Im Stuck.....

there is a great website by Ellyn Satter and she has great books that are helpful as well! http://www.ellynsatter.com/ A rule of thumb that I have found to be difficult but works is - it's the parent's responsibility to offer nutritious, healthy foods to the child( at designated times) and it is the child's responsibility to choose what to eat and how much from these choices. Kids also need to be sitting down for meals and snacks at regular times of the day. It is normal for appetites in toddlers to fluctuate up and down.... I have an almost 2yo and it is difficult for me too! Hang in there!

Try Annabel Karmel's book, First Meals. There are tons of healthy finger food recipes for toddlers.

Hang in there! :)

Hi A.! I would just keep offering him nutritious foods to eat, and try to let him self feed. If he doens't eat, or throws it, then you take it away, and he doesn't eat until the next meal. I remember my doctor always, saying that they won't starve, and if they are truly hungry, they will eat what you give them. This also shows them you are in control!

My daughter (now 16 months) is independant and doesn't want help being fed(since about 10months old), so I gave up and just give her tons of finger foods like sliced grapes, green beans, steamed carrots, peas and pretty much anything I can make into bite size pieces. Sandwiches, pancakes, quesadillas, fish, deli sliced meat, chicken, meatballs, pasta, any kind of fruit.....just cut them small and let him go for it. I could go on forever since I have to do this all the time. She pretty much eats what we eat, I just let her do it herself. Yes, it is messy, but it takes just a few minutes to clean up and she is happy and full and I know she ate well. My daughter is now beginning to use the spoon, but that skill doesn't come easy. I just put stuff like applesauce, yougurt, mashpotatoes in a bowl and let her practice. that kind of stuff is sticky, so if they even touch in spoon to it, it sticks and it rarely falls off.
Good luck.

Dear A.,
Take it from a 54 year old mom, and Daycare Provider of 72, (retired).Give the child his own foods ,if you continually let him try to feed himself, he may make messes, but that's how we all learned, non of us died from making the mess as a child or as mom's cleaning it up.Eat with your child, Children learn what they live and he will also pick up from watching you.
Hope these couple tips help you out.
Sincerely, Sassi

I just got your message about picky eating. We've been doing a little better, but still experimenting. I agree, there should be a toddler cookbook.
I started giving my son potato soup and he loves it. And in the morning I mix his Cheerios with yogurt instead of milk to make it thicker. These foods work well, since they are thick enough to stick to the spoon. I bought some double cat food bowls (my husband laughed his head off when he saw) because I figured he can't tip them over as easily. Then I make sure he's got his sleeves rolled up and a good bib, I give him a spoon and let him get some practice. He does a lot better at eating when he gets to do it himself. I just have to look the other way, and plan on cleaning up later. I only do it 5-6 times a week, depending on if I'm up for the mess. It's hard to let him be messy, but I also know he needs the practice or he'll never learn to use a spoon.
Good luck with your endeavors!

You are stuck - what you are stuck in is a power struggle over food - which is NOT something you want. Let him win this one.

It has been time for a long while now for him to feed himself. Put the spoon down and back away, thorw a plastic mat on the floor under his chair and let me do it himself He can eat almost everything you do in smaller softer peices. You may still want to avoid the allergy items (peanutbutter, honey...) Cook veggie longer, cut meat into finger sized peices - cool rice or pasta.

He should also be eating what you do, the same time your family eats so that he develops a good food idenity. Food is supposed to be enjoyed by the family, all the talk of eating meals together is true - its family bonding and develops healthy eating habbits early.

There are 3 things that I can not do for my daughter or make her do - sleep, eat or go potty - those are things that she owns all herself and where power struggles can occur. Just let them win and the struggle in these areas will stop.

