I Feel like I Am Failing as a Stay at Home Mom

At 2.5 all you need to do is talk to her, read to her, play with her and go for walks and explain the world around her. Get some of those big mega blocks and build with her, get out some playdoh and play with her, some crayons and color with her. Things can be really simple at this point.

Is she happy?

Don't get wrapped up with an impressive schedule and forget the goal is happy kids.

At that age, I didn't make out a timed agenda for when I was home with my daughter - we just played.
A morning meeting with a toddler?

She doesn't need enrichment, YOU do!
Most two year olds aren't interested in joining group activities, they are usually more independent and constantly moving, which is normal and good.
But you are an adult, and you have needs too.
I especially understand the need to get out of the house, I needed that too! Do you have other moms to hook up with? Going to the park and pool and everything else is a lot more fun if YOU have some company.
What about at home, what do you do besides housework? I used to do exercise videos, read, work on photo albums, crafts and home improvement projects.
All of these things were easy to work on with the little ones nearby. What kinds of hobbies do you have, is there anything you'd like to get into? Now's the time!
I also made sure I took a break a few times a week, without the kids, a walk and coffee on Saturday morning with a friend, an exercise class, a trip to the grocery store one night a week. Those breaks REALLY helped me recharge.
Being a SAHM doesn't mean your focus is 100% on your child 24/7. Kids play, moms work. Sure, you take some time to sit down and read stories, snuggle, maybe play a game or do a craft but for the most part you just provide your kids with a safe, clean, stimulating environment and they play and grow.
Take time to do some things YOU like to do and you will be much, much happier.

Every so often, get a sitter for your kid(s) and go do something fun for YOU.
A movie, a meal out with girl friends or husband, a book club, a craft class, a walk or going to the gym.
She'll be comfortable at home and you'll get out and be in a better frame of mind after some time speaking with other adults.
Your 2.5 yr old doesn't NEED to be constantly entertained.
They don't really start playing with other kids till they are 3 1/2 almost 4 yrs old.
A few old pots, a slotted spoon and a pile of sand and they are HAPPY for a long time!
Separate in your mind what she needs vs what you need - then see to it that you both get some - not necessarily together all of the time.

Doing all that with your child is wonderful, but do some things for you or you and your husband. Make sure you have a date night each week. Go and do something you are interested in and something he is interested in.

My wife and I like date night. I usually plan it, but I always ask my wife if there is something she would like to do. Occasionally she will plan date night. When money is a problem, I get the coupons out of the mail and use those. Del Taco will honor their coupons even after they expire. Carl's Jr will too. We have gone to Burger King and each had a whopper and fries and spent less than $4.00 total. That makes an inexpensive dinner for date night.

When she is being independent and doesn't want to go, have a good book to settle down with, or go start or tend the garden. You are only limited by your imagination.

Good luck to you and yours.

It's probably a combination of hormones and the horrible weather we are having this year.

You are doing the best you can right now, don't be so hard on yourself. The one thing to remember is Mom is the boss. If you have an activity planned and she doesn't want to go, get her dressed and put her in the car and go. She is too young to make those decisions. If there is something actually wrong such as she is actually sick, then don't go that day but do plan a fun thing at your house that day. If nothing else when hubby gets home tell him you had stresss filled day and need a break. Take a walk, go soak in the tub, or even just sit in a comfortable chair outside for a half hour.

Make your slo-cooker your friend. Plan as many meals as you can to cook in the slo-cooker, especially on busy days. Do your prep-work while the kids sleep and everything ready to toss in the slo-cooker in time to have it ready for dinner, add a salad or fruit plate and dkinner isready for yor tired family sortly after daddy gets home.

Also, plan some Mommy time. Talk to hubby and tell him you would like to have one evening 2-3 hours a week to visit with friends, go to a gym, take a class or just indulge in a fun activity. Believe me you have the time and need it to keep your sanity.

M.-

Congrats on having an independent DD. She could do her independent play anywhere. Let her know that and then take her out of the house for your sanity's sake. So she wants to play with her sticker book by herself, she can bring it with you to the coffee house, the park, the supermarket, the knitting club, your neighbor's house, the town pool, the country club etc.

