I Am Afraid of Loosing My HUSBAND!!

Lawyers tend to schmooze each other, so this is probably normal for some of them. HOWEVER< my husband does not go on single outings like this with female coworkers at all unless it's a business lunch, and that is very rare, as they almost always have another coworker with them. And really, if it's outside of work, he really doesn't have an excuse to go... the hockey game, really? That is not at all business related and sounds more like a date to me.... maybe it isn't in his eyes, but what about for her? He really needs to set boundaries now and keep his work relationships professional, before it starts to get out of hand.

It's not okay! He needs to keep the relationships with these women at work and keep his free time with his wife and family!

I guess I would be wondering why he would even be interested in spending time with other women-?

I have a career and occasionally I may meet male friends (known via the professional trade organization I belong to) for lunch. Its for networking, or there may be an issue that my perspective could help with. But it's not every week... And I wouldn't go out in the evenings one on one with a guy other than my husband. The hockey game outing is weird.... But, it strikes me as strange that he would even want to go without you.

**Adding This: in the workplace... a person will always meet "new" people and people they have never met before nor talked about before. You can't expect him to work with blinders on... nor not talk to anyone. So, it is inevitable that he WILL meet other people, whom he never talked about before. People, interact in an office... and if it is a big office, or small office too. So, your Husband WILL meet other people.
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So its a guy that invited him to the hockey game???
I wouldn't worry about it.
You did NOT say... if this Hockey invitation was per a Female or Male Lawyer.... inviting him.
If it were a Female... my Husband... would decline the invitation... or he would tell the woman "Oh, can my Wife come too?"

Your Husband, is a grown man... he has a mouth.. he can, say things too.

Co-workers, go out. Co-workers mingle.... after hours or go for drinks.
You can't expect your husband not to... attend anything work related.... or co-worker related....

For lunch per the Female inviting him.... next week... and she is paying... well... hmmm....? I don't know. Usually co-workers pay their own way even if going out to lunch together. And having lunch is not "outside of work"... it is lunch during work hours....

For me, well I trust my Husband. He has co-workers, they have outings... or office functions... lunches, after hour drinks etc. I have no problem with that what so ever.
Because... I trust my Husband. And he is not dense/dumb with social innuendo... and he does and will speak up if something does not jive with him... and he tells me. And he knows... if a 'woman' is creepy or flirting or coming on to him. Again, I trust him and his ability... to steer clear of inappropriateness. Because, he knows how... he is not a child... and he is perfectly adept at handling himself. I have no problem... with that or him.

My Husband and I, have friends of the opposite sex. No big deal. We are both so capable... of handling boundaries. And innuendo. Its really... not a problem with us. It is all transparent between us, and friends... male or female.

In ANY office... there WILL BE get togethers off hours or during office hours.... so... you have to get used to that.
AND... there is office obligation too.... sometimes you have to... attend. Out of office obligation.

Be GLAD... your Husband told you this.
If you always get jealous about it... he may just stop telling you things, period. THEN that will be worse.

WHY are you afraid of losing your Husband or think you are losing your Husband???? He is telling you everything... and you are suspicious. Why?

all the best,
Susan

I know that you have had a ton of responses but I wanted to let you know that my husband was invited to a Hockey game by a female co-worker.
I didn't mind because I knew the situation. I think that everything depends on how secure you are in your relationship and how well you and your husband communicate.
The woman my husband was asked by is a huge Chicago Black Hawks fan as is my husband. She bought a bunch of tickets off a season ticket holder that was sellling his tickets off. My husband bought some from his female co-worker. One of her game nights she didn't have anyone to go with and she asked my husband to go. She isn't married, my husband and I have been married for 9 1/2 yrs, they have worked together for 4 years, I haven't met her but I know about her from my husband telling me about the goings on at work. My husband called and asked me if it would bother me if he went to the game and he said he completely understood if I wasn't comfortable with it. It didn't phase me one bit.
Do you have reason to be worried? If you aren't comfortable with it you need to tell your husband and hopefully he will be able to recpect your feelings.

I would tell him now that it makes you uncomfortable. How foolish of him to think it would not. I dont care what other people say, a married man has no business going out with other women. That is not me being insecure, it's me expecting a man (husband) to have enough respect for me not to do that. in groups is one thing, but there is no other excuse for it.

