I Have a 4Mo Old and Pregnant Again!!

My guys are a L. more spaced out, 18 months apart. I had horrible guilt and depression when i found out I was pregnant. I thought I had ruined my first borns babyhood. It was a struggle for me to get used to the fact I was pregnant, and a long while to be happy about it.

But, it really isn't as difficult as I had made up in my head. My boys, now 2.5 and 1, are the best best friends. They get lonely without the other, play, fight, and love each other so much! They are built in best buds.

Now that I have two so close, I want more kids close together! Good luck mama, the kids (and you) will be just fine :-)

First of all Congratulations! All three of mine are 2 years apart. Yes it will be a lot of work having two so close in age but how much fun they will be. I work fulltime and I don't like to have to use daycare either but my kids are doing well and all of us Mamas are doing the best we can. You'll be fine.

Oh Jennifer!!

HUGE HUGS! And assurance that it will ALL WORK OUT!!

I just had a truly wonderful christmas with ALL my kids home. They are 22, 21, 20, 18, 16 and 15 yo twins.

There was never any 'de throning' as they were all so close in age. They have 'learned' things sort of automatically due to their close ages (and sheer #'s) that are more difficult to learn when further apart in age...sharing...cooperation...friends in common.

I was a director of a child development center thru births of first three...so I took them with me to work. Then I was a SAHM for a # of years...now working on getting 'back' into the job market again.

Now that they are ALL young adults...they are even MORE of a joy to have around. And they all feel loved. That is the nice thing about love - the infinite capacity for it to be given and received ...(and it is not fattening to boot!!! LOL)

Huge hugs and congrats!
michele/cat

Well, the good news is that your daughter won't understand that she didn't have another child around by the time the baby comes. She'll be a baby herself still.

You are VERY fertile! After this baby comes, start on birth control that you can trust! I'd make sure your husband also wears a condom - double birth control!

Also, try to look at it this way. You are feeling guilty that your first child won't have 100% attention. But what about the second child? The next kids NEVER have 100% attention. Is it fair to feel guilty about the first child but not the second?

The reason I ask that ludicrous question (and it IS ludicrous), is that no second child gets 100% attention. So you shouldn't feel guilty that the first child isn't getting it. First children are no more special than subsequent ones.

Perhaps your mom could watch the baby and your older child can go to daycare. Choose a small one that has lots of structure. They play all day, have naps, have meals, etc. Before they know it, you are picking your daughter up.

It will be okay. Take care of yourself physically, get rest, and don't push yourself. Your body was truly not ready for this. Get pregnancy vitamins TODAY to help prevent neural tube defects like spina bifida and some forms of cleft palate. The folic acid is needed in the first weeks of pregnancy - truly - it is THAT important. Drink plenty of water everyday, and go to bed when you put your daughter to bed at night, regardless of whether the house is clean or not. The last thing you want is pre-term labor.

Good luck!
Dawn

Jennifer - welcome to Mamapedia!!!

My girlfriend, Mary, has Irish Twins....one year apart...my husband and his sister are 362 days apart - He is on the 8th she is on the 5th....

I would start looking into day care facilities for my kids...yeah - it won't be cheap....or I would start socking every single penny of my paycheck into debt and become a stay at home mom.

If you have faith in God. Then God will NEVER lead you astray....everything will be fine.

You've almost got a set of Irish twins on your hands ;)

Breathe mama! Whether you were trying or not, congrats. It may not seem like the right time now, but it will be the right time once #2 gets here. Not saying it's going to be easy, but tons of mom's have done it before! Think of mom's of twins, triplets, and MORE! They manage, and you can too.

You have plenty of time to bond with your 4 month old (congrats on THAT, by the way!) and plenty of time to work out the situation.

We live paycheck to paycheck, we both work, have 3 kids, but let me tell you... sometimes, the cost of daycare... if you're working just to pay for daycare (assuming your mom's not babysitting forever), time to crunch some numbers and consider either you or your husband staying home with the kids.

Once they both hit school age, it's a cake walk, really. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

So don't freak out... in fact, maybe get or make your daughter a 'I'm a big sister!' shirt once you start showing (heck, look at the bright side, you don't have to worry about losing the baby weight, LOL!) and tell people that way, when you're ready :)

Everything DOES happen for a reason, so take this as the blessing it is and breathe easy... you can do it :)

Its not that bad honestly!

My boys are 11 1/2 months apart to the day. You will still have plenty of time for your daughter. While newborns are a handful they also have plenty of down time to where you can focus on her.

For me it worked out great, you change diapers at the same time, they take naps at the same time, we broke the bottle ( yes my one son was two, but it really doesn't matter) and paci at the same time. Potty trained at the same time. It was so much easier doing it all one time!!

