Husband Does Not Want Any More Children

Your husband comes first. Make your child sleep in her own bed. Just put her in there and keep putting her in there until she stays. It will take a few nights, but persevere and you will be glad- your husband will love you for it.
Maybe he won't mind having another child if they stay in their own beds. You still have a lot of time; let him know how much you want another child (after you get your daughter in her own bed; but don't press the issue too much right now.

16 months is rather soon to be concerned about it--unless he has made an appt to get a vascectomy and you need to talk him out of it quickly--and if he hasn't I am sure he is aware that condoms can fail so he can't be all that adamant about not having more kids! I would give him more time--pestering anyone about anything can just make one feel like saying no. RElax and enjoy the darling baby that you have now. I am all for co-sleeping with infants but it may be time to start weaning her to her own bed for at least the start of the night--put her to sleep in her own bed and then if she wakes up later in the night you can bring her to bed with you. That way you have some time alone with hubby and can still give baby the time she needs with you at night(which is especailly important if you work all day) Also, another suggestion--have you sat down and worked out a budget together--are there places you can cut back on and start saving money for the future. If he sees that you are willing to make sacrifices (less eating out, less new clothes, etc) maybe he would be more willing to think about it.

B.,
I can relate to what you are experiencing. My daughter was between 2 and 3 and I didn't want to raise an only but my husband was reluctant to have more for various reasons. I also wanted the Lord's will so my prayer was that he would either help my husband to change his mind or help mine to change or it was going to drive me crazy. (not literally but you know what I mean) The Lord answered my prayer and my husband surprised me one night by no longer preventing. A year later we were expecting and now have two age 10 and 6 :)

Get your daughter out of your bed. My husband was really good about the family bed to a certian age then when our second son was born enough was enough. Your husband could be wondering if he's going to be stuck on the couch, with you and two kids in bed, never to have an intimate moment with you again.

Also looking at it from your husbands view point does your job really pay enough to pay for day care for two kids? If not then he could be worried about you staying home and living on one paycheck.

My final word of advice is that if you are only thinking about having two kids, why not wait for 6 months or so and not bring it up for a while?

take your time. the second baby is WAY harder than the first, because you have two to take care of at the same time. talk openly about it and make this decision together.

DONT let it sabotage your marriage. In addition, have play dates with other kids and allow the child to interract and play and learn to get along, share, communicate, etc. You DONT have to have a sibling to learn to do those things.

B.,

I have two children ages 3 and 1. 3 is a girl and the 1 is a boy. I have always wanted to have three children, but after my second I got my tubes tied, because my husband did not want anymore. I still have the urge to want to get pregnant again even though I know I can't. I understand where your husband is coming from with the economy but I also know a lot of children who don't have siblings and it would be nice for them to have at least one. I would maybe just give him some more time and talk about it later. Not pushing the issue may change things. Good luck and I hope that you have another child. They are truely blessings!! M.

no wonder he doesnt want any more children adult beds is no place for any child.you first must wean that child to her own bed before your husband might consider a child.

The first thing I would do is get your daughter in her own bed. Dad usually don't have the same feelings about family beds as moms do. Once she is in her own bed, after a great day once she is asleep, take him and stop by her door. Everytime I really watched a child sleep it made me want another. Give him time. Don't talk about it for a while, maybe 6 months, then bring the subject up again. Meanwhile work on a budget and show how you could afford another. Hope this helps.
T.

Give it sometime you little one is still young. My husband was pretty set on having only one (I however was not!!) We now have three children and he couldn't be happier!! Number 3 was an oops neither of us were expecting her!!!!

Give him sometime and like the other posters said work on getting your little one to sleep in her own bed, and on a budget he may come around.

Good Luck
A.

B., I would guess that your husband's reluctancy to more children may be in some way to his impression of how your marriage or relationship has changed with a new baby. This is especially hard when you are struggling for privacy in your marital bed. Perhaps if he sees his sexy wife and best friend, who nurtures her marriage along with her child, he will see that the two roles can co-exist. If you are nursing, or even still have the pregnancy hormones raging in your body; it is biological that you transfer all your love for your baby. This is such an extraordinary part of our biology as women. It is common for hubby to take a back-seat to this maternal instinct that moves you to put your needy baby first.

