Incident @ Grandparents

I'd be irritated that they didn't mention it (NOT irritated that it happened in the first place - that could happen at home too). But unless they have a pattern of doing stuff like this I'd let it go. They might not have thought of it as a big deal.

I would say it comes down to trust. I trust my parents and I know if they thought permanent damage happened they would tell me immediately. It sounds like they took care of it.

If this is something you would want to know about before picking them up, then suggest to them that next time something like this happens let me know. They might have felt like, well we handleded it, and you were "busy" we did not want to bother you. And when you picked the kids up, since nothing was wrong they probably just forgot.

No worries. And yes something like this could happen anywhere.

I would be irritated that they did not inform me. Perhaps your son didn't seem to be bothered by the stuff in his eye, and after rinsing he was fine. At that point, it would seem moot. And really.. at that point (when it happened and they were rinsing his eye)... not sure I would WANT them to stop caring for my child to call me in that moment. And once that moment was over, if he was fine and not complaining, then there isn't a need for a phone call, really..

I would, however, have expected them to mention it when I picked my kids up. An, oh, by the way... x,y,z happened, but he seemed fine after we a,b,c... just so you know.

For the record, this exact thing happened to my son (at our home, not the grandparents). He was in 4th grade, so what's that... 9 years old?
He had a glow stick under the sheets in his bed after getting some at a party or something. He broke it and the stuff went everywhere, and yes, some in his eye. We, too, rinsed well with water.
I happen to have family members who are nurses, so I called and said, "hey, do I need to take him to the emergency room or anything... we're talking about an eye here.." and was told IF blah blah... then no, no ER needed. But if it was still irritated to have him seen the next day.

Why? Not because of the liquid inside... but b/c the way they work is a chemical reaction between 2 substances, and they don't glow until they mix and react together. How do they keep them separate before you snap the tubes and make them glow?? With little GLASS capsules. That's what that popping sound is when you crack the tubes before you shake (to mix the liquid) and get glowing sticks, or bracelets or whatever.

The liquid can stain your clothes, but rinsing from the eye immediately it is harmless. But if a broken fleck of that glass gets into the eye, it can scratch it.
I called my son's doc the next morning, just to be on the safe side. He said his eye still felt a little dry (like if he got soap in it, the next day after having done that).. but it looked fine, but just to be safe I took him in.

The doctor administered some sort of glow in the dark drops to his eye, turned out the light, and used a special device to check his eye for scratches or any pieces of glass that might have remained (he'd have probably felt it if there had been, but there wasn't). His eye was perfectly fine.

So for any of you who hadn't thought about it... if they break.. dispose immediately. And don't allow the kids to play roughly with those things. Harmless when they are sealed, but tiny bits of glass capsule pieces are floating inside with the glowing liquid.

And... THAT is why I would be a little irritated with the inlaws. Because if he complained about his eye later, you wouldn't have known what had occurred or how it had been treated, or known to WATCH for further irritation. Maybe they felt your son was old enough to tell you all that. But in my opinion, if my child is not old enough to be left unsupervised, then the person(s) doing the supervising are the parties responsible to tell me if something happened. Even if there was no harm done.
Something in the eye is not the same as getting dirty in the yard. Not by a long shot.

1. Would you be upset about this? - No.

2. Should we ask his parents about it? - sure I guess, but why?

3. What wording would you use? - "Thanks for taking care of our son when the glow stick broke."

Don't you trust they know how to take care of your kids? They aren't your babysitter, they are your in-laws, grown adults, who have raised children. If you are not comfortable in their judgement, then you need to communicate you want to know exactly what happens when they are there. Otherwise, just be glad they are okay and you and your husband got a night alone.

Sorry, but I don't understand why parents don't trust their own parents when taking care of their kids. I'm just baffled by questions like this...

So the problem is.......?

The sign of a great caretaker is to, well, just take care of things. Sounds like your inlaws did just that.

Appreciate what you have in them, not all parents are so lucky.