It was hard carrying to babies.. the older one didn't walk until he was 1 and walk well enough on his own until 14mo. But it works its self out! Honestly it does. There is enough love to go around. You love your daughter... there is no way she is going to feel left out if you don't let it. Also with them being so close/ young... not one time did I have to deal with sibling rivalry!

My boys are so close to each other. They are best friends from the time they were little to now at 11 and 12.

Looking back... it was hard for the first year but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way! You can do this and you too will realize that you were worried over nothing. Just like everything else with kids it all falls into place :)

I haven't had your exact problem, but I did suddenly become a full time step mom not too long ago, so I understand the money side of it.
Would it be possible for either you or your husband to start working part time? That way, the kids could be in daycare for less time. There are also government programs to help pay for daycare. If you find the right one, there is absolutely nothing wrong with daycare for babies. One of my good friends (a single mom, too), worked in a daycare for a while and they had babies as young as a couple months old there. See if maybe you could find one that helps teach as well as just babysits. If you find one close to work, you could visit during lunch breaks.
Kids are hard. Unexpected ones are even harder. With enough hard work and patience...anything is possible. Good luck!

My children are 11 months and a couple days apart. It is not nearly as bad as you are making it sound. I dont know how but you manage to make special time for each child. My oldest was not even walking yet when my daughter was born, they are now 3 and 2 and very close. They play great together with very little fighting (i think because they both enjoy playing with the same things so just do so together). The first 3 or 4 months are going to be the hardest until you find a routine that works for your family. One little piece of advise, never leave them in the same room together alone not even to run to the restroom. If you wanna know how to manage a specific situation as they arise feel free to pm me. If I can do it (my youngest also had medical problems that required special attention), I promise you will get through this and even be able to enjoy their own little individual personalities as they develop.

My first two are just a little under 13 mos apart. We weren't "trying", so it was somewhat of a surprise, but I was very happy. I can't really help with the daycare situation, as I was fortunate enough to stay home, but it will all work out! Beware!- you are in for the fastest year of your life when the new baby comes! The only regret I have is that I blur the first two together and its very hard to remember whose milestones were when, etc. But, I absolutely LOVE how close in age they are- they are best friends:) Everyone always mistakes them for twins. My only regret is that I didn't have another one immediately after #3, so he could have a very close sibling like the first two-I am pregnant now and there will be almost four years between #3 and #4. You can do it, and you're right, God doesn't give us anything we can't handle- you'll do fine!

First of all, don't worry. If you are ready to welcome another child into your life, then all will be well. The amazing thing about kids is that their arrival tends to extend your capacity for love, not steal it from other places. It really is like your heart is growing. I think all parents with more than one child, no matter the time in between, worry about energy and attention and resources. However, as one of six kids with a friend who is the 14th in his family, I can tell you love expands as the family grows. Plus, your daughter will learn great lessons about unconditional love by both receiving from her parents and giving it to her sibling.

I had this happen and my first two are 12 months and 5 days apart. I was not planning on another one then, or ever almost as I had such a bad first delivery. My first one was born 6 weeks early, born frank breech so I had a huge episiotomy that they did back then automatically only I had a big one as he was born vaginally. So all this to say I wasn't feeling much like sitting still and sex had not even been very welcomed. So to find out I was pregnant was a big shock. My husband just kept saying 'But we HAVE a baby' in shock. It was hard for me after the baby came as the little cute toddler was so adorable and then the baby not doing the cute little things but I soon adjusted and the baby sat in his seat looking like he couldn't wait to get down and do the things his brother did. He was ahead of the first one on so many things because he had a brother to watch and play with and they were almost like twins. They were so close growing up and still are pretty close. I am glad actually that it happened as it did so I got over the fear of another one for one thing, but the joy of watching them together was such a blessing. Don't let people discourage you. Back when I had them it was when the only have two kids came popular and even though this was only 2 at that time people made such rude comments about it as I carried a small preemie and looked pregnant. Be happy, you are blessed. Don't let money get in the way of your joy either. It's amazing how you can raise children and make out when you just live and do it. We never counted up 'costs' because we knew we'd do fine even though not always have everything we 'wanted' but what we 'needed'. Remember too that children don't need all our attention, that's what I felt with my first when I got pregnant too. They just need all our love and that can be shared with so many and grows the more the share it with.

a friend of mine missed her 6 week check up after having her 2nd daughter so she had to reschedule it to a 10 week check. When she went she found out she was about 4 weeks pregnant. Her 2nd and 3rd are less than a year apart. She was misserable the whole time, imagaine being pregnant for almost 2 straight years....She loves them all so much, it was hard for her but she doesnt regret it at all, she realizes now that if she hadnt gotten pregnant with Ethan when she did she probably wouldnt have had him at all. You are right that all things happen in God's time, he wouldnt give you another child now if you couldnt handle it. I know your fears are real and that just show's how much love you have that you would be so concerned. and dont feel guilty about feeling sad for being pregnant again so soon, i'm sure rationally you know you are not sad about the baby just the thought of other things. Congratulations on your newest joy to come. I have 3 boys, my oldest will be 3 years old in March and the TWINS are 13 months old. My oldest was just past his first birthday when we found out we were pregnant. I know that my situation is much different than yours, but I worried about having 3 babies so close together, I worried that I would have a favorite, or that I would neglect my oldest. and of course you will have to split your attention but also your kids will be so close in age that they will have most of the same interests, they will be best buds!

