I Now Have Homework.

Updated on October 25, 2014
M.H. asks from McKinney, TX
30 answers

I want to preface this by saying I did quite a bit of homeschool work with my daughter through the summer. I love teaching her. We read together every night, we do various science and art projects through the weekends. But we decide what to do based on her interests, and nothing is forced or regimented.

So now she has homework from school (she is in Kindergarten). This basically means I have homework, because part of it requires me to slog her through boring/difficult-to-understand math or 'guided reading' with flashcards and sight words. And no 5 year old is going to sit down and make a "collage of printed pictures of family and friends with four words that start with the letter P that describe the people or actions" by herself. So many nights I get to spend almost an hour doing homework, and I'm bitter about it.

She is in school 8 hours a day, until 3 (we don't have half day options in Texas). Her bedtime is 7:30, and she has to have bath and dinner prior to that (starts at about 5:30/6). So with homework, she gets between 1 and 1 1/2 hours to play each day. She's 5! Am I the only one that thinks free time is more important that flash cards? I mean, and hour outside just doesn't seem like enough, and I would really rather play with her and her brother than force her to do school work. :( Is anyone else is a similar position? Does anyone think this is a ridiculous complaint and I should suck it up?

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So What Happened?

TF! I don't do her homework, although in reading my description I can see where you would get that. I just have to hold her hand through it, so it's taking my time as well as hers.

Julie G.! I'm about ready to just stop doing any at-home work. The time of day when she does it late enough for her that it's just a struggle and there's no real learning happening anyway.

Her Bedtime: she goes to bed at 7:30 because she has to wake up at 6:30 to go to school. I draaaag her out if bed every morning. I could easily sleep 9 hours every night as adult, so maybe she's just genetically wired for more sleep? Until so many people mentioned it, I really hadn't thought that her daily 10.5/11 hours was too much!

Gidget: I see your point. Maybe we'll get the hang of it by the end of the year but right now I am d.o.n.e. feeling like we are always battling the clock, KWIM?

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Sounds like they know nothing about all the research about how kids learn best.

I'd tell the teacher my kid isn't doing homework. I'm serious, too. But I homeschool because I know the schools have it wrong - my background is educational policy.

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X.Y.

answers from Chicago on

Kindergarten is optional in Illinois. I would pull her out and put her back in for 1st grade, if it's optional by you.

W.X.

answers from Boston on

I agree with Rosalee A's comment.

My child's teacher in grade 4 was great but the amount of homework was way ridiculous.

In the earlier years, I do not recall homework woes with my child's teachers.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

The way you presented the situation does make it sound like she has too much homework and there simply are not enough hours in the day. So let's try looking at this a bit differently.

Most of the daily things do not have to all happen every night. I'm not quite sure what kind of math homework she has, as my boys did not have math homework in Kindergarten. When my oldest was in 1st grade, his math homework was just math facts, so we did a little bit 4 nights a week. The reading/flass cards/sight words do not have to be done every night. If she does just 5 minutes of one of those each night, you're doing great.

The collage of pictures sounds like a project that you would spend a week on. One night, pick out pictures. The next night glue them on the poster board and talk about ways to describe them (you take notes while she talks). The next night she writes down the words for 1 or 2 of them. You get the idea, but you break it down into fun, manageable pieces.

As far as the bedtime routine goes, definitely consider whether or not she really needs to go to bed at 7:30. She might need more sleep right now. Kindergarten is still very new to her. But she might be just fine with an 8:00 bedtime. Maybe try that on a Thursday night and see how she does.

Also, does she really need a bath every single night? And does it have to be a long bath?

There really is a lot of wiggle room in the the information you've given, but you kind of presented it as everynight she has this big project to do and the bettime routine takes 2 hours. There are ways to make both of those shorter.