Unless he has been unfaithful to you in the past, why on earth would you be freaking out about this? Are you that insecure?
It's work. And sometimes work takes place outside of the walls of the office. Has it occurred to you that this new lawyer is trying to get to know him so that he could clerk for her? Or that the different firm is looking at hiring him, and the lunch is an "interview" of sorts. They SHOULD be paying for those outings.
Calm down.

No you should not keep your feelings to yourself. My husband and I have been married for almost four years and we do not go anywhere alone with the opposite sex. We don't even open ourselves to the chance of an affair. Marriage is precious and you have to safe guard it. Girls don't care if your husband is married. My husband gets hit on more know that he is married. Crazy isn't it ?? Well my husband is the very faithful type and tells me about the crazy girls that hit on him and I tell him about the men that hit on me. We are honest with each other. Be truthful with your husband. You will only be making matters worse by keeping your feelings inside. You need to put boundaries up now when it comes to your marriage. Sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel and figure out what the two of you want your marriage to be like.

I'm so sorry you weren't included in the discussion/communication about how law clerks move up in their profession. It sounds like you have some confusion in your mind about the social behavior of young professionals versus professional networking for purposes of making contacts and improving one's standing in one's field. Gosh. That must be a difficult place to be in. Do you really need to "suck this up"? How about, instead, getting informed and educated about how attorneys move up in the world?
How about encouraging your husband to be the best he can be.
Also, and this is secondary . . . just when do you imagine law clerks have time to chat -- or flirt -- if not at lunch? During working hours, they have their noses to the computer and/or case files with barely a moment to catch their breath. Set up a weekend romantic dinner and whatever is appropriate with your husband and spend the evening letting him know how much you appreciate him, how smart he is, how ambitious he is, how loving he is. etc. Do not mention the working lunches.
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Oh. When I wrote this, I had forgotten about the hockey game.
Invited a few WEEKS ago for a game a few MONTHS in the future.
THAT is WEIRD. Seems to me one would wait until maybe 2-3 weeks before a hockey game before deciding who to invite.
So . . . . though you have already talked about the hockey game
and made some kind of (???) peace with it, I wonder if you might want to revisit that topic at some point later on.
But the lunches . . . . naaaahhhh. No prob.

Get a grip. You can be jealous, but I do not understand why?
If you are having these feelings, speak openly about it. Remember he is married to you. You can speak with him about anything you are concerned about. But do not expect bad things to always happen.

Why are you so insecure? Do you not believe he loves you? Is there a reason he would so easily have his head turned by someone else? Marriage is for a lifetime and jealousy needs to be the last thing you 2 ever deal with. Figure out where this worry and insecurity is coming from and deal with it. Go to therapy if you have to.

People in all sorts of professions are friends with the opposite sex. They are also business associates.

I have had and still do have tons of male friends. My husband has female friends.

We have been married almost 30 years.I love my husband and know he loves me. No one will ever love me as much as he does. I TOTALLY trust my husband. That is what marriage is all about.

I like what momma L said; he needs to set boundaries!!! He should always be telling these "females" he's married and since it's after hours he'd like to bring his wife along, or decline unless he can bring his wife along.

Noooo! It sounds strange to me that a woman would ask YOUR husband to go to a hockey game or lunch or dinner or anywhere! Unless this woman was the Godparent to one of my kids....which would be like a family member I would think, hmmmm STRANGE! Maybe if it was an older woman like a mom or an aunt type of person who was a person you also knew. Maybe I am old fashion but I am fairly sure my husband would not want me to accept an invitation from say....a single dad of one of my kid's friends. Wouldn't that be weird for me to go alone to lunch with a man who is not my husband with a father of one of my kid's friends without our children? I do not think my husband would like that idea. What was this lady thinking? You are NOT being irrational...maybe you could be accused of that if you did not want him to go with a guy.

This is what a law clerk is: Most law clerks are recent law school graduates who performed at or near the top of their class. Various studies have shown clerks to be influential in the formation of case law through their influence on judges' decisions. Working as a law clerk generally opens up career opportunities.

Going to bussiness lunches and games may be the networking your H need to do to get a foot in the law world and to function there. I am not sure if the first lawer you mentioned guy or a girl...