You get out and have the interaction you are after, she will get enrichment, in the form of watching others, listening to conversation, learning comportment etc.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

My son LOVES to play by himself. At two he wanted to be left alone and sought me out when he wanted to be with me. Most of our time together (now 6) is spent cuddleing or tickle time or helping me with what I need to do (like clean up game). I think independant kids are good, give her the opportunities to do things, but do not force her to. Two is a bit young for dance and other structred activities for MOST 2.5 yr olds. My son is just now begining to enjoy things like that. My son is bright, he is friendly and has a good time playing with others as well as alone - I get that you like to get out - but keep it to a few days a week for now and see how she does. I may have more to add later - but I think relaxing on the "Mommy & Me" stuff is the best advice I have for you right now.

Sounds to me like she may be overly stimulated. She may prefer a less active schedule. She may very well be an introvert which means she would prefer being to herself or just the two of you.

Every moment of her day doesn't need to be filled with activities. Getting out of the house could be something as simple as going to the local park and letting her run around or even playing with a wagon or something like that outside at your home (supervised of course).

She is still little. Cut yourself some slack and give both of you a break. As for you feeling down, do you have a regular exercise routine? Try taking 15-20 minutes in the morning before little one gets up to do some simple routine of perhaps some jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, running in place, jumping ropes and or lifting weights. This will help you get your brain chemistry to a happier place and get your body in shape and help you get through your day.

Since your pregnant, you can and should keep it comfortable and not push yourself too hard.

Parenting isn't a sprint but a marathon. So enjoy what you can while you can because you will look up one day, sooner than you think and both of your beautiful babies will be out of your house and on there own and you will look back and perhaps wish you had treasured these moments.

Hang in there and just breathe and relax.

you do all that with you 2 year old and you feel like you failed. Well that makes me even a bigger failure. I am a SAHM and I dont do that much stuff. I have a 4 year old that only does half day pre-school every other day, and a 2.5 year old. We are lucky if we get to the park, or do a swimming day. Arts and crafts are minimal, and they hate doing anything they dont want to do but I make them. They occasionally have play dates, and those are few and far between. Your fine in my opinion. Stop trying so hard. Wait till #2 comes your lucky if you get time to read to the oldest. I also have a 5 year old in school so, they occasionally get to go for a walk to pick her up. Thats the highlight of the day

I stayed home with both girls for awhile. With my first, I remember the day we just looked at each other as we were playing on the lawn, . Again. We'd already been to the park. Again. I decided then and there it was time to get back to work...we were both ready, I think we were getting sick of each other, a little! :). She was 16 months old. She went to daycare and love, loved it!
I'm not suggesting you go back to work, I'm just letting you know that you are not the only one who had a hard time staying home, and you sound like you are trying to keep her occupied. Maybe make it easier on the two and instead of classes where you are pressurds to show up on time, dressed and groomed, you could go on walks to get out of the house at your leisure. I dont know where you live, but wandering alongside the creek or neighborhood at her pace might serve to get you out of the house without the stress?

I understand.
Try to get out to do other things.
Go to a local to store that has the toys out for the kids to paly with.
Take them out to lunch.
Maybe your little one is too young for dance. Try re-visiting it again later
Go to a park for a picnic.
Look up local activities in your neighborhood. Look for kids' pottery
classes, fairs etc.
Take them to different places: outdoor malls, places w/fountains, parks
w/those water fountains they run through, farmer's markets, malls (they
have indoor play areas), arcades in rainy weather just to get out of the
house.
Go for walks
As she gets closer to age 3 and 3 1/2 things will get soooo much easier.
Hang in there & do things for yourself: rest whenever you can, read a
magazine, call a friend, paint a canvas, do a craft, do a fun puzzle, make
greeting cards, go thrift store shopping (cheap), if you have money try
buying something little to spruce up a room in your house like a rug for
your living room etc.
Write short notes to friends to keep in touch. Buy cute, inexpensive notecards.
Buy yourself a new pretty, inexpensive lip gloss to lift your spirits.
Get outside for some fresh air.
Write a list of 5 new attainable goals for yourself.
Plan a dream vacation (even if you can't do it right now).
Find little things EVERY day to be grateful for, find things to do to make you happy (even if it's something little like buying yourself a mocha).
Hang in there, get help when you can, take a break from the kid leaving them with their day whenever you can. Even if it's only for an hour!!!!!

