I Am Pregnant and My DH Is Moody. Help!

Sounds like you already know the answer :)
He is stressed and overwhelmed, feeling upset and panicky about the new baby and supporting a bigger family!
He is feeling all the same things as you, but you are being strong and he is just a man and can't handle it all. Just accept that he can't do it. It is just too much for him.

I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with all the posters who have said that he's just a man and he's stressed out so you should take on even more responsibility. Bull. If he is having a problem, then you should certainly work with him to address it (therapist, meds, marital counseling, you name it) - that's what a partnership is. But the idea that you should just shoulder more and more responsibility because he can't get things together or is stressed out is just horribly unfair to you. You already have agreed to be both a full time wage earner and (in all likelihood) the primary caregiver, and that is a lot. A lot. Don't beat yourself up that on top of it you're not being a good enough/supportive enough, wife.

And, as far as making tons of sacrifices so that you can be a SAHM, if that's what you want to do, that's great. But if you like your job and feel like you can do a good job balancing the two, then you go ahead and do that. I agree that in this economy hanging your hat on one earner might be a mistake - I am also a teacher and my husband will be out of a job as of April. I never thought that I would be the primary earner, but for right now that's the case. Teachers have a good amount of job stability, and if the idea of having only one income is stressful, imagine the stress of having none!

So I'm sorry that I don't have more practical advice, but sometimes this site just really makes me mad. Just because you're a mom doesn't mean that you have to do everything perfectly, or even close to it. It is completely reasonable for you to want your marriage to be a partnership, and it's fine if you want your husband to step up and make that happen, stress or no stress. I wish you the best of luck getting him/the both of you to a counselor. And really, figuring out everything isn't your responsibility just because you're the woman. I think you're doing a great job.

I think Krista P. had a very good answer for you. You and DH do need to sit down and do a budget and see how long you can afford to be on maternity leave, or is it feasible for you to actually be a SAHM. I will tell you that if you can swing it at all financially staying at home is worth every sacrifice. We now shop at Aldi's , drive older cars, and rarely buy new clothes, or vacation, but it is so worth it. As a teacher you can always return to work in a few years when the kids start school, unless you choose to homeschool, which is another wonderful journey I can assure you.
Your DH is very stressed and you should try to do what you can to relieve that stress. Doing a budget, and getting a friend to help out with needed "to do" things around the house would be really helpful I'm sure.

God Bless and good luck!

Just to clarify, when you are talking about a 5 month leave, you are including your usual summer time off, right?

It's possible that he really is doing all he can. The mind is a powerful thing, so he truly may be stuck. I've been there, too, when I was laid off from my job a few years ago. Paralyzed is a better word. Please cut him some slack. Being the "provider" is an immense responsibility, and one that society expects for males. The pressure may be too much for him.

I like how someone else suggested that you find a close friend or family member to help with the bed. The fire and police departments can install the carseat for you, fyi. If he asks why you didn't wait for him, tell him that you care for him and didn't want him to be stressed. Don't lie about the person volunteering: it would undermine his dignity to think that someone from the outside recognized how little he was doing and felt so inclined to step in.

As for your stress, remember that women used to give birth in fields without cribs or carseats or anything. You can do this. Mother is a verb before it's a noun.

My guess is that he is really worried about $$ and doesn't want to talk about it. As an educator (and a psychologist), I enjoy the wonderful insurance we are offered and the consistent paycheck. When I had my son, we talked about how long I could afford to be "out" without having a significant impact on our income and our benefits, which for us was the FMLA. Five months would likely mean that you would have to pay for your insurance coverage out-of-pocket or use your husband's. If he's in the private sector, that's very pricey. On top of that, you will not have a paycheck after six weeks... hmmm... that's a lot for him to take-on when your family is accustomed to having two incomes.

Sit down with him and have a conversation about the budget- what is it actually going to "cost" for you to stay home until September and can you afford it? What changes will you ALL have to make to reduce your income? When my husband and I had this conversation (not a fun one), it was apparent that I needed to go back to work after 12 weeks.

My guess is that putting together the bed and moving the car seat are two things that indicate that the baby is coming very soon and he's not ready to take-on that responsibility. Talk with him- don't ask him to do more b/c then you are just "nagging" and putting "more pressure" on him.

He is probably freaked out like you said at the idea of supporting a family of 4. My husband freaked out a little (not to this extent) when we were getting ready for baby #1. He was worried about being able to afford all that comes with having a baby, plus our general living expenses (so was I for that matter). I just talked him up like crazy and told him that I knew "my man" could take care of us. Then we sat down and made a budget, and he saw that he could do it. Men are visual creatures and need to see it all written out. When we found out we would be getting baby #2 he knew he could handle it. My being home was worth every sacrifice we made over the years. Now, specifically to you, it might be helpful for you to decide what you can live without and make a budget of all the expenses. Show him that you are willing to cut out anything that is not a necessity so that you can be home raising your children. You can start shopping at second hand stores for the kids and even yourself. These days there are great resale boutiques for us ladies and our kids to stay in style. Shop smart by using coupons. If you have huge cell phone bill and contract, do what you can to get out of that and go prepaid. You can get a good phone, basic service and minutes for fractions of what you would pay monthly for all the bells and whistles that most people these days say they "can't live without." You can also downsize your car if need be so you have less of a car payment or none at all. There are endless ways to save money so that you can be home. The key is to lay it all out for your husband showing that you are willing to cut back, and pump up his ego so he really knows that you trust him to take care of you and the kids. Being mommy to your kids is the most important thing you can do right now, so do all you can to make that happen. Good luck!

I'm sorry, but what does DH and DS mean?

My husband freaked out after our 3rd baby was born. I had to quit my part-time job because daycare costs were through the roof for 3 kids not in school. In addition, I was dealing with horrendous pain after the birth and trying to adjust to staying home and raising our 3 girls.

I made him schedule a doctor's appointment to see if he should have anti-anxiety meds. The doctor prescribed some for him and that helped tremendously. Granted, they really made DH dull for awhile, but at least the anxiety and the moodiness stopped. He discovered that we could survive/thrive with just him as the sole-earner. He went off the meds after 4 months and returned to normal.

Fast forward 5 years and I was offered a full time position in my old field. DH didn't want me to go back to work! Who would make me dinner? he said! I think he meant who would handle everything so he didn't have to worry about the kids or house. I ended up taking a part-time, at home position so I could still make his dinner (giggle).

I say you need to talk to him about what is going on and tell him that he needs to fix himself - because you shouldn't have to deal with two babies at once.

Here's how I deal with my husband when he seems to be on "auto-pilot" for whatever reason. I tel him the night before that when he comes home from work he'll have time to do XYZ. Sometimes they just don't get subtle & need to be told specifically to do a specific task. Tell him O. per day.
OR he may be VERY ANXIOUS about the change coming to the family. He may need to talk to his dr. about anxiety meds for now.
Good luck & Congrats on the soon to be little O.!

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