My H is a business man, I do not even keep track who he lunches and dines with, has drinks with, goes to games with...etc(they all take turns paying...and there are old faces and new ones as well). At times he travels with some single women and men (as well as the married ones) and they go out and drink and do their sightseeing together on the weekends.. Whoever it is he needs to be with to get ahead in his world. He tells me if it was memorable in any way or just says "I had another lunch with Sally today" He lets me know in advance if I am expected to attend (if the spouses are invited) or asks if I want to come (if it is optional). If he tells you where he is going and that he needs to see that person for business reasons - let him go. Yes, a lot of networking activities happen after hours...because during business hours they all suppose to bill for their time, right? And, yes, taking turns paying for lunch is a common practice. Sometimes my H pays for someone who is just starting in the field and sometimes his meal gets covered by a party that is trying to get him interested in something... It really all depends...
Of course, my husband is my husband and yours can be different...And also I will not suggest that the world is free from predatory women...and sure you are realizing that your husband is a very yammy shark bate for some....if it worries you ask more questions...but never come across as insecure because that sometimes will push the man into the arms of another women (because you are telling him already that he can be potentialy interested in her).
Make sure your relationship is strong, that there is a financial transparency and that you and hubby do something for fun regularly and there will be little to worry about.
Hope that helps.

If it is females and it is 1:1 and not in a group setting...No way...I think it is fine that men and women have plutonic relationships with the opposite sex...that's fine...but once you're married the rules change. If you want to keep religion out for argument's sake...just look at the temptation factor period...Men and women are wired up to have attraction and chemistry period! It doesn't matter how secure in a relationship you are or how long you've been married.....Why put yourself in a situation where you even have to entertain the idea...or wonder and have doubts....Nope you are right on with your feelings and I do not believe you are insecure.

Wow I see you have tons of responses and you have probably resolved this by now but here are my two cents. First, he is telling you about these appts so that makes them seem less fishy to me. In my relationship with my husband, him having lunch with a female coworker and her treating wouldn't bother me at all. I used to work and just getting lunch is no biggie, we would take turns treating, going dutch etc. In my world that wouldn't concern me at all. My husband is a nice guy and ladies love that he will listen to them and give them an honest opinion, it's not flirty, just friendly, so I don't worry. He usually tells them stuff based on what I have told him about being a woman and then comes and tells me about it! For me the Hockey game would be iffy. It's night, their alone...I don't know....it would just be too date-like for my comfort level. But if it was about business and was like a "hang out" that could further his career, like a social evening that was a schmooze fest to go higher in the company, then I'd be ok with it. My husband recently went on a work trip and there was one woman on the trip and she took a liking to my man. I think she might have actually liked him a bit more than just in a friendly way, but she has been hurt a lot and meeting a man that loves his family is very attractive. He told me about her and it was no biggie. She emailed him after the trip just to say she enjoyed meeting him and that he had a lovely family etc, and he actually had me email he back for him. So if you know your man, you trust him, just come clean and tell him where your head is at and see if what he tells you can calm any worries you have. Believe me, there have been some times in our marriage that there were just things I could not bend on, and he has always honored my wishes, but I don't play that card much. I try to let him go where he wants, see who he wants, you know enjoy life and know I trust him, the same way I want him to treat me. I know if I were somewhere with a man other than my husband, I wouldn't cheat, I give my husband the same confidence. So if you talk about all this with him just make sure he sees that you are approaching him with total trust but you are having the insecurity. He has done nothing and should be treated as such, but the way you feel should be important to him bc he is your guy and will want to make you secure that all is well. I really think that things are ok, unless there is more than you have shared here. Good luck!!

If you trust your husband, you shouldn't be afraid of "loosing" him.

Maybe my perspective can help. I am a female and work with a lot of men (mostly coaches). I have lunch with them, go running or work-out with them, after work events catch a drink with them. Yet, I have ZERO interest in any of them other than as fun work colleagues. All of them are married with children as I am married with children. Keep in mind though, any sort of outing is something that would fall into my normal day schedule - in other words, if we catch a drink it is after a meeting or conferences, lunch is during work hours, working out is during the day. It's not like we make plans to get together in our free time.

Again...there is no 'interest' of any romantic nature. Since we work together, we are in the trenches together and it is often nice to unwind with colleagues. Also, most of my male co-workers have kids who are the same age as mine and we wind up talking about the kids.

