I Dont Know How to Say No??

You've gotten some great advice here. I just want to tell you that I can empathize. For some reason, many people who work think that those of us that stay home have all the time in the world to spend watching other peoples' kids. Or even that we want to, which I never did.

I agree with the others to tell her just what you have told her. You should not feel obligated to do it.
It would be a disservice to say you will do it then have to try to back out of it. That would leave her with little time to find someone else. As it is now, she has time to find a solution.

You have said it great in your post. You want her baby to have better care than you feel you can offer since your heart is elsewhere. Ultimately you'd be doing your friend a huge disservice if you said yes but didn't really want to care for her baby. She needs someone who wants this job. Not someone who is doing her a favor.

It will be hard to say no, but just imagine how much worse it could be if you start to watch the baby and hate it.

You are the kind of caring considerate person who puts other people's needs before your own. Sure it is a nice idea and would be convenient for her, but that has nothing to do with you. Personally I would never dream of asking someone who already had 3 including an infant to watch my baby. I wouldn't feel they were getting the attention they needed. But maybe she's naive and doesn't realize how much worked is involved. It is flattering that she trusts you this much, but you simply have to say no. Explain to her that you are honored that she asked, and if your circumstances were different you would love to but there is no way that this arrangement would be good for anyone. That is really all you need to say. Good luck!

Just tell her your hands are full with your 3 children and you don't feel that you can take on another one.

I think you are very wise to recognize the problems with the idea . . . it's better to say no up front, than accept and then resent doing it (and ultimately quitting down the line).

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to focus on your own kids. After all, it's why you gave up working!

JMO.

You have to say no. The mom would most assuredly NOT feel most comfortable with you if she knew how you feel. You owe it to her and that baby to tell her the truth.

I would just be honest; tell her everything you just said here. I'm sure she'll understand..you have a lot on your plate! She was probably just asking because it would be a good situation for her and she trusts you. Maybe you could offer to babysit in emergencies, or trade some time so you each can have a date night once in awhile.

I wouldn't try it out, I wouldn't tell her "in a pinch," I wouldn't offer excuses no matter how valid because that gives her a chance to counter your excuse. I would tell her that you are flattered she thought of you and trusts you so much but it simply isn't something you are interested in. It's ok to say no!

You should tell her exactly what you told us, she will understand.

1) Say No. If you need to, practice several times out loud and in your mind. "I've given it a lot of consideration, and I don't feel that I would be able to provide the level of care your baby will need in addition to my own family."

((This will probably not be the only time you're asked to do this kind of thing as a stay at home parent... just follow the link at the bottom))

2) If she argues or tries to convince you at ALL... thank your lucky stars you didn't say yes!!! Anyone who can't see that someone else has a full and busy life, that being a childcare provider is a full time job, and is just blind to other considerations is NOT someone you want to be having to deal with in a nanny situation. They will use and use and use you (and ignore, and ignore, and ignore... like bringing over a sick baby/child even when you've said not to, not "let" you take vacations "Oh can't you wait until ________,". You'll here the words "just" and "can't you" and "oh it won't" and AWFUL lot with these types of people.

3) DO let her know as soon as possible (so she can work on another alternative)

4) BE VERY WARY about accepting provisionally "Until you can find someone". I did this once, to cover a "2 week gap" between nannies... that turned into MONTHS. I can't even count how many other people I know who have been suckered into the same position.

And for moral support... I was climbing the walls a few years ago becuase EVERYONE (it seemed) seemed to equate that I was a SAHM with =ing I had no life and "should" be their babysitter. Paid or free, it doesn't matter. Many of whom would argue with me (wth?), just show up anyway, etc. There was an outpouring of support from other SAHPs and WPs who would never make such presumptions. I'm NOT saying your neighbor is like this (but once bitten, twice shy)... but that outpouring has a lot of chutzpah behind it! :) :) :)

You just simply tell her that you've given it some thought, and since you have three small children, you just don't feel like you can do it. No one should expect to have that situation. I mean, it would be nice if we all had a trustworthy neighbor to leave our kids with all the time, but most of us don't. This is obviously her first and she has no idea what goes into caring for and watching kids! You can't really fault her there, but just say no!

Tell her just like you told us - you don't think you could give her the care she deserves because your plate is already full and that you had some plans for the summer that would not be realistic with an infant. You have to do what is right for you and your family. Maybe you know someone who would be interested that you could refer her to?

Good luck and enjoy your summer plans!