Relax! Ok, try to relax. This will get easier. You just have to try and tackle it from a different perspective.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It is perfectly ok for you to tell her teacher that your daughter will not do homework or that you will limit it to what she accomplishes in 5-10 minutes a night. There is plenty of evidence that there is ZERO benefit to children of homework in elementary and middle school and very questionable benefit in high school. There is GOOD evidence that physical activity and play contribute to better school outcomes. She probably doesn't need a bath every day. My son's skin would dry up and fall off if he bathed every day. Is she really in school 8 hours a day? That would be an incredibly long school day and mean she starts school at 7 am.

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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

No...don't suck it up!! Talk to her. But try to be a little less "bitter" during your conversation :) You are NOT alone in this struggle between balancing home and school. The kindergarten and first grade years are difficult for homework because the child is so young, has limited reading abilities and need so much monitoring.

We need parents uniting to tell teachers that enough is enough. As parents we will no longer be strapped with hours of homework monitoring!!!

Our school district has FINALLY caught up with the research that has clearly shown more homework does NOT mean better test scores. Actually the opposite is shown to occur. Our school district has done a complete turnaround in their approach. Oh my...it has been wonderful!! My kids love school, love their teachers, love learning and look forward to school each day. (9th, 7the and 3rd grade.)

In the past, I have talked to our kids' teachers to tell them we will read,work on math facts and spelling yet spend no more than an hour on homework. Then they will close up their books and be done. Have they received 0's on work? You betcha!! Did I care? Nope...not one bit and neither did my kids. In elementary and middle school years, we don't give a flying flip about "grades". We let our kids know that we just want them to try their best. This approach has led to a healthy approach to learning...not just doing work for a grade. It has helped our kids relax about the rigors of busy- work homework while their friends are stressed and riddled with anxiety.

We want our children to love learning and to be self motivated learners. That is not something that occurs in Kindergarten...but over time. It is a process that takes years and years. And stressing them out on tons of homework in the early years..and stressing out parents equals a stressed out home. That in and of itself will defeat the entire goal of education.

Calmly talk to the the teacher. Explain your frustrations. Explain that you are willing to read, work on math facts and support what is happening in the classroom. But, you will not allow your home to be burdened by homework and projects.

We just had a "goal setting conference" with our 3rd grader's teacher. Elementary schools here no longer do the traditional conferences between the parent and teacher. The student is included and the teacher talks directly to the student...and I am merely an observer. It was a beautiful experience to see the teacher and our son exchanging ideas back and forth and talk about their day together. The focus was not grades and test scores...but learning,goals and accountability. Loved it!!

This 3rd grade teacher also declared it a "no homework year" at the Back to School night at the beginning of the school year. All the parents in the room almost jumped for joy. I went up to her at the end of the night and hugged and thanked her. She stated that she has them for 6 hours each day and when they get home they should be exhausted from her working them so hard.

When her students return home,she wants them playing, having family time and getting to bed on time. She simply asks that each day they read for 20 minutes, work on Math facts for 5 minutes(can simply be school website Math games) and write in a journal. Simple...simple!! Our son's whole attitude about homework has changed. She takes them on the honor system that they are doing these things. She is teaching them to be responsible learners and talks daily about what that means.

I taught kindergarten before having kids. I know what their day is like at school. I did not burden the kids and parents with more homework during after school hours. If parents asked for homework then I gave them some.

I suggest reading a recent Huffington Post article titled Harvard Schmarvard. Watch the recent movies about our school system here in the US, Waiting for Superman and The Race to Nowhere. There is also a great book about raising successful children titled, How Children Succeed-Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character, by Paul Tough.

All of these sources have empowered me and my husband as we are raising our children. Success does not come from doing flashcards with our children in utero or from hours and hours of homework and expensive tutoring sessions.

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't think you are rediculous at all. We switched schools after kinder for this very reason. I feel like our son "missed" what kindergarten Should be like. So we found a school that met our expectations. Focus on social emotional learning and homework that is thoughtful, purposeful, and just a few times a week, in 1st grade. We hated fighting a tired kid forcing worksheets and studying spelling words....by the way our son sleeps 10-10.5 hours every night too. In fact if you google sleep for kids you find this to be the appropriate amount needed for this age. If you haven't seen the documentary "Race to Nowhere" I highly recommend it. Great theory on tHe uselessness and stress of homework.