As a law clerk, if he is just starting to get established in his career, I am going to guess that this is something totally innocent and a way to network within his chosen field. If he's only going on the one outing, it's probably just business-related.

How about sitting down with him and expressing your discomfort? While he may have a very legitimate reason for having these meetings, you still need to be able to voice how you feel. I sort of feel like if he is telling you about these things well in advance, he isn't trying to hide anything (otherwise he would just say "I'm going to a hockey game with a colleague")

Of course, on this site it seems as if I am in the minority in that my husband and I have a very strong relationship and this sort of thing wouldn't bother me...

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Don't worry about losing your husband. If he chooses to leave, then he didn't really love you in the first place and you shouldn't waste a moment of your time with someone who doesn't love you.

Him going to a hockey game a few months from now with some woman from work, sounds like a date. Why would a married man be dating? If the woman wanted to give him hockey tickets as a thank you then she should give him the two tickets and let him choose who he goes with. If she just loves hockey and thinks he does too then she should have offered to buy three tickets so you could go too.

The lunch date seems somewhat innocent because that isn't taking away any of this free time from you. But to take time away from you during non business hours doesn't seem appropriate regardless of his profession. You are newlyweds and should be spending as much time together building your new marriage. You really can't tell him what to do because you are his wife, not his mother but I would wonder why he wants to go to the hockey game with another woman. Ask him, perhaps he is naive enough that he doesn't realize that it sounds like a date or maybe he thinks you don't care if he "dates". You won't know unless you ask him.

Good luck. Stay strong. Don't worry, worry has never helped. Things may not go the way we plan, but it all works out in the end.

Woah. Deep breath. This all sounds totally professional. Is he being pursued by other law firms? Trying to make new professional ties?

You will lose him if you are insanely jealous over every activity he does away from you.

It IS okay for these women to be alone with your husband "outside of work" because even though they aren't in the work building, they're still working.

Good luck.

I have been on both sides....I travel more than my husband (including Las Vegas too many times. Tired of the city to be honest!)
Sometimes jobs do require out of work social activities. When I was pregnant, my husband was invited to a hockey game with a suite. I was invited as well, and there were female coworkers. Hormonal or not, I was a little put off with her friendliness :).
Either way, I got over it. Some jobs have a lot of out of office social activities - male and female coworkers, associates, potential employers.
See if you can in any way be included in after work activities.
Lunches are lunches, especially if he is telling you about them. A lot of informal work can be completed over a lunch.
It really sounds like your husband is a good lawyer and people want him to work for their firm.

Hi J.,

I think you have a good head on your shoulders. Let people say what they will, but this is your marriage. You have the right and the privilege to defend it!!!
My husband is in a female dominated professional field (nursing). He was recently encouraged to do some traveling for his job and do teaching at another facility. Guess who they wanted to send with him as his partner? Certainly not a man.
My husband declined traveling with a female for the direct purpose of not being in a position that could be compromising...and he is a FAITHFUL spouse (has been since day 1). We've been married now for 13 years.
Keep the lines of communication open. Discuss your concerns with your mate. Let him know how this makes you feel. Jealousy shouldn't consume you, but it certainly can and should be addressed.
A strong marriage requires honesty, openness and forgiveness.

Stay strong (and ignore people's rude comments)...we all make mistakes :)

Men can be so dense sometimes. He may not even think about how it makes you feel because in his mind he loves you, married you for life and would never think of leaving/cheating. HOWEVER, you need to tell him that although you may have nothing to worry about, it still bothers you for him to be alone with another woman. The hockey game invitation was probably a very innocent thing, her knowing he liked hockey, having a ticket...etc. but still she should have thought about his marital situation (women can be dense sometimes too).

COmmunication is the key to a happy marriage. I've been married 26 years and my husband and I still can not read each others minds or body language. Men need to be TOLD how their wife/girlfriend feels about something because they are so focused on work, bills, etc. they really don't see all the little things we women do. They are the hunter/gatherers (which does not mean they can't be sensitive) and therefore are not always in touch with your feelings. Women are the nurturer/caregivers and we are way more emotional than men--just the way it is.

So over dinner or in the quiet of the evening, you need to talk to him and approach it as "I feel...." instead of "YOU make me feel"...because men will get their backs up if they feel they're being accused or blamed for something.