I have not been there before, but I do want to send you a hug! Two of my best friends are 13 months apart, and their mom says it was difficult when they were really small, but worked out nicely along the way. They tended to be into the same things at the same time which made toys/trips etc very easy. Plus my friends are great friends now! Do not let your family bully you into feeling badly about this. Give yourself time to adjust to the news (read: don't feel badly about feeling guilty, sad etc). You have a small baby at home which takes its toll on any mom. Plus you have the pregnancy hormones to boot. Let yourself feel whatever you feel, and know that things will work out! Your oldest will still get attention and you will love the new baby too! Good luck on your journey!

Congrats to you! Don't see this as a bad thing. I know just how you feel. I have two, 5 and 6,that are 13 months apart and are very close. Yes, it is difficult the first years but babies are difficult anyway. We got a playsafe playard that we kept in our living room and put all the toys in there so the 1yo would want to play in there.
My mother also watched the kids. We ended up sending the oldest to daycare 3 days a week and my mom watched the baby full time and the oldest 2 days. Hopefully you can talk your mom into something like that, if not daycare isn't a bad thing. They love to have other kiddies to play with.
It can be overwhelming but the reward is wonderful. Good luck to you! Feel free to pm me if you need a pep talk.

I don't have any specific answers as far as daycare. Just know that this child is supposed to be here. When my oldest was 4 she said to me: "Mommy before me and Em where here we used to play by a log by a river. Then we picked you and daddy to take care of us."

They come when they are supposed to. I know it's scary but it will all fall into place and you won't be able to imagine life without your new little one. Your kids will be so close and glad to have one another.

Your extended family will adjust. I am sure they will have an opinion. Try not to get too upset by it if it's not what your really want to hear. It will pass and soon the baby you are carrying will just be folded into the fabric of your life.

I used to suffer from infertility. I know first hand that there are a lot of women that would love to be in your shoes right now. You are blessed. It will be ok : )

It won't be easy, but you'll make it. The first few months will be the hardest, and then the babies will start to play with each other and they'll always have a built in friend.
One of my friends got pregnant when her oldest was 6 weeks old so #1 and #2 are 10.5 months apart. Then, when #2 was 10 weeks old, she got pregnant again (11.5 months between #2 and #3). 22 months later, #4 came along.
The kids are now about to turn 4, 6, 7 and 8. They all play together and none of them ever knew anything different, so they don't feel like they used to have their mom all to themselves and now they don't. Your daughter will never feel less loved because you WON'T love her any less!

It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be ok. : )
Congrats on your pregnancy!

Happens to the best of us. I went to the doctor to get a shot to bring on my period when I realized I was exactly in your situation. Luckily it worked. I was young, had dropped out of college to have the baby and we were broke. Have I ever regretted it. No. I got the education I needed. My daughters are 5 years apart in age and I was able to be at home with the older one except for my class hours. I traded time caring for her child with another mother.
If you and your husband can afford it and you want to remain pregnant at the end of your pregnancy hire a live in nanny.

I know I am a day late, but I still wanted to say congratulations since babies are blessings! I have 4 boys. The first 2 are 18 months apart and the second 2 are 13 months apart. The first year is definately the hardest, but after that it isn't that bad. No matter the age difference my boys love/hate each other all the time, but it did not start until they were older. My oldest doesn't remember a time when there wasn't someone else around and that makes him appreciate the 1 on 1 time we have. I had a private sitter until my big kids were in school and then they went to daycare until the youngest was born and they all were home with a nanny for 2 years. Day care is not the enemy because it teaches them social skills.

Love your children the best you can and do with them all that you can and they will not feel like they are missing anything. Having more than 1 is like the grinch - when his heart grew to 10X its size.....

I started looking for daycare even before my son was born. Unlike you I am not lucky to have my mom living in the same town. I have lot of friends who have started daycare for their kids at 3 months of age. I don't think they regret it one bit. I kept my son at home for a while because he was a preemie but he started daycare when he was a year old. Don't worry about dayacre - find a good one , they do take very good care of the kids. Lot of us working moms send our kids to dayacre - doesn't mean we are bad moms just that we work full time ,don't have family around so that's our option to continue working. And kids get a lot of interaction with other kids, lot if activities for kids in daycare. Once you find a good daycare , you will not worry about the daycare part anymore.

