I Have a Question About Bed Time!

My son is 2 and goes to bed between 8-9. Sometimes he will be ready by 7/7:30 depending on how busy his day was and whether he had a decent nap.

Hi, K.

My daugher is 5-1/2 years old, and she goes to bed between 7:00 and 7:30pm on weeknights. Sometimes we let her stay up until 8:30 at the very latest on the weekends.

According to my "baby bible" it says that a 2 to 3 year old toddler should get anywhere between 9 - 13 hours of sleep a day. That includes naps. And a 3 to 5 year old child should be getting between 10 - 12 hours of sleep.

I hope this helps.

I was wondering, at what time do you put the kids to bed? Is he upset because there is NO bed time?
I put my daughter to bed at 8:30 and she's being trained, she's 7 1/2 months so she cries on and off for 30 minutes so I am going to start putting her down at 8, she wakes up at between 7 and 730 regardless.

I see that your fil wants to maybe have the kids gone for privacy, maybe you can have "quiet time", especailly the 5 yo, and then let him know you will come in when "quiet time" is over to clue him that he needs to start preparing for bed at 730 or 8, quiet time can start at 7p.m.
I give my daughter quiet time now which is her crying time, eventually it will be her quiet playtime.
I do believe children need to learn to entertain themselves a bit so maybe this is a good practice that will free you up too. I don't agree with his "approach" but it is his house and people are jerks when they feel control over someone, its sad and I am sorry you're in the situation but while you ar ein his house, you may have to suck it up.
Threats are something I'd definately have my hubby deal with him on and have him tell him NO GO with that nonesense.
How annoying...

My kids have never gone to bed at 7 or 730 but I know of people whose kids do go to bed that early. Their reasoning is because then the parents have their time. My husband and I still get our time but we call lights out by 915pm. We have three boys who range from 8 to 2.
If you are the legal parent, I wouldn't expect that your dad or mom has any right to tell you that your kids need to be in bed by a certain time. Maybe the whole "you live under my house its my rules" line is to get you guys to move out. I would do as the other ladies said and state that you are their parents and they will go to bed when you have their schedule set up for not when he wants them too. Good luck.

My kids (ages almost 2 and almost 5) go to bed at 7pm. We head upstairs at 7pm do the bedtime routine (start at 6:45pm if it's bath night) and by 7:30 we are downstairs and they are in bed. The 1 year old falls asleep a few minutes after we leave the room, the 4 year old takes about 15 minutes. So they are sleeping well before 8pm. Most 4-6 year olds need 11-12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Since my son gave up naps just after his 3rd birthday (if he did nap, he would never fall asleep before 10), he gets 12 hours at night... he usually sleeps 7:45pm-7:30am. A 1 year old should get 11-12 hours at night plus a 2-3 hour nap. She sleeps 7:30pm-7:30am and then naps 12:15-3pm. Of course, some kids need more or less sleep. This works for our kids. Most kids today are very sleep deprived.. even toddlers and preschoolers! We started the early bedtime from day one... when the kids were just babies and it works great. We get adult time for several hours in the evenings and the kids are well rested.

If your kids sleep in later than 8am, then there's no reason why they have to go to bed at 7pm. As long as they are getting enough (11-12 hours of sleep) each day. My kids just don't sleep in... it wouldn't matter if they went to bed at 7pm or at 10pm, they'd be up at 7:30 and cranky and overtired all day long. Overtired kids sleep worse... when my son was 2, he was having trouble sleeping through the night with an 8:30pm bedtime... we moved it up an hour and he instantly started sleeping for 12 hours straight. Any many overtired kids don't act tired... they are hyper and running around and 'wide awake'. Anyways... I can't let the kids sleep past 7:30am because we need to be up and dressed and fed and out of the house no later than 8:30 for preschool and other activities. Next fall it'll be worse... bus comes at 7:30am (son will be in kindergarten) so I imagine we'll bump up bedtime 15-20 minutes to compensate. Most of my friends put their toddlers/preschoolers to bed around 7pm or 7:30pm so it's fairly common.