Best of luck to you.

Would HE be fine with YOU going out with other men on dates?? Because honey, that's basically what's going on here. Just because he's not being sneaky about it doesn't make it OK (unless he was related to these women or they'd been friends for years and years).

I would sit your husband down and tell him in no uncertain terms that it is in NO WAY acceptable to you for him to be 'dating' and that he'd better cut it out.

Your husband should know better than to accept an invitation to a hockey game like that. that game isn't during business hours and is a NO-NO. Whenever the ladies at work, and i'm taking 50-60 yr old ladies, invite my husband for lunch he always takes me. He's told me that without me he won't go. Its not jealousy its "you know better" type of thing But since he doesn't, its ok to remind him or to let him know. Ask him, if you were in his shoes and u accepted would he like it? I do that sometimes. As for lunch, i think lunch is ok... but if it happens once it will happen again. You are not dating him, you are married.. don't hold anything back but don't let it come out like a jealous freak.. good luck

In my opinion, that is not ok with me. That's fine if a group of them is going together, etc. But these situations sound like they are "dates" and not acceptable. As Lesley said below, would he be fine with you going out with guys like that?

That wouldn't be okay with me. I would say no and my hubby wouldn't even consider accepting something like this. I would definately tell your husband how you feel. I'd stand my ground and say no way!! You are not being selfish. I doubt he'd be pleased if you were going with a male co worker.

When I started reading you post, I thought to myself, what's the big deal about him having friends outside of the marriage until I found out that these co workers were women. I have been married over 18 years there is absolutely no way that I would be Ok with my spouse hagging out with another women. I really think that you need to put your foot down and let him know that this is unacceptable.

Here's my 2 cents: in all the years my husband has had female colleagues, my observation is that some of them are truly into sports/theatre/cultural events and purchase annual tickets to it all. Then if they are single need to either invite s/o to go with or will give away both tickets if they can't make it. So I'm thinking, how well do you know the attorney who invited him? Do you socialize frequently? Seldom?

We're not in the legal field, but one of my best friends is a judge, and from what I understand there can be a fair amount of socializing. Some of the clerks provide evening childcare to co workers, and I have had this same clerk sit with our kids too. But then there are some legal relationships where they clearly steer clear of socializing after hours due to strained relationships, dislikes, previous affairs and problems.

For instance, we love to invite my husband's colleagues over for dinner/drinks and during those gathering, it's common for people to be reminded of an upcoming event that they will not be in town for, etc. And the tickets are offered to the first taker. I have been invited as the spouse to attend many sports/music events. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But these are people or neighbors we know very well. I have not attended an event alone with another male spouse alone though.

I will be attending 2 professional events this week with others, without my husband, with another couple. Would I attend these same events alone with one of his male colleagues? I would.

My concern for your situation is that you seem baffled by the invitation. Like it's clearly out of the normal work environment. And that is then alarming. I doubt she sent out an open invitation to the first taker. Sounds a bit more personal. And you have a right to feel uneasy about him spending that much time with another woman. And why can't she find a single guy or girlfriend to go with her? I would definitely get this dialogue going with your husband.

Are you normally a jealous person or are there reasons that you doubt him? If he's given you no reasons to distrust him, I say set your jealousies aside and let him go. He may see the hockey game as an opportunity to network, same with the lunch. Ask him WHY he wants to go.
I'm a VERY jealous person. Like CRAZY jealous of ANYONE that spends time with my husband. It's bad. I had to stop all that nonsense. It was ruining my marriage. My husband felt like he couldn't breath with out telling me. He was suffocating. I HAD to back off. I trust my husband more than I ever thought I would. I know that if he were invited out to lunch by another woman to him it would be just that, lunch. Nothing else. If he was invited to a sporting event by his boss or a superior at his company, I'd tell him to go. I wouldn't want him to pass up that chance to network.
It takes a LOT of hard work and self control to break the jealousy cycle. I would talk to him, tell him that you're feeling jealous. Explain to him why. BE CALM! Don't accuse him of wanting to cheat. Ask him what he hopes to accomplish with the hockey thing and the lunch. Communication is the key here. You'll most likely have to start the conversation because men just don't get it.
If he has a history of cheating, then I'd tell him absolutely not, unless you get to go with him. If he's trustworthy, then let him go. Resist the urge to call him or text him every 5 minutes. Plan a night out with one of your friends while he's out with his. They'll help to distract you.
Good luck!

