I've been home with a new baby for just over a week. Officially mom of three now. My oldest daughter comes to sit with me on the couch to watch and even burp the baby. We often catch up in the afternoon when my middle child naps. Little lia, my three year old ,does not come to spend time with me when I nurse. Therefore the time I get with her is when I pursue her, which under the circumstances is not often. Grandma and dad put them to bed, feed them, and take them to the park. I try to coax her to the couch where I can read her a book, but more often than not she just is not interested. I don't know if she misses me or not, I can't see that she is terribly affected by the new baby. She still nursed up until a few weeks before the baby was born. We both loved the closeness. She seems fine, but I miss her. Don't really have a question, just wondering if anyone can relate or offer some insight. I love my new baby, but I miss my old baby.
thank you all. I realize that I am postpartum and emotional. I also have one of those new borns that does not sleep on his own, only wants to be on my chest at all times. So i am often wearing him when I am not nursing him. Grandma and dad help with this too. I am also recovering from a C-section so I have not been able and will not be able to pick up my other children for another week. i kiss and hug Lia at every opportunity. But I miss our morning snuggles and other time that we had together that seems tied up with a new born. I'm aware that I will need to be proactive on a middle child and I want to take her on a special mommy daddy date this weekend, even though it will be very short between nursing sessions.
Cheryl B I don't know how you think you are being helpful. Last time you responded to my post you suggested that you would have had your children "knock the heck" out of my toddler for spitting. So pardon me if I'm not buying your "advocacy" for my daughter. I really wish you would keep your toxic parenting advice to yourself.
Guess I'm really searching for parents with more than two to offer some insight as to how this all gets worked out and share if you had similar emotions.
I have a 12 wk & 3 yr old & felt the same way, the 1st few weeks. Especially, after a 3 day hospital stay & had never been away from the 3 yr old that long. It will get better.
I agree with Patty K. I think she doesn't want to come sit with you while you are nursing because she feels like she's been replaced by the baby. And then you say you don't seek her out very often. Yeah, she's probably feeling pretty rejected right now, but handling it well.
If I were you, I would make a point of having dad and/or grandma tend to the infant for a while so you can have some one-on-one time with your middle child.
This is just the first of many times that middle child is going to feel "invisible." MIddle children get lost in the shuffle. They don't get the "older" child attention and they don't get the "baby" attention. They are just there, lumped in time and again with either the oldest or youngest, but with no individuality. Please don't do that to her.
Make sure Daddy and Grandma get time to hold the baby, too! You shouldnt be nursing every second! So great for Dad and Gmom to bond and it gives you a chance to spend time with your 3yr old. Let someone else hold the baby while you read a story and put 3 yr old to bed.
It's only been a week. Give lia time to adjust to the new routine. Give her hugs and kisses and snuggles. And try to do some of the things you used to do. She'll come around.
It sounds like she's fine, and is just moving to to assert her newly found independence. It is a milestone, after all.
My soon to be 3 yo is about as independent as they come. She does come by for a snuggle from time to time, but she's more interested in exploring and learning new things. Don't worry- she still needs you. Just less for reasons she used to.
Oh, this is so tough! I can well remember being in the hospital after having my 3rd, and my mom bringing my daughter and son to visit. My former baby, now middle child asked me at least 10 times if I still loved him. I was a bawling mess.
But, it passed. He adjusted, I adjusted and all was well. I tried to spend as much time with him as I could to make sure he didn't suffer from "middle child syndrome".
Hang in there!
Congratulations! What a family change! And it has been only a week.
Your girl probably misses you, too. But you have another baby, so she may think she doesn't have a place with you any more. She doesn't want to compete with the baby OR with the helpful big sister, because she thinks she may lose either or both contests. That's my guess, anyhow, for what it's worth.
Try giving Daddy and/or Grandma time with the new one for fifteen to thirty minutes, right after nursing, and devote this time solely to your three-year-old. Take this time every day for a while. Play out in the yard with her, take her to the park, do something that's just for the two of you. Eventually she may suggest something you both can do. Let her know how much you love her, how much you enjoy hugging her and playing with you, how excited you are that she is YOUR girl and that she has gone UP in the family world.
Don't expect her to do anything for the baby, but ask her, by name, to do something specific. "Lia, can you get me a diaper? This little one is cute, but she's not as helpful as you are." If she does it, just thank her. Without putting down anyone else in the family, let her know how valuable she is to you.
This is a big step for your girl. Talking about middle children as if they were problem children seems to be a fashion right now, so try not to use the term, even in your head. Make up something else. For example, she's not a "middle kid"; she's the sweet cream filling in the family Oreo cookie.
You said you just stopped nursing a few weeks ago now the baby replaced her. Maybe she is not happy about that.