=) I know it's not funny but there is so much cleanup involved and your son is at the age where he wants to feed himself and can. Our triplets are 2 1/2 and we stil have that but they are getting better. There are all kind of recipe sites online for things they can eat with their hands but try pieces of chicken, ham, turkey, fish, peas, green beans, kidney beans, cubed baked potatoes, grilled cheese on whole wheat, etc. And, onestepahead.com has spoons that are angled sideways so they don't have to turn the spoon to get it in their mouths - that migth help too. I started the kids on Cheerios and chasing them in the bowl while they floated in milk helped too =) I know it's sometimes frustrating to have to clean up so much but with practice, they start to feel like "big kids" and you will revel in the moment they tell you they can eat like one =)

Hi. My son was like that. I just let him eat by himself. I put a plastic sheet under his chair and he was on his own (with me in a chair next to him of course).
Also I do have a couple of cookbooks that really helped me. I could lone them to you. I don't think you can get them anymore. I live in the Everett area.
A.

He needs a utensil. Strip him down, plop him in the highchair (or wherever you eat) and let him eat. I'm a little shocked you haven't given him a utensil yet. Don't worry about the mess, they are washable.

My youngest son is 21 months old and started not liking me feeding him a few months ago also. Its the I can do it myself independence stage. If his daycare provider and others are letting him feed his self then he is more apt to always do it himself. My son also dumps most of the food off his spoon or fork befor reaching his mouth. I just let him keep trying and practicing. It is more of a mess but they need to learn. You may also see him just use his hands after awhile of not getting much food in his mouth with the spoon or fork. After awhile he will get the use of them after awhile. Also I searched for shorter handled spoons and forks to make it easier and my son seems to better with the shorter ones.

C.

Hi A.

I'd suggest you go with it and let him make a mess. There are bibs you can buy that are like painter's smocks: they tie in the back and are like a shirt with full sleeves. I used those with my kids. They made a mess but when they were done I'd wash their face and hands, throw the bib in the wash machine and away we'd go. Easy.

It will get better.

C.

Hey A.!
Ahh, the age old problem. My feeling is at 23 months he is old enough to feed himself. Just keep offering him nutritious food, and when he's hungry he'll eat. Hard as that is for you, it's all you can do. If he's growing, he'll be fine. Offer a chewable vitimin if you're concerned.
A.

My now 6'2" 23-year-old son decided at 18 months - and continuing until about 26 months - that he would eat by himself, and only as much as HE wanted. Our wonderful pediatrician told me that this was one fight not to try to win. As long as you make the food available to them, they'll eat enough. His nurse told me, "Isn't it wonderful that a 2-year old can live on 3 peas and air a day!" Whole grain pasta (so many fun shapes), cut up steamed vegies, blueberries and other fruit, whole grain bread, cheese, beans. Make sure you're only giving him milk and water to drink. Don't let him fill up on juice! Good luck! You'll look back on this and laugh in a few years when he and a friend can consume an entire large pizza in one sitting - and not gain an ounce!

My youngest is 14 months and already doing this. I just give her the spoon and let he go for it. It's dang messy but she eats in a diaper and a bib. My twins ate the same way forever because they too were independent eaters. When she is tired of the spoon (which she is pretty good with in my opinion) she just digs her finders in and eats with them; yogurt, applesauce, whatever she doesn't care.
As far as the finger food thing is concerned, you can make almost anything into finger food if you get really inventive lol. Annabel Karmel has quite a few good books out on foods for kids. Another good book for sneaking in healthy stuff to food kids love is Deceptivly Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld.
I say strip him down and get lots of pictures of the mess!

A.

I Love that name. It is the name of my almost 6 year old daughter. Your son sounds like he is a big boy now and at 23 months he is . He will be two soon. He needs to learn to feed himself. Yes, it is messy I Know ! I have 3 kids myself. However, learning the spoon and fork trick only take a few weeks of practice.
Find cute bowls and silverware sets for children. Also try bowls that stick to the high chair tray so he can't dump its contents. My children were feeding themselves very well by 18 months because I let them practice when they wanted to at 9- 10 monhts, A cute disposable mat that you can use through several meals is easy to keep floor clean and disposes nicely in trash.

Congrats on your new job and I hope I was helpful.

