I'm So Angry, I Could Just Spit!

So sorry for you. Let it go and get some rest! Ignore the comments.

And, btw, ladies this is not "typical man" behavior. My husband would never do that! I don't like the male bashing.

I agree with the others. Don't worry about the house. You are sick, which is a great excuse.

Hubby is just going to have to suck it up.

First of all, stop cleaning like a maniac. If your husband wants it done, he'll get it done. And if his mother makes a comment, be sure to tell her that you both work and you've been sick all week. End of story. How rude of her to comment on your housekeeping skills.

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Yes you are justified at being mad. The whole napping in the bedroom while the kids are awake is a pet-peeve of mine.

Go rest. Don't do anything else. In fact, call your inlaws and explain that you are sick and that baby girl is sick. They will understand.

Hubby's visit = hubby does most of the cleaning.

He's being unreasonable.
Men can generally focus on O. thing at a time.
Example: I'm beebopping through the family room after having grocery shopped, cleaned the bathrooms, paid some bills, to see my husband sitting. Just sitting. So I bite. "Whatcha doin'?" The answer? "Laundry."
Ummmm....no...you're sitting there. Oh...the clothes are in the dryer so you sit and WAIT? LOL

You've tried, you've said what needs to be done. Make him a detailed list of what HE wanted done in the first place. Go rest. His fate rests in his own hands.

Oh! And ignore your MIL's snarky comments....or offer her a job to do since you're sick.

How about a laugh?

Here's a "happy thought": NEXT TIME this happens (it will), you sneak the kids out to your mom's house for the night, come back home and fall asleep. Preferably with the back door left open. "Where are the kids?!? You went to sleep and left them on their OWN?????"

You'll probably never do this, but it's a happy little fantasy if your husband is they type who would care that his kids were missing (mine isn't).

Go back to bed.

I'll bet this is repeating pattern, and every time he doesn't help, you step it up and get it done anyway.

I'd just tell him that the house will NOT look neat unless he's willing to pitch in and do (name 3-6 specific jobs) by the time your in-laws arrive. Promise to do what you can, but you wouldn't be able to do everything yourself even if you felt great.

Just like we let the consequences fall when kids goof off, we can do the same thing with husbands. He had/has the chance to make the house look the way he wants. If he's not willing to get behind that preference, oh, well, the world will keep turning.

You have every right to be peeved!!! YOu should not have cleaned anything...You need your rest and that's why you haven't gotten any better because of all the work you've been doing. Your Hubby hasn't done enough to help you. At this point if you are going to enjoy your inlaws you need your rest. If the rest of the house doesn't get cleaned too frickin bad...Sounds to me like your DH needs to pick up the slack.

Don't worry about it. You're sick. I'm sure your MIL will see that you're sick and understand. And if not, oh well. Your husband should have helped and if/when he makes any comments, remind him about the time he spent sleeping when HE could have been doing something. I would be steaming mad also!

I'm guessing this isn't the first time your husband hasn't been much help in your home?? Since it's Friday and you're still sick:

If you can afford it, call the "Merry Maids Service" or what cleaning services are available in your area.

If you can't afford it, do you have a couple of friends who might come to your rescue.

Since your husband's family are staying elsewhere, just meet up with them instead of having them over.

Let your husband "swing in the breeze" and forget about what his mother may think of your housekeeping skills, if he's not willing to pick up the slack when you are sick.

Hope you feel better soon....now go take a warm bath, put the kids down for a nap and you take a rest too!

Blessings....

All I have to say is I am furious and stressed out for you!

You are super sick. Your kid is sick. You should not be cleaning at all. You guys need to be resting, end of story.

