Ideas for Separation Anxiety?

J.,

I have an almost 20-month old and he is the same way. I work full-time and he goes to daycare. Some days he is clingy and won't let me go, other days he runs up to the daycare teachers and doesn't look back. Same thing at home. I'm a single mom so it's just him and I in the apartment. It's not that big of an apartment, but I sometimes get followed into the kitchen, followed into the bathroom, etc. I can't have 1 minute by myself in my house until he goes to bed. And that's perfectly ok with me.

I have found that keeping him occupied takes his mind off of it. I use his bathroom when he's awake. In there is a little potty for him. I try to teach him to sit on it when I go so he can try to understand what it is for. Anyway, I find that encouraging him to see what I do works for me rather than pushing him out of the room for my own privacy. He'll grasp it as he gets older, but soon enough he'll be in his teens asking me to drop him off down the block so his friends don't see me :)

Good luck, and it will pass. It's just a phase, I think, that comes and goes.

We just went through something VERY similar with my 11 month old. It was terrible - I couldn't even take him to the sitters because he woke up all the other kids from their naps so she then had 6 cranky kids - needless to say it was bad! Thankfully, it only lasted about 2 weeks, and he is now doing much better - there are still moments, especially when he is tired. From what I have heard/seen from other moms, unfortunately they just have to get past it and you are doing all the right things...
Good luck and few headaches!

My son went through the same thing. My husband felt terrible about it. He felt our son didnt love him and he was very hurt. You could try to make a memory book for her. I got the idea from my daughters preschool. For the children who go to preschool for the first time they asked the parents to bring in 12-15 pics that would make your children think of home or something special if/when they got sad and lonesome at school. You could just take one of those little photo albums and put pics of you and her and her and dad or whatever and have her keep that with her. When you go to do a load of laundry have her sit on the steps with her book and look at a pic of you. Its just an idea I dont know if it will work. My daughter, who is 5 y/o, still looks at her lonesome book and shows it off to people when they come over. So its obvious to me she takes something special away from looking at it.
S.

Hello J.!

Sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds to me like she misses you - she doesn't want Daddy because he is there more. You can try to do something with her just before you need or want to get something done. I just got an email last month from family minute that said to help with problems like this, give them some very good quality time just before you need to cook or leave or whatever. That should satisfy their need to be with you and then maybe she'll be a happy camper. Whatever you do, don't GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS when she fusses or throws a fit. What does that TEACH her? "hmmmmmm, I get what I want if I throw a tantrum! :) " How's that workin' for ya?

Remember You're a better parent than you think - that is the name of a great book by Dr. Ray Guarendi! He is a clinical psychologist who is more like a comedian - we have seen him in person at least 9 times! He is a great speaker and keeps you laughing half of the time if not more!

One trick most parents would benefit from is...

BE CONSISTENT in all discipline. If you think about it - most problems you see/hear include "I've tried a lot of things" You need to talk with your spouse and decide what can work with both of you and DO IT. If your children are old enough to understand, tell them what will happen if_____. Then be consistent.

J.,

Cheer up, it doesn't last forever but... it comes and goes. We have a 1 yr old and 2 yr old and right now there are times when neither my husband or I can leave the room without our son (the 2 yr old) pitching a fit. And my daughter is totally a mama's girl. Thank goodness she really likes her daycare teachers because I have never had a problem leaving her with them. But my family? She will scream the entire time I am away if I leave her with them for babysitting. And having two so close together, plus two german shepherds, I can't tell you the last time I went to the bathroom myself. I just told my husband it's so bad, our son pulled a sanitary pad out of the drawer the other day and put it between his legs LOL! My husband does the laundry most of the time while I watch the kids. Our house definitely isn't the cleanest but our kids are well loved!

I work from home and my daughter will be 2 on the 24th. She is still like that. Since she is with me all day she wants me. Sometimes she will want her daddy or gma and papa. I usually wait till she goes to bed to do anything.

I totally understand how you are feeling! I know that isn't the greatest "advice", but you aren't alone.
My daughter is 17 months old now and she is completely going through separation anxiety.
We just moved into a new house last month, so I know she's going through a few big transitions already, but it makes it so much harder when she wants me to hold her or give her my undying attention the entire time.
I think you've got great coping skills going on, the reassurances "Mommy'll be right back...I'm just in the kitchen...ect." and distractions (games, toys, music).
My fiance really has a hard time with her when I have to leave. But it just takes time for kids to get adjusted. I keep telling myself it's just a season and that it will pass.
A routine helps a lot. Setting fifteen minutes time aside before you have to leave (or do something "alone") to just play and cuddle her can make a world of difference. And another tip that might help is "prepping" your daughter, like you have to go out to the grocery store and she's staying home with Daddy, about 20 minutes before you leave, start telling her "I'm going to go, but I'll be back soon". And remind her at 10 and 5 till. Maybe pair that with going into another room each time it gets closer to leaving the house.
I hope that gives you some other options to alleviate the headaches. Best of luck!