I Have NO Energy to Get Out of Bed When My Child Does

My daughter was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid (SP?) arthritis. For years the drs thought it was depression and treated her for depression. Her symptoms never improved and even with the meds, she still could not get out of bed. Finally, she was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and now that she's on the right meds, she is doing better She is in pain a lot, but she can manage it now and get out of bed in the mornings and get her children off to school.

Go get that blood work done ASAP.

What time do you put her to bed? Is it the same time every night? What time do you go to bed? The same time? How is your sleeping? Do you lay awake at night? Does your husband keep you up with snoring? Does your daughter keep you up half the night?

You really have to get a handle on this. You are not being fair to your daughter at all. She deserves to have a mom who is awake and active during the day with her. You should send her to daycare or preschool if you cannot handle getting up.

It is not safe to do what you are doing either. What if she ate something other than chapstick? You would have been calling an ambulance and you could be charged with neglect.

Have you been to the doctor? You need a serious evaluation of your health. Blood work, a CT scan, whatever the doctor suggests. Please get this done. Meanwhile, get up with your daughter. Go to bed when she does. Have a real schedule and stick with it, for your daughter's sake.

Good luck,
Dawn

well...suck it up and get up has merit :) lol.

make sure that you do several things. 1. make time for yourself. if you are a sahm that can be rare and you might be mildly depressed or just in a plain ole rut, which isn't good for anyone. 2. exercise. you may have the blah's from lack of physical activity. 3. eat right. make sure you 're getting plenty of fruit and vegetables. 4. drink lots of water! it will flush out the toxins and you'll feel better. even better, make a pitcher of water to put in the fridge and add a few slices of lemon and lime. i promise you'll feel better. google it :) and last, because yes, it's part of it - you do suck it up and make yourself do it :) it's part of being a grownup. just remember that every time she's getting into something, every minute you allow her to be up without you, not ONLY is she getting into trouble - she's missing her mama. that's parenting time she's not getting. even if you haul your bootie to the couch and let her cuddle with you while she watches the tv and you snooze... BE there for her.

hth....keep your dr. in mind if you can't fix it on your own. this is, you're right, one of those things that has to change. good luck!

OK, I'm with the other moms here: get a really good check up & determine whether or not there's a medical cause for this. If there is, address it. If there isn't, you really need to be getting up with your daughter. In addition to all the obvious safety reasons, she needs to know she's worth your effort. Of course you love her to death -- but one way to show her that is to get up and BE with her, to be her mom.

Should there be a medical problem that precludes you getting up, you need to make some other arrangements. Whether that be your mom or maybe a basket of toys near your bed that would keep her entertained, you need to put some thought and planning into providing for her care if you are unable to do it yourself. How about a story on CD that is all set up and ready for her? Teach her how to push the button.

Is there any way you can shift your work hours around a bit? It's awfully hard to work a closing shift, come home, take a little time to unwind for yourself, then get to bed at a reasonable time and get up with a little one.

Hug to you! You can fix this!

Is this the way it's always been or is it something new for you? Are you suffering from depression possibly? Or thyroid issues? (I have a friend who has NEVER liked getting up. It was always a struggle. Once she got her thyroid treated, mornings became more manageable). It may be worth looking into.

Maybe it's time for a new routine? Maybe start the day with a walk? Get the heart rate up, enjoy some sunlight and spend time with your daughter. If you get up and move you won't doze off.

If it's not medical, it really is mind over matter. We do it because our kids need us. Right now it's benign mischief, but you'll never forgive yourself if she does something more serious. I left my daughter for less than three minutes and we wound up in the ER because she ingested some medicine. I don't want to think about what could have happened if I made the discovery later. You need to get up to keep your baby safe. She needs you and wants your attention. She needs her mama. If that really can't motivate you out of bed, please see your doctor. Gl!

We have a looot in common. I also had abnormal blood tests and had to see a rhuematologist for possible Lupus. It turned out I had a bad infection and a vitamin d deficiency, on top pf my hypoglycemia... I also have chronic fatigue, aches and pains and such, the fatigue is the worst part, and I also go to bed late at night (though I am trying to remedy this and am doing better). Some say it is depression, but I do not feel depressed. Thyroid, vitamin deficiencies, fibro, low iron (anemia) lots of things can cause fatigue, so get that bloodwork done.

One thing I have to do, is get out of bed and go lay on the couch.. at least I am in the same room with my child, or I make him come and hang out in bed with me in the mornings. It makes me sick to say this, but my kiddos watch a lot of tv right now, I try and limit it to educational stuff like LeapFrog, but still. Also, put up baby gates, door locks all of that stuff to limit her ability to makes crazy messes or injure herself.

