see they are struggling and not blowing through money randomly.

Do the children live with the father and grandmother? or does he pay support? If they live with him does the kids mother/mothers pay support? Have they checked into any community help for some funding? there is a program through the catholic church called st. vincent depaul. they will help to pay rent or catch up a utility bill. are they on public aid? are they elgible for public aid to help with food and rent which will free up money to catch up other things. how about iheap did they apply for that? there are many many programs if your willing to ask for help.

I can commiserate with you. every year in february my brother in law calls and gives my husband a big sob story about needing help. but he won't help himself first by applying for food stamps, public aid, unemployment etc. and this year we had to say no. my husband has been off work since october. we just don't have it.

would it be possible for you to help with daycare for said children so he can work more? can they move into a smaller apartment so they have less in bills? I will say prayers for you. It is not heartless to say no. but make sure your husband is on the same page with this.

You are very smart. Giving family members money is like throwing it down a dark hole. Very few if any money ever returns to the lender.

Remember this -- you did not make the problem you cannot fix the problem. They are responsible for their own issues and future and not you. As harsh as it may be, it might be time for them to be homeless and learn from this.

If you did sign for the loan, you would be in debt for several years and your credit scores would reflect what you have done. When you want to buy your own home or a new car, that would be on your credit record. Do not put your family (you, hubby and child) at risk for the sake of someone else who has shown no good track record.

You are very wise not signing the loan. Let them find someone else and that does not mean your husband. Talk to your husband and if necessary draw it out on paper in black and white so that he sees what is about to happen if you two do sign that note. Noting but hurt and pain for many years to come.

Keep them separate from you. They made their bed now that are reaping what they sowed. Sorry to be so blunt. I have had to do this with my own MIL. She somehow found a way out of her misery that she caused.

the other S.

PS When we first got to our last assignment, a young man wanted to buy a house and was approved but when they pulled his credit record the co-signed note showed up where the brother did not pay very well and he could not get a house. Talk about hurt.

You can not save them with money. Do not go into debt for them. Ready Suzy Orman or any financial person and they will tell you to never give money. Something else will have to happen. I deal with the same thing with my brother but we can not save other people at the expense of putting our own family at risk.

While you may want to help, I would not co-sign a loan or anything for anyone. If they can't pay, and there is already an established history that they can't pay or meet current expenses, then this will become a payment you are responsible for. You can't solve money problems with money. I would not deplete my savings to "save" or "bail" them out. If you do, you are putting their welfare ahead of yours. I would stop loaning them money too. They need to figure something out and maybe you can help them identify resources or the help they need, but do not co-sign. And even if you do, this is only a temporary fix for what is a much larger problem. It's their problem, not yours. You need to put your own financial well being ahead of theirs. Your heart is in the right place, but your wallet is not.

Don't do it. Do you want to be homeless, too, just to show your support? Either they will be homeless while you keep your house, or you'll ALL be homeless. What kind of sense does it make for you to be financially irresponsible in solidarity? They have shown that they do not make the best financial decisions, so why would you trust their decision to get a loan?

What do they have to say about all this? I assure you, they KNOW that their money-management sucks. You are helping them not have to really live with that reality. Stop it. Tell them that you are not comfortable co-signing for ANYBODY, if you're concerned that they will take it personally. If they try to make you feel bad, remind them that they alreayd owe you money that they haven't been able to pay back and you're not willing to put yourself in a position not to be able to handle your own bills.

Don't feel bad about taking care of your immediate needs. Anybody who will try to make you feel bad about that is a vulture and a leech.

You are wise to refuse to co-sign the loan. I truly hope they are not pressuring you, or getting all emotional over it or threatening that they will never speak to you again, or anything like that. I hope they can just say, "OK, we understand" even if they don't.

Meanwhile: Do you have a place that's your regular bank? You can ask any time to meet with a personal banker face to face. Use that and get financial counseling for yourselves (because combined income of $30,00 a year is frankly very low, and you need to be sure your own money is well handled) and then talk with the bank about where your relatives can go to get advice. They may need to be put on to payment plans with their creditors (and most utility companies, phone companies, etc. will indeed help people get onto payment plans to pay down debts to those kinds of firms). If they are about to be foreclosed upon -- have they talked to whoever holds their mortgage about a new payment plan? There are also government agencies and programs to help families facing foreclosure. Help them find these programs immediately, help them deal today with the utility company, the phone company, etc.

