Husband Wants to "Let the House Go" After Baby's Born

I just had my second c-section 3 months ago and my son is 2 1/2 years old. I found that although I recovered faster after my second one (I guess b/c of not going through hours of labor first) if I pushed myself too much, I would be in alot of pain. After 3 or 4 weeks I could pretty much do anything besides lift heavy things (laundry baskets) and vaccum. My doctor was very specific on waiting the full 6 weeks before doing either of those.
If you can afford to have someone clean your house, by all means do it but if not then just make sure do have the most important things done first. I had someone (my grandma) help me clean real good a few days before my c section so we started off with a clean house. Don't be afraid to tell people what you need when they ask if they can help you. Send your toddler to grandma's while you're in the hospital and maybe a day or so the first week or two also. My husband was home for a little over a week but after that his mom or mine would come help a couple hours a day. Whether it was taking my toddler off my hands for awhile or cleaning. Just be specific on what you need done. You take care of yourself and the baby that's the most important thing. Good Luck and it will get easier over time.

This one is a hard one to answer because I had a c-section with both my kids. But when I had my youngest my oldest was 2.5 yrs old and I wasn't suppose to do anything and I did. The girls dad was good about things but my oldest is a mommies girl and wanted me and I picked her up needless to say I am not one to be able to do nothing and so I did what ever I wanted and I paid the price in the long run. All you can do is EXPRESS and KEEP EXPRESSING your concerns.

E.,
Well, I have read the other responses and Shanna is full of WONDERFUL advice!! If you want to take her advice and schedule someone to come over 2ce a week for 2 weeks or whatever workds for you, you might eliminate some undue stresses. If I were in your situation, I would most certainly have hired help do the stuff that you are particular about, while you and the family adjust. I wouldn't let dad off the hook completely, but for him to have assistance covering all you do is a good idea. Call the person I trust most. She is very versatile and follows the way you want things to be done. I let her go how she does, because she is better than I am since she is a perfectionist!! I recommend a woman named Hollie for all of your cleaning needs. She is great with cooking and helping to take care of you as well. I love her to pieces and I know you will too! Depending on your needs. If only cleaning, she usually charges me 15 per hour for most things. I imagine if she is doing other things, it could go up some, but I am not sure. Give her a call and chat about some details and get a feel for her. She is the mother of 3. Her number is: ###-###-####. Tell her A. referred you.

Enjoy the birth of your new one as well as the family and most of all, rest assured that things are not all going to be left in your husband's hands!! (wink :) )You don't need to stress right now. Good to plan ahead like you are doing!!

A.

I "let my house go" after my c-section. It just wasn't possible for me to do the work. Everytime I tried I got really crampy and bled. I know it's so nice to have a clean house, but people will understand if it's a little messy. That said, you could make a "chore chart" for the mothers! Ask the one that's good at cooking if she would mind making dinner for you and the one that likes to clean to help you clean. Sometimes they just don't know what you need/want done. You could make some cassaroles or things that freeze easy ahead of time. Then you'd just have to put them in the oven. Lots of restaurants have take out now. You can just call them and get the food to go. I know it's expensive, but it's better than fast food everynight. Good luck to you!!!

Do you belong to a church or other moms group? The reason I ask is sometimes moms groups will bring food and come by and clean up a bit for you when you are at home with the new baby. I know with my third it was great to have meals brought to me already made and I either had to reheat or just throw them in the oven. I agree that some things have to be "let go" when you first get home and are recupporating so maybe make a list of the "must do's" ( what would give you the willy's if it wasnt done for a week ) and ask that those helping you do those items every few days - ie dishes and vacumning but you will be suprised at some of the stuff you can let go like dusting and cleaning windows and mopping and such. Good luck and congrats!!

Hi E.,I had the same thing, I had two c-sections,My oldest was four when i had my second son. My first one took a long recovery because i did to much,to soon. I wanted everything to be perfect.My second it was easier my husband is very helpful but of course he doesnt do it the way i do. My mother helped with the baby a little bit. But it all worked out , Just enjoy all of it & dont worry it will all work out. I enjoyed my second son birthmore because i relaxed about the house & everything.Talk to your hubby & explain your concerns & worrys,and ask him to help.You will have to be careful for six weeks. I t will be ok, I hope i helped. If You want to talk You can e mail me at ____@____.com Care & Dont worry.T.

Take a deep breath and realiza that in the grand scheme of things....a temporarily dirty house does not make you a bad person. Now that you've rolled your eyes at me and probably thought "yeah, right" or something along those lines, please continue reading.

If you can, enlist the help of family and friends. But just go into this with the knowledge that they probably won't do the housework "just" the way you like it. It won't be for malicious intent, or lack of trying....but everyone is different when it comes accomplishing a "clean" house, and "clean" is different for everyone as well.