If it isn't medical related, but more on the depression side, I also found a few other behavioral changes that can help. Eat a lot of small healthy snacks throughout the day, it does help, so does keeping on a light excersize routine and opening windows to let in natural light. Taking Saint John's Wort helps as well. I know you have financial hardships, but even doing something simple in your home, like some cardio and weight excersizes (you can use soup cans) helps tremendously. Also, do all you can to regulate your sleep and go to bed earlier!

Dear L.,

Enough with the Mamapedia diagnosing, second-guessing, and prescribing.

What you've written here and in a previous post about possible bi-polar indicates that you must see a qualified medical professional now. Call your doctor now. Follow-up with all of his/her recommendations for tests, treatment, etc.

Whether it is an issue with a depressive disorder or an auto-immune disorder, a combination of both, or even something else, your symptoms indicate prompt medical attention for proper diagnosis and treatment. Leaving these types of symptoms untreated can have serious long-term consequences.

In addition, your daughter is much too young to be left unsupervised for for such a long period of time. What happens if she ingests something worse than a chapstick? You may not even realize it until she is seriously sick. She also needs you just to be with her and be there for her. I know you know that, but I'm just saying it here in print to help motivate you to make that call to your doctor now.

You deserve to feel and be healthy, and your daughter deserves a healthly mama!

Best wishes to you.

J. F.

If I went to sleep at 2am, I would definitely need to sleep until 1100am...

I suggest you start resetting your own clock. This will probably not happen instantaneously for you...and could take up to 3 weeks...as it takes 21 days of doing something 'new' for it become a habit.

You have to start practicing better sleep hygiene....

Start going to bed 15 minutes earlier every couple of nights. Watch a clock. Set a timer. Just do it.

You must learn to find ways to relax at night to signal your body and brain into a healthy sleep pattern.

Those can include things like: drinking chamomile tea, taking a hot bath (take it with your baby girl...that's a lot of fun and relaxing too!!), try using Melatonin or Valerian Root for the next few weeks to help you re-set your clock; cut out caffeine after 3pm, don't watch scary or stimulating movies, etc.

Set your alarm clock 15 minutes earlier every few days. Even if you don't get up with it....set it and never turn it off. You will eventually start to arouse.

Start your day with a strong cup of coffee or tea. And eat a high protein breakfast and lots of good fruits and veggies throughout the day, plus lots of fluids.

Get outside and get sunshine everyday.

You sound like you could be battling depression or an auto immune disease, but even Lupus doesn't keep one in bed like you describe, unless they are having serious attacks.

Try and try and try to work with your personal habits. Join a mother's group at a local library for story time, or YMCA swim class....commit to something free or low in cost as you mention your finances are tight, and get up and get out. Do something during the day to make yourself and your little girl feel good about being together. Joining others and belonging to one's community is empowering.

Your sweet, little girl must be bored out of her mind just watching you sleep 'forever.' It's unfair to her. Even though you state your little girl is very smart, she needs interaction and socialization and you must try to provide this for her. She will miss out on normal cognitive developmental milestones without exposure.

And make sure to follow up with your doctor about your blood work and possible health concerns.

And, are you taking a whole foods, healthy, natural Multi-Vitamin?

Since you have the "markers" for Lupus it makes me wonder if you possibly have Fibromyalgia, cousin to Lupus in the auto-immune disorder family, which I have. The key symptom of fibro is widespread chronic pain, but my son who has chronic fatigue has been told it may be fibromyalgia. And, it is possible to have more than one auto-immune disorder so two or more can co-exist..

Mention your fatigue and inability to get to sleep earlier to the doctor when you have your followup blood test, the more info he or she has the better they can help you.

Make your daughter a safe area with some baby gates, complete with some snacks and quiet toys near you so she doesn't get into mischief, and childproof that area. God forbid she seriously injures or poisons herself before you get up, you would never forgive yourself. The reality is smart or not something could happen to her, and you'd be responsible. And if she's 3 or 4 look into Head Start, it's free to qualified families.

God bless.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001463/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/DS00079
http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/default.htm
http://www.azheadstart.org/

I would have your thyroid checked (don't know if this is already an option). I have a student right now who has Graves Disease and a genetic probability for Lupis and she has very similar difficulties as you do.