the fact that your dad threatens to call children service is ridiculous to say the least. as long as your children get about 11 hours of sleep a day then that should be enough....and that counts any naps they may take during the day.. but if its just peace and quiet your dad wants after 7 or 730 then why not make sure the kiddos are calmed down by then..ready for bed. if your dad is for real on his threats, my advice is to start looking for your own place. his trying to control something like bedtime would probably lead to other things and you should not have to watch your every move when it comes to raising your kids...as long as you are doing your job as a parent and are protecting your children and keeping them healthy and all of that then there is nothing that cps can do if your dad does call

Oh you poor thing, I feel so sorry for you!!! The only advice I can give you is to get the hell out of there!!! I have a 15 month old and sometimes he goes to bed as late as 12 or 1 a.m. depending on his day(which doesn't bother me any because I am always up that late and I like to sleep in myself). Sounds like your dad is just tired of the kids being up at night bothering him and NO he can not call CPS on you. Well, he can and they will just probably laugh at him. I think 9 p.m. is a good time and you go to the grocery store or anywhere else for that matter any time you damn well please! Good Luck girl, sorry about your situation, start looking for a cheap place to rent.

Dear K.,

I understand your situation is difficult, it must be hard having someone else impose on how to raise your kids. However, because you are living in their home unfortunately you do have to put up with some of their rules. I think it is ridiculous that he would threaten you with CPS over a bedtime, but they are being kind to help support your family while you and your hubby finish school. His thought on bedtime is probably so he can have some time to unwind without the kids before he retires. I have two children ages 31/2 and 1 and they are both in bed by 7:15 every night. They are ready for bed by then and I am ready for them to be in bed then also, as I stay at home too. My oldest child did have trouble going to sleep and staying in bed when her bedtime was later like 8 and 8:30. Her doctor actually recommended this bedtime change and since we started it have had no problems, she goes right to sleep and sleeps well. She was just overtired with the later bedtime and her whole sleep schedule would suffer. Every child is unique and what works for one may not for others, but while you are in his home you should try to do as he asks on some issues. He is not being unreasonable about the bedtime.
Good Luck to you all, hope things work out.

you're in a tough situation there. i think that even if you could "win" this battle about bedtime, there would always be another. the bottom line is, your parents need to now respect your role as a parent, and as long as they aren't being harmed by your decisions, and as long as they are generally being good kids, then it's your choice. i don't have kids that old, but i do remember going to bed around 8 or so when i was little... but again, i think there would always be something else. your dad is trying to still be your dad and doesn't seem to realize he needs to respect you as another parent. i would suggest a long talk with them, but remember, you are in their house and they are doing you a huge favor. if there is another solution that involves you moving out, it might be best for your relationship with your parents to take it. whatever you choose-- good luck!

My 9 year old goes to bed at 9 on school nights, but stays up late on weekends. My 1 year old is on more of a schedule and she is in bed around 8, but I am sure when her naps get later her bed time will be later. I think between 8 and 9 is a good bedtime, that is my opinion.

I didn't have any first hand knowledge of how to answer you as my daughter was 10 when her dad and I got married (her bedtime was 9 until she was 12, it got raised to 10 until she was 14, then it was 11 - but she is usually in bed by 9 on a regular basis and she's 17)
anyway... i looked it up online and couldn't find anything that said specifically what time kids should be put to bed, but i did find this:
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children ages 2 to 3 should get 9 to 13 hours of sleep each night, kids ages 3 to 5 should sleep 10 to 12 hours, and those ages 5 to 12 should sleep at least 8.
So I think it depends on what time they are put to bed - just so long as they get ENOUGH sleep.
good luck

Our 2 year old goes to bed between 7:30 and 8. If she stays up any later than that she is very cranky the next day. I prefer she go at 7:30, since I need the hour and a half to work on bills and unwind before I turn in for the night.