Both of our children were c-sections. And bless his heart, my hubby DID try to keep the house picked up. But, as he explained it to me a few years ago, he was as overwhelemed with the new arrivial each time as I was, and worried about me on top of everything (I almost died with our first child, and had a rough time at the end with our second) so housework was the last thing on his mind.

Figure out what HAS to be done every day...such as dishes and wiping off the counters and explain to him why. (Do you really want to live with bugs dear? Didn't think so, would you please keep the dishes done up?) Explain to him why the baby's bed needs to be kept clean. Vaccuuming can slide for a bit. IF he can work the washer and dryer, you can fold the clothes for him. He can do the grocery shopping. (Make a list....or else he's lible to blow a whole months budget on one trip! lol)

After the first few days home- when the soreness has dulled down a bit, you'll be able to be up and about more. You can make light meals (soups, sandwhiches, reheating stuff) and probably will feel up to standing at the sink long enough to wash a few dishes. The key to recovery is moderation. Don't do anything that will tax your energy too much. But movement will help your body get back in the swing of things.

I realize that this is a rather long reply, but I wanted to leave you with a poem that was given to me after the birth of my 1st child and truly did help me when I was going crazy about the housework. I hope it helps you as well.

"Rockabye Baby" by Wendy Lyn
Cleanind and scrubbing
Can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up
we've learned to our sorrows...
So quiet down cobwebs
Dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby
And babies don't keep.

I am 5 weeks post section, and I am still having problems, although I never really did get a chance to rest. My son spent 11 days in the NICU, and as soon as I was released, I stayed with him and pumped day and night and walked what seemed like 50 miles a day lol. I feel like the only rest I got was immediately after the surgery when I was still drugged! During the time I was in the hospital with my son, we moved. My husband moved us two whole counties over. He did it all alone. So we came home to a new house, which still had everything packed(it still mostly is!!!) and I have 3 other children to take care of. Now, I did not take it easy like I said, and refused a lot of help, I guess because of pride. My advice, LET IT GO! This was my first c-section, and between the pain and emotional distress(it was not planned, it was emergency and my son almost died), I haven't slept in weeks, and my incision keeps opening up and we can't get rid of the infection. I decided the beginning of this week, the house can wait, the chores can wait. I am just devoting my time to my kids and trying to recover so I CAN jump right back in and do the things I was doing before. I know how you feel, I am anal about the way my house is, and I cringe thinking of someone else cleaning it NOT up to my standards! I would enlist the grandma's to take care of meals, and your other child, and maybe some laundry at least. My husband went back to work the day after my son was released, so I was on my own immediately. PLEASE take it easy and get some rest afterwards!!!

Hi E.,

I have been there as well as the other moms who gave you excellent advices.
I am the kind of person who likes the house really clean and very organized, but..after my first boy was born that changed, and after my 2nd baby was born was impossible.
I had C-sections with both of them and I know that means a very slow recovery and painful recovery. My husband also used to say "let the house's roof falls down..it is OK"..He never was good at doing house chores...he tried though. I do not have family around, they are all out of town or living overseas; but my sisters traveled to Indy to help me, one month each. However, after that it was difficult for me to get organized with my 7 yr old boy and my baby (now 14 mo old!)It was hard, I was still sored, I felt ugly and depressed etc.. However, I decided to feel good for my kids and give them priority.
I just took it easy, and forgot about a shining house. I just focused to breastfeed, and keep my older kid amused with something else and helping me with the baby. It was hard to have a nap with two kids, but I went ( and I go) to bed very early and what is D. is D., and what is not D....is just not D..
I used a lot of paper plates and disposable cups and cuttlery,
I bought frozen food (nutritious of course, vegetables, pasta)
I accepted help from EVERYBODY who wanted to help even if they did not things the way I do.
It was about 6 weeks before I could vaccum or doing more stuff around the house.
I do not know about the relationship you have with your mother in law. I had mine coming to help me after I delivered each kid, and was a nightmare; that caused me a lot of problems, so..I keep her distant. Probably you do not have that problem, or your mom can help you. Friends may do it too. I had a friend who helped me with the groceries (my husband did it too, your husband HAVE to do it..just ask him in a very clear and specific way)
Believe me..there are ways. I had pre-eclampsia and partial rest with my last baby, and I tried to focus on that I took care of myself and the baby, that is the priority.
Eventually yo will catch up with the house..late but you will...believe me.
I wish you the best of luck and BE PATIENT AND THINK OF YOUR BABY..."Let the house's roof falls down"..!!!
Alejandra

i had my mom and mother inlaw come and help out. but sometimes you have to tell them what needs to be done. i was not able to do any hard work for 2-3 weeks after my 2nd one.

Hi Elli,

Do you have any friends that might have just found out they are pregnant? You know, three to five months along, first or second child? A woman who has the same attitude toward housekeeping as you? Or, even a close friend who is currently trying to get pregnant, or intends to in the next couple of months or years?