Polly Mother of 3 adorable daughters

wow, you still feed your 23 month old? way to go for your patience! The other advice here is great, I just wanted to reccomend 2 books that changed my life;
Sugar Free Toddlers by Susan Watson
The Brown Bag Cookbook by Sara Sloan
Order them Online Soooo cheap, google them and then choose the cheaper options (amazon always gives you cheaper options to click on)

A.... I love frozen veggies, scrambled eggs, fresh fruit, pretzels, string cheese... all of those have nutritional value. my 14 month old loves all of them and he can eat them by himself. You don't have to buy toddler food, spoon feed, or fix special meals. Also, if you give him bits of something like tofu or chicken breast, allow him to try to feed himself with his fingers, but also give him a fork to try to eat on his own... give him macaroni and cheese with a spoon so he can practice that way too. He will eventually get it. I am surprised that you have been feeding him for this long without him insisting to do it himself. When my three older kids (12, 11, 8) were learning how to feed themselves, we bathed them twice a day on a regular basis... it's messy, but they need that independence. Our doctor says that it is important for him (our son) to eat what we eat and that they learn by doing the best... and it's been my experience that it's true.

Unfortunately that is how kids learn to eat. This to shall pass. Let m feed himself he will be good at it before you know it.

Will he let you hold his hand? Also I have found that I can make dim-sum with biscuit. The flaky layers biscuits in a can pealed into layers. Then add whatever inside. Seal it up and steam them about 10 min. You can make them whatever size you need and they freeze well, microwave great and use up leftovers perfactly.

A.. My daughter does this at times too.

I tell her that if she wants to do it, then use her spoon. I have to sit there and say "use your spoon" over and over again. If she doesn't then I pick up the bowl and spoon and I get to do it. If she refuses my feeding her then I say "Ok, you can do it but use your spoon" again. Some meals we go back & forth with the bowl and spoon 10 times. The game goes on. STick to it.

She's much better now. Usually I get about 3/4 through her meals before she gives up the spoon for fingers. I always give her something that she can eat with her fingers for the second half of her meal. It's fun for her to know that she gets to use fingers for her mixed veggies at the end.

Dear A.: Welcome to parenthood!! This is just the beginning of the 1000's of control issues you have to look forward to. Out of frustration, you are giving him finger food, because you want him to eat something; my guess is he likes those things just fine!! At 23 months, he understands way more then he wants you to know, the trick here is to let him get hungry, tell him this is what is to eat, and if he says no, he must not be hungry yet! This is very effective, he may then want to do it himself, trust me he will eat, and when he is full he will start playing with it, tell him he must be done, and take it away. This is a repitition thing, and soon, he will eat what you want him to eat, at least some of it!!! They have mastered control by like 4 months, and they are so cute and helpless, you don't even see it! So starts the game! I have 2 beautiful daughters, that put me through way more than my imagination was ready for, but you learn, and remember that he's thinking when he's trying to get his way, so anything is possible!! My daughters are 23 and 21, and I have 2 grandsons, my motto: Grandchildren are God's gift, for not killing your own!! It is all worth it in the end, just keep your mind sharp, and crawl around on the floor every once in a while just to see what he see's. Enjoy every moment, R.

Sounds like the same phase each of my 3 kids has gone thru. Here's what I did:
"this is the meal. Eat it or don't." I took this a step farther with my middle child and said "eat it now, or eat it later" and would save it for him for the next scheduled snack or meal ... and the next ... and the next. Until he is hungry enough to eat it. I have done this when I know he "can" eat the food (he's not allergic to it, he has liked it in the past), but refuses to do so. He is now 8 years old and have had to do this only a couple of times. Also, I make sure the food does taste good before I give it to him each time, "doctoring" it as needed with more ketchup, sugar, food coloring, whatever works. :) I understand tastes change over time, so I try to be reasonable and compromise on amounts required to be eaten. But when he tries for a power play ("NO! I WON'T EAT THIS!")... he just set the rules. (He'll be eating that or nothing!)
Hope you don't need to use this method as it is not easy on mom. But who said parenting was easy! Good luck!