Your dad probably needs some peace and quiet and figures that them going to bed is his way of getting it. I think you do have a say in what your kids do, but you also have to be sensitive to his needs and wants if you are still living in his house. If you want complete freedom with your life, I'm afraid you'd probably have to move out of your parents house.

My husband and oldest son lived with my parents for a while when we were buying our house. My mom tried to tell me what to do with the boys a few times but once I explained toher that they were mine in a civil way she got the hint.
My 9 month old goes to bed at 8:30 and my 2 year old goes at 9 I think 7 is too early but I work and if the went to bed that early I would never see them!

my daughter is in bed at 7pm. She is 4 years old. My only advice would be that since you live with your parents- they are supporting you- maybe you should respect their wishes.

Sometimes a grandparent forgets what it's like to be a parent and they don't realize how things change over the years. And sometimes it's hard for them to remember that they're grown child isn't still their baby daughter. I suggest trying to talk to him about it calmly and explaine that you're all grown up now and a mother yourself and that you know what's best for your children and have the right to raise them as you see fit. See if you can get your mom to back you up on this...sometimes it helps to have a team player. As far as what bedtime is the right bedtime...that depends on the child and the situation. I've done the single mom thing for a really long time before my fiance and I got together. And having a disabled child and unable to work because of that, the kids were with me 24/7. As a result their bedtime was 7pm because I needed some time to recover every night. They didn't always go to sleep at 7pm, but they had to be in bed. They would either sleep, read or watch tv. That gave me time to clean the house, take a bubble bath, or just veg out infront of the tv watching anything that didn't contain nursery rhymes, puppets, or drawn people. Maybe your father needs some (as I called it) "sanity time" each night. If that's the case then agree to have them in their pajamas and in their rooms by 7pm. Doesn't mean they have to sleep, be ready for bed and doing something quiet in their room.

Buy a book on sleep habits for kids and go with what it says. At least then if you disagree with your dad, you have something to back up your argument with. If the 2 year old seams tired, 7:00 or 7:30 is not too early, but I would expect a 4 year old would go down closer to 8 or 8:30. But, if you are putting them down at 10:00, he's right.

I like "Healthy Sleeping Habbits, Happy Child" and "Sweet Dreams". They are both written by pediatricians so they should know what they are talking about!

Hi this is J.. I don't know what time you put your kids to bed but i think that 7:30 is way to early for them to go to bed. My son is 15 months old and he goes to bed at 8 but that is his regular schedule and then he wakes up around 6 and then wakes up at 8. Maybe you ought to just set down and talk with your dad. Maybe even try to get your own place even a little apartment until your husband gets out of trucking school. I wish you the best.

I have four children. Ages range from 13 to 6. They all know bedtime is no later than 9pm. Sometimes they go earlier, but usually 9. I fyou are staying at your parents house and not paying any bills to help them then you sort of have to listen to him. Try to make a comprimise. On Friday and Saturday let them stay up alittle later. Then this will also help your son when he gets ready to go to big boy school. You said you could not go to the store past 7 becuase the kids would be in bed. Are you parents at home when they go to "bed". Why can't you leave them sleep with grandma and grandpa in the house? Just something to think about. Goodluck

tell him to go ahead and call CPS! my mom's husband tried the same type of stuff w/ me. the children are yours and you can decide when they go to bed b/c you know what's best for them!

This doesn't sound like an issue of when to put your kids to bed. It seems like your father is a controlling person and feels he can control you since you live with him.

My advice: get your own place and do what is best with for your kids. My daughter is only 10 months old and won't go to bed till 8:45 or 9. And sleeps till 9am. I have tried getting her to bed early...like all the books say, but it doesn't work.