Don't feel bad - this is no big deal at all and there are plenty of other caretakers she can hire to watch her baby. People who actually want to be a caretaker to a new baby. That is who she needs to hire. In no time she will find one and will get to know them and trust them. If you have a hard time saying it to her face, send her an email saying just what you said to us. I would totally agree with you - you will have your hands full and throwing a little baby into the mix will really change things for you.This is just not what you want to do right now. I would not want to do it either!! Honestly, I think it is totally imposing for her to ask you this in the first place. If you offered to do it or if you ran a home daycare it would be different. Give her a list of some home daycares or daycare centers in the area and tell her to also check online for a nanny at sittercity.com. I have a one day a week "nanny" I found on sittercity.com who is so awesome. She had great references and we love her!

You have a family. You don't want to watch an infant that is okay. Tell her you wouldn't be able to devote your full attention to her child. Offer to keep your eyes and ears open for another neighborhood mom that has a home daycare or a great facilty daycare. Learn to say no it doesn't have to be mean. It is okay to say no. The older I've gotten the more I've realized that. It doesn't need to cause hurt feelings.

Tell your neighbor what you have told us. Or either learn to say no or take on the baby. Or blame it on your husband, but I don't recommend that one.

Blessings.....

How about "I'd love to help you out however I don't run a daycare and don't feel comfortable watching your infant full time." Since she's a teacher I'm sure there are others at work who can recommend childcare facilities for her.

http://70.42.255.93/outbound_link/redirect?link=http%3A%2...

Riley J gave a great answer
Say No. I know how hard this is. I too am a go to person who people will ask to babysit and such.

Seriously, the money will not be worth it.

This is YOUR time for YOUR family and YOUR kids.
Do not allow her problem to become yours. Failing to plan is not an emergency. She had the child so she can find childcare.

Don't even agree to be the backup babysitter. Seriously. Your heart knows you don't want to do it. You are still a good person, a good neighbor, and a good friend.

A relative of mine had the exact same situation. She ended up turning down the request, but offered to be a back-up sitter in case of emergencies.

Just be frank with your neighbor and tell her that while you'd love to help her, you just feel like your hands are full at this time.

You have to say you don't know how you could possibly do it-or make it cost prohibitive-like $4000/month-I'm sure you are capable-and I don't blame her for wanting you-but you just aren't up to it

A friend of mine recently taught a class on how to say no, and relayed the info to me.
Steps to Saying 'No':

1. Tell the person No, that will not work for me.
2. Do not offer a reason why/excuse. That only opens it up for argument/the person helping find ways to make it so that you say yes
3. If you previously said yes and now you are backing out, offer an alternative.

Example: "Last week you asked me if I could provide child care when you return to work. And no, that will not work for me."
(if you already said yes, then add: "I would be happy to write down the names and phone numbers of people I know who provide daycare" etc.)

Good luck! And do not feel bad! It is not up to you to watch her kid, no matter how convenient it is for her. Enjoy your time with an older baby. It is amazing how much more fulfilling life is when you can get out a few times a week!

Here is what I would do: Role play--out loud with your DH or a good friend. Practice it. Have the other person start easy--accepting the No right away. Then have them play some scenarios out where they don't accept the No at first. You'd be amazed at how well it works. :) Good luck!

You did a pretty good job of articulating it to us. Say to her exactly what you just said to us.

Tell her just what you told us! Tell her your hands are full with your three and you would feel over-whelmed with a 4th. Also, tell her you like to run errands or have lunch with the older kiddos during the day and you would not feel comfortable taking another person's child around town. Tell her it is just too much responsibility right now.

Me personally, I'd tell her I'd babysit if and ONLY if she can NOT find anyone else, and even that would be on a temporary basis.

I'm a sucker for kids. I used to babysit 3-4 kids at a time, and had 2 of my own. It's really not as hard as you'd think!

I think it's sweet she trusts you like that, but if it's still above your head, just let her know, like you just told us (you said that very well!)... she's also probably overwhelmed with being a new mom and isn't thinking how much work this would be for you, so break it to her gently! Do you know of any good in-home full time sitters you can recommend to her? Or any close, reputable day cares? Maybe help her in her search, since she already trusts your judgement!

Good luck honey :)

what i would do is try it for a couple weeks then if you feel overwhelmed let her know. but thats just me.

There's the USA method of saying no.

U - understanding statement. "I understand that you feel completely comfortable with me watching your new baby and I'm very flattered. I also understand how convenient the situation would be for you."
S - situation statement. "While you trust me to give the ultimate care to your new infant, I don't feel that I could devote the time and energy necessary to your child. I'm overwhelmed as it is with my own three."
A - alternative option. "I contacted some of my friends with children in daycare..." or "I found this website that can help you find qualified daycare close to home..." or whatever...