We have 2 1/2 kiddos of our own (#3 is due in July, I'm counting her as the 1/2). :) And we're licensed foster parents and on Thursday got a 6-month-old little boy entrusted to our care temporarily. He's the sweetest little guy and just absolutely precious, but he can't entertain himself AT ALL!!! As a SAHM with 2 other small kiddos and 5 months pregnant as well, I'm having a hard time keeping him entertained.
We've tried all the baby equpiment (jumpers, swing, bouncer, exersaucer) and if it helps him at all (and it usually doesn't), it's only for 5-10 minutes at a time. He can sit independently and if I pile the right toys up around him and he doesn't topple over, he might sit and play quietly for 10-15 minutes a couple of times a day, but that's really it.
I have lots to do in a day - dishes, laundry, cooking, caring for all 3 kids, meal prep for breakfast, lunch, dinner... you all know what running a house with small kids takes! And, with my own boys, by the time they were this age, they could sit and play on the floor near me while I folded laundry or be in their high chair with a toy while I fixed dinner. But this little guy is just overwhelming me! :)
Plus, all the bending and lifting picking him up, carrying him around and moving him from place to place hoping to find something he'll be happy with for a few minutes is really starting to hurt my back and baby-belly. I've tried both the snuggli and a sling, but with my belly and his personality, neither have worked so far.
Any ideas to help him entertain himself - not just things he might find really really fun, but, in general, to get him used to the idea that it's okay to sit and play by yourself for a little bit without having to listen to him cry? I've had 2 kiddos this age... I feel really dumb for not knowing how to handle this, but, really, he's just a 180 from either of my kids and I'm out of ideas!
Thanks!
I certainly can understand why you're busy. What about letting him play, like you said he'll do for 15 minutes or so, and when he fusses just come and talk to him, give him a bit of attention but don't pick him up? It make take several tries before he gets used to you not coddling him every time he whines.
Maybe I am old school, but as a mom to 6 and grandma to 2,(which I watch daily so my daughter can work) I think he is just in need of the possitive attention. Why is he in foster care anyway? And since you agreed to take him knowing that you already had 21/2 kids of your own, I dont see where the problem of daily routine fits in as his problem! I am sure he can learn to play alone, but maybe that is the problem right now. Just being alone! It does not sound like he had the love and attention that your children had right from the start. Congrats on your daughter also.
You answered your own question, he can be on his own for 5-10 minutes because that's all the attention span they have. Gosh he's got a longer one than my 3 year old. The general rule of thumb is one minute of attention span for every year of age.
I would think that changing your routine would be the better solution. 5 minutes here 5 minutes there will add up. Try FlyLady.net for a general cleaning guide.
If you need a longer down time, then put him in the swing, crank it up, turn the vacuum cleaner on beside him and get busy. He will sleep, deeply and comfortably and for longer than 5 minutes.
You do have to consider his emotional well being right now. He's in a strange environment and he probably hasn't developed the knowledge that even though you aren't right there you are still near. For now you have to be the one to adapt.
The child wants more undivided attention. This especially makes sense with him being a foster child. Try getting down on his level and offering him undivided attention for 10 minutes, showing him some toy, or book or even singing him a song. Then show him some toys he can play with and tell him you need to go take care of your laundry. You may even want to take him with you and sit him down by the washer and let him watch you as you describe how you separate loads of laundry and put it in. You will be helping build his vocab, learn colors as well as keeping him interested. Giving him attention like that will decrease his need to have your full attention every 5 minutes. Using such techniques allowed my kids to have very long attention spans for their ages. My daughter is my youngest and at 2 she can keep herself busy playing pretend stuff for over an hour. If my boys are playing with her she can play even longer before she wants to come see what I am doing. I of course always keep an attentive ear. I use to cart my kids around like I described above when they were little.