No I would not be upset and no I wouldn't ask or bring it up.

Since he was fine they probably figured it was no big deal. I am sure if his eye were red or having a problem they would have let you know asap. I am guessing that their father grew up just fine with his parents? Why worry about nothing.

Why would they tell you? Are they supposed to tell you if he got dirty outside? If he spilled food on his lap or rubbed potatoes in his eye?

If he'd have had swollen eyes or obviously injured skin then I'd have wondered what happened.

So again, why should they have told you that he got dirty and stuff? He wasn't injured.

When my nieces and nephews stay with us for a few days I do try and tell their parents about anything of significance that happens. I'd like to think I would say something about anything related to eyes. But I do know that if you flush it out and it starts to feel better and looks better in the morning, everything should be ok. I think I'd still say something, but I could also see them thinking that they had taken care of the situation, so it wasn't really a big deal.

I think if it bothers you, you might just casually mention that the kids really enjoyed the glow sticks and that your 4 year old mentioned breaking his. Hopefully that alone would get them to say something about it getting in his eye and you could gently let them know that it's ok for them to tell you about these things. Let them know that you're just being a bit of a worry wart and you feel so much better just knowing these things.

Let them know that you really do trust them, but it's just hard to let your babies go.

Upset? Not really.
If be glad my kid/s were old enough to relate the incident themselves.

I would definitely expect them to say something. What if your son started to complain about his eye itching later and just chalked it up to hay fever because you had no knowledge of the incident and your kids weren't smart enough to make the connection? Something like that should always be mentioned.

However, good luck with bringing it up. I hope your in-laws are more laid back than my mother. Anytime my mother does anything wrong (and she usually CHOOSES to do the things because she doesn't want to follow my rules or is too lazy to do it the right way) if I casually bring it she becomes dramatic and moans, "Oh, I never do anything right. I always screw every thing up. I guess you don't want me to come over next time." Also, saying something to her never makes a difference.

So... I've discovered it's more productive to be proactive than reactive. I try to do all I can to prevent any rule breaking or dumb mishaps on her part, and make sure my 8 yr. old and 6 yr. old know they have the right to tell her no when it comes to safety or rule breaking and they are to report to me anything I should know about. They're good at it and they also keep her in line and correct her if she is about to do something wrong.

Just ask them to please inform you in the future if there is an accident. No need to make a big deal out of it.

How did you find out? Did the 4 year old tell you? Did you ask the grandparents if it was true? Did they say it was? Did they tell you that they washed out his eye?

All that information would be the FIRST thing that I would need to give you good advice. I would not believe a 4 year old without finding out from the adults.

If it is true, I would be very upset that they didn't tell you. And I would want to know why they didn't tell you. When my son fell down the basement stairs, my MIL called me on the phone and told me. I asked her if he was alright. When she said yes, I asked her if SHE was alright. Stuff happens - he could have fallen with me there. I understood that. But if she hadn't told me? I would have been upset.

You better make sure your child can actually see out of that eye. You have no idea that he's "okay". He's only 4 and can't be trusted to explain. I'd be getting him to the eye doctor.

About the grandparents? My husband would be having the conversation with them that the kids can't come over unsupervised if they are going to withhold information like that. They do need another chance, but they simply HAVE to communicate anything like this with you...

I would think they'd have mentioned it but I guess they considered it a non-event. I would mention that they told you and you just wanted the details in case there is a further problem. I don't think they meant to slight you.

I wouldn't have been upset. I'm not sure why you would want to be informed. It would not have occurred to me to relate such an incident to the parent if it had happened to a child in my care since there was no damage. I am sure that the grandparents didn't think it was important enough to report. I doubt they are trying to hide anything from you since the kids are old enough to tell you about it themselves. I wouldn't ask them about it because that would not serve any purpose. You already know what happened, and that it was kind of a non incident.

They took care of it. Let it go. So not a big deal.

