This post is mostly so I can just say what I want so I can get it off my chest. I have been married to my husband for almost 2 and a half years now. He is the fifth best thing that has ever happened to me. Before I met him I had my 4th child and had my tubes tied. Naturally I meet this incredible man and want to have a child with him. He loves my four children like they are his and they feel the same about him. He has told me time and time again that we don't have to have a baby together to make him a dad. His parents feel the same way. He is an only child so therefore no one is going to carry on his family name. It is not this that I care about, it is that I want to have a baby and can't because I made a decision before I met him. I have heard that if you have your tubes tied it is not effective completely for 5 years. La De Da. Everytime someone I know gets pregnant I think of how great it would be to have just one more. To have my husband rub my belly and everything. On top of it all the thought of another baby to raise and love makes me smile. I don't think of it all the time, but when I do and my period arrives, I get a little depressed. My husband holds me and tells me he loves me and the kids and adding a baby would be great, but not needed. Then when I have regained my senses I think of all of the pluses of not having another baby. All of my children are potty trained, they can all feed themselves, they are all in either elementary or pre-k. When my youngest daughter turns 18 I will be 39 and my husband will be 42. We will still have time to live our lives and watch our children live theirs. I guess what I want to know is if anyone has gone through this and what they did Feel free to share your stories with me I would love to know that I am not the only one out there that feels like this.
Hello T.,
You sound like a great mom. I am wondering though if you qualify for a federally or state funded head start program, can you really afford another child at this time?
You sound like the coolest mom! Why don't you adopt?
T.,
I too want another baby. I am 34 have three children two girls one who will be 5 in December, a two year old and a 19yr old step-son. I actually feel has if my insides ache when I see a little boy in the street, at my daughter's school, etc, etc. I have always wanted a little boy now don't get me wrong I am totally in love with my girls they make me want to be a better human being but I can't help that ache that I get. My husband does not want anymore children and honestly I feel like it would be really selfish. We are paying literally an arm and a leg for the montessori education we want them to have and I know if we added another baby in the mix something would have to give. I know all this but I can't help the ache and longing of not feeling complete. I am also scared that if I did get pregnant it could be another girl which would still leave me with the feeling of longing for my son. So yes I too know what your feeling I pray on it and even more so I pray that the feeling goes away.
Hello T.:
Well for starters congrats!! to you on finding a good man that was also willing to accept your children as his own. May God continue to bless you and your family. I've never been through this situation but I know a dear friend that has. The first thing is if you two decide is can you afford reversing your tubes??? I say this because when my friend went to her check up to see if she might still be fertile they also mentioned that it will cost more than $10,000.00. She to has two children whom are teenagers and has found a good man who has children of his own from his previous wife. They are in their 40's and due to the cost they are double thinking it because eventhough you pay this amount of money it doesn't guarantee you becoming pregnant. Just thought I mention this in case you were not aware or informed. I was also thinking would you consider becoming a foster parent/adopting. I know its not the same as your own. But you'd still be doing it together and being a blessing two a child in need. There are soo many young/older children that are in need of good homes. Some who are wishing the good find someone to love them as their own. The plus side of it you might not even have to go through that diaper stage. I have two children of my own but one is 23 months and the other one is 5 months and I decided not to have anymore children. I did the "Essure" procedure so I am no longer able to have. Sometimes I think man it would be nice to have one more but when I think of the expenses and the way the cost of living is getting, it brings back to reality. LOL But I am considering sometime in the future to become a foster parent/adopting. You sound like an incredible mom not everyone has the calling for it. I hope you would consider it, it will be a blessing. Good luck in what ever decissions you and your hubby make. Plus don't forget to ask your children how they would feel about having another brother or sister in their lives. I hear that is a very important factor to consider as well. Don't feel alone lots of women go through this phase. Just ask God for guidance and to help you deal with any disappointments you may be having.
J.
J.
I think you husband is doing a great job of telling you that 4 is enough, and you are doing a great job of not listening. You have 4 children. Enjoy them, enjoy your husband. "Giving you husband a child" is not necessary for a happy loving relationship. Loving your children is probably the biggest blessing and already a huge undertaking.
I think we all go thru that at one time or another in our lives.
Ive been itching to have another child too...I have 3 kids - 2 boys from before and a daughter with my current husband. She is now 5. My husband and I agreed that he should have a vasectomy - he was 26 at the time. Kinda young huh? Doctors told me i was too young and wouldnt do it to me, but his doctors did it. Sometimes I pray that by some miracle the vasectomy doesnt work and Id be pregnant. But then I get my period and get depressed too... he knows how I feel, and he sometimes feels we should have had another and supporting each other gets us thru...
Yes expenses are always an issue to memories and experiences are priceless.. If I had the room I would consider fostering... helping any child is priceless..
Hi T., It's absolutely normal for you to these feelings.You are still very young. Have you talk to your obgyn and ask about the possibility of having it reversed. There are specialist in this field so don't feel at a lost about it. You have a wonderful family and your husband is a blessing for you. Enjoy your family because I'm pretty sure it hasn't always been like this. Dreams do come true and life is meant to be a blast. Take a care of your angels and husband and yourself. A new baby will not change the love that is share in your family so don't get so consumed with the idea of a larger family. Your is just perfect.
Love ,Jacquie
I understand how you feel, although I have not done anything permenate to prevent more children. What I think you should do is consult with a fertility specialist. It shouldn't cost too much for a consultation. I could be wrong, but I think you can have a type of IVF or insemination even with your tubes tied. Check into it. Online research, and phone calls are free. It's worth asking. Good luck!
sort of but different. My husband got a vasectomy and I would now love another child ( we have 3). But like you said no more diapers all of them in school yada yada. I guess I'll have to wait for grandkids!!!
Hi T.,
I think it is so wonderful to find the man of your dreams, and also to want to have his baby. In view of the fact that you have tied your tubes and he treats your children so well, and having a baby is not a top priority to him, just rest in your good life. Allow your children to grow with him and form a beautiful family relationship . You have 4 beautiful children, you love them and he loves them.
This is just my opinion, let it be enough. Do not worry yourself about having another baby. Focus on continuing to have blast and live your lives to the fullest.
All the best!!
I totally understand that you want another baby because you want the man you are married to share that experience with. You want HIS baby. Maybe if you put it in those words to him, he might understand more. That is the greatest thing that 2 people who are in love, married and have a wonderful family life can share. He doesn't know what he is missing out on once that baby is being delivered. Once he sees that, he will know the real meaning of the love of a child. (Not of course that he would love your children any less) I think you know what I mean. Tell him maybe in these words. I wish you luck.
Keep me posted.
C.
Carlstadt, NJ
When I had my daughter I had my tubes tied. When I spoke to my OBGYN she said that tubal reversal isn't worth it anymore. But IVF is so "good" now a days that that is the avenue that we would pursue instead. So, you could always pursue that avenue if you want to. Good luck to you.