It sounds like your "vision" of being a SAHM and your daughter's "vision" are not in alignment. It also sounds like you are scheduling activities so that you can get out of the house... not because she enjoys them.

You have a lot of activities listed- which does she enjoy? Drop the ones she doesn't like. At that age one or two "activities" is more than enough. You can provide enrichment without over-scheduling her day. Create a little schedule for your day at home and try to mimic what would be happening in a daycare or preschool environment...

7:00 Awake, dressed (both of you) and breakfast
8:00 Morning Meeting
- Talk about what you are going to do that day
- Introduce the week's theme (spring showers bring May flowers) and have several books on the theme as well as music and crafts along that theme
- Talk about anything that might be "different" that day
- Calendar based activities
8:30 Free play
9:15 Story time and themed craft
9:45 Music time
- Play music and dance
- "Follow the Leader"
- Play instruments
- Make instruments
10:30 Outside play
- Bubbles
- Sidewalk chalk
- Painting with mud
- Painting in general
- Play doh
11:30 Lunch
12:00 Rest Time
1:00 SOMETHING OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
2:30 Afternoon Meeting
- What did we do today
- Reread the story or sing the song she learned that day
- Reteach the vocabulary you talked about that day
- What was your favorite thing we did?
- What was your least favorite thing we did?

If you have a schedule and daily routine, you will find yourself enriching your child throughout the day. Talk with her all day long... tell her the "names" of things around her. Let her try things out. Dress-up...

She's too young for structured activities like dance and even story time, so cut way back on those. Find time (even if it's 30 minutes) for yourself each day to connect with other adults. You can go for a walk at night and invite a neighbor to join you. You can join a book club through the library. Take a dance class yourself!

Hi M.,

I think your daughter is trying to tell you that she needs more down time. 2.5 is still quite young and they can be happy just playing at home, or playing in the back yard.

I had a friend who was constantly dragging her kids all over town just because she couldn't stand to be home for 10 minutes. She would even go places if one of her kids was sick saying it wouldn't be fair to everyone else to have to stay home because one is sick.

I would eliminate some of those activities and just let her play. If you need to get out, go out in the evening for a bit when your husband can watch her.

Kids don't really need as many activities as we think they do. Sure, being at home is boring to YOU, because you're an adult stuck at home with a child who can't yet string together a sentence, and when she does, it likely involves, "NO!" plus some crying and hurling herself onto the floor. I get it! What I can tell you is, it gets better. 2 1/2 is a REALLY tough age. Your goal as a parent should be for both of you to survive it. That's all.

If she doesn't like dance, quit going there. Maybe she would rather go to the park and just run around. If she doesn't want to do crafts, then don't do crafts. So she would rather color? Fine! Remember, kids this age can watch the same movie over and over and over and never get tired of it. It's like that with their day to day activities, too. They don't mind, and even enjoy, doing the same stuff over and over. To us, it's boring because this is a skill we mastered decades ago. But to a toddler, every time they do it, new connections are being formed in their brains. It's still interesting to them. You don't have to make every day like a trip to Disneyland, you really don't.

And, make sure you're planning some time for yourself, too. Hire a sitter or have your husband watch your toddler while you go do something for yourself. Hang in there. It gets better, I promise! :)

I think the activities are more for you than her, and that's fine. If you really want to get out of the house and she doesn't want to get dressed then who cares. Let her wear her pajamas if need be or whatever she wants to wear. My almost 8 yr old was in her pajamas all day sunday and even went to a few stores and played outside all day in her pajamas.

But don't over stimulate her either, even just going for a walk around the block might be enough for her.

What you should try at least a few times is taking her anyway and just leave her there. Get the teachers input so that she will know what you're doing. Then she can take her and let her watch until she calms down enough to participate, or not, it doesn't matter. The learning part of this exercise is when you don't stay home because she makes you do it her way.

