I Just Want to Throw My Phone Away................

Honestly, we're all so busy. Everyone of my friends works full-time plus manages family life. When we 'get together' it tends to be in a family type situation where we get together as families w/ kids, husbands, etc. and go to the beach or barbecue at one another's homes. Beyond that, we may message one another on FB, short texts, etc. I don't keep track of who is doing more or less of it, to tell you the truth. But then, I don't feel 'used' in these relationships as you have indicated that you feel in yours.

Honestly, I do not have many friends in general, all of the people I consider to be close/best friends are in other states and I talk when I can, but life gets in the way for all of us. The thing is that when we can talk or see each other it is like we were never apart to begin with - that is the mark of a true friendship to me. I have MANY aquantances and some people that I consider friends or we are on our way to being friends and most of them are people that I come into contact with regularly. Most of those people are my son's friend's mothers or other moms/teachers at the school - but we mostly see eachother during a school related or play date based activity. When I did live near my friends, before my child (I am the only one) we had standing nights of getting together, no phone call required, we knew where to be and when - after child I would call to let them know I was joining or to try to make other arrangements - a little one sided but I liked not having to tell them no all the time. Few connections are going to last a lifetime, many are based on who can do what for who and it is what you do with it that matters.

Kristina M's answer is pretty much my answer.
I moved almost 1,000 miles away from my family and friends for a job years ago, and my oldest and dearest friends all live far away. They have husbands, kids, jobs, and lots going on in their lives. If we didn't Facebook, we'd probably have no idea what was going on in each other's lives. Well, ok, before Facebook, we used email to stay up to date. With time changes and schedules, talking on the phone is often just cumbersome. The great thing, though, is that when we do get together, it's just like old times. And, if we really need each other, we're there. I think we kind of understand that we're each in a phase of our life where we don't have the same time and attention that we did when we were younger and that we will 10-15 years down the road. To me, that's what a true friendship is about. My mom has reconnected with a lot of her high school friends, now that their kids are all grown, etc.

I do have some good friends locally who I mainly see at work or who I do have to make an effort for social activities. I value their friendships, too. I've found that friendships with people based solely on my daughter rather than common interests tend to be pretty superficial. A couple have turned into great friendships, but that's because we found a lot of common ground, interests and values. Still, I look forward to that stage in life when my oldest friends and I have more availability for social visits with each other.

I "talk" to my three closest friends several times a week. I say "talk" because they only TEXT and I really miss the old-dinosaur form of communication: A phone call. However, it's only text, and something I'm still coming to terms with since I'm wired for contact!

Like your situation, these friends, too, live out of state so my social life even pre-baby was next-to-null. Save for my mom's club, organized events, I rarely go out with "friends."

So you are not alone, so to speak!

I was so busy with career and young kids that I let all friendships go....
Now I regret that. If people ask you for favors, then you ask them for favors, sometimes it only goes one way because some people dont ask for help/favors. If you ask them to return the favor (babysitting or borrowing something) do they say no?

Wow lots of questions for someone like me with bad memory to answer SO I had to copy and paste to answer! lol...Here it goes,
I’m wondering how much time and effort do you put into your friendships?
So this doesn’t include our parents/siblings/spouses whom we may consider our best friends, since these are family relationships.
Also, lets exclude any current office and work friends we have, since we naturally see these people on a very regular, constant basis.

How often do you initialize contact (call/email/etc) to your friends?
Not as often as I would like, alothough FB does help me with this, and I have been making a real effort to contact at least one friend a month that I dont normally see or speak to

Do they initialize contact with you regularly? Or do you feel like if you didn’t make the effort the friendship would go stale?

No, I feel like I am the one making the contact, sometimes it gets VERY frusterating. I have one friend, our kids go to school together, and sometimes I feel like she doesnt really see me as a friend outside the kids,or unless it is hacing conversations on the phone, I always see posts of her and some of the other moms going out for drinks, movies, ect, but rearely does she have time to do this with me and if we do do something just us, I am always the one to initiate.

If you feel like you are the one that keeps the contact and friendship going, do you ever grow tired of being the one to keep it going? At what point will you decide to just stop and let whatever happens, happen?

Yes I do feel with most of mhy "friendships" I am the one who tries to keep them together and yes sometimes I just STOP, stop calling, stop emailing, just stop all together, sooner or later the person may contact me and then I feel the whole thing starting all over, I try to initiate to keep relationship going and again it is just me..

How often do you go out or do an activity with a friend?
Maybe every couple of months if lucky, and if I initiate and actually get response.

But no matter how a friend makes me feel, I always seem to be the one to be there when needed, share when I have (example I had gift certicifcate for massage and didnt want to go alone so I split with a friend) another time I really wanted to hang with a friend and get pedicure a friend really wanted and needed one before an interview so I took her and paid for both of us. Anytime I cook something I know one of my friends really like I usually take them some or invite them to comeget some. I always tell myself until people start treating me like I treat them I am not going to do it anymore, but by my nature I always end up doing it anyways.

Unfortunatly I have never had a friend like you have and every time I think I may have found one I am wrong.