Independent Sleeping

Hi Kelli, I completely understand what you are going through. When my now 4 year old was about that age I or my husband would have to sit with her anywhere from 1 to 3 hours before she would fall asleep. My mother in law gave us a suggestion to put a couple of drops of well diluted lavender oil on the bottom of each foot after bathtime. It worked great for us. Just go to a local health food store or a Wild oats if you have one and get a good bottle of lavender essentail oil and some diluting oil. grapeseed oils works good. So after you dress your son put some oil in your hand and add two drops of lavender to that and mix it well then rub it on the bottom of his feet and put some socks on. Hope that helps. Good Luck!

When we switched our daughter to a toddler bed, she also would get up. We would stand outside her partially closed bedroom door, so she couldn't see us, and when she got up, we'd put her back in bed. I was told that by staying in the room with her, or laying with her, we were making harder for her to learn how to fall asleep by herself. So we never did that. It did help her learn how to fall asleep without us.

I will also add that it took a while for her to really accept that when she was put in bed, it was BED TIME. She still sometimes gets up and will grab a toy or two and then dashes back to bed.

Around your son's age, she also started having night-terrors. The biggest difference is that she would wake up mid-scream and then continue screaming while awake. We found that by having a night-light in her room, she could wake up and then go back to sleep. Even now, she still will occasionally shout in her sleep, but she usually calms down and goes back to sleep on her own unless she's sick.

I don't know if it will help you, but it has helped me and others I know in understanding and helping our children's sleep problems. I am talking about a book by Dr. Ferber called Solving your Child's Sleep Problems. It has helped our family. It probably isn't night terrors but actually a lack of sleep that is causing your son to wake up screaming. It is too long of an explaination to go into now, but if you read the book it explains it very well. I am sorry that I don't have any more help but that suggestion.

According to Supernanny a two year old is old enough for this method, especially if he can string a good sentence together.

Put him to bed at a decent hour, closer to 8pm...get a routine..."brush" his teeth, read him a story, say prayers, tuck him in, hugs and kisses and "I love you".

If he gets up and out of bed, go back in, put him in bed, say good night and I love you.

If he gets out of bed, put him back in, but don't say ANYTHING. By saying something, even yelling, you're still appeasing him by giving him the recognition. At that point, he'll never get to sleep. The time for happy mommy and daddy is over. It's bedtime. It may take a while the first few nights. He might scream because you're not talking to him, but he'll know that it's bed time and that going to bed is what is expected. It's not playtime anymore.

As far as night terrors, all of my cousins have had them. There's not much you can do except let them calm themselves. My youngest cousin is 11 and used to have them about 3-4 times a week. He's growing out of it and it's only happened 1 or 2 times in the last year (knock on wood). His were so bad in the beginning that neighbors would call the police because they thought someone was being hurt. The police had never seen anything like it before and actually had to put a note in their system that the child has night terrors in case other calls came in. You can go in and try to comfort him, but it likely won't work until he wakes up. Good luck.

The night terrors are hard but a phase and all kids have them at some point. If it continues for a while call your Pediatrician.
Kids will change their habits however it is important you make sure he is getting the sleep he needs whether he likes it or not.
As far as you sleeping with him, that has to stop as it is a dependent habit and you aren't allowing him to learn to sleep alone or you all aren't getting enough sleep.
Also you have to get him to bed before 11pm. You can create insomnia and restless sleep by not having have enough sleep.

A two year old should be getting at the very least 12 hours total during a 24 hour period to get the sleep his body needs to grow and thrive. Not enough sleep can lead to restless sleep, as he is over tired when he is going to bed. Not enough sleep can lead to behavior problems, growth issues and lower immunity.

I would suggest time for a pretty strict routine. Getting him to bed no later then 8pm! He should be sleeping at least until 7 or 8 am in the morning. If he absolutely will not nap, have him have quiet time during the day just laying in his bed without you or your husband. You can tell him he doesn't have to sleep but he has to rest. If he is tired he will fall asleep. If he isn't even sleeping at all during the day then maybe he is giving up naps earlier.
If you don't break the habits now it will just get worse. Then nobody is getting good sleep.

My kids have only sleep in my bed if they are sick, nightmares or during thunderstorms. Every once in a while we do a "sleep over" in moms bed, even with that my son asks to go back into his own bed as he is very comfortable there.
When my daughter sleeps with me she is restless and she doesn't get the sleep she needs.

My son who is three and a half is in bed no later then 7:30 and my daughter who is six is in bed by 8:15 and both sleep until almost 7am every day. Once they are used to a routine it becomes the norm and will stop being a battle.

I have 4 kids, my two oldest (both girls) were very good about following a routine. At 2 years they were in bed by 8pm and slept until 8-9 am. They napped during the day or had a quiet time. As they got older it was a movie, but if they got restless than it was over. My 3rd child came along...and yikes! Once we got him switched to sleeping at night about 3 months old from sleeping during the day he quit taking naps...at 3 months old! He was not fussy, he was a very happy baby, but his little body did not need that much sleep. So as he graduated to a big bed, about 2 years old, we had enough toys in his room and he enjoyed playing by himself(who can blame the kid with 2 bossy sisters). So at 8-9pm we would "tuck" him into bed with the light on. He would play until 10-11 pm when we go to bed and we would turn his light off. He would wake up (seriously) at 6 am with his older sisters. Happy as happy can be! This was also his schedule while in the crib. And still no naps! He is 4 years old now. He has a baby brother who (thank goodness) needs more sleep! But he isn't a great sleeper at night yet. But there have been a few times that I'm up feeding the baby at 1 am and I can still here my 4 year old singing to himself in bed...at 1 am! And he still is up before 8 am every morning. There has been a few months that he did not like being in his room, because he felt he was missing out on something that mom and dad were doing. So we reversed the lock on his bedroom door, and locked him in his room. We are very strict on who and when his door is locked and big sisters get busted big time if they are caught locking him in his room during the day. It is a last resort for us to remind him to stay in his room. He is a very calm child and have never had issues with behavior with him. Not that he can't be a stinkbug every once in a while, but I would take him to the store any day before his older sisters that are now 11 and 7.