It may be 100% business. It may be completely innocent. BUT I would not be comfortable with it at all. I don't think it's worth the risk. And even if he went, and told you everything that happened, minute for minute, there would still be some kind of doubt in your mind (or at least there would be in my mind). There is no reason for him to put himself in that kind of position and if he doesn't see anything wrong with it, ask him how he would feel if it were you going out with another man for ANY reason.

Even if you decide to let him go, you should at least let him know how you are feeling. If you keep it to yourself i'm sure one day it will come out and cause even more problems. Don't let him think that you are OK with something that you're not OK with. He may take advantage of your "acceptance" or get angry if the situation comes up again and you then decide to speak up.

Um... it's not really ok for these women to be asking him to attend events outside of the office. Is the hockey game a "thank you" for putting in extra hours? Or is it completely random? As for the lunch... could be the same thing.

I have a male colleague who has done a TON of extra work to help me get a project completed and I took him to lunch as a "thank you". My husband knew about it and it wasn't a big deal, but there was a reason for it... not just "hey how are you, want to have lunch?" Also know, that her firm is probably paying for the lunch, not her personally. I have to do this often, but I don't say "I have a budget code for work lunches, would you like to go?".

If he's being upfront with you, then he is probably going on the outings with good intentions. If you are uncomfortable with it and you are going to pick a fight over it, be honest and let him know. Don't tell him that he can't go, but let him know that the circumstances make you uncomfortable and that in the future you would prefer that he talk with you before accepting an offer.

It is entirely possible that these women don't know that he's married if the marriage is new and the law firms are big. Don't be surprised if it ends very soon b/c they realize he's "off the market".

Your husband is completely out of line accepting these invitations. You need to sit down and talk with him about how it makes you feel and set up some boundaries you can both agree on. Good luck!

He should not be even asking. My hubby got asked to go to lunch with a longtime female coworker once and he said no out of respect for me he said. I thanked him and I told him how I felt about that situation and I knew he understood. Try talking to him about it. You have many years together you need to be honest with how you feel.

Chris

Law Clerk maybe it's buisness with added pleasure

MY ANSWER TO THIS IS SIMPLE: No way! Once your married, there is NO going out with woman alone, or even putting yourself in that situation. It's simple...and your husband should know better! I would let him know that your not comfortable with that, and simply tell his co-worker that its not appropriate!

The lunch would be ok with me-could be and probably is professional. The hockey game-not so much.

First of all, get out of that mindset that you are afraid of losing your husband, because automatically that is making you a victim. It is ok to be a bit disturbed by him wanting to go out as a twosome with another coworker, but don't feel defeated before you know what the deal is.

Stand tall and let your husband know that you disapprove of him going out to this event. He may be feeling powerless if he refuses to go thinking it is going to jeapordize his relationship at work. This shouldn't be and he should reconsider his family first.

He can always politely decline the invitations.

tell him you understand he need to do things for work but he should tell them up front he just got married. once and a while i can understand if it helps his job but speak up and why you so jealous he loves you
good luck enjoy him

You need to invite yourself to these things. Business lunches would be okay, but hockey games... uh... no.
Why do law clerks need to go to lunch together? Is it work related or no? That's what you need to know. Maybe if you go to one of the lunches you will see that its all work and no play OR you will see just the opposite.
I would tell him this makes you uncomfortable until he can convince you otherwise.
Talk to some other wives from his firm and ask if this is "normal" practice.
If you are already an insecure wife this would just be extremely difficult to swallow, if you are very stable and secure this is still something that does require your attention just to be sure it's not more than work related.
He's telling you about it so you shouldnt be afraid to discuss it further with him.
** He should buy you a hockey ticket so you can come along.

Would you worry if they were male? If not, trust your husband now. I go to lunch with a man from work time to time and it means nothing. We just happen to get along as friends. Trust me it's nothing.

1) You're not on track to lose your husband. YET.

2) Dont' sit by and let him do this.

For the business lunch, if it truly is a business lunch with a specific work purpose he can define to you, maybe you have to let him do a work thing. If it's just social shmoozing, tell him no. He can make business contacts at work and while out at social gatherings where you are invited. Not unless he wants you out to social lunches with men who are paying form now on too.

