Thanks for the responses.
Well, a) he doesn't need a therapist. He's a smart well-adjusted child for the most part. Acting out ONE day doesn't mean therapy.This is a child who gave his classmate some of his Easter Eggs because the little boy didn't have a basket and couldn't collect as much as the others...(just a few days ago) b) Yes there are a lot of changes going on, and it is stressful to adjust to having daddy back... but I believe in straight talk and consequences. c) he got a spanking from his dad. AND he can't use his computer (learning games only, but still) for two days. You know what he said "I didn't want to go to school today and I just had a BAD day"... he knew what he did.
I don't believe in making excuses... we all have stresses... and we are good, fair parents... he knew what would happen.
I spoke with the teacher. When she said hit, she meant HIT AT, but still... and how he disobeyed her was trying to eat desert first, before sandwhich, so no desert at school for now either.
lol
THanks for all the advise though. I think we will go play outside and burn off some energy tomorrow.
You might consider getting the child into a therapist if you know he is affected by what's going on at home. It sounds like he has a lot of anger he's stuffing down and needs to act it out. There are some really good child theripists out there. Check with your insurance provider for recommendations for one in your area. Otherwise, get moms on here to help you out. Just a suggestion. Good Luck!
I dont think discipline would be a good idea in this situation. he is already frustrated and not knowing how to deal with the situation and probally doesnt even know why he is acting out. Maybe you can just give him a way to realease his stress. Take him to the park and run with him or go fly a kite or something physical ( that age group loves that sort of thing) then maybe get him an ice cream cone and over eating ice cream together let him know your gonna make it and you love him and that you all have to work together as a team and sometimes it won't be fun but dont give up. In a loving way let him know his behavior at school was not good (he knows this already) and let him know he needs to apologize to his teacher and that you know he is going to do better tomorrow. Give him a free pass and let him know you are not going to discipline him this time but that if it happens again you will have to. E. we all deserve a "bad day" pass once in a while especially when things get stressful
I have been a Pre-K teacher for 10 years and I will tell you what I would tell one of my parents if this was happening in my classroom. First of all, I am no expert, but I know what works for my students. I do agree that he may be feeling emotions that he does not understand and probably doesn't know how to deal with them appropriately. It is your job to teach him to do this. I strongly believe that letting inappropriate behaviors go is only endorsing the behavior. A child has to understand that there are consequenses for his actions and that making excuses isn't acceptable. Consistency is the key. Children need to know what to expect (especially in a stressful situation.) Having consequences, both good and bad will help him learn to be responsible for his own behavior. For instance, if he makes good choices and has a great day at school he will earn a privlidge beacause he has shown that he can be responsible. If he has a difficult day he will lose a privlidge. This will give him some control over the situation (he probably doesn't feel like he has a lot of control in other areas of his life right now.) As I said this will take some persistence and consistency on your part, but letting his behavior go beacuse you feel guilty will do him no favors. A four year old is perfectly capable of understanding this with some guidance and consistent practice. Just think--you are teaching him how to handle difficult life situations--Do you want him to learn to make excuses or do you want him to learn to deal with stress effectively? You set the standard and let him know that your expectations are high. Finally, I would suggest staying in close contact with his teacher and letting her know what is going on at home. It is very important that you are both working together. It is possible that you can get the school counselor involved if neccesary. That would at least be a first step. Good luck! And remember, you are not the only parent to have these conversations with teachers : )
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. I agree with Lori. This time, I would let it go. I have a 4 year old son (and a 10 year old son, too) and I think at this age the discipline needs to happen at the time of the incident, or at least as close to that time as possible. Your son knows he was in trouble. I would talk to him about what he did wrong, and why it was wrong, and then leave it at that. As you mentioned, he probably does sense that things are stressful for you and your husband right now and that is stressful for him too. I like the idea of doing something fun together. It would be good for your son, and probably good for you too. Enjoy your family, and I hope things get easier for you soon.