That way she learns her tantrum doesn't wear you down where you will give in to her. That's what she needs to learn. She is controlling you.

You might want to take some Love and Logic Parenting classes.

I find two year olds impossible to get out of the house. They'd rather play at home, so I let them. In fact, I fought with my daughter over classes at 2 and 3. With my son,we didn't a lot less, and I found it easier to get him out of the house.

Little kids really don't need to do much. Helping mom is always a favorite for 2 and 3 year olds.

She is 1/2. Why the rush for all these activities? Obviously she is not ready. Why was she evaluated by EI. How about just going out for a walk. Run errands. Meet up with a friend. Let her enjoy being 2 1/2. She has a lifetime for structured activities.

I haven't read the other responses yet but I am sure many people told you that a two year old does not need activities. However, I completely understand that moms need activities! I would go insane without all the classes and activities that structure my week with my two year old, especially since I live in a tiny apartment. My son has no objection to the activities, but he frequently doesn't really participate. Like he goes to art class, and I get him involved as much as possible, so that he slowly learns the skills, but I don't force him if he just wants to wander the room (and all the mommy and me classes I do have relaxed policies about that, because they understand to year olds.). I have a new baby, and I plan to take him to all the same classes as long as they are okay with a newborn. Most are. I also do toddler Montessori preschool. In addition, I hire a young mothers helper once a week so I can do housework. For me, I just love the structure. My point is that I understand your need to get out of the house, and I don't think you should let a tantruming two year old force you to stay inside. If she really, really seems to hate a class, experiment with a new one. If none of them work for her, then find stuff you like that you can bring her to. I like to bring my son to the NY Botanical Garden. Or how about a membership to a children's museum, if you have one near you? Your daughter can explore the exhibits at her own pace, and your infant will probably get in free for a year.

I think this is because you are pregnant.. I was a wreck when I was pregnant.. your daughter is anormal 2 year old they have tantrums...

she will be better when she is 3.

What I like doing is going to the mall and letting my kids play in the toddler area. Most malls have an area like this now. My son (who is 5 now) loved going there when he was little. I also have a 2 y.o. daughter and what we do now (about once a week) is drop my son off at preschool and head over to the mall and just walk around and then end up in the play area. She loves being around other little kids and there are moms there that you can talk to. Toddlers don't need anything fancy... and the mall is free (if you can stay out of the stores).

Agree that your daughter needs more down time. You can get out of the house without having to do any scheduled activities. Go to the store, Barnes and Noble, get ice cream, go for a walk, etc. I think you need to cut back on the things she does during to week to maybe one (just my thoughts). She is trying to put her foot down because she's trying to tell you something. Maybe she just wants more time with YOU and not other people?

You can have quality time at home even if she wants to be independent/do her own thing. Have her work on playdo, coloring, art, etc at the kitchen table while you make dinner or fold laundry. Sit on the floor with her and read a book while she does the same or just relax while she does a puzzle.

Ask her what SHE wants to do and it's okay if it's not much (cartoons, just running around the house, etc) for a day or two. Allow your self time to relax and get enough rest!! Also, put yourself in a time out when needed. When hubby is home, take a bath, nap, read, etc. As a mom (but not stay at home), I'm well aware of the 'failing as a mother' feeling as I'm sure we all are. Just by being home with her and being worried that you are failing shows what a GOOD mother you are!!

Would it be possible to schedule 1 - 2 activities a day, maybe make a chart with cute pictures for each activity so that she can see what fun thing is coming up?

Do you ever try to get toys that match whatever skills she is trying to master (motor skills, cognitive skills)? That might give you a little down time. When it gets nice, take some of those toys outside while you enjoy the fresh air. She would probably love a sand and water table inside or out.

As far as things you can do together. Is she old enough to play games with you? She might be ready for something like Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game.
Does she want to cook with you? You might enjoy that.

Also, what about gymnastics instead of dance? Or is there a children's museum or zoo that you could get a membership to and visit regularly?

You are doing fine! It can be very hard. Especially on those days when you just want to get out of the house.

Also, If getting her dressed is always a struggle, why not consider taking her to dance in her PJs?