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

She shouldn't really have any homework in Kinder, especially with that incredibly long day. In first grade 10-15 minutes and each grade after add 10 minutes until around fifth. By middle school they should be totally responsible for their own educational lives and that's when the real work starts.

I would calmly express your concerns to the teacher. If she doesn't budge then I would set the timer for 15 minutes, don't tell your daughter you are doing this. When the timer goes off, homework is done for the night. Spend the rest of her time reading to her, listening to her read, playing outside, working on a puzzle, watching an educational show, cooking something together and just enjoying her company.

You're away from each other 8 hours per day. There is no better education for a five year old then the things I describe above and you will both be happy and relaxed. You are the parent you get to decide how to raise your child, period.

We purposely selected schools that did not teach to tests and my kids had virtually no homework until 3-4 grade other than a little math and spelling. They are both thriving in MS & HS in very rigorous academic environments. They also enjoy school and are some of the most mature, worldly and articulate young ladies you will meet.

Worksheets do not educate children. In large quantities they are harmful and detrimental to a child's development. I would never put my kids through something I knew was wrong just to please the public school system. Good luck, I hope the teacher is receptive.

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I teach in the Plano ISD, just slightly South of you (as a substitute for 14 yrs) and K's do not have homework.

At most, they review sight words and read at home. The major part of work they do is done in the classroom. Is she not doing her classroom work?

Also, don't think you are fooling the teachers... it is clear when parents are doing the work for children. If you are doing her classroom work, then she will never be able to pace herself and get the work done in class because she won't know how. STOP doing her HW. You are only hurting her if you continue this. Do you really plan to do her HW throughout her school career and then believe that she will get into a college?

Maybe you need to set up a conference with the teacher to fully understand what goes on during her day, how she manages her day, what to expect and what does the teacher expect from her.

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

My kids all had 15 minutes of reading in K plus a monthly project. Of course it means we have homework, I mean we are still parenting/teaching them all the time.

However, if we didn't turn the reading log in or missed the project, nothing bad happened. They don't give grades in K.

My kids are all in activities after school and some days they don't get an hour to just play - but it's because they choose to do other things (dance, football, baseball, basketball).

I think 730 is too early for bed. She isn't an infant, she is 5 and in school. 830 should even be fine, and then she gets more time to play. Maybe try sliding that back. (Oh, my kids also all did full day K...none of them went to bed that early.)

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Not ridiculous at all. Yes, free time is more important than flash cards. Especially when your kindergartener has already been at school for 8 hours. I agree with K-Bell and Dana - 5-15 minutes max.

If I were you, I would definitely tell the teacher that you don't plan to force her to do an hour of homework per day. It's actually harmful for her to have such an excessive amount of homework after such a long day. Family time is way more important.

If there's no way you can make that homework enjoyable, and the teacher won't change things, then you might have to look for a different school, possibly a charter school.

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M.R.

answers from Washington DC on

While I agree that an hour of homework in K sounds like a lot, the issue M. be that she's not yet fully grasping what she's being shown in class, so the math and reading are more of a struggle for now. The year is young.

Talk to the teacher. Maybe other kids are doing this same homework in a shorter time and your daughter needs a little extra help -- if so, the teacher needs to know. I would think any good K teacher would really appreciate knowing that it's taking a kid longer than expected to do assignments. The teacher will not know unless you tell her.

It's also possible that you and your child feel that she must do every single bit of homework to completion every single day. That isn't necessarily the case and if your child is coming home saying, "We HAVE to have this ALL done tonight" etc. -- she M. have gotten the wrong end of the stick; many K assignments cover for a whole week. In other words, the kid gets the assignments for the whole week on Monday and can do them any way, any time, with things due on Friday. Is that how it works? Is the teacher actually sending home assignments and saying, "This is due tomorrow," every day, or is she really saying, "This is due day after tomorrow" or even next Tuesday?.....Be sure that your child is getting the flow of assignments right. I've had my kid, when she was in K, come home sure that she just had to finish X, Y and Z right away when actually she had a lot more time.

