I Have Terrible Separation Anxiety, I Need to Meet New People.

E.,

The only thing I can tell you is it gets easier. I work full time and it was hard to ever leave my son for anything other than work. I never wanted to go to dinner, a movie, etc. But you need to. The one thing I did notice, which made it easier, was that Brendan (my son) and my husband really benefited from being alone together. They both needed that time and once I realized that it made it easier to have some me time and not feel bad. (But I still miss him).

Separation anxiety is something every working mom has to go through. My daughter is almost 10 months old and I feel the same way. I hate leaving her, worst of all when she's sick. It's not easy. I wish someone had an easy answer.

Hey E.,
I just have a couple suggestions...first off it's ok to miss them...but you need to personally come to the understanding that those kiddos are in good hands and that's just something you'll need to know and trust for a long long time and allow them to become independent...it's never to early to work on that. That is how they find themselves. It actually starts at 6 months and you just need to encourage them. For me I know that my child is God's and not mine. The Lord Jesus watches him and even when I am away from him I know that he's ok no matter what..and when I am alone with my husband that time is for us. It's not selfish because my husband should come before my kids. This is not to say we don't give a ton of time and love to our boy, but my husband has to come before our son because that will show our children how important our marriage is and that our marriage is a reflection of our relationship with Jesus Christ. At 4 months old, we had recieved a cruise from my husbands company and we flew to Colorado and left our son with my parents and a lot of frozen breast milk. To relieve any worry, because we couldn't contact my folks while on the cruise...unless we absolutely had to and would pay $9.99 a minute to call, I wrote out his schedule and likes and dislikes. I've been pretty set on his schedule since he was 2 weeks old and it just relieved a lot of burden. It was super hard to say goodbye but we cried for about 10 minutes on our way away from him and then enjoyed ourselves and knew he's ok and it was wonderful. I'm not saying it will just happen for you. But faith is important. I don't know what you believe, but for me knowing that our prayers over him give us peace until he's old enough to choose what he believes we know that we just have to pray and prioritize too!

Hello E.-

I just wanted to give you my opinion on your situation. It seems as though you are putting so much stress on yourself just for needing a break. And you shouldn't. You quit your job to be with your daughter, that is incredible! And if you do leave one night, she is in good hands with her nana & papa. I urge you not to feel guilty. You daughter needs one on one time with all of her family. It's not like your just dumping her off at some daycare to go partying. You're an adult and adults NEED alone time. You just do. Everyone has a breaking point and if you spend every second with your baby, your going to lose it! I have a 23 mos old son and he is currently in daycare 3 days a week; and whenever me and my husband go out, he is with his nana. And nana loves the time she gets to spend with him one on one. Because when we're all together, he won't let anyone hold him but his momma!

I can offer one solution, if you are having a hard time leaving, don't go out until later. There are times when I don't leave the house until 9pm, because I tuck him in bed and do our bedtime routine first, then I leave. That way he has no idea that I'm even gone and you can feel alittle better knowing that your not losing anytime.

Don't feel anxiety-- It's good for both of you!

Your daughter will only be this age for a very short time. Spend all the time you want with her and don't let other people or yourself make you feel bad because you want to spend time with your daughter. It is the best gift you can give her.

One thing I did was to sign up for a mommy and me class. That way your daughter will get to spend some time with children her own age and you would have a chance to meet some new people.

Hope it helps

E.,
As far as the Separation anxiety goes, I can understand. I had a horrible time with my son. When he was a baby, I was one of those moms who would go out with my husband and then spend half the time on the phone with my mom making sure he was okay and giving instructions. My son is now 4 and I have a two year old daughter and a 3 mo. old daughter. My 4 and 2 year old spend most of the day with their grandparents on Saturday and sometimes even spend the night. I can tell you it does get easier. And for meeting new people, I have not found a better group of women than at the family network. This has been a Godsend to me. Their website is daytonfamilynetwork.com The phone number to receive a free newsletter is ###-###-####. These are women from all walks of life, ranging from brand new moms to mothers with 6 or more Kids!There are playgroups, field trips, couples nights outs, moms nights out, etc...
Please keep us updated!

J. F.

E.-
When my daughter was only a couple months old, I started a yoga class once a week and left her with my husband. I hated it-at first- but I learned to love the alone time and I also learned to trust that I wasn't the only person that knew "everything" about her and her needs. Start out once a week with an hour to yourself, it gets easier-trust me!

I know what your going through but I have 4 of them. I have to sneek out the door to get away. I have tried to prepare them ahead of time so know they are prepared and none of us get emotional.

Did you start your daycare? I am thinking about doing In Home daycare and need advice..............

Thanks,

Cindy

I don't know about the separation anxiety, but I have terrible guilt so it's really hard for me to go out too. I work full time and we don't have any family around & only a few friends who really can't help much with the babysitting. Even if we did have babysitters I'm not sure we would use them because I just feel so bad leaving her in daycare all day and then leaving her again to do something fun....so I haven't done much for me in the past 7 months. People tell me you never get over the guilt, but I don't know about the separation anxiety.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with always being with your daughter if that is what you want! My husband and I never leave our kids unless we have to. We have probably only spent a few evenings away from our first son and our second son has never been with anyone but us.