I think your father sounds a bit overbearing and is trying to run your life. I would recommend that you get your own place :)

I think your father is crazy to think that your children should go to bed at 7:30. I have a 1 year old and he goes to bed between 8:45 and 9:15 every night. We do this bed time because we have tried earlier bed times and later bed times and have found that this works the best for him and he seems to get a better night of rest. If he goes to bed earlier or later than this he wakes up throughout the night. A bed time is really up to you and what you decide is best for your children. And NO, you can not get in trouble with CPS because your children don't go to bed at 7:30, I work with CPS and know this for a fact. As long as your children are getting enough sleep and aren't being abused or neglected then you have nothing to worry about. I think he needs to let YOU raise YOUR children and he should enjoy being a grandpa. I hope you are able to move out soon, because it doesn't seem that you are able to raise your family with your rules and values under his roof. GOOD LUCK!!! http://www.nncc.org/Series/good.time.bed.html states that most toddlers go to bed around 8pm, however it also states that you should set a schedule with your child and stick to it, therefore set your own time based on the schedule that works best for you and your children, not for their grandpa, just ensure that your children get enough sleep!

First off, I sympathize with you. My step-dad is a control freak as well. However, there is no law on bed times. You can put your child to bed whenever you see fit, the only law is child neglect. You have to make sure your children are getting adequate rest, food, clothing, liquids, and medical care. It doesn't matter who's roof you live under! There is no state law on bed times. My 1 yr. old does go to bed at 7:30 a.m., but she has been th only child of mine who has been tired at this time. My 2 yr. old goes to bed as late as 10:30-11 p.m. some nights, and my oldest 2 children (5 and 7) go to bed on school nights at 8-9 p.m. and non school nights around 10 pm. SO it is your call mom. Just remember, choose your battles well and smart. If there is a way you need to explain to your father, while you appreciate the help and you appreciate him trying to look out for the best interest of your children you will take his advise under consideration, however, you will do what you believe is best for your children and yourself. You need to play the mind game. My step-dad thinks I am totally incapable and I just play the game to my advantage, when he asks me to do something I tell hime, well I don't know that just might be too much for me, I mean you know I am not good at managing so much and being on time and so on! (I am ALWAYS ON TIME-EARLY IN FACT!) So figure out a way to make it work for you, consider it a challenge. Rise to it, and it will be just as rewarding as any degree we can work for! I too am in school. I will keep you in my prayers!

I don't understand why your father is being so strange about bedtimes, and I can't imagine he would be calling CPS regarding it, unless you're letting your kids stay up until the wee hours of the morning or something.

On the other hand, In my opinion, 7:30 isnt' really that early for young children. It might be a bit on the early side for a 5 year old. But my daughter who is nearly 2 goes to bed between 7:30 and 8 each night. I would put her down earlier if I got home from work earlier and had the opportunity to spend more time with her.

Everything that I've read shows that lots of sleep is really good for kids in several different ways. They grow when sleeping, their brains develop when sleeping, and children that get lots of sleep are less likely to be overweight as well (weird I know, but it is a researched fact).

I can't imagine how frustrating that would be to have your parent trying to tell you how to raise your children, but maybe on the sleep issue it's one of those "choose your battles" things and try to get your kids into a 7:30 bedtime. Maybe you could even compromise with your father and ask if 7:30 for the little one and 8 for the older one would be acceptable to him, maybe if he feels like you are making an effort to follow his wishes he'll be willing to give a bit.

Sorry I'm not much help and I hope you're able to get things running more smoothly for your family during the time that you have to be in the housing situation that you're in.

No, he cannot do that. I think he's just trying to scare you so he can get more rest. My husband works evening shift 3-11pm. My son goes to sleep at 1am (yes in the morning) and wakes up around 10am. He usually takes a nap from 2 to 4 or 5 in the afternoon. He will wait until my husband comes home before he goes to bed. As long as they are getting enough hours of sleep for their age, it doesn't matter what time they go to bed. Now, with the four year old, if he's in school, you may have to put him to bed a little early so he gets the appropriate hours before he has to wake up for school if that's the case, which may in-turn require you to put the other one to bed at the same time or you may get the "why is she aloud to stay up and I can't" conversation. Also, yes, it is his roof, but you are their mother. I have to tell my own mother on occasion, that yes, I may be a young mother (new mother), but I'm not stupid and I am able to raise my own child. I accept your opinion, but do not try to push it on me and tell me what I should or should not, or in your case can and cannot do. Another thing that may help is think back when you were young, did he tell you to go to bed that early, if not throw that at him, not to be mean, but just to kind of say I see what your trying to do. Good luck with everything, I hope this helped.

