Inconsistent Sleep Pattern

Updated on March 15, 2008
A.H. asks from Baton Rouge, LA
18 answers

My little 22 month old strong willed beautiful daughter has never been a good sleeper! I'm a first time Mom so I don't know what is good or bad I just know I am at my wits end and I need sleep! I've read all of the books and nothing seems to work long term.
She has been waking up at 1:30 or 4am and screams for us. I don't want to create a pattern where she sleeps with us and I've toughed it out for nearly two years without doing that so I'm not willing to start now! I've done many things, I've gone in to comfort her, we've let her cry it out but she can go for an hour if I let her. I'm worried and overwhelmed! Any advice?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for your feedback. Things seem to be a little better. After a few weeks of no sleep and comforting her in the middle of many nights we seem to be onto a better sleep pattern. Literally, one night it got much better. My husband and I started talking to her that afternoon around 4pm, telling her how beautiful her room is, how soft her bed is, we explained that not every little girl is so lucky to have her very own bed and room. Who knows if that is what helped or not? However, when we laid her down we told her, your're going to have a wonderful night tonight, right? She said, "ok." Thank you Lord for the good night of rest!!!
We still have room for improvement, she still wakes up between 4:30 and 5am. But I know its only temporary. In a few years, I'll probably have trouble getting her up.
I appreicate your words of encouragment.

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P.L.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I completely understand!!! My 17mo old is strong willed as well and she wakes up at midnight or 1am as well. I have found that soft playing classical music calms and lulls her back to sleep.

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L.R.

answers from Fayetteville on

Both my boys went through a stage like that when they were around 2 years old. It didn't last long - maybe a month. I never found out why they did it but was glad it was just a phase. Good luck!

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J.P.

answers from Tulsa on

You might first consult a physician and make sure there is nothing mental or physical that is causing it. I always start there with extreme or ongoing problems just to be sure that everything is okay. Then, monitor her room at night to make sure there isn't a weird sound that is waking her up. You may even put a small table fan in there to have a soothing constant noise for her. If she has a nightlight, maybe take it out. If she doesn't, maybe put one in. Make sure the temperature is just right in her room.

Then I would say you Have to be consistent. Do the cry it out method for as many nights as it takes. Put her to bed at night awake so that she knows how to self soothe to sleep. Then when she wakes up at night, don't go in there. Let her cry. She doesn't need you, she wants you. Be strong. You can always check on her to make sure she hasn't pooped or thrown up by listening on the monitor and then checking her once she's fallen asleep. It could take several nights but you Have to be strong and be consistent and she'll get the message eventually. It's actually healthier for her to sleep through the night--once she starts, she'll be much happier during the day and so will you.

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K.C.

answers from New Orleans on

This may sound odd, but it is a proven fact that gifted children either sleep more than usual, or less than usual (and they are also strong willed and very opinionated).

My eight year old didn't sleep through the night until she was almost three. I wanted to have a party! If you're hearing "she's so smart!" "how old is she?? wow she talks a lot!" and the like, I'm afraid you're stuck. They simply have too much curiosity to be bothered being asleep.

It is also my understanding that you might have to offer a high protien, low sugar snack before bedtime to keep their blood sugar stable through the night.
Good luck!

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A.B.

answers from Lake Charles on

Hi A.,
I have a 4 year old son and he did the same thing. He did not sleep through the night until he was 2 1/2 years old, I didn't think I would make it through those years. I tried evrything let him cry it out, play music, you name it. The couple of things that did work for me were giving him some apple sauce in a bottle when he would wake up, I cut the nipple alittle large so that he could get a good amount out, that worked really good it filled him up and he would go back to sleep. Some nights also I would sit him up talk to him a minute and reasure him that I love him and I was just in the other room if he needed me, I would then take him to the bathroom and put him back to bed with calm movie on with no sound and a fan going to close out any outside noise. Eventually with these 2 things he started sleeping through the night.

After a while it becomes a habbit for the kids and then sometimes they are hungry, maybe didn't eat alot for dinner. A definate soulution is to just pray for the patience to deal with the situation and before you know it you will all be getting a better night sleep.