Yes, I understand being irritated initially. Then I'd call them and ask them to call next time. This really is not worth being upset over. They are imperfect like the rest of us. My daughter and I both forget from time to time to clue the other one in. It happens.

Your post sounds like you're wanting to have a fight. Why? Your son is OK and needs no further care. They took care of the problem. I suggest you tell them you're glad that they rinsed out his eye and then ask that they tell you next time.

I would be upset, too. Don't call them mad. Realize that in their minds, they handled it and all is well. You just happen to be the kind of parent who wants to know EVERYTHING. I'm that way, and I have to understand that it doesn't register for everyone the same. I've had to explain that it's not a trust thing; I just want to KNOW.

Don't be mad at them. Just call and ask about it. You just want to be informed, AND you want to know to keep your eye on it. "Hey, Kim and Brian told me that some goo got into Brian's eye. What happened? So what did the instructions say about following up with the rinse? What should I be looking for over the next few days? Okay, just tell me next time somethign happens, please. That's the sort of thing that I would want to know." Let them know--without being insulting to them--that you want to be in the loop of everything that happens with your children. And thank them every time for handling it on their end.

PS. I get so annoyed with people who think that because they raised their own kids, you should just trust whatever decisions they make for yours. That is dumb. I don't want anyone treating them like they're their own kids. I want them to treat them like they're MINE. There's little room for ego in parenting, but if anybody gets to exercise ego when it comes to my children, it's gonna be this one right here. I call dibs. All you want is to be in the loop, and that's not asking too much.

I have not read all the other responses but I wanted to say that you are not wrong for wondering about it. I can tell you are not angry or defensive and it is an honest question. There are good ways to handle this and open up communication or make them afraid. Sometime when you are talking to them in a relaxed setting just say how much you appreciate them and how they love your kids. Say I know things are going to happen because they happen at home too. However it helps me if you think to mention it because the kids are going to tell me later anyway and then I'm not sure what if any follow-up is needed. I wasn't sure if they needed to get the eye checked the next day etc. If something does happen feel free to tell us so that we know. We love you and are not worried but we want you to not be afraid to tell us stuff that happens.
If it were me and I were the in-law I would be afraid that you would not trust me in the future and would not let me keep the kids so I would try to minimize it. They need to know that no matter what, you know they have the kids best interest at heart and it is OK if things happen you just want to know. The kids are old enough to give you a blow by blow anyhow so they might as well tell you first and laugh about it.

What's that statement about a village? Well in this case it was your in laws who took care of the incident. Perhaps in their excitement of having their grandkids they forgot. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

You can't keep your children protected 24/7/365 unless they are in a glass bubble. Things happen in life and you have to learn to roll with the flow. They are fine and they love their grandparents and they parent differently than you. If it were a broken bone I am quite sure they would have called you.

If you need assurance, contact the pediatrician for a review or the eye doctor. We all want to cushion the bumps in life but we can't. This is another perspective of parenting.

the other S.

I didn't expect my parents to tell me about every bump and scrape when my kid stayed with them. I would have only expected it if something happened that I needed to do followup care for.
He got gunk in his eye, they rinsed it out, he was fine. Case closed. No further action needed.

I wouldn't really be upset. The accident happened & was dealt with; apparently there weren't any lasting issues.
Like others have mentioned, if you want to bring it up I would just say something to the effect of, "The boys thought the glow sticks were great. "Child" said he busted his...does that stuff wash out ok?"
Very light & casual is how I would go.
Hope it all works out!

I've seen this dynamic in families before, where some babysitting members provide blow-by-blow, detailed accounts of everything that happened and everything that was eaten to one another.

And I have observed the opposite, with an all's well that ends well, thanks and thanks again, hope it was great, see you soon, sort of endings.

Personally, if there was no prolonged pain and everything was handled competently, I wouldn't expect a report.

My question is, is glow stick goo painful? IDK. Did the boys learn a lesson that breaking the tube is not a good idea? I hope so.