Hi Moms,
I am torn about my son's birthday party invite list, and I need your help. My son's 9th birthday party is coming up (he is in 3rd grade). A close friend of mine has a son who is 10 (fifth grade). Her son and my son get along well and are friendly whenever they see each other (due to our friendship), but they do not do anything together outside of our friendship. I tried to pursue a friendship between our sons, but I get the feeling that her son (who is in 5th grade) does not want to be friends with a 3rd grader, which I completely understand (if that is the case). Let me add that we both have 4 year old sons who are in the same preschool class and are close friends. I consider my friend and her family as close family friends. So, my dilemma is - do I invite her 10 year old son to my soon to be 9 y/o son's birthday party? I don't want to confuse the friendship of our 4 y/o sons with her 10 y/o and my soon to be 9 y/o. As I said, I consider her and her family close family friends, so naturally I want to invite them - but if I do invite them, I don't want them to feel obligated to invite my almost 9 y/o to her 10 y/o olds' birthday party when he turns 11 in June.
At first I was going to invite their whole family (especially b/c my son's b-day party is a bowling party on a Sat. night, which can be enjoyed by their whole family), but then decided against it, b/c our 4 year olds are really the ones who are good friends, but now I am reconsidering inviting their whole family again b/c of our close friendship. Help! I am torn! I am having a very hard time separating our close friendship with my son's b-day party! What would you do? Thanks!
FYI - I said it is a Sat. night party, but I didn't say the time - it is from 6-8 p.m., so not late at all (as the first poster assumed it was). Just wanted to clear that up.
We have a few close family friends. (I'd say 3 families). They are automatic invites to everything. From 1 year old parties to 30 year old parties. Invite the whole family.
Oh Lord!
No need to agonize over this!
The family sounds like they are close friends with your whole family--why not ask if they want to come & bowl or if Jimmy would be interested in attending a party with 9 year olds?
Did you ask you son? Does he want him/them to come?
Not all friendships have to be ones where the other family is a clone (kid age wise) of our own.
TALK to the other mom. Example: Hey Sarah, Josh's birthday bowling party is sat night, do you think Jimmy would think its lame to hang with 3rd graders? Wednlive to have him, but id understand if he thinks theyre too young. Or I thought you could all come & bowl a few games & have some pizza & cake if you don't have plans. Wanna come?"
I think either way is fine.
at 9 your son can control the guest list. I would tell him how many people he can invite and let him name them. if he lists the 5th grader as one then great. If the 5th grader isn't on his invite list then I would just tell your friend, "this year my son's bowling with just a few of his classmates." On the other hand, you could still say that and then add, "but we'd love to have your family there too" because I think it's fine to also invite who would make it fun for everyone. Either way, if that kid doesn't want to come he doesn't have to.
Invite them all - it will be nice for your four-year-old to have someone to play with. That way if the older one really doesn't want to go, he can decline gracefully and she and her younger one can still go. But if he's there as a "friend of the family" he'll probably want to go and have a good time. It's only social suicide if it were *just* him and a bunch of 3rd graders. My oldest son has some neighborhood friends who are a year or two older and a year or two younger than him. They hang out now, but when they were younger, they only hung out at family-friend parties, not friend-only parties. They outgrow that by middle school and/or high school.
your over thinking this. I would just invite kids from his class and let it go unless you are inviting other outside friends.
Just saying: A night party for a child that young....not a great idea. It should be a late morning or early afternoon party at a bowling alley.
Second, you have no obligation to invite anyone, especially another child who is older or younger then the "birthday boy".
I would keep the group to a minimum of 8 - 10 children who are about the same age. Some bowling, some food and drinks, some cake and gifts...then a good bye to the guest to make way for the older bowlers.
If she is really a close friend talk to her about the situation. Chances are she knows her son probably doesn't want to hang out with a younger boy. Talk with her about it and let her know your thoughts both was that you are considering them. She might have a solution for you that works for everyone.
I think it depends upon who the other guests are. Are they all same-aged kids from your son's class at school or other activities that your friend's 10 yr old son doesn't know or hang out with? Are other families going to be there? Did your son compile the invitation list, and if so, was this boy on the list?). If the answer to these is no, then no you don't invite the 10 yr old.
It wouldn't hurt my feelings in the least, if I were your friend, knowing the age difference between the boys.
Personally, I'd invite the whole family. As long as you're planning on bringing your 4yo to the bowling Alley.
That's an EXTRA reason to invite them all (not a reason against). Playmate for the younger crowd, and if you're concerned about a 'pity invite' over the summer, it takes the pressure off.
I don't really get the whole you have to invite someone to your party thing. One should never feel obligated to invite someone to their party. Does her son invite your son to his party? Maybe that will help you with your answer.
I agree with Sherry, I think you are making this into more than it needs to be. If they are indeed as close as you say, then I would invite the whole family and then leave it up to them. That way no feelings are hurt, and it gives your younger son a buddy to hang out with if they attend. Have you asked your son?? Maybe he would prefer just having his friends from his class, that are his own age? Just a thought . . .