We became parents to be parents. We LOVE our kids and the few times we have gone out without them we wished they were there because we LOVE having them with us.

Now, if it bothers you to not have any time by yourself then that is fine too. Time alone works wonders for some people.

Where do you live? There a lot of resources out there for networking with moms... knowing your approximate location can help direct you!

I can totally relate here! I absolutely HATED leaving my kids to go to work. I hated leaving them so much that I didn't even bother going out socially unless it was something I could take kids to. I could never understand how some people can / could leave their kids all day long for up to 10 hours and then plan weekends and whole vacations without their kids. What's the point??? Anyway, I can understand how you feel. Mine are bigger now...The older they get the less of a burden leaving them to go to work becomes...Once they are students and have mastered some communication skills and can do a little more for themselves it's better. Once they can use a cell phone it gets better. Of course, once they get bigger the issues change and now my separation anxiety comes on full force when my 16 yr old gets in a car! My kids went to a day care center. (Youthland) For us it was a good thing. We parents formed a little parents' club group and it really helped around the holidays and for networking in jobs. A big key to enjoying your time out and away from kids is to find care givers you can trust. I liked college aged people best...more mature. Our Grandma and PaPa deal fizzled when PaPa had his 4 way by-pass. It would be good to look for back ups now, just in case. Would your place of worship have a parents' club? Can you consider enrolling your daughter in a toddler pre-school progrm? Maybe you could start a group of your own....Put an ad in a church and community newspaper. P.

E.,

I think it's wonderful that you feel the way you do about your little one! Now days, it's all too common for women to have a baby and go back to work in 6 weeks, leaving the infant with a sitter. Unlike some others, I did not get the impression that you needed a break from her. Why don't you make friends with other moms, so that you can take your daughter with you? Eventually you will want to leave her! :) But don't rush it or force it if you are fortunate to be able to stay home with her. The MOPS, mothers of preschoolers, group is national, and you can find it at many churches.

You said you get out with your husband and leave the baby with the grandparents, so that's all you need, isn't it? Is your husband reasonably satisfied with the amount of time you have together?

It's a cliche, but children grow up fast and they are precious. Many people cannot conceive or lose a child to illness or accident. Please, please, don't feel guilty about wanting to be with your child! You will eventually want more time away when the time is right.

I know the feeling, my son who is now two was 6 weeks premature, so when he came home after 2 weeks in the hospital I wouldn't even let anyone but me or the father hold him I didn't go anywhere for about 4 months(well with out him). When I did go out I felt guilty, I felt like it is my job as a mother to be there at all times to protect him and make sure he is ok, I now have a one year old daughter and I did the same thing with her but I learned that as much as my life is fully devoted to my children that I love with all my heart that we all need a break from each other. I think it is good that you leave and come back it lets the children know that its ok for mommy to leave cause she'll be back, and I think it builds a little trust between you and your children. I started out slowly and now I work a full time job, I have the best child care provider and my kids get to interact with other people and other children and I kinda think its better for them. Try going out start out slow and I don't know if you have a cell phone but trust me they are the best thing. I call and check on my kids at least 20 times a day. And I think the best thing is coming home and them running into my arms hugging and kissing me and telling me they love me so it must be ok for them. Good luck

I have the same problem. I am a SAHM of five. My youngest is 19 months. If I leave them at home with my husband I find myself rushing to get home, then I can't enjoy myself when I am with friends or just shopping alone. Like you I only leave them with relatives, mostly grandma and grandpa, so we can have one night out. The whole night I am a mess, wanting to call them but with my husband there he helps me through it. He keeps telling me they are with safe people who love them. Not only that but the kids have a great time playing and spending time with them. It's good to have someone to remind you of that and it is also a good thing to have sometime alone for yourselves. Couples need that. I always leave my cell phone number and know I can talk or get to them in a matter of minutes. Usually by the end of the evening I am relaxed and greatful for a dinner that I can eat while it is still hot! Hope that helps a little.

Hi E. :) You are definitely not alone in this category. My daughter will be 3 the first week of September and my son is 15 months and I still suffer from SA every now and then. Its not nearly as bad as it use to be for me, so I promise that it will get easier. I work full time, but I get to work from home so I am with my kids all day, and then my husband and I hardly ever go out, so when we do I am constantly feeling the SA or even guilty that I am not with them. The only thing I can tell you that has worked for me is make it a routine to try and get out more often without them and you will get used to being away. Even if its just for a little while to take a walk around the neighborhood or go shopping or window shopping (that is what I have to do because of funds, lol) by yourself for a little bit and that way you can get some time for yourself too but you get yourself use to just being away for a little. Remember you are not a bad parent because you feel you need time away, I think its good for you and the baby too. I think it helps them develop better and it gives them time to spend with either dad or grandparents who love them very much and a chance to bond with them.

I kind fo am having the same problem. My son is 17 mths old, and I have only let him stay overnight with my parents, too. I also only go out with my husband,lol. I don't know how you can get over the seperation anxiety. Its hard to trust just anyone to take care of your little one. Maybe if you find a babysitter and slowly introduce them to each other? Have her over to meet your baby a few times, so your baby isnt scared and you feel comfortable that the sitter knows her routines. Or, find another mom with a like aged baby to hang with, they kids can play, and you can make a new friend!