Children are wonderful but they also add stress to your life and marriage; it will be better if you both are ready for another child. An "accident" may not be the happy surprise if you are not both in agreement about another pregnancy. My advice is to work on getting the intimacy back in your marriage and see where that takes you for opening up the discussion of expanding your family.

Hi B.,

This is a tricky situation. Your only hope for another baby is to change your husbands mind. A good point for you to make is this: Does your husband have siblings? If he does I am sure he loves them and could not imagine life without them. If you don't have another baby your child wil not have any siblings. I could not image life without my sisters. I just had my first baby and we plan on at least one more so that she will have a sibling. When you and your husband get older you will eventually be gone and wouldn't it be nice if your child wasn't alone in the world after you are gone? I hope all this makes sense. These are the things that made me want more than one. Best of luck to you! God bless.

I agree with the other moms about transitioning your daughter to her own bed. It's not good for her or you and your husband to let her continue to sleep with you. We had a lot of issues with this with our oldest (now six), and we really learned from it. Our second (3 1/2) and our 3rd (8 months) didn't spend nearly as much time in bed with us as our first - it really helps with the intimacy issues too.

Also, as far as the birth control goes, well condoms break and certainly are not 100% effective, so God means for you to have another, it can still happen!! Have faith, and hopefully your husband will come around eventually.

First thing first, get your daughter out of your bed. She should not be sleeping with you. That may be why your husband doesn't want any more children. It seems that you have replaced him with your daughter in his bed. You will have to be firm to accomplish this. I suggest a very soft teddy bear as a replacement for you in her bed. Talk to her about being a big girl and sleeping in her own bed. Don't even talk to your husband about any other children until you can show him that your bedroom is a place for you and he to be adults and to be alone. He might be afraid that if you have any more children, he would be the one to sleep in the child's room. After you get your daughter in her own room, then approach him about relations only. Don't rush him. And if your daughter uses the nightmare tactic to get back into your bed, you get out of your bed and lay with her in hers until she falls back to sleep. Don't start the sharing of your bed ever again and your husband might reconsider. Good luck.

You should approach this subject with your husband and discuss the matter objectively with him. Be both a good listener and speaker. Make sure your points are heard but also make sure you hear his side as well. If you need to actually write down the pros and cons together, do so. Have this discussion at a time where there are no distractions and you are dedicating time to this discussion.

If your husband is citing the economy, perhaps he is feeling a tremendous amount of pressure to provide more in a time where maybe he feels he cannot do so. That is a great strain on anyone, not just men.

I know people will suggest that you just 'get pregnant anyway' in the hopes that he will just 'learn to like it', but that is one of the most disrespectful and deceitful things a human being can do to another. Imagine that your husband really wants to move 6 states away and start a brand new life, brand new jobs, find brand new friends, and you are adamantly opposed to the idea. One day you come home, only to find your house sold, your belongings packed, and your husband smiling ear to ear saying "Honey, we're moving six states away! I know it isn't what you would have liked, but you'll see...once we get there and get settled in, you'll just love it!" I think you'd be highly upset!

While there is no need to write off the possibility of having more children, I definitely encourage you to have some deep discussions with your husband. Maybe after a little bit of time and talk he'd be more open to the suggestion.

My daughter was the best accident that ever happened to us. My husband was scared to death at first, but we can't imagine life without her now. I want another one, eventually, but he's perfectly content with just her. He's afraid that he can't love another child as much as he loves her. I'm waiting for my 16 mo to be potty trained (which won't be long) before we try for another one. Also, I've lost so much weight that I'm really happy with my body now for the first time in years (my DH is happy too). I'm smaller now than when we first met. I suggested adopting a child and he was all for that. I'm not sure why he is reluctant for another biological child, other than the love factor, but love comes naturally. It's not like he ever got up with her at night to feed/change her, so it's not a burden on him. He has raised the fact that he's jealous of the attention I give to our daughter. He feels neglected and longs for my attention and affection. I never realized there was a problem before. We are also financially challenged, but if you wait until you're financially stable, you'll never have another one.

If she sleeps with you guys, that could be a big deterant. You all never have any time for just the 2 of you. Why would he want another one to add to the bed...he'll just get kicked out of the bed eventually.