Sometimes, I think us women are so good at holding it all together, despite having a million things on our plates including jobs, sickness etc, that our husbands EXPECT perfection. My thought is, you are barely hanging on, stressed out of your mind, sick as a dog, and you are still out there cleaning the freaking garage, so your husband probably thinks "Oh, she isn't THAT sick!" Because we ALL know how men behave when they have the smallest sniffle, LOL. Please, stop cleaning. Simply tell your husband, " I am too sick to be cleaning. Please do not bother me while I am resting. Hopefully if I rest enough, I can be well for tomorrow night's dinner." Then shut and lock your door and GO LAY DOWN! Your hubby will figure it out. Either he will get the house clean by himself, or he will call Merry Maids, or he will have his parents visit in a neutral location rather than coming to your house, or he will tell them to be forgiving about the house because it has been a hellish week. It is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Good luck, and get well soon.

I'd leave it the same way it is. That was the only way to get my dh to help. we had a get together and he expected me to do all the clean up, well what a surprise when he got home and in two hours the guest were going to be there. So I left and when I got back in two hours he had cleaned the entire house. I simply asked him, did it hurt you to do that? He chuckled and said he got the point. Now when guest come he's sure to help do the big dirty work but daily clean up is on his list too. It takes two to mess it up it'll take two to clean it up. Simply don't do it.

Are the inlaws all staying at your house? If they are have your husband clean their bathrooms and their rooms.

Then just let the inlaws know you have been super sick and husband has been working, so you are sorry the house is a disaster and then you excuse yourself and go to bed.

You are not going to get well if you do not get rest.

Your husband will either step up or drop the ball, you cannot help it you are ill.

It sounds like something that would happen in my house. Very maddening and ridiculous. You don't say when your in-laws are supposed to actually come to your house. If it's not today or tomorrow, there is time. I agree with the cleaning service if possible. If not, can your husband clean tonight or any other time? Tell him it's his parents and if he wants his house clean, it's partly up to him. I totally get the bad reflection on you though. It's so unfair. I"m lucky that my MIL isn't a good housekeeper herself so now I just don't care. I'm actually super neat but now if she comes, I'm not bending over backwards to have it all perfect. I don't care what she thinks of me. I know what I do vs what her son does and have no guilty feelings that I'm not holding up my end of the bargain so screw what she thinks (if she thinks anything). So you could go with that attitude. Tell them you've all been really sick and "Joe" was going to help but didn't get aroudn to it. Or if you're not looking forward to Saturday, stay home and get some time to yourself and clean the house leisurely. I'm sure you want it cleaned-up for yourself too. If it makes you feel better, I've been asking my husband why a grown man needs to nap on weekends like he does. For f's sake!!

I feel really sorry for you and mad at him on your behalf but, you have to stop letting yourself be taken advantage of.
Examples:
"Tuesday i felt really awful, but I did the kitchen except for the floors" - Why did you do that? If you felt awful you should have been sleeping.
"On Wednesday we cleaned out the garage together.the entire time I was coughing and wheezing." Why? Did he physically force you to do it? Again, you should have been sleeping.
Etc.
It doesn't have to be this way. You need to stand up for yourself.
My husband's parents got into town yesterday and my husband spent Wednesday night cleaning the entire house while watching our toddler at the same time (I was working late). After having gotten through a crazy week with Halloween and working 2 12-hour days that week himself. I didn't lift a finger.
I'm not saying this to brag. I just want you to know it doesn't have to be this way. Your husband has got to step up but he won't do it until you step down and stop cleaning.

He was sleeping while he was supposed to be watching the kids! OH NO! I'd be savng that screaming and stomping for when I had the energy to dish it out!! I'd leave the house a mess and let your inlaws see how sick you are and that he didn't help.

I got REALLY sick in September, like couldnt move sick (flu Sat-Sun and then strep from Sun-Thursday) and my husband had a guys night planned for months. He was the driver since he doesnt drink and the rest of them do. I couldn't do anything at all and my 8 year old who is great at helping was at a friends for the night. He went anyways. He put my 6 year old at the table with dinner and our 4 year old was passed out in his bed. It was already 9pm but still! If there had been an emergency I'm not sure I could have handled it. A few weeks later for our anniversary I got 2-1 carat bands to replace my wedding band and an anniversary band...he knew he messed up.