Keeping the lines of communication open and positive with the teacher is vital here.

Speaking of being positive: Please be aware that even a kid as young as kindergarten will pick up on parents' attitudes about work. Even if you feel you're gritting your teeth and never saying out loud how much YOU hate HER homework, it's very likely she has picked up on that fact without your saying a word. Take care that she doesn't internalize the idea that homework is purely a burden. That sticks with kids and does them no good. The issue here is not necessarily too much homework versus "being a kid" playtime; the issue M. instead be that she's not grasping the concepts in class just yet, which is normal, or that the assignments aren't as quite as onerous as you and she think.

Ask the teacher. Do it in person if you can, and do it without your child there so you can more freely say the issues you have but without your child hearing it.

I have to add: K is much more like what first grade was when we adults were in school. First grade is much more demanding than it used to be. While I wouldn't say "suck it up" I would say, get used to more homework than you or I experienced. And communicate often and closely with teachers.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

Are you sure you're not misunderstanding the expectations? I write that because you seem to be really enthusiastic about her education (summer homeschool work, science and art projects, etc) and perhaps are interpreting "suggestions" or "best practices" as assignments. My guess based on what you wrote about her schedule is that you don't work FT outside the home. Think about this from a working parent perspective...do you think parents who are coming in the door at 6 PM spend an hour of homework with a Kindergartner? Of course not!

My kids didn't have regular homework in K. It was recommended that we read together every night (sometimes we did, sometimes we didn't), that we practice math facts with flashcards (never), and there was the occasional project like you described, but the kids had several days or more to complete it and other than print the pictures, hand her the paper and a glue stick and confirm that the words she picked do indeed begin with P, I wouldn't have been involved in any of it. Sure the collage would be a hot mess with words misspelled but whatever, it's Kindergarten.

If I were you, I would check in with the teacher regarding how long she really expects her students to do homework each night. My guess is that she's thinking that this takes no longer than 15 minutes on a regular basis. If what you're doing adds up to nearly an hour, you're doing too much. Let her work on different "subject" (read for 5 or 10 minutes, do math for 5 minutes) and call it a night.

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L.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I completely agree with you. I really do. I even thought about suggesting to the school that they get rid of homework for one year to see if grades and test scores really change?! I doubt that it would even make a difference for MOST kids!

Children should be playing more FOR SURE. Not sure what the solution is OR if I would even "go there" with staff at the school. While I agree with you, I'm not sure i would bring that up to staff. It's a controversial topic, I'm sure.

Oh, and btw, in kindergarten, she should have VERY little homework. If it's too much and it's taking her too long, then bring that up.

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L.Z.

answers from Seattle on

I remember feeling that way for the first couple of years of the kids in school. I seemed like I had a lot of printing, cutting, and pasting to help organize each week. It can be overwhelming and make you wonder why they don't pick homework that is appropriate for the child's age. Some teachers were better than others at keeping the outrageous art and project requests to a minimum. Then we had other teachers who wanted elaborate inventions all the time. We are a creative family and even for us, it was a lot of work.

I'd probably just do 5 min of flash cards after school while she eats her snack. Read with her each night before bed and do her math worksheet after she plays for a half hour after school. One thing that I really liked was that our kids got a math packet at that age, that wasn't even required to go back to school. So, some nights we did it, some nights we didn't. Most weeks, we tried to have them do it over the weekend so our week nights were a little easier. Anyway, I'd cut down on the work a bit, try not to get too hung up on perfectionism and having everything A+ level, and let her play.

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

At 5 or 6 years of age, she should have 10-15 minutes of homework MAX.
Our rule, since K, has been homework RIGHT after school, after a snack and 10-15 minutes of decompression time.
Is that a possibility? Or is she in after school care? If so, can't she start it there?
I agree with you, and there is no evidence that more homework =more learning. Kids need to play and get their ya ya's out every. single. day.

I know it was unbelievable the amount of pencil to parer work they do in K!