Also as far as the back and baby belly pain, make sure you are lifting him correctly. You want to alternate which hip you carry him on, because it is easy to knock your hip alignment if you carry him only on your right hip for example. This is what causes that pain. I had my kids close together in age so I often carried my children around while I was pregnant. I even carried both my boys around at the same time when I was pregnant with my daughter. I didn't carry them all the time as they were 1yr and 2.5 yrs, but I did carry them up to their beds for naptime. My 2nd child was only 9 months old when I got pregnant with my 3rd, so I carried him quite a bit. I had to learn and remember to alternate which side I carried them on too. After I alternated which side I carried them each time, I didn't have trouble. Good luck!
B. :)
You got lucky with your first two kids! That's all I can say. When my daughter was 6 months old, she didn't have even that long of an attention span. Some kids just need more one on one or more stimulation than others. She's always been that way and it turns out she's testing off the charts in school assessment tests. Try not giving all the toys at once but maybe a few at a time and then after 10 minutes switch them up so he's got something new to look at. I'd also give him one on one attention several times a day. While I agree that the baby may have some feelings of neglect, I think it could just be his personality as well.
I agree he needs the comfort right now. It might be worth it to try another baby carrier. I had to go through several to find one my daughter tolerated. You can try the mei tai. It works for newborn to toddler, so you could get use for both this boy and your daughter.
Here are instructions for one. The lady demonstrating toward the bottom of the page was pregnant at the time, so it is possible. :) http://www.kozycarrier.homestead.com/instructions.html
HTH :)
J.,
I don't really have any suggestions or new ideas for you. Sorry : ( Everything I could think of you've already mentioned as trying.
However, I have a different perspective or theory for you. Perhaps, this foster baby is more afraid to be on his own because he's not in a stable environment with the same person providing him love and trust. In many baby books you read about don't be afraid to spoil your child, hold your child close, talk and sing to your child, etc all to form a loving and trusting relationship with your child so that they can learn to recognize and trust you. I imagine the little one passing through different people so that he never had a chance to form a loving and trusting relationship with his birth mother. Perhaps everytime he is passed on to someone new, he experiences anxiety. This is merely a theory and a perspective that maybe he is not yet at a stage where he can play on his own with confidence.
On a side note, I applaud you for being a stay at home mother with 2 1/2 children and a foster child! I have one son, age 19 months, and I struggle to keep up him thinking my life is chaotic!
I wish you many blessing with your first little girl!
I can't imagine being only 6 months old and having the knowledge that I am not wanted. I'm sure your little foster boy has an understanding that he is being passed around and not being able to be secure in his surroundings anywhere. I would hold him as much as possible. I understand that you are pregnant. If you are unable to take care of this little boy and love him as much as he needs, maybe the foster system can find him somewhere that can just find time to love him. I can't be a foster mom, because I can't afford it, but I have nieces and nephews that are in the foster system because of their mom, and they just need all of the attention they can get because they don't and didn't get it at home. Please just love on him as much as you can and help him feel wanted.
I think that it is wonderful that you are foster parents. If I were you I would just be patient, you probably don't know his situation fully and he has had alot to adjust to in the last week. New smells, new voices and new faces. He is probably overwhelmed and needs to be reassured that you are coming back and are going to be there with the things that he needs. I would worry about the housework a little less for a week or work on it after the kids go to bed. I have never been a foster parents, but I provide daycare out of my home so I am used to helping children and babies adjust to our routine. It usually takes about a week sometimes more sometimes less. Just take advantage of naptime.
Good luck it will all work out.
hi J., i am a home child care provider so i know what your talking about getting things done and stay caught up during the day. ive heard that if you leave him in a room by himself keep talking to him so he knows that you are still there and close by. then walk back in the room and say see im back and your ok and then go do something else eah time you leave be gone a little longer. maybe it might work. also it probably has to do with adjusting to the day, new people and faces things like that. and also if the baby had no interaction to begin with that maybe what it is, hes getting attention from you and hes afraid it will stop. be patient he will come around and get used to the new surroundings. hope it helps and kudos to you being a foster parent. thats one of my goals in life after my kids are older though. W.
I agree with the other response. He is probably just trying to adjust. In the meantime, if he's content in the least playing on the floor, have you tried a bumbo seat? I'm pretty sure they sell them at Babies R Us. I've never used one, but I've heard they're great for kids that can't quite sit by themselves confidently. Good luck to you!