The reason you cannot go to sleep before 2am is because you are getting up so late. If I went to bed at 2am I would want to sleep a whole lot later as well. Here is my advice: I'd go get a whole medical work up just to make sure there is not a medical reason. If there is not then you just have to force yourself to wake up at a reasonable time every day - say 8am. This will be hard at first but then eventually you will be so tired it will be easy to go to bed at 10pm. 10pm to 8am is 10 hours of sleep! Most people only need about 8 hrs of sleep a night. If there is no medical reason then you need to retrain your body. Yes it will be painful at first but just set your alarm and get up, shower and start drinking a cup of coffee or black tea. After a few days it will be much easier for you to fall asleep earlier than 2am. This is a crazy schedule you have!!! No offense. I wish you luck.

Start taking 5 or 6 mg of Melatonin around 9pm. Take a shower around 930 and be in bed by 10pm. Set your alarm for the same time every day and get up. Once you're up, go outside, or sit by a window for 30 minutes with direct sunlight on you. This is what my sleep therapist told me to do.

This won't work if it's a medical issue, but if it's a sleep issue, it will work.

Look up adrenal fatigue. Sound like you? If so, there are some natural remedies (such as a change in diet) to help you feel better. I'm going through this now. Rule out anything major medically, but worth a look.

Go get yourself evaluated immediately. Don't wait.

If you're able to do even moderate exercise, do it, even light walking to the end of the street and back. Do it every day. Force yourself to get on a schedule, and stay on it--within reason. So, have breakfast (hubby says that eating 0% fat Greek yogurt & some whole grain cereal helps him--the greek yogurt has protein & gets him going) at a set time, have lunch at a set time, and dinner at a set time. And bed at a set time. You don't have to do much once you're out of bed, but do get up. If you need to, go to sleep in your clothes (yoga pants/sweats work, with a t-shirt), so you can just literally roll out of bed.

In the morning, while you're resting on the couch, have cartoons for 30 min, then have a quiet activity-painting, coloring, playdoh, stickers on paper. It doesn't require much energy or effort on your part, and is pretty safe and non messy (okay, not the paint, but.. :). Do you have a close friend or neighbor that can help her get up and dressed and fed, while you take care of yourself?

One thing that helps me is setting an alarm, and using a timer. Having a timer on for a set time helps give me a "deadline" and also helps the kiddo know when to expect a transition.

Also, look into getting a nurse's assistant or similar medical help for yourself, or hiring an aid to help with your child. Check to see if it's covered by insurance.

I know you want what's best for your daughter and you know this isn't it. Talk to the local public school about free preschool, Tell them all your medical problems. BE very honest and upfront about everything and maybe your daughter will qualify for reduced or free preschool. If your public school doesn't have preschool try the same thing with a local Church Preschool, most have scholarship programs (thought not advertised) for needy families and your daughter NEEDS, really needs, preschool!! To be successful in Kindergarten She needs interaction with other children, planned activities, physical movement, fine and gross motor development. She especially needs to be developing language skills, fine motor skills Talk to early child intervention if she is under three) On a previous post you said you were diagnosed bi polar, go back to the doctor and talk to him about your fatigue. I hope your doctor can help you in the meantime get some help from your daughter before she starts thinking her role in life is to take care of mommy rather than be a typical preschooler.

You definitely need to see a doctor. If you are truly sleeping/dozing until noon, there is something medically wrong - whether it is lupus or something else. I'm often exhausted and have trouble getting up at 6 a.m. with my little one, but even if I get till 7 a.m. I'm much better. When I do have to get up, I may doze on the couch while holding her in my lap. When I was pregnant, I used to let my son watch tv for 30-45 minutes while I napped with him on the couch.

Anyway, I know you're planning to see a doctor, but make sure you do it ASAP and have everything checked out. I'm no doctor so my advice is just a guess, but it really does sound like something is wrong.

I know you can't afford daycare, but can you try to set up playdates for her a couple of mornings a week so you can get some extra rest and know that she's safe and cared for? Maybe you can reciprocate by hosting an afternoon playdate when you have a little more energy.

If you're not getting to sleep until after 2am, it's more normal that you want to stay in bed until noon. That's still a long time but not as outrageous as if you were going to bed at 10pm. It's not clear - are you still working a night shift or there's nothing stopping you from going to bed earlier, you just can't get to sleep? If that's the case, take some sleeping pills for awhile until you get your body clock regulated better. Just try some benedryl. Or muscle through getting up a few days until you're tired enough to fall asleep at a normal hour. Once you're up, do you still feel so tired? Sometimes just getting up changes things. Set out a reward - ie: I love a piece of chocolate. If you feel horrible all day, chances are it's medical. If you're fine so long as you sleep from 2:30am till almost noon, it's mental and you need to just get up. You're not even getting good sleep likely from the time your daughter gets up until you finally drag yourself out of bed. So this is a lousy cycle that you need some discipline to break but unless there is a medical issue, it'll be worth it.