For the hockey game, Nope. No reason for him to go out on a hockey date. Preposterous. You will not feel good about yourself if you allow this, and it will set a precedent for how he acts going forward. Do not feel bad or worry that the other lady will think you're uptight etc. You're not here to please her.

Again, MAYBE if you tell him you will arrange to have a hockey date or some other date with a man alone (and DO it, don't just say "How would you feel if) and he wants to have the kind of marriage where you both go out on dates and activities with other opposite sex people alone, fine. But if you're not OK with that and weren't aware of that, tell him so and resolve it NOW.

Not okay! Lunch is one thing...maybe they can talk about work. But, the woman who invited him to a hockey game---NOPE! He needs to break the plans. Either say something has come up or just say after work hours are for his family!

In my book, the only kind of woman who invites a married man out to an event or meal without inviting the wife is the kind of woman who wants a married man. He absolutely should not go! My husband wouldn't even think about it (he better not anyway if he knows whats good for him). I am not saying I think he will cheat, but I don't think these women have good intentions.
My husband has friends from high school that he also works with. He spends some time over at M's house and sometimes picks her up or drops her off as her truck is not so reliable. She is married and has a 12 year old son and has come to our girls birthday parties. I am very comfortable with their friendship and she is welcome over any time, but I would be hurt if she invited him to something without including me. I still don't think I would be jealous of her though. (and yes, she is pretty. much thinner than I with long thick auburn hair) If my husband acted funny around her in front of me then I may think something was going on.
I guess it comes down to trust, but I would ask him to cancel as these are new aquaintences that need to know boundries with married men. Do they know he's married?

Okay, do these women know he's married? If so...SHAME!! And I think you should talk to him about it. You need to let him know how it makes you feel. Does he not see anything wrong with it? You have a right to tell him how you're not too crazy about it and you don't agree with it. Ask him if he would be okay with YOU going to a game or whatever with another man.....

Ahhh -no! Lunch maybe -my husband does have a number of lunches with females in his field and who he does business with. That doesn't bother me, but a hockey game at night -just the 2 of them -well, he doesn't need to go. It would be fine if there was a group going, but he needs to understand that he doesn't go places with another woman outside of work. Let him know you're not comfortable with that -and if he doesn't understand -how would he like you going out for drinks or to a movie with some guy you met? Kind of sounds like a date, doesn't it? He should be able to understand that.

If these people inviting him out are women, then you have every right to tell him that it isn't right for him to go. Seriously. Why should be be dating women when he is married. He needs to actively protect his marriage. How would he feel if you were to go out with a man, a collegue or not, on a date? Do not suck it up. Fight for your marriage. You do not have to be rude or ugly to him about it, but you do need to be firm. She can surely find another person to go with him to the hockey game. You are right in this. Do not be made to feel like you are jealous (in any negative way-it is healthy to be jealous in a right way!), overbearing, selfish, etc. You are so right in this! Be sweet with your husband and share your thoughts and feelings with him. You are his wife, and as such, you have the responsibility to protect your marriage. He can accept these invitations if you two are invited as a couple.

Hmmm, its a tough one. Has he been unfaithful before? My husband works in sales with MANY woman. They do lunch together often. Never hockey games or other activities. Although he often has to take clients out to dinner and after he and his male/female coworkers grab a drink after dinner. I have met most of these woman, and if I haven't my husband talks about them to me, so I know of them. That is a good thing that he is not hiding them from you.
The lunch, I think is ok. Hockey game, not so sure I would be ok with that. Can you calmly talk to him and let him know that it makes you a little uncomfortable. You have to stay calm and not get upset. Just explain your side. If you do get upset, he won't hear you and you will seem jealous. Which isn't gonna do any good.
It is important I have learned to let your hubby maintain friendships, even if it is with woman, but there needs to be boundaries on those friendships. If the hockey game girl has another ticket for you to come as well- then great! If not, I don't know, that's your call, but I can definitely see why you would be a little put off by that.

Yes, honey, it's the green eyed jealousy monster rearing it's head. It's hard to be a newlywed and then to have added to the newlywed stress is the fact that your husband is getting attention from other females. If it's a work related lunch, you shouldn't have to worry. Anything that is not work related, I would suggest you question your dear husband and see why he is attending functions outside work and not work related with a female that is not married to him. Then, keep your eyes and ears open. Wishing you the best.

