Husband Has a Gambling Problem-need Advice!

If I were you I would begin protecting myself and my child. You need to cancel all of your credit cards. You need to talk with the bank and see how you can keep him from accessing funds and any other account that you have open. He can really bring you down and put you in serious debt if you don't protect yourself. You need to tell his family and yours about the problem and ask them for help. This problem has a way of escalting all on its own before you even know it has happened. The bets are going to get more frequent and the are going to be larger.
I have a very close friend that went through this and it nearly destroyed her. Her husband ended up leaving and she ended up having to pay back half of what he lost...credit card bill and loans.

Good Luck and get help!
J.

if he won't admit its a problem it ain't gonna change.

S., this is indeed a very serious issue. My first husband was a gambling addict and it finally broke our marriage. Consequently I have trust issues when it comes to money. Since you are married, his creditors can come after you. I would suggest counseling first, if your husband wont' go with you then go for yourself. Secondly, I would open a separate checking account in your name and your name only. He will protest to this, you can choose to tell him or not. The fact remains, you have you and your daughter to be concerned about. Lastly I would do away with your husband's ATM/Debit card and any credit cards that he has. I have to ask...do you know everything that you have outstanding? If you aren't sure, then I would be finding out. If you can start working more hours I would. You'll have to weigh that with the cost of daycare. I hope the situation turns around but if it does not you may have to take drastic steps.

I've dealt with gambling with my first husband, then my second with alcohol, pornography and compulsive spending....I've been there and it's not pretty. It was after a year of separation that my husband finally straightened out and realized what he was doing and corrected it. I didn't have fun that year, it was very difficult and I didn't want divorced, but I had to protect myself and my kids.

You are obviously intelligent and I would guess very strong. You can do this.

I would say go and take out most of the $ in that account and open your own account w/ Only your name and take your name off the other account ASAP!!
I would check into Gamblers Anonymous I am sure they have family resources for you. Good Luck!!!

You have received some great advice but I would just add a couple of things - Gamblers Anonymous (GA) meetings are held at various locations when he is ready to get help (and I encourage you to give him an ultimatum - get help or we separate) Without consequences, he will not "reach his bottom" and be willing to surrender and recover. I would also look into Proctor Hospital's Rehab Program (in Peoria, IL) for gambling (and internet) addiction. You can find information online. A 30 day stay in a treatment center such as Proctor might be life saving for him and marriage saving for you both. It is so worth it!!! In the meantime, I recommend you read the book, The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. It is aimed at helping you as a codependent through daily readings and is wonderful if you love anyone with any addiction. Gambling addiction is no joke and not to be taken any less seriously than drug addiction. There are more gamblers who commit suicide than any other addictive group. I lost a friend (who shot herself) due to her gambling addiction spiraling out of control. Good luck and please seek help for yourself as well.

I would look up gamanon. Even if he won't admitt to it yet, they are a good support group who can help you. He is getting away with it in his mind so he probably doesn't feel like he has to admitt to anything.

There is Gamblers Anonymous but he has to admit he has a problem. I think what you are doing working with the bank is good but like any addition he has to stop 100%.

You may want to sit down and make a spread sheet of his spending on internet gambling (before and after). Extra money you had before and where you are falling short now.

Ask him if he has ever thought about why he feels he need to do this internet gambling. Internet gambling is set up in such a way that it given you the feeling a hope and then those hopes are dashed. At least with gambling at a table you see the cards, you see the dealer, you see the people you are playing against. With internet gambling you are playing against a machine... The machine is set to win...

I think getting the bank involved before he blows a large sum of money is a great idea. The next thing is to get a block put on your computer that would block him from going to any unapproved sites.
My girl friends husband was spending their money at porno sites. First they went with out the internet for 6+ months and when they got it back she down loaded some software from "Focus on the Family" website and she could block sites and track the sites that her husband visited and her children viewed.
You could also talk to you pastor or priest they know all groups that could help. I know Ev. Free Church in Crystal Lake on Lake Ave. offers groups on addictions.

Good Luck,

Open a bank account in only your name and use that account to pay bills. You could give him an 'allowance' in your joint account that he can use for his internet 'fun', but once that's gone in a month, it's gone and he's done. Of course, this is only a sort-of temporary fix. If he's really got a problem, he should seek some kind of counseling.