Impromptu Playdates

I think it's fine. I actually dislike when my kids friends have a set pickup time. It's easier on all of us to do what works best, which often is letting them stay as long as they are all getting along fine.

you know her. she's a friend. she has been pretty clear, apparently, that this arrangement not only works okay for her, she likes it.
what would she have to do to actually convince you?
khairete
S.

You're reading too much into it. If your friend says your daughter is welcome and it *helps* her to have a playmate for her own daughter, take her at her word. It's the same for you, right? You like having her daughter over? Why would you feel like you're taking advantage? It's an all round win-win situation for both of you. You're lucky - enjoy it!

As long as you reciprocate, it's all good. No need to feel guilty.

This is the norm. It's always better to have an extra kid around to entertain your own kid. As kids get older all playdates are impromptu. Parents prearranging playdates is more for nursery school kids.

So you are Loudon County?? Fairfax just had a two hour delay!!

As long as you are reciprocating the deal? I wouldn't have a problem.

I know it's a long time for 5 year olds, but really. If they are friends, including the mom? It's all good!!

Think you are reading too much into it. Enjoy!! Reciprocate!!

You're reading EVERYTHING in to "it" whatever "it" is. There is no "it." If it makes you feel better, then agree on a go home time when you make plans to send her over. You asked about go home time, you texted about it. Apparently the other parent really feels like it's no problem or she would have told you to come get her. Relax and enjoy your time. Next day off, have her daughter to your home for several hours.

In the old days, this was the norm. You are really overthinking this.

You clearly asked the mom to call you. Leave the rest up to her.

Don't read so much into it.

When my now 20yr old was younger, it was nothing to have the same friend at my house from Friday-Sunday. I never minded and the friends were never an intrusion.

We included them in famiky activities. Now, if we did have something to do or that came up, it was understood by both parties.

Enjoy while you can and reciprocate for this mom as well when you can. I never expected reciprocation but it sure was nice now and then!!

Enjoy the break. You are friends. She will call you.

Don't read too much into it, if she was ready for your daughter to go home she would let you know lol!
I agree that playdates are great because it keeps the kids busy and happy and out of mom's hair. Be glad that the kids get along so well and that both of you (moms) are relaxed about it :-)

I know you're grateful for this friend. I would call and talk, not text, and just ask if she's ready for you to pick her up. That way you can read her voice as well. I think texting is a great tool but a personal call is better.

My son and daughter have a friend each who could spend hours here and never be any trouble. They play and visit and have the best time. It's so nice when there's a friendship like that.

Enjoy and just check in periodically until you are comfortable. I would not say you are taking advantage when you have her to your house as well. One of my sons friends comes here more often sometimes primarily because I don't stay as busy as the other family does. Doesn't bother me in the least. I'm very grateful they share their son with our family.

Blessings!
L.

You are definitely not taking advantage. If the other mom was ready for your daughter to be picked up, she likely would have contacted you by now. I am actually like your neighbor in these situations. I have two kiddos, a 6 and 5 year old. We often host playdates at our house, and, similar to your post, I love having kids over for mine to play with. I can get a ton done while both kids are occupied without technology. I will often set up shop in the playroom and grade papers while they play. I don't mind keeping the kiddos, even for extended times, and usually the other parents will often do the same. Sometimes it may be three hours, others it may be 6. My thoughts on it are I hope the other parents are able to accomplish something, or take a lovely long nap, and I hope that the next time they host at their house, I am able to do the same.

Your daughter was invited, and you let the mom choose when to call you for pickup. All is good. :-)

You are reading too much into it. The mom is probably thrilled to have your child over to entertain hers. If you are worried, just check in with her. "I feel like I'm taking advantage of you -- am I?"

Enjoy!

I usually set play dates to last about 3 hours. I know my daughter is starting to get tired after that (also age 5) and she needs some down time. If they last longer it often leads to a grouchy mood or arguing or some kind of bad behavior.

I'm sure all is good - especially since you have talked about it with the mom in the past. And since this friend is your neighbor, it's very easy to send the kids back and forth. As long as you are hosting at your house about equally, you shouldn't see it as taking advantage.

I personally prefer to have an end time when kids are at my home. I feel opposite of you - I don't usually get more done, I find my space is being somewhat invaded. That being said, I like playdates, and I like when they end :)

But I'm more of an introvert, who has a somewhat type A personality - I like to know what to expect.

I would have started getting anxious after 4hrs. Just bc I like to have plans and know what is going on.
I also have had my fill of other children by 3 pm and wouldn't want to keep the other child past then

I think, with kids this age, things can go either way - and they can go differently on different days. Sometimes 5 year olds do very well over a long period of time, which gives them a full day and a chance for the mom to get things done (as in this case). Other times, one or both kids are tired or just not in good moods or getting along, and it's best to stop it before it spirals out of control.

I agree with Lori H. that calling is much better than texting - the personal contact lets you read the other parent's voice and mood, and you can have a much better exchange without wearing out your thumbs. If you drop off at 10:30, I'd have a pre-arranged check-in time of 12:30 or 1:00 (discuss lunch before you send her down) - at that time you call and discuss where things are at, how much "gas" the other mom thinks the kids have, and set up a pick-up time.

You're not taking advantage if the other parent says you are not, and if the kids part when they are still happy and have had a full day. If there is conflict between the kids (which doesn't mean they aren't friends - just that 5 year olds have limits), then you end it. If you feel better about it, set a check-in time as well as a final pick-up time no matter what's going on. So a 10;30 drop off, 1 PM check-in, and 3:30 pick-up (or whatever times you two parents agree on) works fine.

If you are friends with the mom and if you talk directly, this should work out fine. You're not taking advantage if it's helping! And both kids can get good and tired out and then have an early bedtime - good for you too!

I would make a timeframe if it bothers you. But if you are friends and everyone seems to be OK, then don't worry too much. Some kids my DD can play with for hours.

Hi V.,

It sounds like you need to learn how to negotiate a social boundary.

The second issue I see in your request is using a child to allow
you to do your work or her to do her work.

We need to engage our children when we are working, not send them off to entertain themselves without parental engagement.

We are seeing separation of relationships in the family from this
kind of thinking.

I suggest you find a Co-Dependents Anonymous support group
to learn some social skills in boundary setting.

Good luck.
D.

When my D has a play date I ask when I can pick her up or suggest a time. Usually a couple hours tops.