It's not appropriate for your husband to go out and have lunch dates or hockey games with other women. If my husband told me that he was going to have lunch with a woman colleague, I would tag along with them!

The hockey game "date" is inappropriate. Period. The lunch dates...are they working lunches where they are meeting with clients? IF yes, then what your husband is doing is okay. IF they are going alone, just the two of them, then it doesn't look right and you have a right to be concerned. Ask your husband if he minds inviting you to these lunch dates. If he says no, then I would inquire a big fat why and it better be a good enough reason to "suck it up."

Also, I read a few posts suggesting you may be jealous and that you should treat your husband "right." Let me tell you that TEMPTATION has nothing to do with jealousy and spouses can stray even when the marriage is solid. Why do they stray? Because the temptation not to is much too strong to ignore. Lovingly talk to your husband and explain how you feel. Take it from there.

What he is going out with another women and you think you should ignore it? There is no way this would happen! What is your hubby thinking? If I went out with another man I wouldn't be married long.

Hmmm, I wouldn't want my husband going to any games that only involve two tickets with another female that is not me.
Jealous maybe, but, that's just me. I would tell him...but then, my husband knows me and he wouldn't accept it.

J.,
I think you shouldnt let him go to the hockey game or to lunch alone if he would like to take you along I dont see the probelm but any married woman would agree with me and sayin NO married man needs to be alone on a lunch date or a hockey game with a single woman it really doesnt look good.Ive been married to my husband for 2years and never has he went anywhere with a single woman be himself.

my best advice is to treat him good and make sure that he has no reason to wander. Treat him like he is still your boyfriend and you are still glad to see him every day, don't get into the married life hum drum and start putting other things before him. You probably have nothing to worry about. I do not worry about my husband going to business lunches with other women because I know that he is not going to find a better woman than me out there, and he has no reason to go anywhere. And if he does, I don't need him! You need to be confident in yourself and your relationship. It doesn't sound like he has given you any reason not to be. If you are treating him good - unless you didn't pick a good man - he will not wander. Men wander because they are not getting what they need from their wife. Keep in mind I said if you didn't pick a good man. I realize that there are men who don't fall into this category.

Updated

my best advice is to treat him good and make sure that he has no reason to wander. Treat him like he is still your boyfriend and you are still glad to see him every day, don't get into the married life hum drum and start putting other things before him. You probably have nothing to worry about. I do not worry about my husband going to business lunches with other women because I know that he is not going to find a better woman than me out there, and he has no reason to go anywhere. And if he does, I don't need him! You need to be confident in yourself and your relationship. It doesn't sound like he has given you any reason not to be. If you are treating him good - unless you didn't pick a good man - he will not wander. Men wander because they are not getting what they need from their wife. Keep in mind I said if you didn't pick a good man. I realize that there are men who don't fall into this category.

From experience I will say NO. It can turn into something more then friends. Once you go down this path its going to be hard in the future to say no. I am working everyday through my marriage because of things like this. He ended up having an affair. We went to conseling, its hard. Again, this is my experience with this.

There are always events that will "test" your (yours and you hubbys) faithfulness along the marriage, so you could look at it like this is a test. If a man cheats, he was not worth keeping in first place and it is definitely better to find out sooner than later in marriage, especially if you don't have children yet. I am not encouraging foul behavior in any way (he can try and decline invitations if he doesn't feel comfortable) I am just saying that forcing him not to go or guiltying him into not going is not a positive thing to do, it undermines your image (and self image) as a woman. It may be that in his work environment it is common to PR through brunches and such, there's nothing wrong until he actually does something wrong and if he wants to do it there's nothing you could do about it. There's a saying where i live, it goes:" if you want revenge against your husband's lover, just let her keep your husband!"...from that point on he's "her" problem!!!! Nobody wants to live in the constant anxiety of losing the loved one, better to just trust him and think about awful things IF they happen. I say relax and present yourself as a confident woman AT ALL TIMES. At least you never lose your dignity.

My husband and I have always been very open and honest. If your not comfortable with him going out alone with other women he should respect that. We have never done anything like that. In my opinion he is my husband and doesn't need to be alone with other women. However he doesn't have a job where he is in that situation. Communication is key, good luck to you :)