Your own banker should be able to start pointing you to this help for your relatives. Ask the bank where your relatives can go to get serious financial advice, get help managing down their debt and somehow get help period--they are clearly not living "beyond their means" or spending frivolously but they are nearly homeless! So they need immediate and professional help.

Professional help -- not more little loans and certainly NOT your signature on a loan. You sign, you're liable. Your family of three has only $30K a year which in our area would be on the verge of poverty, honestly, so don't tangle your finances with theirs in any way.

I really hope you can get them some help and that they will work hard and fast to get advice, sign on to programs and tell their creditors they need payment plans immediately. It is tragic to see people who are living very frugally but still having trouble, and I hope they can be assertive about getting help and aren't afraid to ask for the help that's out there.

don't sign the loan. as painful as it will be. don't do. you then put your house in jeopardy.

Can they apply for assistance? a housing voucher? disability?

I wouldn't sign for a loan that they cannot pay either. It's not a smart decision financially and could hurt your credit.

You've already helped them enough. It sounds to me like they need to find a way to cut back on their spending and expenses. Even if that means moving to a smaller, cheaper home.

Well, I wouldn't do the Loan. If you've already loaned them money and they are in debt x2-well, it's time te made more drastic changes.

Can you move to a bigger house that everyone can live in?

My SOs brother has never left home. From what I gather he hasn't accomplished much other than mastering video games. I still wouldn't let him be homeless (but there would have to be an inlaw suite-no way do I need our kids sitting around playing video games all day!)

A co-signer is a fool with a pen. :P

Whatever else you do, I would NEVER co-sign with them. And I do mean NEVER. I rarely say "never" but this is one of those times.

Do not get enmeshed with them financially that way. Your exposure is much greater than $3K because of the potential harm to your credit. Please do not let your husband get manipulated into it. Tell them that you guys are not taking on any debt and are trying to get out of your own debt.

Good luck.

I understand that you feel bad that you can't do this, but you really can't. You know that they won't be able to make the loan payments - if they could make monthly payments they wouldn't be $3k in the hole. They are adults - they will have to figure it out on their own.

Nope you are smart not to sign. The 3k is a temp fix to something that's been going on for a long time. Oneperfectone gave perfect advice. Please read that posting and guide them along.

Don't feel heartless, try to help out some other way, but you have to protect your little family. How old are these people? Can they supplement their income with jobs? This sounds like a case where public assistance definitely is needed. Call your church, hospitals, etc and see what you can do without putting your own neck out. You said you rent. How on earth would you co-sign a loan if you yourselves rent?

i'm really glad you're not co-signing the loan.
their situation is heartbreaking. it's so endemic in our country right now- people working and struggling and still unable to make ends meet. and safety nets getting severed right and left.
i don't know what the answer is, but it's certainly not have them take your family down with them.
khairete
S.

You don't have it to give. You're not made of money and not helping--you did what you could and now you're done.

DO NOT co-sign a loan or else your name will be attached to it forever. Their problems really will become your problems. Your credit will tank. That loan will become YOUR loan and you know who will be 100% responsible for it even though they'll promise to be the ones to pay it off.

Don't do it.

Since you have online access, I'm hoping you also have a working printer and a few reams of paper. Here's what you do. Help them research at this link:

http://www.ohfa.org/ It's the Oklahoma Housing Finance Agency, and while Section 8 waiting list is closed (like many, many, many around the nation) there are still several other resources available on that site.

You can also go to http://www.211.org and when it asks for your info choose it for your state. It will redirect you and then you can go into search mode. There should be an option to choose a search for Low Income Housing, Subsidized Housing, etc.

They'll also have options on there about help with finances depending on their situation. Since children are involved there might be additional options available than if there were just adults.

Provide emotional support and resources, but don't sign any paperwork and don't give them any more money. Don't feel guilty about it either. If you feel obligated to give them some groceries on occasion I wouldn't see a problem with that, but you could also use 211 to help them find local food banks, foodshares, and soup kitchens. They need to figure out that what they've been doing isn't working and when they have the tools to help them really get through it, that may help them realize it.

Do not sign the loan!!!

Forgive the past debt; tell them it was a gift and they don't need to worry about paying it back. That is plenty generous.

If you can afford it at some point, offer to pay for them to attend a local Financial Peace University class (usually about $100). It's like the saying:
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."