In Love at 12 Years Old?

I guess I should warn you both right now!
I subbed in the junior high last year. I have raised 4 junior highers. In the school we had one boy request sex from a girl. One girl boasted of a relative (in another town) having an abortion without her parents knowing. A few kids boast of their weekend drinking parties when they 'tagged along with brother'. The parents had no clue! We caught wind of these things because we were hearing the kids discuss it at school.

These kids do know about sex and do experiment. I was very careful with my kids. I never let a jr high kid out of my sight unless they were with another adult I absolutely trusted would watch them. That meant no football games (without me and they sit with me). That meant no dances unless I chaperoned. That meant no sleep overs unless I knew the parents were as paranoid as me. It is tough but it keeps the kids pure and you less worried.

There are parents out there that think this is all cute and fun. But it won't be fun if they have a 14 yr dying from AIDS, alcohol poisoning, or drugs.

Talk simply to your kids and confront them. Don't be afraid to say anything including the 'words' we tend to want to whisper.

I had a talk with my 14 yr old last week about the newest drug out--canned air. They inhale the can and get a buzz. Then if they do too much at once they die because their system cannot process oxygen properly.

Anyway...talk to your kid plainly about it all. Don't tell him he is too young to be in love-he will hate that. Do tell him that it is a young crush and yes girls are cute. Tell him it is okay to like girls like that (we are made to like the opposite sex) but it is not okay to ever go beyond that. If he says you are not letting him have a life, tell him he is 12, he has not earned the right to have a life yet. Junior highers don't 'get a life' yet. LOL ;-)

Good luck,
ts

hi K..

i have a son who is now in his 20's and i remember his first love and it was with a girl in his class, i don't think it lasted more than a week, try to be there for him when it ends. has the girl showen any intrest in him? i also have a 10 year old that is on his 3rd girlfriend this year and a 13 year old girl that seams to have dated every boy in her class and more time crying than i care to remember. i think it's part of growing up. good luck.
ruth sheppard

Hey there K.!
I think some of it is new verbage! I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old and I notice that instead of saying "they're going around" like I did when I was a kid (!), they say "She is *in love* with him" and they mean it like "she likes him" or "she has a crush on him". At least this is how its stated in my kids school. I think its really weird! Like.. what are the long term consequences of using language in this way?? What will they say when they really ARE in love?!
I hear you, and I hope mine dont get into that for a very very long time, though I suspect this will not be the case based on overhearing conversations between the two of them!
Goodluck!

A.-mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (6)

I have a thirteen year old and all you can do is listen and be there. We, as parents, know it is just puppy love, but to them it is the real thing. Also, if there will be any time spent together outside of school, be adamant that they be supervised by a responsible adult. This way you can avoid any "accidents". I encourage my son to talk to me about everything, and he does. I think it's because I wait to freak out and have my mini nervous breakdowns until he is asleep! lol

I am a mother of 3 boys. My oldest son is 14 yrs old and when he first started going through this development stage. I really could not handle it. I nearly lost my mind. But, I knew that I had to deal with it. Because, if I didn't it may have fallen in the hands of someone else and that someone else may not have the same values that I have.
I really don't have a male figure around. So, what I did was I start having positive male role models talk to him like my pastor, we both seeked counseling. Because, I had to know how to talk to he without going into shock. Because, in my mind I thought boys just grow up. I never knew boys went through changes like girls. I know it may sounds dumn. But, I am a woman (a female) and I don't know anything about being a boy growing up to be a man. But, I did know that I was not going to let the wrong person talk to my son. I strongly agree w/Tippi.
My son attends a all boys school and he would like to attend a school were there are girls. But, I tell him all the time you will be a MAN longer than you will be a BOY. So, enjoy life now as a boy and don't rush on being a MAN.
I allow him to hang out but, I am always there. And ALL sleepovers are pretty much all at my house. Because, I don't let anything get past me and I don't want him to feel pressure or tempted to do anything wrong.

So, I hope this helps you a little. This is just part of his development.

ag

You've got me. I do have to say that it seems like you and him have a close relationship which is really good. Your condo looks amazing!

Hi K.,im also worried,my son is 13 and going thru lots of changes phisicly,mentaly and emotionaly,i dont know how to deal with all of it.He had his first girlfriend(that i know of)he said they broke up because they wanted to "see other people".How do you comunicate with your son? I try to be cool about it when he tells me his things because I want him to trust me.