I have only 1 kid , so can't advise anything about having kids so close but totally understand what you are upset about. My son is 20 months old and still feel I am nowhere ready to have another. I don't know if there is ever going to be a right time to get pregnant again. I know a friend who had kids 1 year apart - she told M. it was difficult initially but now that her daughters are all grown she can't be more happy with the way things happened. They are good friends , spend lot of time playing together. Easier to plan their activities and drive both of them together to the same activity. There are a lot of pluses havng kids closer in age but you will realize it few years down the line I guess.

Just try your best to stop feeling guilty. You still have time for the baby to be here. Spend it with your first born 100%. And once your second kid is born you will need to focus your attention on the new baby for the first 2-3 months atleast .After that be sure to divde your time equally between both.

Your daughter will be at an age where she i learning to walk, talk and be her own independent self. She will get along very well with the baby.

Sit down and do a very homest and in depth assessment of your budget. Can you afford two babies in daycare? The younger they are, the higher the cost usually. Check out daycare/preschools in your area as well to find out pricing. Talk to your mom about watching the baby while the oldest goes to daycare (it won't hurt the oldest and may actually be good for her). If you decide to go that route, make sure to put her in daycare a few months before the baby arrives so she doesn't feel "shuttled off" because of the new arrival.

Next, how do YOU feel? Do you want to be a SAHM? It's not for everyone - especially when they're so young and demanding. How much do you make? Can your family make it on only one salary and who earns more with the best benefits? Lots of dads stay home these days, but is your husband interested in that? I think if you plot out the various answers and solutions available to you, you'll feel better and more in control! It will be fine. Lots of people have babies very close together. Even if you gad waited two years, you would have to be looking at a similar scenario with childcare. Your mom would probably have a harder time keeping up with a baby and a toddler and not willing to do it!

Also, your first will still be such a baby when the second is born that you may not have the jealousy and confusion issues you get with a two, three or four year old who has held the spotlight and must relinquish it. The adjustment may be easier!

I completely understand how you feel as far as feeling you aren't being fair to either child. Mine are five years apart, and I STILL feel that way.

Look at one positive thing...they will be friends, playmates, and confidants for life IF you encourage them that way. They are so close in age...you can share clothes, toys, foods, everything. You won't have to buy twice. As they get a little older they will be able to entertain each other, and you'll all have so much fun together.

While I don't have kids spaced a year apart, my first two are twins, so I know a little about having to share. I felt super guilty once they were born that I couldn't give each one 100% of my time. But, what I decided was to give each one 100% of my attention for a set amount of time each day. Making sure they got one-on-one time with me was so important, and I knew that I was providing for my kids the best I could. They are now three, and they both know how much I love them. Congrats, and good luck!

I haven't read your other responses, but I'm sure you've had some good ones. Here's my 2 cents! My kids are 17 months apart. It was really hard in the beginning, but now that they're older I'm really glad we had them close together. You CAN do this & for that matter, so can your husband. Give him credit where credit is due! What happens if you're deployed? He'll be doing it on his own then anyway. Why not give him the chance to do it while not in a forced situation?

You'll be putting TWO in daycare...maybe this is a sign for you to stay home and enjoy your two little blessings!

I got pregnant with baby # 2 when my daughter was 14 months old. I felt horrible and guilty. She was the light of my life and there was no way I could love another person as much as I loved her. I was mad at myself for feeling guilty, and sad for my daughter that she would have to share any part of me.

When I got pregnant with # 3, the oldest had just turned 3 and my baby then was 14 months. I felt bad because I knew there was no way I could love yet ANOTHER person as much as I loved my first two, and I knew we would not have more than 3 kids, so I was making my poor baby a middle child.

Fast forward almost 5 years later. Now my baby is 4 (5 in March), my # 2 is 6, and my first is 8. There is more than enough love, attention, caring, play time, etc to go around for the three of them. And they wouldn't be who they are without their siblings being close.

Granted, yours will be closer, but that's a good thing. It will be HARD when they are little, but as they grow you will LOVE it.

My BIL and SIL were born in the same calendar year...he was born in January and she was born in December. My husband is 6 years older than both of them. The bond the younger two have is so strong...and my husband isn't as close to either of them.

Trust me, I think what you are feeling is normal and you'd feel it whether you got pregant now or in 5 years. Everything will be fine. Your daughter will be no less loved and the new baby will get just as much as she does.

Honestly, with each baby, it was like my heart doubled in size. I have enough love for each new one as I did before - even though my heart feels like it is ready to burst.

Congratulation on the new baby!!