As for the night terrors. I'm not sure what to tell you. I've never dealt with this, but I have a nephew with this problem. His mom just holds him until he wakes up and when he does he is very confused!
Good luck

Hello Kelli, You may be interested in reading, "Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (And a Peaceful Night's Sleep)," by Dr. Jay Gordon and/or "The No Cry Sleep Solution, for Toddlers and Preschoolers," by Elizabeth Pantley. This second book gives lots of ideas for transitioning to independent sleeping.

Personally, we all still love the family bed and my husband and I simply explore other areas of the house for our private time together. ~T.

Hello Kelli J
Just a thought?
What does your pediatrician say about this?
If you haven't taken him to the Doctor yet, then you should, because something has frightened him.
Does he sleep all night when he sleeps with one or both of you?
It is not normal for a 2 year old to wake screaming like that.
And it could be night terrors, so take him to the Doctor.
Good luck

Hi Kelli,
Our daughter went through this too, with exception to the night terrors, so I cannot give any advice for those. But she was having the same sleep patterns, going to bed late, etc... What we did was this...
We started the bedtime routine an hour before I wanted her to sleep. Gave her a warm bath, read a book, (whatever your routine will consist of) Then we told her goodnight, put her in the bed and shut the door(I also, upgraded her bed to a queen thinking that was the issue, so it is a little harder because she was able to crawl out of bed and open the door...with a crib she would not have been able to do this) Of course the first night, she opened the door, we would walk in the room (NO talking to her) put her back in bed and told her it was nite-nite time and walked out. It was a repeating pattern for probably only the first two or three nights. And of course she was crying and screaming and I wanted to give in and you might too BUT don't ......it is totally worth it!!! It took probably about a week to a week and half of her crying and whining but after that she went to bed alone and my husband and I finally had good sleep without a little one kicking us in the back..LOL!! My daughter is eight now and she still goes to bed good!

Another thing we have in common is that my daughter also gave up taking naps at an early age. Also, we used a night light, it made her feel better and she probably used one until she was about six but that did not bother us. Good luck!

Kelli J I feel your pain. My son was the same way when my husband and I got a divorce. I tried everything. I found that giving him a stuff animal that was kinda big, and one of my old t-shirts to sleep in made it a little better. I even got a fish lamp that changed colors. I let him make the choice of what lamp to use. Always remind him that you are right down the hall. And that you will check on him before you go to bed. I also have tried oatmeal right before bed. It makes thier tummy's ful and sleep better.
I hope this might help a little. Good Luck on those sleepless nights.

I agree with both Erin W and Amanda H. It's true that kids vary with how much sleep they need. But at 2, your son definitely needs more sleep than he is getting, even if it doesn't seem that way. More sleep will be good for you and healthy for him. The key is routine. I think the supernanny method and the Dr. Ferber method are both very effective. There is no one way to do it, but basic idea is to have a bedtime routine, consistency, and to never reward bad behavior (or unwanted behavior) with attention.

While it's possible that he is having night terrors, there is a very real possibility that he is just overtired which will cause some of the same problems. I would get him in a good sleeping routine first and see if that solves the waking up screaming thing. If it doesn't, it could be night terrors. I don't know much about night terrors, but I know the Dr. Ferber book addresses them. Dr. Ferber is a scientist that specializes in sleep & sleep disorders. It is very informative & helpful about a wide range of sleep issues. It would address all of your concerns.

Good luck!

Try a sleeping bag.

Play music.

Our dog sleeps in our son's bed, so that helps too.

i am not a ferber fan, too formulated and non responsive, for me. i think it is well intended but it gets abused by some parents in my opinion.

it sounds like he needs more sleep. i would try an earlier bedtime. if he is not napping he may be ready for bed by 7:00 or 7:30. some kids run hot so a bath will actually wake them up before bed. try a really consistent routine - same thing same time every night. experiment. try laying with him and reading and then telling a "lights out" story until he goes to sleep. think about it as teaching him self relaxation for later on. i tell him to and i also connect with my breath, i tell my son stories about having an active day with lots of sun and fresh air and then lying on the beach or in a meadow with people or pets he loves, and all of the things he can feel, (gentle breeze, warm sun, etc.) smell (trees, fresh air,etc.), see - white puffy clouds, blue sky, trees dancing in the wind like gracefull ballerinas, etc. and i talk about how his eyeslids are getting heavy and he's safe to drift off in his cozy bed with mommy and daddy right here in the house, and then last i say what he can hear, and it works like a charm every time. you can start out in bed next to him and then slowly move to be sitting by his bed, then by the door, then outside the door. also say i will be back to check on you when he is almost asleep, and come right back. when my son gave up naps at 3yrs old, he began sleeping from 8pm to 8am. or 7:00 t0 7:00 depending on daylight savings. above all, remember, it's a phase, it will pass, be kind to him and yourselves, set firm but kind boundaries and don't afraid to be creative and to experiment. i would never lock my child in his room. i would, for an older child, not a two year old, maybe 4 or 5, say, it's time for bed, i am going to sit right here inside your door while you go to sleep. and if they are not cooperating with getting in bed, i might sit outside the door and say, i am going to stay here until you calm down and are ready to go to sleep. and if they calm down, get in bed, and want me to come sit inside i would. good luck!