I'm looking for idea's for what we can do to help my mother-in-law who is 2000 miles away and going through her third round of chemotherapy. The first round about 6 years ago nearly killed her, and then the second round she hardly had a symptom. She is now on her third round with the same drug as the second time, and she can't eat or drink ANYTHING and can no longer even get out of bed to go to the bathroom. They told my father-in-law this morning that she probably needs 24 hour care, so likely she will go to the nursing home until she gets stronger. I know she's depressed and I'm just looking for idea's you all may have that we can do from here. My husband is planning on flying up for her 75th birthday in a couple weeks, but we feel pretty much helpless to do anything from here. Any idea's would be appreciated.
What about Skyping? You need a webcam at both ends. Maybe her husband could set it up for her. Then you can create a free account at www.skype.com so you all can chat back and forth and see each other. We do it with DD's grandparents all the time.
Well, if you're a praying person, that's the number one thing you do for her. But what else?
Communicate! She may not be able to reciprocate, but keep on letting her know she is always in your thoughts. When people are seriously ill - ill enough to be in nursing care - their family and friends sometimes write them off. It's not necessarily intentional, but folks don't quite know how to handle that sort of thing, so they may just let it slide. Don't do that. Let your mother-in-law know she is still valuable by sending her letters when you can. Send her a cute or funny card once or twice a week so that she gets mail. Send her pictures of her "sweet - mostly" (I love that) grandchildren often. If it's feasible, send an audio CD you've made of your kids singing, laughing, telling Grandma they love her. Sending flowers once in a while is expensive, but if you can, do it. Let her know that age and illness doesn't diminish her value or your love for her.
I'm sorry if I sound preachy, but I've been through this several times with relatives, and I know how rampant depression is in ill and/or older people. They wonder if life will ever be good any more. The rest of us need to answer that question with a resounding yes.
I truly understand.
I would burn a bunch of family movies to a dvd and take a portable player when your husband visits. Is there ANY way you can go with him, all of you? I know things are tight for all of us these days, but if you can scrape the money together, you should go.
I think there are some great suggestions posted.
I'd like to recommend something you can send to her via Internet. Burdock Root -- It's a powerful anti-oxidant herb that supports the liver and is REALLY helpful for chemo or radiation patients. It helps their bodies deal with the heavy toxins.
The best way is to use about 1-2 tablespoons in a teaball. Pour boiling water over it and let steep overnight. Then she can sip it all through the next day. A mason jar is the easiest thing to use. If that's too much work, there are Burdock Root capsules, too. They're not quite as good, but still very helpful.
If you google Burdock Root and cancer, you'll see some interesting information.
When my fiance was sick and in a nursing home, we decorated the opposite wall with as many happy photos of everyone for him to look at. We had little projects that we would do that he could do sitting in bed like painting birdhouses (premade) or anything crafty like that. We brought in a portable stereo and created mix CDs and a fridge for cancer fighting snacks.
http://books.google.com/books?id=Ba90uvo6PhUC&printse...
Good luck!
Hi M., my heart is with you and your family. Have you checked out CarePages? My friend has breast cancer and her sister created a site on CarePages.com. It allows updates to be posted about her progress, successes, milestones, etc. It also allows people to leave messages of support and encouragement. I would check it out...great tool for those who want to stay updated but don't want to call all the time and bug those trying to recoup.
Good luck!
Put those 4 mostly sweet kids to good use! Send a picture a week to Grandma, record messages on her answering machine or voicemail (let her know you're calling & that you don't want her to answer) now & then, have the kids make her nice cards, rotate them around making the pictures & cards so she's not getting 4 of everything each week.
And if you're a praying family, say a prayer together for her.
You can't do too much for her from a distance besides let her know you're thinking of her & praying for her.
My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to sit on the side feeling alomost helpless. When my dad was sick and going through chemo we could not be there. So my daughter, husband and I went to the store (maybe the Dollar store) and bought a bunch or cards and stuff to make cards and pictures. My daughter colored pictures and we wrote words of love in the cards and mailed 1 off everyday. That way my dad had something special coming everyday for him to look forward to. We called alomost everyday sometimes more then once a day. Sometimes the phone calls only lasted a few moments. But my mom said those little things ment so much to my dad. Pictures of all of you just doing day to day stuff is good. Going to the park or cooking out. Maybe put them in am album and send it to her. Then with every picture she gets she can add it to the album. And it may sound a little silly but you can make her a happy box to put special things in. We just got a wood box, a hot glue gun then fabric, lace trim, beads, pretty jewels from the craft store, ect.. My dad did not make it but my mom said he knew that he was loved. Just with the little things we did let him know that he was important to us. I feel for you and I am praying for you. I hope this gives you a couple ideas.
Does she happen to have a laptop with a camera? You could do some video conferencing. If not, there is a video phone that is about $100 each, and I think service is about $40 a month, but there are no long distance charged and the service goes with the phone so that she could take it where ever she happens to be. It would be a great way for her to see her grandkids and get that extra encouragement. A friend of mine sells the video phones. I dont' have specifics on them, but I can get you in touch with her if you would like.
M.,
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. It's a devastating situation for the entire family. I know you must feel very saddened that you can't be there to help your mother in law and just as much, your father in law. I strongly urge you to consider senior care at home. Nursing homes typically are the last resort as so many elders loose their will to survive in that atmosphere. Senior care is available around the clock, if necessary. But perhaps just help during certain times of the day would be sufficient. Your mom in law could stay in the comfort of her own home with a much better chance for recovery. Even if the worst happened she would be in the home she knows and loves and the same for your father in law. Very stressful for him to have to travel to see her and spend days in those surroundings. As a franchise advisor, I know the backgrounds and reliability of many great senior care franchises. Because they're franchises they have much better systems in place and are much more reliable than the 'mom and pop' run services. They are usually more affordable than nursing homes and many times insurance, medicare or medicaid will help with the cost. If your father in law belongs to any community groups or churches, they often can help also. Please feel free to call me if you'd like the names of some very reputable ones in your mother in laws location. Or if you'd just like to talk about your options. If she's not eating anything, you may want to consult with a nutritionist with experience in this area. There may be a shake or simple diet that could help get her through this period. I wish you and your family all the best in this trying situation and will say a prayer for you all.
D. Hutcherson
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M.,
I'm sorry to hear of your mother in law's illness. I think letting her know that you care is the best support. A nice idea since she can no longer eat...is to several times a week send her a "I'm thinking of you package". This could be anything from a card to a drawing the kids made, a tape recording of the kids with songs that they have sung, photos, a bag of tea, a bottle of lotion, a nice candle. The key is that they come two or three times a week. Just a little something to let her know you love her. Best wishes to your family.