My daughter just went through a week where she wouldn't eat. Anything. Period. Not from me, not from herself. (I take that back...she'd eat a piece of chocolate if I offered it.) If your son will feed himself, I'd say just let him go for it. Ikea has some AWESOME bibs - plastic, with sleeves, and a pocket. With one of those on, my daughter can't get herself dirty. Just give him a bowl full of whatever you're eating and let him go for it. If he's hungry, he'll eat it. If he's not hungry, he won't...and I think it's just one of those weird Toddler Things - sometimes they just aren't hungry! If he's almost 2, he's definitely old enough to be feeding himself the MAJORITY of the time. If he doesn't like a spoon, I guess he'll learn how to use it later, right? Toddler foods...sticks of cheese, slices of fruit. My daughter loves buttered toast with cinnamon and sugar. Rice is also great, because she can pick it up in clumps. She LOVES Rice a Roni (or similar). I mix in cheese for protein. Does that help?

hi A., there is a cook book just like that already, written by the Le Leche League group, you might be able to call a local group and inquire about it.. really great ideas in it for your problem.. I would get rid of the spoon food for a while and let him eat with his fingers. why not?? spaghetti, veggies, fruit, macandcheese are all great finger foods, in fact every thing can be fed by fingering.. except baby food, maybe that is what you have to stop feeding him>> >>?? good luck, D.

Lots of great responses, but I'll add mine too. For things needing a spoon, I either let my little ones dip in it (graham crackers in yogurt, etc) or thicken it so it doesn't fall off the spoon (put so many crackers in the soup that it's more solid than liquid) until spoons can be successfully used. Or, just put enough milk in the cereal to moisten it, rather than a bowlful that will just spill. And let the little guy use a fork, as stabbing is alot easier than keeping stuff on a spoon. Once he's good at that, he'll get better with a spoon.

I have to agree with some of the other mom's, ANYTHING can be a finger food. And don't worry so much, he'll eat enough to get his fill. My kids are all grown now, but what I did was to put them in diapers and a bib, and be sure his high chair is in the kitchen over tile, or have something down under him. Give him a spoon, and let him go at it. He has to learn how. If you can give him a bite with another spoon periodically, great. It'll give him the idea of what to do. But children learn by doing.

It doesn't sound like he's a picky eater, just independent. Even if he is a picky eater....personally, I wouldn't force the issue too much. I learned a lesson with my oldest. (you know how those always seem to be your learning curve...) I forced him to eat everything....and now he'll eat NOTHING. With my girls, I tried another technique, and they eat everything. I just asked them to taste it and give things a chance, even if they didn't like it the last time they tried it...

Good luck, and try to just enjoy the moments, grab a camera and save the memories. :)

[chuckle] This is where I am with my 19 month old twins. I've actually found that everything except soup, jello, pudding, yogurt and the like CAN be fingerfoods!

Steamed veggies cut into bite sized pieces are great. (Carrots, broccoli, zuchini, etc.) Frozen veggies work well, too. (Peas, carrots, corn.) Corn on the cob is a new favorite. (I take the KFC corn, remove the stick and cut it in half. The twins LOVE to nibble the corn kernels off!)

I always keep cooked, plain whole wheat pasta in the refrigerator. The twins gobble this down when it's cold and plain, or warm and covered with parmasian/reggiano cheese and/or veggies.

Cold or room temperature mac 'n cheese works surprising well as a fingerfood. Actually, mashed potatoes does too.

Fruit (bananas, pears, apples, cherries, mandarin oranges, and canned fruit cocktails) cut into bite sized pieces are ALWAYS a huge hit.

Meat (whatever we're having that is cut into bite-sized pieces) is always popular.