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E.T.

answers from Rochester on

My son is in all day kindergarten this year. So far, his homework has been to spend 30 minutes every night reading to us and working on sight words (5 per week). One time he brought home an "all about me" bag and had to find five things that were important to him and be ready to tell why they were important. He had about two weeks to get it done. He also brought home a handwriting page one night to practice writing the letter N. He occasionally brings home math activities, but they don't have to be returned to school. Honestly, we rarely do them. And I'm a teacher.

In my kids' school, all students K-5 are expected to do 30 minutes of reading every night. (With 15 minutes a day on Sat. and Sun.). For younger kids they M. have sight words they are working on. Usually it is five at a time. In addition, kind of the standard is 10 minutes of homework per grade level. (1st grade=10 minutes, 2nd grade=20 minutes, etc.)

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect kids to read for 30 minutes every night. Research clearly shows that the more kids read, the better their reading gets and the higher their achievement levels. Research on homework is a little more sketchy. Some studies show that homework isn't beneficially. Some studies show certain types of homework are beneficial. Some studies show homework is necessary for student achievement. Personally, other than the reading part of it, I think if you are spending more than 10 minutes on homework it is a little excessive.

Try breaking the homework up. When she first comes home and while she is eating a snack, go through the sight words/flashcards. Make it fun. (As a reading teacher, I NEVER spend more than 5 minutes on flashcards. It is more like 3-4 minutes and usually even less than that.) Take a break to play. While you are fixing dinner, sit her at the table with a magazine and scissors. Let her "play school" and cut out things that start with P. After dinner, let her play while you clean up from dinner. Then take a few minutes to go through the pictures she cut out and find the ones that meet the criteria. Do the reading before bed. She reads a book to you and then you read a book to her.

You don't have to do all the homework in one sitting. We sometimes even break up the reading. Sometimes my son will read the 15 minutes it takes us to drive home from school and the second 15 minutes after dinner. For awhile, his sight words were taped to the wall by the toilet. His flashcards time was when he was doing other business. (Learning multitasking at a young age!)

It would be fine to ask the teacher what the homework expectation is. It would also be fine to say you are struggling with the amount of time it is taking and ask the teacher for suggestions. Don't go in with an accusatory tone. You will be labeled as "one of those parents." If you go in with an attitude of "what can I do" the teacher will be much easier to work with.

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R.A.

answers from Houston on

I'm not in your situation. My children are grown. But I agree with you 100%. It breaks my heart to see children and families in this situation. Your daughter would benefit much more from play time, reading with Mommy for fun, family dinner at the table, running outside, etc.

I fear an entire generation who will hate school by the age of 8 and will be so programmed to only want the "right"answer that they will lose the ability to reason. In my community I hear of kindergarteners who don't get recess. The mind will only work if the body moves!

There are some children who don't have the benefit of a mother like you. They M. need the more stringent requirements for learning the basics just to be able to keep up in the coming grades. My heart breaks for them too.

I really don't have a solution for you, but I hope there is some consolation in knowing that an older, experienced mother and educator agrees.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Mine didn't have homework in kindergarten. What you're describing seems a bit much.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i'm so sorry. this sucks. sucks for you, sucks worse for your little girl.
i'm baffled by the modern paradigm that expects wiggly little people to sit swotting over worksheets for 10 hours a day.
:( khairete
S.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

What time does she get home? School ends at 2:30? 3:30?
Where does she go after school? After school care? Don't they have them work on homework after a snack?

Or does she come home to you right after school? That is when she can do her homework.

I would limit her working on this homework to 10 or 15 minutes per item page. If she cannot get through it, write it on the page. Was able to do this much work in 10 minutes or 12 minutes. Especially if it is easy for her. If you notice she is struggling, then you can concentrate on working on that part of the homework. Note it to the teacher, if your daughter just cannot get the concept.

You are a partner in your child's education. You will have 12 more years of this. You set the tone. Never underestimate what your child can handle.