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C.E.

answers from Oklahoma City on

A.,
There is nothing harder than listening to your baby cry at night. The way that worked best for us was to pick letting them cry it out. It is the most difficult for me. However it works if you stick with it. The length of the crying spells will bet shorter. We have three children and have done this with all of them. We were not consistent at first with our daughter and so she be could outlast me. So it is a matter of being very consistent and letting them know that you are there but they are to go to their bed and stay there. My husband and I took turns comforting without touching in the beginning. My husband is much better at it than I,it took a long time to ger it, but it worked for us. God bless.

C.

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J.L.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Have you tried a snack and a warm bath before bedtime? I have a four year old who still occasionally gives me problems. It also helps if we go to the park or some other outing so she and her brother (18 months) can run off energy. Even just an hour at the park helps her and her brother fall asleep and stay that way. You might want to ask her doctor about night terrors if the problem persists. Hope this helps.

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J.M.

answers from Fayetteville on

When my daughter was small, she had baby nightmares. Not the horrible dreams that we as adukts have, but disconcerting dreams that would wake her and leave her in a troubled state, It woudl be hard for her to go back to sleep. At one and a half years old she was talking in full sentences. She told us she was afraid and did not want to go back to sleep because the "bad pictures would come back." After more questioning she told us they were about baby type fears, being alone or big dogs. I put some of my purfume in a spray bottle and diluted it with water. I made a label for it with a picture of a big dog and put the universal symbol for "NO" on the dog, you know, the circle with a line through it. I told her as long as I sprayed her room with the special "No Bad Picture" spray the bad pictures would not come into her eyes when she was asleep. It worked. You might try this. Kids are just like adults. The brain is a wondrous thing.

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S.S.

answers from Lawton on

My daughter had horrible time when we started her on solid foods (about 7 months) would not sleep, screamed at all hours of the night. It turned out to be acid reflux. We got her on some medicine and once that stopped the hurting we were able to settle her into a good sleeping pattern. Now she's 21m, off the medicine, and sleeping through the night.

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E.T.

answers from Shreveport on

Hi A., My name is E. and I am a mom of 3 grown daughters. When my first one was born she had the 6-month colic. I was up all night riding her in a vechicle and nothing worked. So I took her to the doctor and nothing he sugested worked. So my husband's grandmother fixed her a tablespoon of hot toddy and fed her infant cereal and I rocked her to sleep. She slept the whole night through. The hot toddy made her rest and the cereal quenched her hungar & I finally got my goodnights sleep! I am not suggesting that you give your baby alcholol, but this worked for me because the baby had not had any sleep and I came to realize that if I feed my baby cereal before she went to bed she slept all night because she was full. So try feeding her a warm cereal before she is put down for the night. I hope and pray this works for you, if not, ask your physician if he or she might have the answer.

Good Luck and Good Night:
E.

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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I feel for you! It does seem that 22 months is a bit old for repeatedly waking up in the middle of the night. As a mother of three grown children, I'll share my experience with both my eldest son and my four year old grandson, hoping something in it might help you! My eldest child just could not sleep through the night when he was a baby, through his first year. Endless nights of rocking, singing and misery were going nowhere. So, we finally got a tip from an experienced Mom who said to "crosscut" the nipple of a bottle in an exaggerated way and put baby cereal into the milk; so that it made a thick, but drinkable liquid to give him before bedtime. It worked beautifully. Turned out he was simply HUNGRY! He had been unable to eat enough to stay fulfilled during the long nighttime hours. We continued the cereal regime through his third year of age, even though he was through with a bottle at about a year, or so. I don't know if your daughter still uses a bottle at her age; but I think the possibility might still be the same: she may be hungry, and those hunger pangs in the middle of the night may be terrifying for her, if she doesn't comprehend what is causing them. Some type of non-sugared cereal before bed might make all the difference in sustaining her through the night.
With my four year old grandson, it was a matter of wanting a light on. His loving, first-time, mother just didn't believe a light was a necessity and insisted on turning every light off and closing his door. He ended up being up and down and crying out all night long. When I was called on to care for him over a period of four weeks, I left the light on in the next room, but the door open. Sometimes, I just left the tv on low, so that the light and some small amount of sound got through to him. He settled right down and stopped the waking up crying, and getting out of bed. (Of course, it didn't help that his Mommy had been allowing him to climb into her bed! Kids are smart and figure out pretty fast what they can get away with!) I just don't believe in forcing a child to be in the dark, if they are frightened or uncomfortable. We have to choose our battles, as Mothers. (Sometimes, with the best of first time Mommies, the "winning" becomes more important than stopping to recognize the child's real needs, as though all future discipline will rest on a successful making the point!) Finally, there was a recent episode of "SuperNanny", where the children wouldn't stay in bed. She said the first time a Mom returns them to bed, she should sit on the edge of the bed for a while, stroking their backs. The second time, she should sit on the floor at the end of the bed. And, then, the third and following times she should absolutely say nothing, but simply return the child to bed and leave the room without speaking. It took a few nights, but her system eventually worked. (Perhaps, there is a video clip of that episode on the show's website?) I guess that would be a good alternative if your child wasn't frightened or in painful discomfort.
Best of luck!