Breakfast is the only meal I usually feed them. (Because, let's face it, you just can't really make oatmeal and cereal into a fingerfood no matter HOW hard you try!) I don't put them into their high chairs for this. I sit down with a bowl and feed them from "my" bowl - a la baby bird. They gobble it down because they think it's MY food, and don't try to take the spoon. (French toast cut into bite-sized pieces works great, though!)

Well I am in the same boat and have been for a year. I have actually found only 2 things that are not finger food for a toddler. Soup and cereal (with milk or hot). everything else she manages very well. If you dont let him use the spoon and practice with it he will never learn. If he will let you, guide his hand to his mouth so he can see how to do it (over and over and over again). They have special spoons that are all bent and stuff but that just is one more thing to hassle with for me (like finally breaking it of them, or eating out anywhere but home).
with toddlers its all about mess and you just have to allow it.
I didnt let my daughter have utentils (because she flipped stuff ALL OVER) for a long time before I realised I was holding her back. I started stabing her food with the fork and then letting her put it in her mouth and I started things like mashed potatoes (because they stick) on a spoon so she could learn that too. And guiding her to teach her is working really well, as well as eating with her so she can see how I do it (and big brother). She always has the utensils now but she usually ends up holding it with one hand and eating the food with the other LOL.
Good Luck, Jen
p.s. I learned that soup works really well when you slurp the broth through a straw (make sure its cool enough) before eating the chunks, cuts down on the mess and its lots of fun for them.

I'd suggest letting him learn how to use a spoon! Sure, there will be messes at first, but he's gotta learn eventually! And it doesn't take them long to pick it up and figure out how to get the food from the plate to the mouth.

Hello,
Get the few bites in when you can. Otherwise, just let him eat on his own. Even if he eats everything with his finger what's the harm, a messy boys? Make sure to offer him the spoon and fork. Model how to use the spoon and fork and talk to him as you use yours, "Look at mommy using her spoon. I am scooping up my applesause." Good luck!

There is a toddler cookbook called Feed Me I'm Yours that's really quite good. I agree with just letting the child feed himself- he'll figure it out when he's hungry. My twins have been feeding themselves since before they were one and were messy but now are very independent.

At almost 2 years old I would absolutely have him feeding himself. I take care of a 19 month old, and she was feeding primarily feeding herself by 13 months. I do pasta, cut up fruits and veggies, you can cut meat into small bite sized pieces. Anything you are having, he can eat as well. Be brave, and let him try an item at least 3-4 times before you decide he won't eat it at all. Have fun too! Don't force it, and talk things up to him. Make a big deal about how good it is. Good luck!

This is totally normal! My 20 month old tank will starve before he will let me feed him anything (even his favorites). You really need to give him the opportunity to learn and let him make a mess. By 23 months, you should not be feeding him anymore... he is a big boy. He knows this, and is proud of himself...that is why he refuses to let you help. Give him the same food the rest of you are eating, and let him eat it however he wants. My son eats applesauce by the handful! Give him his spoon, and he will try his best for a couple of minutes (my son turns it upside down too), and then he will get hungry, give up, and use his hands. He cannot learn to use a spoon and fork unless he tries and fails MANY MANY times.

Hey A., I have three beautiful kids now, but boy when my oldest was a baby I could not get him to eat. I would get soo frustrated because I had these "expectations" of how much he should be eating. Plus he was in the 25% for his weight, so I thought I was starving him. What my advice to you is; if he is hungry, he will eat. Let him feed himself, or simply if he is hungry enough then he'll eat. I wasted so much time, energy, frustration on it..but you know what, it was never worth the fuss. My son is fine to this day, he is still a bird, still skinny, but it is him. I have to force him to eat more some days, but don't let this get in the way of you two. I know what it is like being a first time mommy with expectations, but just RELAX, DON'T stress, he will eat when he is hungry. :)
(side note: when my son has a growth spurt now, he will practically eat me out of house and home!)