I'm personally all about the co-op attitude. You could talk to the soon to be mama about trading services - by the time she has her baby, you'll have a handle on things and could come by once or twice a week for the first couple of months after she has HER baby to sweep, vacuum, clean up, etc. And, in the meantime, she could do the same for you when you have yours. If you know a lot of pregnant mamas at different stages of pregnancy, you could get a pretty good co-op going, though I've always found these things work best on a one-to-one basis. People are less likely to let you down if there's no one else to pick up the slack.

It has the benefit of being free!

Also, a lifesaver for me was finding a "twin mama" a mother who had a child around exactly the same age as mine. Not only was the companionship with another mother going through the same stages of development and occasional frustration helpful, and the playdate factor great, but we traded childcare once a week. One week, I would take her daughter for a few hours, and the next she would take mine. We were both sahm's and were on a tight budget to make that possible. Once a month, we would trade evening childcare. I would go over to her place while my husband stayed at home with our little one and she and her husband would have an evening out. And, also once a month, we would put our respective babies down to sleep, and go out for coffee together. We'd invite other mothers we met, and it was a really great time.

It can be hard to find someone to help you out like that, but it's definitely possible. And, you can always hire a post-partum doula or housekeeper if you can't arrange a situation like the one I've described. Good luck!

My hubby simply can't help with the cleaning, he works sometimes up to 7 days a week and in the summer, often doesn't come home until 8pm and he can only handle so much. I don't want the stress and neither does he. My baby is due July 10th via cesarian and my daughter is 10 months (11 1/2months when the baby is born)We've already prepared for the arrival of the boy.
We have hired a person to help me.
She will help me clean my house weekly and is also available during the week. We may have to use her as our finances allow, maybe not as much as I'd like but if that means once a week, besides the one cleaning then I am a happy person.
One day to relax, sleep and grocery shop.
I say if you can afford it, hire someone, take the stress off your marriage.
I had my incision infected 3 times with daughter so hubby is well aware that I will need help and he can't take off work... he did last yr for 4 weeks and it hurt us more so it's best to hire someone.
Amy

Give your house a good once-over before the baby is due and then let it go! No baby ever died from playing on a carpet that had some pet hair on it. If you are that worried about it, put down blankets for him to play on and pick them up when not in use - that's what we do. I think we vacuum about once a month, it's SOOOOOOOOO much easier! The pets aren't allowed on the blankets. As long as you have dishes to eat on, don't worry about the dirty ones, in fact, it's much cheaper to just get paper plates if you know your husband won't even wash them enough to eat off of. Dishes don't have to get done every day, they can sit in the sink for a day or two without harm as long as you have enough to eat in between.
Chill out and enjoy the new baby or you will run yourself ragged worrying about things that you don't really need to care about for a bit.
Good Luck:)

I think you should go in with the mindset that you will let the house go-- just so you don't stress out if it gets messy. If you can afford to have someone clean for a couple of months-- go for it. It will give you some peace of mind to have it done for you.

Beyond that, accept any help that is offered. You can have a list of things that need to be done so whoever comes to help can see the list and you don't have to come right out and ask for something specific.

I agree with your husband in letting the house go. Of course your husband should try to help out when he can, but the first few months are about surviving, not having a clean house!! I know it adds stress to see a messy house, but it won't be for too long. In a couple months, you will have a routine down.

Good luck,
J.

Hi E.,
First of all, congrats on the new baby!
I was told after my 2nd c-section not to vacuum for 6 weeks. The emphasis was really on the vacuming because of its movements. I was able to do most of the work after 4 weeks.
If you can afford to pay someone to come clean I would say go for it. I personally have "let things go". The baby time is gone so fast that I can only advice you to enjoy it. If you are stressing over dirty dishes you cheat yourself out of that enjoyment.
I also had ppd which also made it even more important to put my energy in my baby and toddler and not in the dust.
It sounds to me that you are having pretty high expectations for your housekeeping. This might bring stressors for you and for your husband or parents (I am not saying this is wrong in any way). You might be able to prevent this by hiring someone if you can afford it.
I do know someone who cleans at a very reasonable fee if you are interested.

Hi E.,

I just had a newborn and my son was 27 months when I have birth. I will not lie to you. I had a very tuff time. I was so tired and my son was acting out because he was jelous at first. My mom can for a two weeks. She mainly kept the house clean and entertained my son. After she left I sent my son to daycare everyday. It is alot. I had mini maids come the day before I was having the baby and two weeks later. My husbands not big on cleaning either. If you need a daycare for him to goto for a couple of hours. My daycare does that. She also picks up for teh weeks you can't or don't want to drive. I advise someone to help keep the 21 month old busy. You need sleep and they want to play. I had a hard time with my second c-section. No lie took about 3 weeks before I could do anything.
Thanks
shun