And yes, many 5 year old's can come home, have a snack, work on homework ( I called it, "show me what you learned today while you do your homework!").. Positive attitude should start with you.

And FYI, you can read any study you want. The kids that attended the schools in our neighborhood? were always prepared and in advanced in the courses they took. They were creative, active and they could get things done. Homework to them, was just routine and reinforced what they had learned that day and allowed us parents to be a part of their educations.

These kids turned out to be great multi- taskers. They were always prepared for the next grade. Those state tests? They whizzed through them, because they were very prepared. They thought those test were boring and easy. I recall a 4th grade class even found a mistake on one of the tests.. The state ended up dropping that particular question, because the got together and wrote in about that particular question.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

You need to have a discussion with her teacher. Kindergarten homework should only take 15-20 minutes. They're either reviewing a skill or reinforcing a skill. I am not opposed to homework. I think it helps develop a good routine. But, over an hour is waaaaayyyyyy too much!

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

Yes, it seems we've turned kindergarten into first grade, with longer hours, increases work time, and decreased play time. It makes me very sad.

Now, as for what you can do. I second the idea of meeting with the teacher to discuss exactly what the teacher expects from the homework. If, after you listen, it still seems too much to you, share that with the teacher. Explain your daughter's bedtime (which, as a Mom who had 1 child who could go to bed at 9 in kindergarten, and 1 who needed to be in bed by 7) and that she needs this amount of sleep. Just chat about what adjustments might be made. If this is not something the teacher has the authority to adjust, then let her know you will be discussing it "up the chain of command" and then do so. Change only happens when folks inform the schools what is working for them and what is not.

By the way, there is a huge trend of keeping children out of kindergarten when they are 5, because of these increased demands. The net effect is that children are entering school at 6, we call it kindergarten, but it is really first grade. So unfortunate. Thank you for sharing your concerns.

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M.P.

answers from Asheville on

If doing homework takes this long, you need to talk to the teacher. It sounds like some concepts aren't getting properly taught to where the child can independently continue at home in an efficient manner. Also, it could be the teacher's expectations were not clearly communicated. Perhaps she doesn't expect what you are assuming in regards to time spent each night on assignments.
When my son was in K, homework took about 15 minutes a night (with an occasional project) and was all due at the end of the week. I could better manage how time was spent on certain assignments throughout the week. You might ask her if this is a possibility.
As a F/T working mom, I esp don't get time to play outside with the kids- esp during the time of the year when it gets dark so early. I do let my son have his free time, but he generally gets his homework done immediately after school. My rule is homework first, then play. It's just good habit to set up now, because it only gets more and more from here on out.

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T.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

My daughter had homework in K too but not as much as your daughter. She had 4 sheets of homework assigned on Monday to turn in on Friday. She had projects, lots of projects that took time. I saw one poster say she would tell the teacher that her kid wasn't going to do the homework. In my daughters 1st grade class last year a parent didn't have her daughter do the homework and she is repeating first grade so have her do her homework.

My daughter has a lot of homework for 2nd grade. It gets to be more and more each year. There are so many standards that schools have to keep up with that they are bombarding our kids with work. I guess the only option is to have her do the work or home school. Home school was not an option for me because I am just not a teacher. I think I would do more harm than good but if you can and have the patience for it go for it. Good luck!!

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Tell the teacher that although you'd like to do more with your child she is a child and you are not going to be able to fulfill all her homework requirements. Then let your child play and be a kid. She doesn't need to be doing this much.

She's going to be so very very very very early too. If you don't have to get up by 5am you might want to consider letting her stay up later. If she gets up at 7 she's getting nearly 12 hours of sleep at night, that's a LOT. Does she still nap? That's more hours too.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

I can see why you're frustrated. It's not all the homework's fault though that is a lot for K. Getting up at 6:30 for a 3:00 dismissal is such a long day. My older girls don't even have that. And they don't need as much sleep as your daughter nor do they take a bath every day. So even if she had a half hour of homework, which is more appropriate and plenty IMO, she still would have a busy, structured day for a 5 year old. I agree it's a shame. Can you look at private school or homeschool or is your school really far and you could move?...