Wow, that totally sucks. :( I would be upset w my husband too, but like someone else said some husbands cannot multitask with housecleaning and watching kids. For whatever reason my husband cannot (or chooses not to) either. If he cooks dinner he cannot also watch kids, clean up the kitchen while cooking, put away groceries, and pick up stuff in the livingroom. Why is it I can do that all at the same time and he cannot? Anyway, so sorry to hear you are sick. Try to stop being stressed out bc I am sure your in-laws will understand that you are sick and that is why things are not so clean. Also, make your husband a detailed list of some things to do that he can check off. Maybe that will help (like wash fingerprints off the walls). Get well soon!

Typical man.

Sorry but they all need hand holding and do not understand that if you are THAT SICK (laying down, trying not to vomit, etc) you cannot do all the cleaning and other responsibilities you normally take care of.

I would have been really upset that he was sleeping - but that is a huge pet peeve of mine. I understand everyone gets tired but c'mon - unless you are sick is it necessary to take a nap when you know there are things that need to be done.

Can you get a cleaning person to come and do the house? Really it isn't that expensive (i don't know about the fancy places like Merry Maids but a reg cleaning person charges like $20/hr) and for $50 or so your house will be clean - you will not have to stress about it - and maybe if you can get away with it - shut yourself in your room while they are there and grab a nap yourself.

Good luck!!!

You are totally justified in being ticked!

Mine says he goes to work and he doesn't make messes so he should not have to clean anything at all. It's BS

My husband is one of those men that almost never takes the initiative with cleaning. If I want something clean either I have to give him very specific instructions or I have to do it myself. We've discussed this many times, and he actually doesn't mind being asked. His brain just doesn't work the way mine does - to see everything that needs to be done. I have the same frustrations though - my hubby doesn't really help ever either. My problem is that I don't want to be a task master and I don't want to nag, but he honestly doesn't think of it. So I have to make lists and assign them.

Give assignments and set clear expectations. You really should have done that from the beginning, but it's better that his family doesn't come over anyway. Sadly, you had to be stressed this whole week while you were still hoping your husband would help.

It's really important to know what is expected ahead of time so you don't do this to yourself (you don't allow it to happen) again. Sit down with him ahead of time and make sure he knows what he needs to contribute. It really will help.

This clearly is worse for you because you're sick but...does he usually do this even when you're well? Do you seem to have all the responsibility, all the time (sick or well) for the household chores, food and getting the kids to bed? You don't say. But I'd bet you do. That's the real and bigger issue -- not that he is doing nothing while you're sick but that he is used to doing nothing (or next to it, or what HE thinks has priority like the garage) all the time. If that is the case, when you are calmed down and not sick -- so he can't say "Oh, you're just cranky because you're sick" -- you and he need to have a sit-down talk, when no kids are around, maybe even someplace outside home, and lay out for him using those classic discussion terms: "When you do....I feel...."

"When I come home and the kitchen is dirty after you feed the kids without me, I feel that I'm being expected to clean up after everyone, every time." And so on.

Then: You are not too old for chore charts. Seriously. If he does not have set chores that are all his, every single week, establish them together. You must be on the chart too. But he has to be held accountable.

I'm not the best to give you advice cause I'm sitting in your same boat (doing all the house work)....but heck, why not :)

Every time my husband's family comes for a visit (they usually stay at our house) I go nuts getting things just so for their visit. I stress myself out and worry about what my inlaws will think of my house keeping skills.

It has taken several visits but I have finally decided to say %$#^@. Why am I stressing myself out? It's my world and I do my best. If my inlaws want to pass judgment let them. They don't live in my world and have never walked in my shoes. Their last visit I told my husband I wasn't doing anything out of my normal cleaning and he couldn't believe it (and a bit annoyed by it). I told him if he wanted anything specific done he would need to tell me AND help it get done. Needless to say he didn’t specify anything AND nothing out of the ordinary was done.

I can say my inlaws have never passed judgment on my house keeping skills (at least not that I’ve heard) but my mother-in-law always cleans while she’s there (I work). It use to bother me but once she polished the dog bowls to the point of shining (looking new) and I got over it.

My advice is if he doesn’t care to put in the work to prep for their visit you should either sick or health.