I Need Help…suggestions… advice….on the Dreaded… Potty Training Issue…

OK, so I tried to figure this out by reading (books and information online), talking to family members and other moms and have come up with absolutely no solution. I’m hoping that a bigger audience of experienced parents may provide me with some insight. We have a very spirited 3yr 4mo boy that is giving us the hardest time with poopy training. I think we’ve tried everything and gone through a bunch of emotions (all of us) and still we are at a loss. YES there has been a huge change in our lives. I gave birth to a baby boy, a month tomorrow, and while there hasn’t been an outward show of jealously, there is an underlying one and there seems to be more acceptance and affection.
Potty training: We bought the Elmo Potty Training DVD around the time he turned 2 and when he saw a cute Elmo toilet ring and we bought that too since we figured he was getting ready to start trying. He started pre-school at 2yrs 5mos and while he was one of the younger kids in his class, most of classmates were either trained or well on their way, so we figured that would help. NOT. He’s unable to move forward onto the 3yo class until he is fully potty trained and I’m going to have to pull him out because he will NOT use the potty for #2.
So, he was all set to go #1 and did so quite well for the longest time. NEVER used the potty chair – uses one of them as a stool and keeps the potty ring on the side of the toilet and doesn’t use it because he doesn’t want to get it dirty. He stands at the toilet like his daddy and does his thing. He’ll have accidents every once in a while, but not many. He’s only pooped in the potty 2x’s. Once was an accident as he was doing #1 he tooted and said that he had to poop so I scooped him up and sat him on the toilet and he squeezed out a small poop. He was so excited that we called Daddy and the Grandma’s to tell them. I figured we were well on our way. The second time was just this past Tuesday, 8/18. Every time I see him hide in a corner and I remind him of the potty, he’ll try by sitting on the toilet but won’t go – he’ll hold it in and wait til morning (when he’s wearing his night time diaper).
So the things I’ve tried: We knew he was ready because EVERYTIME he pooped or peed in regular diaper he would ask that we change him OR, better yet, pull off the diaper and ask to be cleaned. We went the Pull ups route and when we were throwing them away dry, we decided to put him in underwear full time thinking that wearing them would prompt him to go #2 in the potty. He picked out his big boy underwear so he knew the next step. He’ll do one or both in his underwear and ask to be changed. He ran around naked (one day) and he did both in the middle of the living room, while I was getting lunch ready, then he called out to me pointed at the mess and asked if I could please clean it up.
I’ve also tried bribing him with toys, chocolate, games, activities and he’ll just say “I guess I don’t want them/it”. I did my best not to yell or scream and all the while he could read the expression on my face of sheer disappointment. I even cried – horrible I know, I just couldn’t contain it.
I read somewhere to have him help me clean it up. He does and runs to the bathroom to wash his hands, so that doesn’t seem to phase him. I’ve tried to be as patient as possible, and at times have scolded him but he will not cooperate. OH, and this was all before his brother was born. I was told to leave the training for after the birth and it’s only gotten worse. Moving forward… he wants to be changed just like his brother – he’s gone as far as saying “Momma, change my diaper just like you do brothers”. After 2.5 weeks of this I told him that I was going to have to start feeding him with a bottle, burping him and putting him down for naps just like the baby because I didn’t think he could handle the responsibility of being a big boy and I didn’t want him to be upset. The following morning, Thursday, 8/13, he told me he wanted to wear his big boy underwear and woke up with a dry diaper, I figured, the talk worked. He’s worn underwear since last Thursday, only poops in the mornings when he’s got the night time diaper on. Except for the two times where he was outside playing in the sandbox or chasing the dogs that he had ‘accidents’ in his underpants. I just cleaned him off and reminded him that he has to pay attention to the feeling and stop and run to the bathroom so that he could do his business. On Tuesday, 8/18 he told me he had to poop and I went with him to the bathroom and he pooped! YEAH…he asked that I call everyone to let them know that he was a big boy. He got tons of praise from all that he called. He hasn’t pooped in the potty again.
The reason I’m writing today is that just this morning, after he took a shower, he was running around the house naked and I told him to go to his room to get him ready. I was sidetracked by the baby crying, so I handed the baby off to daddy and headed to his room and in that split moment, he comes crying over to where I was and tells me that he pooped in the hallway in front of his bedroom and bathroom (which are caddy corner to one another). Sure enough, there was a poop log in front of the doors on the floor. I asked why he didn’t use the potty and he just cried and told me he was sorry. I hugged him and told him that we had to get him dressed and proceeded to put him in a pull up and he got more upset that I didn’t put big boy underwear on him. We had another talk, but I seem to be talking to myself. What do I do? What should I do? What should I say or not say? What should he wear or not wear?
OH… since I put that pull up on, I saw him tugging at himself and suggested he used the bathroom – he said no. I can’t pick him up and physically move him into the bathroom because I’m still recovering from a c-section, so when told him I had to get dressed he told me he was going to play – he proceeded to do both in the diaper and then come and tell me of his actions.
Sorry for the long post, just tried to give as much info for your advice.