My son at the age of 2 was in bed by 8pm...now he is 6 and is going to bed at 9pm nightly. My reasoning is if he stays up that much later he sleeps a full 10-12 hours through the night with no interruptions. 7-7:30 I think is too early for a 5 year old. Do they both nap through the day? If so that would make them want to stay up later. My son stopped napping by 3 and is awake daily from 8 am to 9pm everyday. I think your father is pushing his limits on this, YOU are the MOMMY, you are the ones responsible. It seems to me that he wants his grandkids on his schedule and can't deal with them when they are on their own schedule.

Hi K.. First off, he has no grounds to call CPS over what time you put your kids to bed. But there may be underlying reasons as to why he's insiting on putting them to bed at a certain time. (Did they have a bed time before you moved in with your parents? Could the children be interfering with his evening quite time? Is he feeling like he's being used constantly as a free baby sitter?) I have 4 and 6 year old sons who are both in school. During the week, they are in bed between 7:30 and 8, usually without a fuss. On weekends however, I will let them stay up until 9 or 10-- any later and there's usually a meltdown that ends up with all of us being in a bad temper. The best thing to do, especially if staying with them until your husband gets out of school is your only option, it to try to appease him. See if you 2 can work out a middle ground between your ideal bed time and his, and try to understand his reasoning behind demanding a 7:30 bed time so that you can better argue your point against it.

Hi K.. First of all, I have two children who are grown now and I never put them to bed at 7 at night. Some people may disagree but I think that is way too early. Second, I don't think your father's ranting about the kids going to bed early and you not being able to go to the store has anything to do with bedtime. It sounds like he's just a very controlling person. He wants to prove to you that you are still his kid and you still have to obey his rules, even if you are married and have your own children.
Does your husband know how your dad treats you regarding the kids and their bed times? And does your dad try to control everythingn else in your life?
Personally, I don't think you will be happy and have any peace in your life until you are out of your fathers house, out from under his thumb and his control. Do you have any way to move out and get a small apartment for you and the kids? I have been in your position before and I tried to stand up for my rights and tell my parents that my kids were "my kids", not theirs and I would raise them the way I saw fit. But parents just want to hold on to you as long as they can, and as long as you live under their roof, they feel they have the right to control you. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and see if you can't work something out so you can get out from under your father's thumb.
If you want to talk anymore, you can email me at ____@____.com name is L. B. and I would be glad to talk to you.
Good luck,
L.

My son is going to be 4 in 2 weeks. We put him to bed about that time. It takes a few minutes for him to wind down and to make his last trips to the potty and his last drink and so on. I don't think that the bed time is your issue. It sounds to me like you have a controlling parent. I would move out. If you can afford go as quick as possible. THey have no right to tell you what to do with your kids no matter whose roof you live under. Did you have a good childhood? The tone of your email suggested a strained relationship with your father. I wouldn't want my kids around someone that I have a strained relationship with. It will have an impact on them.

Back to the bed time thing. All kids are different and require different amounts of sleep. My son requires about 10 to 11 hours. So going to be at 7:30 and getting up at 6:30 works for us. You do what works best for you. You didn't mention what bed time you think is appropriate.

CPS would laugh at the call (I am going out on a limb here) they have bigger things to deal with than a child going to be at 815.

K. i know you posted this awhile ago but cps will come in and look at the childes invironment and see how the child is being cared for. Your not indangering that child. Your doing a great job(under the sercumstances). Let your father calll cps that way they can tell him to go fly a kite and let you raise your childern.
Any how if you need some one to talk to message me and i will get you my contact info