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V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I would talk to the teacher. I realize that kindergarten is closer now to what first grade "used to be" for us.. (I'm 46 by the way), but my children are 16 and 13 and were in rigorous private school for kindergarten. Neither of them had that amount of homework in kindergarten. And they only went half days (until noon). They also learned cursive that year. And honestly, that was their homework. To read a few pages (maybe 3?) out of a K level reading book out loud to an adult, and then to practice their handwriting (usually a particular couple of letters and/or two short sentences with 5 or fewer words each. Really... that was it.
Of course, there were the fun projects now and again (each child at some point during the year was named student of the week and was expected to bring in a poster showing information about themselves... pictures, their favorite things, etc. The kids were generally excited to do this and it was a one-off kind of thing.
Very rarely were there big projects. The science projects didn't start until 3rd or 4th grade.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I have raised a daughter and two grandchildren, all the while working full time. Get home at 5:30; bed is at 8:30. Three hours for dinner, homework, bedtime routine and bed. Doesn't leave much time for play or even quality family time. I have always hated it. BUT if your child sees/hears you say that he/she doesn't have to do the homework, even though the teacher says she does, you are doing to things. First, you are undermining the teacher's authority, which can lead to your child treating the teacher with indifference or disrespect. After all, you make the biggest impression on your child and your child will adopt your attitude toward the homework/teacher. Second, you are setting the child up for a very hard time down the road. If you teach your child that homework is not important and only has to be done when/if he/she wants to do it, middle school is going to be a nightmare. Homework counts for a large part of the grade in middle/high school. Teaching a child in elementary school that it is not necessary to do the homework, sets the kids up or a very rude and unpleasant awakening in middle and high school.

It won't be long before your child can and will do the homework all on his/her own. Until then, suck it up and do what working moms have done for decades - HOMEWORK!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would try not to be bitter about it. I'm sure she picks up on that. Try to do what you can in the time you can and talk to the teacher if you are concerned about the amount of work to be accomplished. My DD also went to full day K and her work was nowhere near 1 hour a day! She did guided reading (and yes, at first it is difficult when they cannot really read, but it gets better) and when you say her math is difficult, what are we talking about, specifically? If you would rather homeschool her, then you can be in control of all her homework. If you choose not to, then you need to work with the teachers with the tools provided.

YES she will need help. But you don't have to do it for her, either. I am not there so I don't see your process, but it should not be onerous work. She's 5. I think you should talk to the teacher if it's taking more than an hour every night. Do you really need to do all the flash cards every night? Unlikely. Maybe you are doing them more often than expected. Or you can pare it down to just a few per night.

Something we often did was set the kid up at the kitchen table and helped as needed, but they did most of it by themselves. If she needs to make a collage, set her up with scissors, pictures, glue and paper. Let her cut them out and glue them herself. If you help her with some of the math and she just can't do it on her own, send a note with the homework or drop the teacher an email saying that DD is struggling, is there a concept Teacher can review with her?

My DD is in first grade. She gets home by 4 and we allow half an hour of cartoons and snack to unwind. She then has 1 page (sometimes front and back, sometime just front) of math and 20 minutes of reading time for HW most nights. Her HW is in a packet due Mondays, so anything not done M-F is done on weekends. Her teachers have told me that homework should not be a battle and if we find that she is struggling and fighting us because she doesn't understand, we should talk to them about it. Her HW takes 30-40 minutes, longer if there's more math but generally it is not complicated. Often less than 10 problems per sheet. If DD is having an off day and would rather slither to the floor than read her book or do her math, we take a break, but she must complete her work later and she knows this eats into her fun time. We also usually break up the math and reading, allow her to choose what to do first, and don't make her sit for 30+ minutes straight.

RE: nighttime routine, can she do HW while you cook? And how long is bath time? Some nights we do a very quick bath (mostly for DD's hair) and some nights we just go to bed and call it a day. I would look at the evening routine to see if things really need to turn toward bed at 5PM or not.

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