A. -

I've read most of the responses to your questions - all great ideas! There IS a book out, that I used with my two children. It's by Vicky Lansky and it's called "Feed Me I'm Yours". (Over 2 million copies sold back when I bought it about 12 years ago or so...) It has delicious/nutritious/FUN things you can cook up for your kids - from babies thru toddlers. I LOVED THIS BOOK! You can get it on Amazon brand new for $8 or as little as $4(which includes S&H)for a used book. Hope this helps!

It's time for YOU to to put down the spoon. Actually, you could have put it down at about 12-14 months. Just let him feed himself. Research has shown that toddlers who are spoon-fed for longer than necessary have much higher obesity rates. So, let him finger-food away, and he will do just fine. You may have to add an additional snack time or two, but no biggee.

And the finger food book would be fantastic! I want to see it in bookstores, too.

A.

Hi A., You sound like a wonderful mother. YOur son is very lucky.:) It probably seems a bit scary to think that your son may not be getting all the food/nutrients that he needs if he feeds himself, and it ends up all over him or the his tray instead, but if you can...let him feed himself. Your son seems very smart and after a few times of eating an empty spoon he'll pay close attention to what he is doing and try to figure out a way to do it differently. May I also suggest that you sit next to him with a bowl of something that requires a spoon to eat with and show him how you hold the spoon and bring it to your mouth. He will watch you very closely. Plus, when he succeeds at doing it right he'll feel like he did it all by himself. :) Your son may be an individual who wants to learn by doing... Good luck and I hope that if you do this, it helps. :)

good for you working at Head Start.. my son is going to one here and it is such a wonderful program!!

I wonder if he might have some sensory issues that affect his ability to handle certain textures. I was still feeding my son pureed baby food at 1 year old because he did not like the texture of the baby food that had bits and pieces in them. He would spit it out or isolate those pieces and spit them out.

Think about what he is refusing and see if there is a certain texture he seems to avoid.. or taste

there are books out that offer creative ideas for getting kids to eat.. like using cookie cutters to cut his sandwich in shapes that he will enjoy.. or giving names to certain things that will make them inviting (my son likes "cowboy eggs" there are other names for it but it is basically a fried egg in the hole cut ouf a piece of break cooked in the pan together)

games like naming each bite one of his favorite super hero or cartoon character helps too... with my son I would send in venom (from spiderman) first.. then spiderman next to catch venom.. he really liked that!

for some kids it is a test of the wills... so games help.... he is definitely at that age to see who can play boss.

good luck

J.

My son was an indpendent little cutie from the get go. At 10 months he was done with a bottle and by 14 months would much rather feed himself and NOT with little kid forks and plates he wanted the same as mommy and daddy. I was worried he wasn't getting enough nutrition, but his peditricitian assured me he was getting what he needed. Most veggies are finger foods and most foods if cut up small enough work that way too. At 2 his favorite food was mushroom and spinach pizza! Now he thinks I'm crazy for feeding that to him (he's 5).

On the healthier side, make your own chicken nuggets with chicken breasts and store bought bread crumbs - a little olive oil in the pan and baked works great. We also call broccoli "broccoli poppers" and trees.

Don't worry, and if you are ask his peditrician

I have a little boy, almost 23 months too (and a 3.5 yr old.) I bet your little guy would LOVE to be in charge of feeding himself at this point. :o) My opinion, and my experience tell me to just let your son go for it on his own. It will be VERY messy, but that is just part of having kids. Ha ha. Try to give him things thick in texture if it is messy. I bet he will surprise you with how quickly he picks it up! Both my boys learned VERY quickly. They both still end up pretty messy at meal time, but that is just life, you know?! Neither of them will let me feed them at all! Some ideas that are good for finger food are pasta (like spaghetti, but use big curly noodles), beans, corn, small chunks of veggies or diced fruit, diced cheese, etc. And, use a tiny little spoon and let him scoop his own thick yogurt, baked beans, etc. Oh, and great ideas for breafast are breakfast bars and a bowl of dry cereal! Good luck! He will learn quickly and you will probably find you end up with some free time WHILE he is eating rather than having to sit with him the whole time! :o) Meal time is my FAVORITE time!