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B.W.

answers from Jonesboro on

this might not help, never tried it, but i read somewhere, if you turn a radio off station, turn it down low, but still loud enough to be heard good, it will help on gettin to sleep. it wouldn' hurt to try it. i would like to know if it works. good luck.

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D.P.

answers from Little Rock on

A., I feel for you! My son is 3 and still does this...he's never been a good sleeper either. When he cries for me, I just go in his room and lay him back down. He's usually asleep w/in a minute or so. He wakes me up calling for me a couple times a night usually, so I'm not sure how to fix it either. I hope her sleeping gets better for you, but it may be one phase that only time (and her getting older) will fix.

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L.H.

answers from Oklahoma City on

ms A.,
all our children slept well with the exception of our 2nd child. We truly understand why they use sleep deprvation to tortue people..Ha Not just you but the your child also is not getting the sleep she needs. We discoverd at around two years he had severe allergys to almost everything. We had previously dismissed symtoms to common childhood illness such as colds, ear infections ect. His adnoid were the size of silver dollars which was restricting his airflow when he slept causing him to awake several times a nite. just a thought

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K.J.

answers from Lafayette on

Good Morning A.,
I have 2 kids and 4 grand children now. I know it is hard, but, if she is not hungry, hurt or her diaper does not need to be changed, she needs to learn that night time is for sleeping and she needs to get used to her own bed. She will cry for a few nights, but she will learn that it is ok to be there. I know it is heart breaking to hear her cry like that, but that is the only way she will adjust. Otherwise, she will be in your bed until you put a stop to it. It broke my heart, but I had to do that with both mine. It took about three nights, but they adjusted, and are none the worse for wear.
OH forgot,
I put a shirt that I had worn in the bed with them, I think it had something to do with my scent. It worked and they had no more problems.
K. Jeffers - Grandma who's been there.

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B.W.

answers from New Orleans on

Hi A.,

You have to have the same bedtime routine basically every night. Pick a time. But you have to stick with it. Kids will cry if they can get attention. One thing parents do is with hold a nap during the day. Is she still napping? I let my daughter have a 2 hour nap during the day. But no more than that. She wakes up at 7-7:30am. Naps 1:30 to 3:30. Then goes to bed about 8pm. I am firm about a routine because it works. Your child needs sleep to grow and be able to function. Sometimes kids wake up for different reasons. But if you go in everytime without letting her try to go back to sleep by herself you create a "habbit". If you let go into your bed she will want that everytime. Let her cry out .........is she crying or just fussing for you. I wait 15 minutes before i even go in.. then i go in and tuck her back in...i never pick her up though unless she is sick or something. once you get the routine life is easy. ASk my husband. He thinks kids are a piece of cake. I told him to just trust me and do what i do. He is a pro. I was a nanny for 12 years. People paid me to do this for them. it will work.

B.

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T.P.

answers from Mobile on

I know you said that you have tried all the books but if you haven't read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution," I highly recommend it. It applies to all ages and helped us with both of our children. Good luck!

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L.S.

answers from Little Rock on

I don't really have any advice for you because my 27 month old does the same thing. I just wanted you to know that your not alone. It's frustrating.
If I could say anything...I would say to keep doing what your doing. Eventually (I would hope) that it will sink in.
We let our daughter come to us at night and sometimes she sleeps with us BUT she has to start out in her bed. To me, she's only two and what difference does it make right now where she sleeps just as long as she sleeps. If my husband or I have something important to do the next day then the other person will go and sit or sleep in her room until she's back asleep again. I am not knocking your decision to not let her sleep with you guys. I always say do what you feel is right not what others think you should do.
I just keep telling myself that one day when the problem is bigger I will wish for these days back.
Sorry sweetie, try to hang in there. If you find something that works then please let me know.

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