I agree with another mom...if you're only using condoms for BC, then he isn't completely dead set on his decision. Give him time.

I would introduce your child into her own room and bed immediately. It will be a struggle initially so you'll have to set up a routine but stick with it! Be prepared to lose some sleep for several days in a row. Your child will adapt as will you, and you can then turn your attention to your husband and marriage. As for your husband not wanting another child, this issue is far more complex. As for the economy excuse, let's be honest, it's NEVER a good time financially to have a baby - but we all make it work - b/c it's important to us! Sacrifices will have to be made. Good luck - and make him remember why he married you and had a child in the first place. Maybe you can bring him around!

B., i understand where you are coming from.we have a 15 and 12 year old daughter and i desperatly wanted another. Husband enjoyed the easy life of "lets pick up and go". Our marriage almost ended because of it(17 years)By the grace of God, we now have a 10 month old son. It requires a lot and alot of talking to work it out. if you are financialy secure and physically, mentally ready have a heartfelt with him time and time again, good luck

Thats ok that he doesn't want to have more children. Have him go get a vasectomy. You keep your parts because that feeling will never go away say until your about 45 or so. I was in the same situation, eventually we got a divorce and I got to have another chance with someone who wanted what I wanted. Im not saying you will , but if you do you keeping your parts will make you feel better, and by him getting a vasectomy you will not be forcing an unwanted child on him. If you think he may change his mind, thats ok too, your child is only 16 months old he may decide he likes her enough or maybe wants to have another, to keep her occupied. I never wanted children, now I have three. So who knows.

Tell him again and again and again my husband had a Vasectomy adn I still want antoher child and it is still an argument between us and this was 5 years ago...... right now with your kiddo sleeping with you I can see why he does not want another baby start transitionsing her to a toddler bed at night and he may come around.

I think that in time your husband could change his mind. Yes things are tough right now and hopefully it won't always be this way. We had our 1st son by accident. I was on birth control pill so it was a surprise to both of us but we were happy about it. But after he was born my husband wasn't exactly in a hurry for another...especially with all the new expenses. But when my oldesst son was a little over 3 I kept asking all the time and he always would say nope.. nope.. nope.. then one day he was like .. ok..Then I had to think about it for a minute b/c I was so used to him saying no. So we had ALOT of fun "trying" for the next one... took less than a month and I was prego. Now I am in the same boat as you ...my oldest is almost 5, my younger is 18mo and I want another sooo badly, not all days...lol.. but most.. :O) He says no but I will give him more time till the economy is a little better or we get into a bigger house... I still hold out hope, just be patient and talk about it

We're in the same boat, and our son is 4. I'm actually glad that I didn't have another - I'm a SAHM, and things got really rough when he turned 3. Whoever coined the term "terrible twos" didn't have a 3yo!

Now that things are a bit easier again, I'm kind of thinking about bringing up the topic again, but I dread thinking about having to get up every few hours to feed the baby, etc....

And we're plagued w/ all sorts of allergies and asthma on both sides of the family, so going on a strict diet again is daunting too.

Sorry not much help. You still have time. My DH and his sister are 5 years apart.

Since you are only using condems, maybe your husband is meaning no more right now, not yet. Hopefully he is not saying never but you just have to keep praying that God won't give your family any more than you can handle, be that another child before you are ready or too strong a desire to have another child. Trust him and he will take care of you.
Secondly, my daughter sleeps in a toddler bed next to my bed, she often falls asleep with me, and is welcome to climb back up in bed with me at any time. She slept with me from day one, and would love her to continue but some nights, the 2 of us in a twin bed is one too many.
By keeping her close, she still gets the comfort and security from cosleeping when she needs it, but the bed is open to you and your husband when you want couple time not family time in bed.

I can tell you from experience that my husband says the samething whenever we have toddlers at this age (which we do right no) they are a lot of work, and it is hard for them to see past that. I would just give it some time he may change his mind in a couple of years when she is older. Unless you feel that because of your age you have to worry I would just let it go for now.

As far as your intimacy goes you have a couple of choices start training her to sleep in her own bed or put her to bed in your room and sneak off to another room in the house. I'm assuming she can get off the bed herself if she were to wake up and if she comes looking for you she won't know what is going on anyway. Remember sex doesn't always have to be in the bedroom.